Disclaimer: We don't own Robin Hood, the wench or the Sheriff ... which is really too bad because I'm sure he'd enjoy our company.
Notes: We're insane, that's all there is to it.
Bring A Friend
George, Sheriff of Nottingham, was not very happy. In fact, he was downright angry, maybe even bitter, all because of one man. One man who was costing him millions, one man who threatened to destroy everything he had worked so hard to achieve. The Sheriff was having a rotten day and he planned on letting every single person know exactly how bad his day was.
A young scribe was cowering before him, wondering exactly how to tell the Sheriff that Robin Hood had stolen even more from them. The Sheriff wouldn't be pleased after hearing the news he had to deliver.
Finally, he swallowed hard, then said, "We reckon he has nicked three to four million in the last five months, Sire."
The Sheriff sighed and waved his hand. "Go on, raise the penalty on his head to twenty five thousand crowns."
The scribe sighed and began carefully, "Begging your pardon, Sire. It won't do no good how much you raise it."
The Sheriff raised one eyebrow. "Really, scribe, why is that?"
Because Sire, the poor. You see, he gives to them what he takes. So, well Sire . . . they love him!"
The Sheriff frowned deeply and murmured, "Wait a minute . . . Robin Hood steals money from my pocket, forcing me to hurt the public and they love him for it?"
The scribe winced and looked away. "Yes . . ."
"That's it then!" The Sheriff growled. "Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans. No more merciful beheadings." He began to walk away, then thought better of it and added, "And call of Christmas!" He turned and continued his rant, "The treasury is empty. All day and all night people plague my door whining about tax relief and safe passage through Sherwood Forrest. 'We can not pay it, because the highwayman has taken it'."
"It's the shortest route to London, Sire," the scribe murmured apologetically.
"It's the only way, you little ferret!" he screamed.
The scribe winced and continued. "Sir Guy's patrols have found nothing, Sire."
The Sheriff's hands began to tremble in his anger. "No camp! Nothing! This viper simply slithers into the forest."
He turned to find a young wench staring at him. "You," he growled, "My room, ten thirty tonight." His next comment was directed to another girl, "You! Ten forty five . . . and bring a friend."
Later, at approximately ten forty five . . .
There was a hesitant knock on the thick wooden door.
"You're late!" barked the deep voice from inside, and moments later footsteps were heard approaching the door. It was flung open and the ten thirty wench was flung out. Her petite figure was replaced by the powerful one of George, Sheriff of Nottingham. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard two squeaks of excitement coming from behind his ten forty five wench.
"Did you bring a friend?" he growled.
The wench bowed her head deeply. "I did, Sire. They are both quite lovely girls and-"
"Both?" The Sheriff growled. "Did you say both?"
The wench nodded.
"Did I ask for two friends?" he asked. "No, I told you to bring 'A' friend. Meaning one, not two."
The wench looked surprised. "Well, Sire, I thought you of all people would appreciate two girls rather than one. Do you think you shall be too tired to-"
"Inside," he growled, cutting her off once more and shutting the door behind the three girls.
The wench stumbled inside and casually made her way over to the Sheriff's bed, perching on the edge. He stared at her for a long moment, then turned his back on her and studied the other two girls that she had brought with her.
One was fairly tall and thin, with blonde hair that just brushed her shoulders and very blue eyes. The other was tall as well and just as thin as the first, with fair skin, blue eyes and wavy, dark blonde hair.
The Sheriff felt a smile touch his lips and he turned to the wench. "Not bad," he murmured to her, then turned back to the girls. He nodded his head slowly, apparently liking what he saw.
"They shall be sufficient," he said airily. "What are their names?"
The wavy-haired blonde cleared her throat. "We CAN talk, you know."
He stared at her, as if amazed a woman would dare address him without first being spoken to herself.
"Of . . . of course," he murmured. "Well then, what is YOUR name?"
She smiled widely at him. "I'm Ashley." She jerked her thumb in the direction of her companion. "That's Leah."
He smirked at her. "Can she talk as well, or do you do enough of that for both of you?"
Ashley shook her head and smiled. "She talks too, but once you get her going . . ."
Leah frowned. "Shut up Ashley . . . I don't talk that much." Without another word to her friend, she turned back to the Sheriff. "Hi, I'm Leah. Nice to meet you. I really like your house, it's kind of gloomy but I can deal with that." She turned, staring at the bedroom. "I like this room. It's all dark and scary."
The Sheriff frowned. "It is meant to be dark for . . . other purposes, but it is not meant to be scary by any means."
Leah grinned. "But scary is cool . . . and attractive, I mean . . ." she trailed off and blushed. "You're right Ashley, I do talk too much."
The wench on the bed made a comment under her breath, reminding the Sheriff that she was even there. He frowned, stared at her, then waved his hand dismissively. "You may go."
"But . . . but you said . . ."
"You brought two friends rather than one. I no longer need you."
The wench stared at the two girls for a moment before leaving the room hurriedly. The Sheriff now turned his full attention to the two friends. "Ah, where were we?"
Ashley grinned wickedly. "We were discussing the attractiveness of your room, I- ow!" She glared at the other girl as she received an elbow in the side. "Hey, I'm not the one who talks too much. If I were, I'd be saying how sexy a guy in black is . . ." She trailed off, blushing horribly.
Leah gave her a triumphant look. "Looks like I'm not the only one who can't shut my mouth."
"Probably comes from hanging around *you* too much."
"Ahem." A third voice interrupted their banter. They both looked up sheepishly to face the Sheriff. "Are you two quite finished?" he growled, looking as if he wished that he had sent them out instead of the wench.
Leah grinned brightly. "Yep, all done, promise." She strolled around the room, running her fingers over the dark wood of the furniture, then inspecting them for dust. "You would think being a Sheriff and all you'd have someone to come in and clean this place."
The Sheriff was obviously not amused and he glared at her angrily, dark eyes flashing. Ashley, on the other hand, was nearly doubled over, holding her sides.
"What?" Leah asked innocently, shrugging her shoulders and going back to her inspection.
The Sheriff growled low in his throat and stalked across the room, grabbing her shoulders tightly. He wheeled her around and, ignoring the surprised squeak, pushed Leah toward the bed.
"You, sit," he ordered Ashley, pointing to a chair. "Wench," he said to Leah, "make yourself comfortable."
Leah's jaw nearly dropped and she stared at the Sheriff. "I am NOT a wench, I'll have you know. I am a perfectly respectable woman with rights just like you!"
The Sheriff had to pause for a moment to figure out whether she was serious or not. When he decided that she was indeed serious about her 'rights' it was his turn to laugh.
His deep, harsh laugh echoed around the darkened room. "Rights?" He chuckled again. "You, my dear, are a woman. You have no rights. Furthermore, any rights that you did have, you left at the door. This is *my* room, and you are *my* wench."
Leah folded her arms across her chest. "Now, what did I tell you about calling me that? What, did you forget my name or something?"
Neither noticed Ashley, perched obediently in her chair, shaking so hard with silent laughter that she threatened to fall off at any moment.
The Sheriff took a long, deep breath. "No, I did not forget your name, Ashley."
"Leah!" the two girls instantly corrected him.
"Leah, dammit, Leah, then. I can't help it if you look so much alike!"
Ashley sighed, getting up from her chair to approach the two. "There are quite obvious difference between us, George dear."
His dark eyes widened. "What did you call me?"
She ignored him. "As you can see, Leah is taller than I am, and I'm far more pale than she is. And as for our hair, well, there's simply no end to the differences there! I mean, for one thing-"
"SILENCE!" he roared.
Ashley dropped down onto the bed beside Leah. "Can't . . . you two . . . shut up . . . for . . . ONE . . . minute?"
Leah pinched her lips into a thin line, trying desperately to keep herself from laughing. If she had known that the Sheriff would be so easily annoyed, she would have never expected him to be amused by her.
"I think he's going to kill us," Leah stated. "Look at his eyes, they're all mad with rage."
The Sheriff turned to her. "I am not mad with rage," he growled. "Don't you two understand how hard it is to be Sheriff of this wretched place? Everyone loves Robin Hood and no one loves me." He knelt to their level, fuming before them. "Everyone thinks Robin of Locksley is just *so* wonderful and they all ignore me. Well, sometimes I want a little love too . . ." he trailed off and thought about his choice of words. "Okay, so more often than sometimes. Maybe once an hour, no less than six times a day."
Leah nearly fell off the bed, she was giggling so hard. "Six times a day? No wonder you need a whole brothel of wenches."
The Sheriff glared at her. "Did I ask you to speak?"
She shrugged and shook her head. "Nope, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to."
Ashley nodded her agreement. "You never have to ask her to speak, she just keeps going and going and going . . . kinda like the Energizer bunny."
The Sheriff frowned. "The *what*?"
Ashley waved a hand dismissively through the air. "Never mind." She paused for a moment, glancing at the Sheriff. "Actually, I don't really see why everyone thinks Robin's so great. I mean, that blonde shaggy hair thing is *so* last year." Hardly thinking, she reached out a hand and wrapped a curl of the Sheriff's dark hair around her index finger. "Now . . . dark hair . . . that's more my style."
The Sheriff's hand shot up and grabbed Ashley's, holding it firmly. "What . . . do you think you are doing?" He couldn't determine from her eyes if she was toying with him or not. If she was, he would cut out her pretty little heart with a spoon.
She tilted her head to the side, regarding him. "Sorry, I've got a thing for hair." Ignoring the fact that he still clasped her right hand in his, she reached out her left one and ran it through his locks. Instantly, he grabbed her other one and jerked it away with such force that Ashley ended up losing her precarious balance on the end of the bed and sliding off onto the Sheriff's lap.
She grinned up at him. "Hey there."
Leah stood up from the bed, her hands clasped over her mouth to prevent the laughter from escaping. The Sheriff tried to watch her as she moved around his room, but having Ashley's hands in his hair was proving to be much more of a distraction that he would have anticipated. "Relax," Leah purred, stepping behind him and lightly pressing her fingers into his shoulders. "Just chill."
The Sheriff frowned. "Chill?"
Leah reached around to the front of his chest and grabbed the clasp on his robe. "Let me help you with that," she said and pulled. A loud ripping noise filled the room and Leah's eyes widened.
The Sheriff leapt to his feet, sending Ashley to the floor and he turned. "What did you do to my cloak?" he screamed, trying to see the damage.
Leah grabbed at him and the cloak that was still hanging around his neck. "Nothing! Nothing, I swear I can fix it."
Ashley rolled her eyes from her position on the floor. "Way to go Leah, you've just screwed up the best chance we'll ever have. I mean, look! Look!" She grabbed the cloak and showed the Sheriff the large hole.
Leah sprang forward with a needle and thread. "I said I can fix it!"
Ashley eyed the needle-bearing Leah with almost as much apprehension as the Sheriff did. She raised an eyebrow, but shrugged and returned her attention to the Sheriff, who seemed to be looking around for a spoon.
There was a vein throbbing madly in his head, and she reached up to massage it. "Relax," she said, repeating Leah's words. "You're much too tense for someone..." she meant to say 'of your age,' but instead said, "so sexy."
He jerked at her words, right at the moment Leah stuck a pin into his cloak. Both collided and the Sheriff yelped loudly, sending Ashley rolling to the floor once again. He jumped to his feet, clasping a hand over where the pin had stuck him. "I'm bleeding!" he cried indignantly.
Ashley glared at Leah. "I told you you're screwing this up! You're going to kill him if you're not careful!"
Leah looked crestfallen. "I'm only trying to help."
"Stop helping!" begged the Sheriff, sinking down onto his bed and running his hand through his hair. The action caused Ashley's eyes to light up. He glanced up at them, almost pleadingly. "You're supposed to be here for a reason, you know. All the other wenches seem to manage just fine without ripping cloaks and such . . ."
"Well," Leah said simply. "We're not wenches."
"How could I have forgotten?" he muttered into his hands.
Leah pouted and went over to the bed to sit next to the Sheriff. "I'm sorry," she offered simply. "I just wanted to . . ."
The Sheriff glanced up to see tears shining in Leah's eyes. His own eyes widened and he glanced at Ashley who was shaking her head at him.
"Oh Lord . . . I've made a girl cry," he said, blinking several times, then turning to Leah. "I'm sorry, you just stabbed me, that's all. It's not a big deal . . . look, I'm not even bleeding anymore." He held his hand out to her and Leah stared at him, a shining tear sliding down her cheek.
The Sheriff leaned forward. "Stop crying, please?"
Leah sniffled dramatically, then lunged forward and buried her face in the Sheriff's cloak. He looked shocked for a moment, then hugged her back.
Leah caught Ashley's eye over the Sheriff's shoulder and grinned madly. "I love being an actress," she whispered.
The Sheriff stiffened at her words and threw her off him. "You're acting?"
Leah's eyes widened and she motioned for Ashley to do something, anything, that would take the Sheriff's mind off her little 'act'.
Ashley stepped forward and smiled. "Hi, remember me? Yes, right . . . well . . ." she trailed off and looked for an escape. "Remember that whole conversation we had about Robin? Well . . . I lied. I find his shaggy blonde hair very sexy."
The Sheriff's nostrils flared angrily and Leah shook her head, burying her face in her hands. "We're doomed," she muttered.
Suddenly, Ashley wanted to hide. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she muttered to herself. "Uh . . ." She opened her mouth, but no words came out. There were just . . . no . . . words.
The Sheriff leapt to his feet for not the first time that night and began pacing the room. "What in hell are you girls trying to *do* to me? I simply asked for my wench to bring a friend and she brings along devil spawn!"
"Well, I never!" exclaimed Leah, leaning back on the bed. "Hey . . . this is comfy!"
Ashley shot her a look as if to say 'not now' and swallowed, hard. "Uh, George?"
He glanced at her. "What do you want now? Want to tell me that you find me utterly repulsive in all ways and only came along to mock me?"
"Of course not!" She stepped closer to him, wondering what to do next. Somehow, she had to patch up this mess they had gotten themselves into. Her eyes wandered over those gorgeous curls, the deep eyes, hawkish nose, smooth lips, and suddenly, there was only one thought in her mind. She had to touch those lips... even if it meant she would die trying.
Skewering all her courage, she cleared the distance between them in a step . . . and kissed him.
Behind her, she heard Leah fall off the bed.
"Damn!" Leah said, watching the Sheriff kiss Ashley. She stood up and plopped back down on the bed. "What I wouldn't give for a kiss like that."
The Sheriff broke the kiss a second later and stared down at the girl before him. He seemed so enthralled by her that Leah finally rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.
"Hello? Your wench is still waiting." She patted the bed expectantly.
The Sheriff's eyes narrowed. "I thought you weren't a wench?"
Leah shrugged. "Seems to be the only way you like women, so I can pretend."
Ashley crossed her arms. "Leah, this isn't the time. Did you not notice the 'moment' you just interrupted?"
Leah's nose crinkled. "Hey, he's in *my* harem. If you get a kiss, then so do I."
The Sheriff felt as if his head were spinning. "Harem?"
"Never mind," Ashley and Leah blurted in unison. With Ashley still staring at her, Leah stood from the bed and crossed the distance between herself and the Sheriff in two quick steps. Her fingers lightly traced the cloak she had already ripped, then thought better of their path and touched his throat, his chin and his cheek. She smiled lightly, then coaxed his head down and kissed him.
"Hah!" she crowed a moment later, after she had broken the kiss.
Ashley crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall, appearing unimpressed. The Sheriff, however confused he was, seemed delighted with the prospect of two girls competing over him. He turned to expectantly face Ashley as well. She cocked an eyebrow. "You call *that* a kiss?"
She sauntered over to the Sheriff and backed him up against the wall. Her hands entwined in his dark locks and she pressed her lips against his neck, trailing a steady line of kisses up his throat and along his jawline until she reached his lips. There she paused, bringing down a finger to run over his thin lips before replacing it with her own.
She kissed him deeply, tugging softly at his bottom lip with her teeth until breaking away and sticking her tongue out Leah. "THAT is a kiss."
Leah grinned slightly, trying not to show how impressed she actually was. Despite their competition over the Sheriff, every time she caught Ashley's eye they had to look away quickly to prevent any more giggling. Instead of looking at her friend, Leah nodded and smiled. "Sure, that's a kiss. You're right, it was . . . nice."
Ashley glared at her. "Nice?"
The Sheriff echoed her words. "Just nice?"
Leah nodded again. "Nice," she repeated, then sauntered over to the Sheriff. Ashley backed away as Leah wedged herself between them and pressed her palms against the Sheriff's abdomen. "You want more than nice?" she asked playfully.
The Sheriff nodded eagerly and Ashley had to bit her lip to stop the laughter bubbling in her throat. It was amazing how two girls could turn a powerful Sheriff into a whimpering ball of nerves.
Before the Sheriff could say anything else, Leah's left hand snaked down his waist and grabbed his wrist tightly, pressing it against the wall. He instinctively fought against her, but she smiled and shook her head, before grabbing the other wrist as well.
"Don't squirm," she muttered. "And keep your hands there. You're not allowed to move."
The Sheriff swallowed hard and tried to obey her orders as her hands left his wrists and ran up the length of his side, causing him to shiver. Leah smiled in delight, then leaned in to meet his lips, softly pressing kisses against his mouth. His arms came up around her waist, but she pushed them off and continued kissing him. Her teeth lightly grazed his lips and when she moved away, the Sheriff was panting and his hands were twitching.
Leah tossed a grin in Ashley's direction. "Too easy," she said.
Ashley rolled her eyes, biting her tongue to hide her smile. "You wish," she shot back, gently pushing Leah away and taking the Sheriff by the hand. "Com'ere, George baby."
Willing as a puppy, he followed her over to the bed, where she pushed him down into a seated position. She dropped onto his lap and entwined her arms around his neck. "I'll show you too easy."
She tilted her head to blow lightly in his ear. "You can touch *me,*" she drawled softly. Her nails traced light trails down his neck to rest firmly on his broad chest, feeling his pounding heartbeat through the thin material of his shirt.
She nuzzled her face against his beard, planting soft kisses here and there.
His hands came up to her waist, pulling her close to him before they entwined in her soft waves of hair. He attempted to bring her mouth to his hungry one, but she resisted, allowing her lips to only graze his tantalizingly. "Not yet, she whispered. She was rewarded with a soft groan from his lips.
Her kisses grew ever closer to his waiting lips, but not ever quite reaching them. They traced his jaw, his chin, and just above his lips. Finally, she smiled softly at him and pressed her mouth to his. His tongue slipped hungrily into her mouth and claimed it as his reward.
After a minute of this, Leah tapped her on the shoulder. "Are you quite done yet?"
She broke away from the Sheriff with one last peck on the cheek. "Quite," she nodded, heading towards the door. "Later, George!"
He stared at her in disbelief. "Wha...?"
Leah pushed against the Sheriff's chest lightly when he tried to get up and follow Ashley from the room. He stared at her hungrily and leaned toward her. Leah raised an eyebrow and said, "What am I? The replacement?"
The Sheriff shook his head. "Lord no, you're just both so . . ."
Leah grinned down at him. "So what, George?"
"Different," he finally breathed.
Leah nodded, then hiked up her dress, giving the Sheriff a nice view of her legs, before she straddled him on the bed. "You won't forget us, will you?" she asked, leaning into his throat. Her words were warm against his skin and he shivered before shaking his head.
"Of course not."
"We'll be welcome back whenever?" Leah asked.
The Sheriff nodded. "Lord, yes."
Her lips trailed across his collarbone as she spoke. "We're really that different from what you're used to, huh?"
The Sheriff nodded again, closing his eyes and leaning back on the bed. Leah grinned and moved with him, leaning over him to grant him one final kiss. He kissed her greedily, his arms around her waist, not wanting to let go. A few seconds later, Leah broke away and planted a quick kiss on the end of his nose.
"Now, although we didn't sleep with you, wasn't that better than a wench?" she asked.
The Sheriff nodded numbly.
Leah hopped off the bed and straightened her skirt. "Don't they just lie there while you . . ." she trailed off and made an obscene gesture instead.
Ashley giggled from behind her and the Sheriff actually flushed a deep red colour before nodding.
Leah grinned. "Well, aren't you glad we came along?"
He nodded one final time as the girls flounced out of the room. In the hall, Leah smiled at Ashley. "That was fun," she said. "Should we come back next week, or do you think Colonel Brandon needs a visit?"
End
Notes: We're insane, that's all there is to it.
Bring A Friend
George, Sheriff of Nottingham, was not very happy. In fact, he was downright angry, maybe even bitter, all because of one man. One man who was costing him millions, one man who threatened to destroy everything he had worked so hard to achieve. The Sheriff was having a rotten day and he planned on letting every single person know exactly how bad his day was.
A young scribe was cowering before him, wondering exactly how to tell the Sheriff that Robin Hood had stolen even more from them. The Sheriff wouldn't be pleased after hearing the news he had to deliver.
Finally, he swallowed hard, then said, "We reckon he has nicked three to four million in the last five months, Sire."
The Sheriff sighed and waved his hand. "Go on, raise the penalty on his head to twenty five thousand crowns."
The scribe sighed and began carefully, "Begging your pardon, Sire. It won't do no good how much you raise it."
The Sheriff raised one eyebrow. "Really, scribe, why is that?"
Because Sire, the poor. You see, he gives to them what he takes. So, well Sire . . . they love him!"
The Sheriff frowned deeply and murmured, "Wait a minute . . . Robin Hood steals money from my pocket, forcing me to hurt the public and they love him for it?"
The scribe winced and looked away. "Yes . . ."
"That's it then!" The Sheriff growled. "Cancel the kitchen scraps for lepers and orphans. No more merciful beheadings." He began to walk away, then thought better of it and added, "And call of Christmas!" He turned and continued his rant, "The treasury is empty. All day and all night people plague my door whining about tax relief and safe passage through Sherwood Forrest. 'We can not pay it, because the highwayman has taken it'."
"It's the shortest route to London, Sire," the scribe murmured apologetically.
"It's the only way, you little ferret!" he screamed.
The scribe winced and continued. "Sir Guy's patrols have found nothing, Sire."
The Sheriff's hands began to tremble in his anger. "No camp! Nothing! This viper simply slithers into the forest."
He turned to find a young wench staring at him. "You," he growled, "My room, ten thirty tonight." His next comment was directed to another girl, "You! Ten forty five . . . and bring a friend."
Later, at approximately ten forty five . . .
There was a hesitant knock on the thick wooden door.
"You're late!" barked the deep voice from inside, and moments later footsteps were heard approaching the door. It was flung open and the ten thirty wench was flung out. Her petite figure was replaced by the powerful one of George, Sheriff of Nottingham. He couldn't be sure, but he thought he heard two squeaks of excitement coming from behind his ten forty five wench.
"Did you bring a friend?" he growled.
The wench bowed her head deeply. "I did, Sire. They are both quite lovely girls and-"
"Both?" The Sheriff growled. "Did you say both?"
The wench nodded.
"Did I ask for two friends?" he asked. "No, I told you to bring 'A' friend. Meaning one, not two."
The wench looked surprised. "Well, Sire, I thought you of all people would appreciate two girls rather than one. Do you think you shall be too tired to-"
"Inside," he growled, cutting her off once more and shutting the door behind the three girls.
The wench stumbled inside and casually made her way over to the Sheriff's bed, perching on the edge. He stared at her for a long moment, then turned his back on her and studied the other two girls that she had brought with her.
One was fairly tall and thin, with blonde hair that just brushed her shoulders and very blue eyes. The other was tall as well and just as thin as the first, with fair skin, blue eyes and wavy, dark blonde hair.
The Sheriff felt a smile touch his lips and he turned to the wench. "Not bad," he murmured to her, then turned back to the girls. He nodded his head slowly, apparently liking what he saw.
"They shall be sufficient," he said airily. "What are their names?"
The wavy-haired blonde cleared her throat. "We CAN talk, you know."
He stared at her, as if amazed a woman would dare address him without first being spoken to herself.
"Of . . . of course," he murmured. "Well then, what is YOUR name?"
She smiled widely at him. "I'm Ashley." She jerked her thumb in the direction of her companion. "That's Leah."
He smirked at her. "Can she talk as well, or do you do enough of that for both of you?"
Ashley shook her head and smiled. "She talks too, but once you get her going . . ."
Leah frowned. "Shut up Ashley . . . I don't talk that much." Without another word to her friend, she turned back to the Sheriff. "Hi, I'm Leah. Nice to meet you. I really like your house, it's kind of gloomy but I can deal with that." She turned, staring at the bedroom. "I like this room. It's all dark and scary."
The Sheriff frowned. "It is meant to be dark for . . . other purposes, but it is not meant to be scary by any means."
Leah grinned. "But scary is cool . . . and attractive, I mean . . ." she trailed off and blushed. "You're right Ashley, I do talk too much."
The wench on the bed made a comment under her breath, reminding the Sheriff that she was even there. He frowned, stared at her, then waved his hand dismissively. "You may go."
"But . . . but you said . . ."
"You brought two friends rather than one. I no longer need you."
The wench stared at the two girls for a moment before leaving the room hurriedly. The Sheriff now turned his full attention to the two friends. "Ah, where were we?"
Ashley grinned wickedly. "We were discussing the attractiveness of your room, I- ow!" She glared at the other girl as she received an elbow in the side. "Hey, I'm not the one who talks too much. If I were, I'd be saying how sexy a guy in black is . . ." She trailed off, blushing horribly.
Leah gave her a triumphant look. "Looks like I'm not the only one who can't shut my mouth."
"Probably comes from hanging around *you* too much."
"Ahem." A third voice interrupted their banter. They both looked up sheepishly to face the Sheriff. "Are you two quite finished?" he growled, looking as if he wished that he had sent them out instead of the wench.
Leah grinned brightly. "Yep, all done, promise." She strolled around the room, running her fingers over the dark wood of the furniture, then inspecting them for dust. "You would think being a Sheriff and all you'd have someone to come in and clean this place."
The Sheriff was obviously not amused and he glared at her angrily, dark eyes flashing. Ashley, on the other hand, was nearly doubled over, holding her sides.
"What?" Leah asked innocently, shrugging her shoulders and going back to her inspection.
The Sheriff growled low in his throat and stalked across the room, grabbing her shoulders tightly. He wheeled her around and, ignoring the surprised squeak, pushed Leah toward the bed.
"You, sit," he ordered Ashley, pointing to a chair. "Wench," he said to Leah, "make yourself comfortable."
Leah's jaw nearly dropped and she stared at the Sheriff. "I am NOT a wench, I'll have you know. I am a perfectly respectable woman with rights just like you!"
The Sheriff had to pause for a moment to figure out whether she was serious or not. When he decided that she was indeed serious about her 'rights' it was his turn to laugh.
His deep, harsh laugh echoed around the darkened room. "Rights?" He chuckled again. "You, my dear, are a woman. You have no rights. Furthermore, any rights that you did have, you left at the door. This is *my* room, and you are *my* wench."
Leah folded her arms across her chest. "Now, what did I tell you about calling me that? What, did you forget my name or something?"
Neither noticed Ashley, perched obediently in her chair, shaking so hard with silent laughter that she threatened to fall off at any moment.
The Sheriff took a long, deep breath. "No, I did not forget your name, Ashley."
"Leah!" the two girls instantly corrected him.
"Leah, dammit, Leah, then. I can't help it if you look so much alike!"
Ashley sighed, getting up from her chair to approach the two. "There are quite obvious difference between us, George dear."
His dark eyes widened. "What did you call me?"
She ignored him. "As you can see, Leah is taller than I am, and I'm far more pale than she is. And as for our hair, well, there's simply no end to the differences there! I mean, for one thing-"
"SILENCE!" he roared.
Ashley dropped down onto the bed beside Leah. "Can't . . . you two . . . shut up . . . for . . . ONE . . . minute?"
Leah pinched her lips into a thin line, trying desperately to keep herself from laughing. If she had known that the Sheriff would be so easily annoyed, she would have never expected him to be amused by her.
"I think he's going to kill us," Leah stated. "Look at his eyes, they're all mad with rage."
The Sheriff turned to her. "I am not mad with rage," he growled. "Don't you two understand how hard it is to be Sheriff of this wretched place? Everyone loves Robin Hood and no one loves me." He knelt to their level, fuming before them. "Everyone thinks Robin of Locksley is just *so* wonderful and they all ignore me. Well, sometimes I want a little love too . . ." he trailed off and thought about his choice of words. "Okay, so more often than sometimes. Maybe once an hour, no less than six times a day."
Leah nearly fell off the bed, she was giggling so hard. "Six times a day? No wonder you need a whole brothel of wenches."
The Sheriff glared at her. "Did I ask you to speak?"
She shrugged and shook her head. "Nope, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to."
Ashley nodded her agreement. "You never have to ask her to speak, she just keeps going and going and going . . . kinda like the Energizer bunny."
The Sheriff frowned. "The *what*?"
Ashley waved a hand dismissively through the air. "Never mind." She paused for a moment, glancing at the Sheriff. "Actually, I don't really see why everyone thinks Robin's so great. I mean, that blonde shaggy hair thing is *so* last year." Hardly thinking, she reached out a hand and wrapped a curl of the Sheriff's dark hair around her index finger. "Now . . . dark hair . . . that's more my style."
The Sheriff's hand shot up and grabbed Ashley's, holding it firmly. "What . . . do you think you are doing?" He couldn't determine from her eyes if she was toying with him or not. If she was, he would cut out her pretty little heart with a spoon.
She tilted her head to the side, regarding him. "Sorry, I've got a thing for hair." Ignoring the fact that he still clasped her right hand in his, she reached out her left one and ran it through his locks. Instantly, he grabbed her other one and jerked it away with such force that Ashley ended up losing her precarious balance on the end of the bed and sliding off onto the Sheriff's lap.
She grinned up at him. "Hey there."
Leah stood up from the bed, her hands clasped over her mouth to prevent the laughter from escaping. The Sheriff tried to watch her as she moved around his room, but having Ashley's hands in his hair was proving to be much more of a distraction that he would have anticipated. "Relax," Leah purred, stepping behind him and lightly pressing her fingers into his shoulders. "Just chill."
The Sheriff frowned. "Chill?"
Leah reached around to the front of his chest and grabbed the clasp on his robe. "Let me help you with that," she said and pulled. A loud ripping noise filled the room and Leah's eyes widened.
The Sheriff leapt to his feet, sending Ashley to the floor and he turned. "What did you do to my cloak?" he screamed, trying to see the damage.
Leah grabbed at him and the cloak that was still hanging around his neck. "Nothing! Nothing, I swear I can fix it."
Ashley rolled her eyes from her position on the floor. "Way to go Leah, you've just screwed up the best chance we'll ever have. I mean, look! Look!" She grabbed the cloak and showed the Sheriff the large hole.
Leah sprang forward with a needle and thread. "I said I can fix it!"
Ashley eyed the needle-bearing Leah with almost as much apprehension as the Sheriff did. She raised an eyebrow, but shrugged and returned her attention to the Sheriff, who seemed to be looking around for a spoon.
There was a vein throbbing madly in his head, and she reached up to massage it. "Relax," she said, repeating Leah's words. "You're much too tense for someone..." she meant to say 'of your age,' but instead said, "so sexy."
He jerked at her words, right at the moment Leah stuck a pin into his cloak. Both collided and the Sheriff yelped loudly, sending Ashley rolling to the floor once again. He jumped to his feet, clasping a hand over where the pin had stuck him. "I'm bleeding!" he cried indignantly.
Ashley glared at Leah. "I told you you're screwing this up! You're going to kill him if you're not careful!"
Leah looked crestfallen. "I'm only trying to help."
"Stop helping!" begged the Sheriff, sinking down onto his bed and running his hand through his hair. The action caused Ashley's eyes to light up. He glanced up at them, almost pleadingly. "You're supposed to be here for a reason, you know. All the other wenches seem to manage just fine without ripping cloaks and such . . ."
"Well," Leah said simply. "We're not wenches."
"How could I have forgotten?" he muttered into his hands.
Leah pouted and went over to the bed to sit next to the Sheriff. "I'm sorry," she offered simply. "I just wanted to . . ."
The Sheriff glanced up to see tears shining in Leah's eyes. His own eyes widened and he glanced at Ashley who was shaking her head at him.
"Oh Lord . . . I've made a girl cry," he said, blinking several times, then turning to Leah. "I'm sorry, you just stabbed me, that's all. It's not a big deal . . . look, I'm not even bleeding anymore." He held his hand out to her and Leah stared at him, a shining tear sliding down her cheek.
The Sheriff leaned forward. "Stop crying, please?"
Leah sniffled dramatically, then lunged forward and buried her face in the Sheriff's cloak. He looked shocked for a moment, then hugged her back.
Leah caught Ashley's eye over the Sheriff's shoulder and grinned madly. "I love being an actress," she whispered.
The Sheriff stiffened at her words and threw her off him. "You're acting?"
Leah's eyes widened and she motioned for Ashley to do something, anything, that would take the Sheriff's mind off her little 'act'.
Ashley stepped forward and smiled. "Hi, remember me? Yes, right . . . well . . ." she trailed off and looked for an escape. "Remember that whole conversation we had about Robin? Well . . . I lied. I find his shaggy blonde hair very sexy."
The Sheriff's nostrils flared angrily and Leah shook her head, burying her face in her hands. "We're doomed," she muttered.
Suddenly, Ashley wanted to hide. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" she muttered to herself. "Uh . . ." She opened her mouth, but no words came out. There were just . . . no . . . words.
The Sheriff leapt to his feet for not the first time that night and began pacing the room. "What in hell are you girls trying to *do* to me? I simply asked for my wench to bring a friend and she brings along devil spawn!"
"Well, I never!" exclaimed Leah, leaning back on the bed. "Hey . . . this is comfy!"
Ashley shot her a look as if to say 'not now' and swallowed, hard. "Uh, George?"
He glanced at her. "What do you want now? Want to tell me that you find me utterly repulsive in all ways and only came along to mock me?"
"Of course not!" She stepped closer to him, wondering what to do next. Somehow, she had to patch up this mess they had gotten themselves into. Her eyes wandered over those gorgeous curls, the deep eyes, hawkish nose, smooth lips, and suddenly, there was only one thought in her mind. She had to touch those lips... even if it meant she would die trying.
Skewering all her courage, she cleared the distance between them in a step . . . and kissed him.
Behind her, she heard Leah fall off the bed.
"Damn!" Leah said, watching the Sheriff kiss Ashley. She stood up and plopped back down on the bed. "What I wouldn't give for a kiss like that."
The Sheriff broke the kiss a second later and stared down at the girl before him. He seemed so enthralled by her that Leah finally rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.
"Hello? Your wench is still waiting." She patted the bed expectantly.
The Sheriff's eyes narrowed. "I thought you weren't a wench?"
Leah shrugged. "Seems to be the only way you like women, so I can pretend."
Ashley crossed her arms. "Leah, this isn't the time. Did you not notice the 'moment' you just interrupted?"
Leah's nose crinkled. "Hey, he's in *my* harem. If you get a kiss, then so do I."
The Sheriff felt as if his head were spinning. "Harem?"
"Never mind," Ashley and Leah blurted in unison. With Ashley still staring at her, Leah stood from the bed and crossed the distance between herself and the Sheriff in two quick steps. Her fingers lightly traced the cloak she had already ripped, then thought better of their path and touched his throat, his chin and his cheek. She smiled lightly, then coaxed his head down and kissed him.
"Hah!" she crowed a moment later, after she had broken the kiss.
Ashley crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall, appearing unimpressed. The Sheriff, however confused he was, seemed delighted with the prospect of two girls competing over him. He turned to expectantly face Ashley as well. She cocked an eyebrow. "You call *that* a kiss?"
She sauntered over to the Sheriff and backed him up against the wall. Her hands entwined in his dark locks and she pressed her lips against his neck, trailing a steady line of kisses up his throat and along his jawline until she reached his lips. There she paused, bringing down a finger to run over his thin lips before replacing it with her own.
She kissed him deeply, tugging softly at his bottom lip with her teeth until breaking away and sticking her tongue out Leah. "THAT is a kiss."
Leah grinned slightly, trying not to show how impressed she actually was. Despite their competition over the Sheriff, every time she caught Ashley's eye they had to look away quickly to prevent any more giggling. Instead of looking at her friend, Leah nodded and smiled. "Sure, that's a kiss. You're right, it was . . . nice."
Ashley glared at her. "Nice?"
The Sheriff echoed her words. "Just nice?"
Leah nodded again. "Nice," she repeated, then sauntered over to the Sheriff. Ashley backed away as Leah wedged herself between them and pressed her palms against the Sheriff's abdomen. "You want more than nice?" she asked playfully.
The Sheriff nodded eagerly and Ashley had to bit her lip to stop the laughter bubbling in her throat. It was amazing how two girls could turn a powerful Sheriff into a whimpering ball of nerves.
Before the Sheriff could say anything else, Leah's left hand snaked down his waist and grabbed his wrist tightly, pressing it against the wall. He instinctively fought against her, but she smiled and shook her head, before grabbing the other wrist as well.
"Don't squirm," she muttered. "And keep your hands there. You're not allowed to move."
The Sheriff swallowed hard and tried to obey her orders as her hands left his wrists and ran up the length of his side, causing him to shiver. Leah smiled in delight, then leaned in to meet his lips, softly pressing kisses against his mouth. His arms came up around her waist, but she pushed them off and continued kissing him. Her teeth lightly grazed his lips and when she moved away, the Sheriff was panting and his hands were twitching.
Leah tossed a grin in Ashley's direction. "Too easy," she said.
Ashley rolled her eyes, biting her tongue to hide her smile. "You wish," she shot back, gently pushing Leah away and taking the Sheriff by the hand. "Com'ere, George baby."
Willing as a puppy, he followed her over to the bed, where she pushed him down into a seated position. She dropped onto his lap and entwined her arms around his neck. "I'll show you too easy."
She tilted her head to blow lightly in his ear. "You can touch *me,*" she drawled softly. Her nails traced light trails down his neck to rest firmly on his broad chest, feeling his pounding heartbeat through the thin material of his shirt.
She nuzzled her face against his beard, planting soft kisses here and there.
His hands came up to her waist, pulling her close to him before they entwined in her soft waves of hair. He attempted to bring her mouth to his hungry one, but she resisted, allowing her lips to only graze his tantalizingly. "Not yet, she whispered. She was rewarded with a soft groan from his lips.
Her kisses grew ever closer to his waiting lips, but not ever quite reaching them. They traced his jaw, his chin, and just above his lips. Finally, she smiled softly at him and pressed her mouth to his. His tongue slipped hungrily into her mouth and claimed it as his reward.
After a minute of this, Leah tapped her on the shoulder. "Are you quite done yet?"
She broke away from the Sheriff with one last peck on the cheek. "Quite," she nodded, heading towards the door. "Later, George!"
He stared at her in disbelief. "Wha...?"
Leah pushed against the Sheriff's chest lightly when he tried to get up and follow Ashley from the room. He stared at her hungrily and leaned toward her. Leah raised an eyebrow and said, "What am I? The replacement?"
The Sheriff shook his head. "Lord no, you're just both so . . ."
Leah grinned down at him. "So what, George?"
"Different," he finally breathed.
Leah nodded, then hiked up her dress, giving the Sheriff a nice view of her legs, before she straddled him on the bed. "You won't forget us, will you?" she asked, leaning into his throat. Her words were warm against his skin and he shivered before shaking his head.
"Of course not."
"We'll be welcome back whenever?" Leah asked.
The Sheriff nodded. "Lord, yes."
Her lips trailed across his collarbone as she spoke. "We're really that different from what you're used to, huh?"
The Sheriff nodded again, closing his eyes and leaning back on the bed. Leah grinned and moved with him, leaning over him to grant him one final kiss. He kissed her greedily, his arms around her waist, not wanting to let go. A few seconds later, Leah broke away and planted a quick kiss on the end of his nose.
"Now, although we didn't sleep with you, wasn't that better than a wench?" she asked.
The Sheriff nodded numbly.
Leah hopped off the bed and straightened her skirt. "Don't they just lie there while you . . ." she trailed off and made an obscene gesture instead.
Ashley giggled from behind her and the Sheriff actually flushed a deep red colour before nodding.
Leah grinned. "Well, aren't you glad we came along?"
He nodded one final time as the girls flounced out of the room. In the hall, Leah smiled at Ashley. "That was fun," she said. "Should we come back next week, or do you think Colonel Brandon needs a visit?"
End