Author's note: Many thanks to Murgatroyd for providing the background on Professor Oak's teaching career. Also thanks to Llyxius for letting me borrow some inspiration from "Crazy Town (How to Handle A Midlife Crisis)".
Ash, Brock, and Misty had just finished a pleasant lunch in Forsythia Village in Johto and were on their way to the next town.
"I can't decide if Officer Jenny in Forsythia is prettier than the one in Willow Town or not," a love-struck Brock sighed happily as he floated down the trail.
As Misty rolled her eyes, Ash caught sight of something moving in the bushes ahead.
"Hey, wonder if that's a Pokémon?" Ash said as Pikachu, ready to do battle, hopped off his trainer's shoulder.
The rustling grew louder, then a small catlike Pokémon stepped out of the bushes.
"Cat!" the little Pokémon said happily as it wandered over to Pikachu. The yellow electric Pokémon sniffed it curiously, then, deciding that the kitten Pokémon was friendly, started playing with it.
"Oh, what a cutie!" Misty gushed as Togepi leapt out of her arms and joined the other two Pokémon in a game of peek-a-boo.
"Wonder what kind of Pokémon that is?" said Ash as he consulted Dexter, his Pokédex.
"There is no data for this Pokémon," Dexter informed him.
"Johto has a lot of Pokémon that haven't been identified yet," Brock said as he watched the Pokémon play together. "Although this one looks familiar."
"Yeah, you're right, Brock," Misty agreed as she bent down to pat the gray fur on the Pokémon's back.
"Cat!" the Pokémon said as it turned on Misty and attempted to bite her finger.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Misty yelled as she quickly pulled her hand out of reach of the Pokémon's sharp teeth. "That wasn't very nice!"
"Cat!" the Pokémon continued, pointing to its open mouth.
"Oh, I get it," said Brock. "It's hungry." He reached into his backpack for some Poké Chow and carefully handed some of the nuggets to the Pokémon, who ate them greedily then pointed to its open mouth again.
"That Pokémon eats almost as much as you do, Ash," Misty teased as the Pokémon snatched the bag of Poké Chow out of Brock's hands and devoured the entire contents.
"Cat!" the Pokémon continued as it threw aside the empty bag and pointed to its open mouth once more.
"I don't have any more Poké Chow," Brock informed the hungry Pokémon. "You ate it all."
The starving Pokémon, deciding that Togepi looked very much like an egg, reached over and proceeded to stuff the baby Pokémon into its mouth until only its feet were visible.
"Hey! Let go of Togepi!" Misty cried as she reached down and yanked her Pokémon out of the cat Pokémon's mouth. "Are you okay, Togepi?"
"Toge-toge-piiii!" Togepi chirruped gleefully. It had enjoyed this new variation on their peek-a-boo game.
"Man, that thing eats almost as much as a Snorlax," Ash said as the Pokémon spotted some berries on a nearby bush and began stuffing them into its mouth.
"That's it!" Brock exclaimed. "That Pokémon looks just like a little Snorlax! Except that its fur is gray and white instead of black and cream."
"I don't care what it is, just keep it away from my Togepi!" Misty huffed as she wiped the saliva off of Togepi.
"Is there such a thing as a baby Snorlax?" Ash wondered as the Pokémon, now finished with the berries, began to yawn.
"I don't know, but I know someone who might know the answer to that," Brock said as the Pokémon flopped under the bush and started snoring. Brock bent over to pick up the snoozing Pokémon. "Man, for a little guy, he sure weighs a ton," he grunted as he lifted the Pokémon in his arms.
---
Meanwhile, back in Pallet Town, Professor Oak and his assistant, Tracey, were in the middle of compiling data for a research experiment when their next-door neighbor, Delia Ketchum, came rushing excitedly into the lab.
"Hi, Mrs. Ketchum," Tracey smiled at her. "What's in the bag?"
"Something for your boss," Delia smiled back mischievously.
"Looks like you've been out shopping," Professor Oak smiled at his pretty visitor.
"Uh-huh. I went over to the Viridian Mall and they were having a big sale today at one of the clothing stores. Matter of fact, the reason why I came over is because I found something for you and I want you to try it on," Delia said as she handed him the bag labeled "Hot Togz".
"Why don't we take a break, Tracey? We've been working hard on this project all morning and I'm nearly cross-eyed," Professor Oak said as he put down his pencil and reached for the bag in Delia's hand, letting his hand linger a few moments atop hers.
"Oh good," Delia said excitedly. "Why don't you go put these on and then model them for us?"
Professor Oak, who always enjoyed making Delia happy, smiled broadly at her, then headed down the hall to the bathroom. Ever since Ash had left on his Pokémon journey, Delia had been miserable without having someone to look after and fuss over. Since then, she had decided that her next-door neighbor was in need of some care and had transferred the attention she had previously lavished on Ash to him. Not that Samuel minded -- as a matter of fact, he very much enjoyed being the subject of Delia's affection. She cooked for him, cleaned up after him, took care of him when he was sick, fussed over him – and now she was buying him clothes.
"You're a lucky man, Samuel," he said to himself as he closed the bathroom door and opened the bag.
---
"Are you nearly done in there?" Delia asked as she knocked on the bathroom door ten minutes later.
"Delia, I don't know about this," Samuel said hesitantly as he opened the door a fraction and peeked out.
"Come on, Professor. Let's see your new duds," Tracey said encouragingly.
Professor Oak, looking very uncomfortable, opened the door and stepped out into the hall. At the sight of his boss dressed in baggy blue jeans and a red shirt that had "HOTT LUVR" emblazoned on the front in huge bold letters, Tracey quickly clapped a hand over his mouth to keep from bursting out in laughter.
"Oh, good," Delia said as she admired her purchases. "I was worried that they wouldn't fit."
"You mean they're supposed to be this baggy?" Professor Oak said as he tried to keep his new pants from falling off of his waist and onto the floor.
"Yes, that's what they're all wearing nowadays," Delia said. "Right, Tracey?"
Tracey sputtered in response.
Although he had to admit that the loose jeans did a good job of hiding the imperfections associated with a middle-aged body, Samuel wasn't sure that the crotch was supposed to be down around his knees. And the shirt…
"Delia," he said carefully, "don't you think that Ash might like these instead?"
"Well, maybe," Delia admitted. "But they had these only in your size. And it was a fantastic deal, too…I spent only three dollars on the entire outfit!" she said proudly.
I can see why, Professor Oak thought to himself as Tracey started turning red from trying to suppress his giggles.
"'Scuse me, Mrs. Ketchum," Tracey said as he bit his lip. "I just remembered something…in the lab." Tracey raced down the hall and collapsed in laughter as soon as he made it through the doorway of the laboratory.
"I hope Tracey's all right," Delia said as she heard the sound of guffawing echoing down the hallway. "He looked like his stomach was upset."
"Delia, it's not that I don't dislike the outfit…" Samuel began.
"Oh good," Delia said as she reached into the other bag she was carrying. "Because I almost forgot the hat." She plunked a gold and black baseball cap on his head, then turned it around backwards. "There. Now it's perfect!"
Samuel caught sight of his reflection in the hall mirror.
Oh my God, if any of my colleagues saw me now…
Just then, the video telephone in the lab rang. As soon as Tracey (who still hadn't stopped laughing) caught sight of his boss looking like a fifty-year old teenager, he fell out of his chair. Giving his assistant a dirty look, Samuel picked up the phone.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I dialed Professor Oak's number," Ash apologized a man dressed in a baseball cap and a shirt with the words "HOTT LUVR" appeared on the videophone's screen.
"Ash, this is Professor Oak," the man replied as he took off the baseball cap.
Ash, Misty, and Brock were shocked into stunned silence.
"Uh, are you feeling okay, Professor?" Brock finally spoke up.
Misty, who couldn't contain herself any more, moved off-screen and began laughing hysterically.
"Hi, honey!" Delia said as she pushed Professor Oak aside.
"Mom? What are you doing there?" said a surprised Ash.
"I went out shopping this morning and found Professor Oak some new clothes. Do you like them?" she asked as she put the baseball cap back on her companion's head.
"Uh, they're definitely different," Brock replied as he tried not to fall apart like Misty, who now had the hiccups from laughing so hard.
"And I didn't forget you, honey," Delia smiled as she reached into her shopping bag. "I bought you something, too." Ash gasped as his mother pulled out three pairs of underwear emblazoned with bright red Poke balls and held them up to the video screen. "I know that old underwear of yours must be getting pretty ratty. You are changing your underwear every single day, right?"
Ash choked and his face turned crimson with embarrassment. At the sight of the underwear, Brock abandoned his attempts to contain his laughter and joined Misty, who was now writhing in hysterics, on the floor.
"Why did you call, Ash?" Professor Oak asked as Delia went to check on Tracey, who had hit his head when he had fallen off of the chair and now had a huge bump over his left eye – but was still laughing.
"Well, we found a Pokémon this morning and we can't figure out exactly what it is. We were hoping you could tell us what it is." Ash "oofed" as he picked up the Pokémon that was snoozing on the floor under his chair. "Man, you're heavy!" He held up the still-snoozing Pokémon in front of the video screen. "Have you ever seen anything like this before? Brock thinks it's a baby Snorlax."
Professor Oak studied the Pokémon and had to agree. Its fur was paler than that of an adult Snorlax, but the pattern of coloration was definitely the same. The body shape was similar too, although the Pokémon that Ash was struggling to support was barely the size of one of an adult Snorlax's toes.
"Yes, Ash, I agree with Brock. That Pokémon does look a lot like an immature Snorlax, although I can't recall anything about the existence of a pre-evolutionary form. Where did you find it?"
Ash, whose arms were now shaking from the effort of holding the Pokémon up to the screen, dropped the Pokémon in a heap onto the table next to him. "We found it in the woods just outside of Forsythia Village."
"Were there any more of them?"
"No, Professor. Not that we…Hey, guys, will you be quiet? I can't hear Professor Oak!"
"S-s-orry, Ash," Misty sputtered. "T-t-ell him –hic- that we LUV his shirt!" Misty then started giggling uncontrollably again.
Professor Oak, who had overheard Misty's comment, felt his face going red. "Anyway, Ash, I'd love the opportunity to study your new Pokémon. Or are you planning on training it?"
"I can't keep it, Professor. I already have six Pokémon. And I don't think Misty wants it because it tried to eat Togepi earlier. Brock, do you want to keep it?"
Brock, who was busy wiping the tears out of his eyes, shook his head. "I'd like to raise it, but I don't think I have enough Poké Chow for it and the rest of our Pokémon."
"Well then, why don't you place it in a Poké ball and send it over?" suggested Professor Oak.
"Okay," said Ash. "Hey, Brock, give me one of your balls."
This comment sent Misty into the next level of hysteria. She started turning purple and clutched her sides. "Oh…oh…hic…stop! I can't take any –hic- any more!"
Ash gave her an annoyed look. "Girls are so weird."
Brock, who had also found Ash's remark quite amusing, stopped laughing long enough to toss Ash one of his empty Poké balls.
"Okay, baby Snorlax or whatever you are, return!" The Pokémon disappeared inside the ball with a flash of red light. Ash stepped over Misty's convulsing form, placed the Poké ball inside the chamber of the Poké ball transport device sitting in the far corner, pressed a button, and the red-and-white ball disappeared.
The ball materialized a second later in the Oak laboratory.
"Got it, Ash. It's here," Professor Oak reported as he reached over and picked up the Poké ball.
"I'm gonna take Misty across the street to Poké Burger to get her a drink of water," Brock said as he helped his hiccuping friend to her feet.
"I'll be there in a minute," Ash replied as his friends left the Pokémon Center.
"Don't worry, Ash. I'll take good care of your Pokémon," Professor Oak reassured him.
"Professor, is my mom still there?" Ash said.
"She's at the other end of the lab attending to Tracey," Professor Oak replied. "Want me to get her?"
"No! I mean, that's okay, Professor," Ash said hastily. "I just wanted to ask you if Mom had bought you any underwear, too. When did she start buying you clothes?"
Professor Oak's face reddened further. "Well, uh…I think your mom's been kind of lonely lately since you started your Pokémon journey and she's been looking for someone to take care of. And since we're neighbors, it's natural that she should…"
"Oh, I don't mean that, Professor. I just wanted to warn you that she always bought me some really weird stuff when I was growing up. Once she bought me this sweater that had all these cutesy Pokémon on it like Eevee and Vulpix."
"Eevee and Vulpix? Well, that doesn't sound too bad…"
"Professor, that was last year! I just wanted to say that I'm glad she's buying clothes for you now instead of me."
"Don't forget your underwear, Ash," Professor Oak said as he picked up the boxer shorts covered with Poké balls and waved them in front of the video screen.
Ash gulped and quickly hung up the phone.
"Oh, I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to Ash," Delia said as she put an ice pack on Tracey's bump and walked across the room back to the video phone. "What's that?" she asked curiously as she caught sight of the Poké ball Professor Oak was holding in his hand.
"Let's find out, shall we?" He tossed the Poké ball into the air and a catlike Pokémon the size of a Pikachu appeared in a flash of bright light.
"Oh, look at that! It's so cute!" Delia gushed as she scooped up the snoozing Pokémon and discovered that it was a lot heavier than it looked. "Cute, and very heavy."
The Pokémon opened its eyes and regarded Delia happily. "Cat! Cat-nap!"
"Oh, you're cute and smart, too!" Delia, still cradling the Pokémon in her arms, said as she toppled backwards onto the couch.
"Cat-nap!" the baby Pokémon said as it regarded her with big brown eyes.
"Catnap? Is that your name?" Delia cooed as she tickled the Pokémon's round belly.
The Pokémon nodded and snuggled against Delia's bosom.
"Seems like it really likes you, Delia," Professor Oak chuckled as he watched the two interact.
"Oh, Catnap is so sweet! He's just like a little baby," Delia said as she tickled the Pokémon's chin. She was smitten.
Catnap opened its mouth and pointed to it.
"Oh, you're hungry, aren't you?" Delia said sympathetically. "Samuel, go find Catnap something to eat. Bring me a bottle and I'll feed him."
Professor Oak turned to his assistant. "Tracey, go see if we have some Pokémon formula in the back."
Tracey, who by now had gotten used to the sight of his boss in the ridiculous get-up, hopped off his chair and headed down the hall. Professor Oak turned around and was surprised to see Delia take Catnap's thumb and insert it in its open mouth.
"I wish I had a pacifier," Delia said as she stroked Catnap's head. "But your thumb will have to do right now, won't it, Catnap?" The thumb sucking temporarily soothed the hungry Pokémon and it cuddled against Delia contentedly.
"You certainly do know how to handle Catnap, Delia," Professor Oak smiled as he watched Delia rock the Pokémon back and forth gently.
"Oh, Catnap is so adorable," she smiled. "I wouldn't mind raising him myself." Tracey came back into the room and handed Delia a large bottle filled with formula. "Thanks, Tracey." Delia popped the bottle into Catnap's mouth and the Pokémon began drinking it eagerly. As soon as it had finished, Delia expertly laid the Pokémon across her shoulder and patted its back until a huge "BURRRPPPP" shook the room. "There. Now you feel better, don't you, sweetie?"
"Sweetie?" Tracey mouthed in Professor Oak's direction.
Catnap, now through with its lunch, sighed contentedly, closed its eyes, snuggled against its new mommy, and immediately fell asleep.
"Well, I guess I'd better get Catnap home and see if I can find Ash's old crib," Delia said as she struggled to her feet. "He's probably too big for the basinette."
"Delia, what…?" Professor Oak exclaimed in astonishment as Delia headed for the doorway. "Where are you going?"
"I'm taking him home," Delia repeated. "Catnap's all tuckered out and needs to get some sleep."
"But Delia," Professor Oak said as he followed her out the door. "Catnap is a Pokémon, not a baby. I was going to give him an examination and then run a few tests."
"You can do that after he has a nap," Delia called back as she headed down the hill to her house. "And Samuel, Catnap is a baby – a baby Pokémon."
As Professor Oak watched Delia and her new adopted baby head down the road to the Ketchum house, Tracey came running up. "Professor, you'd better hurry! You're going to be late for your lecture at Celadon University."
Professor Oak looked at his watch and gasped. "Oh no! The lecture is today?!" He dashed back up the hill to his garage.
"Professor! Wait! Your clothes!" Tracey called out, but it was too late -- Professor Oak was tearing out of the garage at top speed. "Oh well, guess he'll find out when he gets there."