Title: Not A Day Goes By-Second part of I Miss My Friend
Author: Madame Spooky
Feedback: I'd love it! Either post a review or use the email addy
AnJo323@aol.com
Genre: Character Death, Angst, Kind of MSR but not. SONGFIC (again).
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Detour, kind of.
Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't sue me! =)
WARNING: About the same as the other. If you've heard this song before,
you'll need more tissues than those who haven't. Or maybe not. We'll see,
hope you like!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A year after Mulder's death.
Scully was swamped. And today more than usual, she didn't feel like working. It had been a year ago today that she'd lost him. She sat at his old desk, thinking of him like she always had. But this was different, it had changed somehow. She couldn't go through the day without thinking of him. She sighed, and sat back in the chair. After all this time, it still smelled like him. She cracked the sunflower seed between her teeth, spitting out the shell to the floor. It was almost funny how she use to nitpick at Mulder for eating them, and here she was, thinking they weren't so bad after all. She still didn't believe. Not totally. But she figured she never would. Out of everything he expected her to believe- aliens, UFOs, monsters under the bed -this one was the most difficult. Outside, the rain began to fall lightly. It was almost as if they knew why she'd marked this day on her calendar. It didn't matter in the least, she was still going to visit his grave. It was almost five. She was free. "Thank GOD." She mumbled to herself, standing and grabbing her coat, glancing at Mulder's 'I WANT TO BELIEVE' poster. All of his belongings had taken their place in her apartment in the last year. Even his clothes, which to her relief, no one had noticed she'd worn. Like today. She was wearing one of his white shirts, which looked a lot like one of her own. She shook the thoughts out of her head and walked out of the office, locking the door behind her. She half-mindedly said goodnight to Skinner as she passed him, and was thankful no one stopped her on the way to her car. Before she knew it, she was on her way to Georgetown, to visit Mulder. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* She took her work jacket off, laying it on the passenger side of the car before turning off the ignition and shoving the keys inside her pocket. It took her a couple deep breaths, and a lot of courage, to finally open the car door and step out into the rain. It felt good against her skin, although she would curse at herself later for wearing a white shirt in the rain. She deftly walked past the rows of tombstones, her eyes fixed on the one in the left corner. She hesitated before placing her hand on the cool granite. Her eyes traveled over the words. The epitaph she'd written. And it hurt. 'FOX MULDER' 'WE'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED.' She closed her eyes before speaking to him. "Mulder.You know I don't believe in the afterlife. Not completely. But I believe you can hear me. In fact, I know you can. I still can't believe that you're really gone. Sometimes, I wake up hearing the phone, and.It hurts when I realize it isn't ringing. That's not what I came here to say. I suppose even though now, it doesn't matter, you know my feelings towards you." To hell with Doctor Scully, she thought, this was Dana's time. "Mulder, you know I love you. I'm sorry I let myself get talked out of telling you when it really mattered. " It had stopped raining? Since when? She glanced up, and to the barely wet ground around her. Before she could stop herself, she was sitting on his grave. Her arm was still on the tombstone. "Fox.Why didn't you call me that night? Why did you have to go out alone?" Oh great. Now she was crying. She tried to stop the tears, but they where relentless, they kept flowing anyway. "You where there for me, to save me, more times than I can count. And I.I never had the chance to make it ok. I couldn't protect you." She lay her face against the cool stone, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry I let you go.I should have went anyway, just to make sure you'd be safe. I'm so sorry." She felt the wind blow and caress her skin. Was it him? She'd like to think that. How had her beliefs changed so much over only one year? It seemed impossible. ~"Why don't you sing something."~ ~"No Mulder."~ ~"If you sing something I'll know you're awake."~ ~"You don't want me to sing, Mulder, I can't carry a tune."~ ~"It doesn't matter, just sing anything."~ Her soul crashed in on itself. Why did she have to go and remember that? Why did she even think about that at all? Maybe it was because that was when she knew she loved him. God it seemed like more than two years ago. It seemed like another lifetime. But why would she remember it now? She felt a chill run down her spine. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and her heart started beating faster. "Mulder?" She said, keeping her eyes closed, not wanting to break the spell. "Scully." Oh my God. She held her eyes closed for dear life. That voice. Her name sounded like the wind had said it, but she knew that voice. "Sing to me." Dear sweet Jesus in Heaven. She had to look. She couldn't take it anymore. Her eyes flew open and her head shot up from the tombstone. Empty. The graveyard was empty. Why wouldn't it be empty? She thought to herself. She'd really half expected to see him standing there, smiling at her. But she didn't. "It's ok Scully." Mother of all things sacred. She closed her eyes and lay her head back down on the tombstone. "Sing to me." She had to do it. She had to swallow her pride and sing. Even if she was just hearing things, or infact had gone insane, she had to sing. It was like a pull. A tug to do something that she wouldn't normally do. Kind of like the tug she felt in her heart when she realized she loved him. "Alright Mulder.I'll sing." She said to the wind. "Go for it, Scully." Jesus, it was almost like that night all over again. She imagined the tombstone where Mulder. Her hands where shaking. Why was she nervous? He'd heard her sing before. She opened her mouth and sang the first thing that came to her mind. "Got a picture of you I carry in my heart Close my eyes and see you When the world gets dark Got a memory of you I carry in my soul I wrap it close around me When the nights get cold If you ask me how I'm doing I'd say just fine But the truth is baby If you could read my mind Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by I still wait for the phone In the middle of the night Thinking you might call me If your dreams don't turn out right And it still amazes me That I lay here in the dark Wishing you where next to me With your head against my heart If you ask me how I'm doing I'd say just fine But the truth is baby If you could read my mind Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by Minutes turn to hours And hours to days Seems it's been forever That I felt this way Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by." She was crying too hard. This seemed impossible. Here she was, at Mulder's grave, singing to a voice she'd brought through by her own imagination. She was almost mad at herself until she realized the song was true. She tightened her closed eyes as she cried, wishing it where Mulder and not a cold stone. How could her arms ache to hold him so badly? How could her chest feel so empty now that he was gone? She didn't just want him back. She needed him. Almost more than she needed her own life. It hurt. GOD it hurt. She should have gone to see him that night. So many regrets. And now it was too late. As he watched her cry, he felt tears well up in his own eyes. How could he have done this to the one person he cared about? He wanted to protect her, and he was killing her. He shouldn't have spoken to her. He knew, he damn well KNEW that it would be painful. But something had driven him to speak to her. The same thing that drove him to try and comfort her now. "Shhh.Dana it's alright. I'm here. I'll always be here." It worked. She breathed out deeply, and then back in, getting herself together a little more. As he watched her cry, he made his choice. He would have to let her see him. ~FIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~* I know! I'm cruel! I brought a little of Mulder's belief into this story. The whole afterlife thing. Don't worry, there'll be a third part in this thing. Hope you like it=) Like I said, find that song. It's by LONESTAR, called "Not A Day Goes By". Thank you all for the great comments so far on the last part. I hope this one kept that going. ~Madame Spooky~
Scully was swamped. And today more than usual, she didn't feel like working. It had been a year ago today that she'd lost him. She sat at his old desk, thinking of him like she always had. But this was different, it had changed somehow. She couldn't go through the day without thinking of him. She sighed, and sat back in the chair. After all this time, it still smelled like him. She cracked the sunflower seed between her teeth, spitting out the shell to the floor. It was almost funny how she use to nitpick at Mulder for eating them, and here she was, thinking they weren't so bad after all. She still didn't believe. Not totally. But she figured she never would. Out of everything he expected her to believe- aliens, UFOs, monsters under the bed -this one was the most difficult. Outside, the rain began to fall lightly. It was almost as if they knew why she'd marked this day on her calendar. It didn't matter in the least, she was still going to visit his grave. It was almost five. She was free. "Thank GOD." She mumbled to herself, standing and grabbing her coat, glancing at Mulder's 'I WANT TO BELIEVE' poster. All of his belongings had taken their place in her apartment in the last year. Even his clothes, which to her relief, no one had noticed she'd worn. Like today. She was wearing one of his white shirts, which looked a lot like one of her own. She shook the thoughts out of her head and walked out of the office, locking the door behind her. She half-mindedly said goodnight to Skinner as she passed him, and was thankful no one stopped her on the way to her car. Before she knew it, she was on her way to Georgetown, to visit Mulder. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* She took her work jacket off, laying it on the passenger side of the car before turning off the ignition and shoving the keys inside her pocket. It took her a couple deep breaths, and a lot of courage, to finally open the car door and step out into the rain. It felt good against her skin, although she would curse at herself later for wearing a white shirt in the rain. She deftly walked past the rows of tombstones, her eyes fixed on the one in the left corner. She hesitated before placing her hand on the cool granite. Her eyes traveled over the words. The epitaph she'd written. And it hurt. 'FOX MULDER' 'WE'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED.' She closed her eyes before speaking to him. "Mulder.You know I don't believe in the afterlife. Not completely. But I believe you can hear me. In fact, I know you can. I still can't believe that you're really gone. Sometimes, I wake up hearing the phone, and.It hurts when I realize it isn't ringing. That's not what I came here to say. I suppose even though now, it doesn't matter, you know my feelings towards you." To hell with Doctor Scully, she thought, this was Dana's time. "Mulder, you know I love you. I'm sorry I let myself get talked out of telling you when it really mattered. " It had stopped raining? Since when? She glanced up, and to the barely wet ground around her. Before she could stop herself, she was sitting on his grave. Her arm was still on the tombstone. "Fox.Why didn't you call me that night? Why did you have to go out alone?" Oh great. Now she was crying. She tried to stop the tears, but they where relentless, they kept flowing anyway. "You where there for me, to save me, more times than I can count. And I.I never had the chance to make it ok. I couldn't protect you." She lay her face against the cool stone, closing her eyes. "I'm sorry I let you go.I should have went anyway, just to make sure you'd be safe. I'm so sorry." She felt the wind blow and caress her skin. Was it him? She'd like to think that. How had her beliefs changed so much over only one year? It seemed impossible. ~"Why don't you sing something."~ ~"No Mulder."~ ~"If you sing something I'll know you're awake."~ ~"You don't want me to sing, Mulder, I can't carry a tune."~ ~"It doesn't matter, just sing anything."~ Her soul crashed in on itself. Why did she have to go and remember that? Why did she even think about that at all? Maybe it was because that was when she knew she loved him. God it seemed like more than two years ago. It seemed like another lifetime. But why would she remember it now? She felt a chill run down her spine. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and her heart started beating faster. "Mulder?" She said, keeping her eyes closed, not wanting to break the spell. "Scully." Oh my God. She held her eyes closed for dear life. That voice. Her name sounded like the wind had said it, but she knew that voice. "Sing to me." Dear sweet Jesus in Heaven. She had to look. She couldn't take it anymore. Her eyes flew open and her head shot up from the tombstone. Empty. The graveyard was empty. Why wouldn't it be empty? She thought to herself. She'd really half expected to see him standing there, smiling at her. But she didn't. "It's ok Scully." Mother of all things sacred. She closed her eyes and lay her head back down on the tombstone. "Sing to me." She had to do it. She had to swallow her pride and sing. Even if she was just hearing things, or infact had gone insane, she had to sing. It was like a pull. A tug to do something that she wouldn't normally do. Kind of like the tug she felt in her heart when she realized she loved him. "Alright Mulder.I'll sing." She said to the wind. "Go for it, Scully." Jesus, it was almost like that night all over again. She imagined the tombstone where Mulder. Her hands where shaking. Why was she nervous? He'd heard her sing before. She opened her mouth and sang the first thing that came to her mind. "Got a picture of you I carry in my heart Close my eyes and see you When the world gets dark Got a memory of you I carry in my soul I wrap it close around me When the nights get cold If you ask me how I'm doing I'd say just fine But the truth is baby If you could read my mind Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by I still wait for the phone In the middle of the night Thinking you might call me If your dreams don't turn out right And it still amazes me That I lay here in the dark Wishing you where next to me With your head against my heart If you ask me how I'm doing I'd say just fine But the truth is baby If you could read my mind Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by Minutes turn to hours And hours to days Seems it's been forever That I felt this way Not a day goes by That I don't think of you After all this time You're still with me it's true Somehow you remain Locked so deep inside Baby, not a day goes by." She was crying too hard. This seemed impossible. Here she was, at Mulder's grave, singing to a voice she'd brought through by her own imagination. She was almost mad at herself until she realized the song was true. She tightened her closed eyes as she cried, wishing it where Mulder and not a cold stone. How could her arms ache to hold him so badly? How could her chest feel so empty now that he was gone? She didn't just want him back. She needed him. Almost more than she needed her own life. It hurt. GOD it hurt. She should have gone to see him that night. So many regrets. And now it was too late. As he watched her cry, he felt tears well up in his own eyes. How could he have done this to the one person he cared about? He wanted to protect her, and he was killing her. He shouldn't have spoken to her. He knew, he damn well KNEW that it would be painful. But something had driven him to speak to her. The same thing that drove him to try and comfort her now. "Shhh.Dana it's alright. I'm here. I'll always be here." It worked. She breathed out deeply, and then back in, getting herself together a little more. As he watched her cry, he made his choice. He would have to let her see him. ~FIN ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~* I know! I'm cruel! I brought a little of Mulder's belief into this story. The whole afterlife thing. Don't worry, there'll be a third part in this thing. Hope you like it=) Like I said, find that song. It's by LONESTAR, called "Not A Day Goes By". Thank you all for the great comments so far on the last part. I hope this one kept that going. ~Madame Spooky~