Disclaimer: My b-day had come and gone (Aug. 30, I'm 19 now!) and no GG related presents so I am still writing these things saying NOT MINE. The song used is "Fairy Tales & Castles" by Lifehouse. I highly recommend downloading it. Lyrics are in bold italics.
A/N: Okay I know I said I'd have this out sooner but a lot of stuff happened. There was the drama of the beach and the week from hell and then the first week of school and my b-day. Things are calming down so I should have more time to write. Thank you to everyone who reviewed "There May Be Something There…" and "Great Expectations", you guys are awesome. This is the prequel fic to my new saga tentatively titled "The Best Deceptions" I know it's jumbled but it's just setting the scene and Tristan's state of mind for the new story where all will be explored and revealed. Feedback is adored but go by the Golden Rule: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Thanks!
Fairy Tales & Castles
He was tired, that gut wrenching bone-weary kind of tired. It wasn't the kind of tired you get from something like manual labor, DuGreys' do not engage in something so plebian as that. But he was tired, all the way down the to depths of his soul. He was tired of trying to figure out who he was. He was tired of trying to please people, to live up to this image he himself had created. Junior year had started out just like every other year, but then Rory Gilmore came into the picture and changed everything. She should have been just another girl. To phrase it crudely—another notch on the bedpost. But no, this fresh-faced small town girl resisted him, sparred with him, comforted him, kissed him, and ultimately rejected him. It was the rejection that was the turning point. A mirror was held up in front of his face, that day in the parking lot. He was never going to be the one to get the girl. He was never going to be the good guy, the stable dependable floppy haired all around nice kind of boyfriend. He was the kind of guy who stole girls from those kinds of guys, then broke the girls hearts and left them pining for the nice guy. At least that's what everyone expected of him. At this point he didn't even know what he who he wanted to be anymore. It was all blurred. And after all that's happened, he just refused to care anymore.
He sighs and looks in the mirror
And he can't tell anymore
Who he really is
And who they believe him to be
That summer he rebelled against his parents wishes, and instead of doing his volunteer work and summering at their beach house he stayed home and trouble followed. Trouble being in the form of Duncan and Bowman, he wasn't really sure how they became friends. He had always considered them to be, well—a little beneath him. It wasn't because they were from families of new money, or anything. But cause they were kinda stupid and immature. But that summer, stupid and immature was all he wanted, no responsibilities or expectations. Just fun. So he blew off everyone and did whatever he wanted. He wasn't sure why he entered this Rebel Without A Cause phase, Rory's rejection probably was the catalyst but it had been building. He had been teetering on the edge of this for a long time…too long.
And he sighs and walks a thin line
Between what is and what could be
And he's getting closer
To something he can't understand
School started and it only got worse, nothing had changed. Nothing. He was still looked at as the same old Tristan, and that got to him. So he pulled some more pranks, with his henchmen (that's how he thought of them), and each prank was more outrageous than the last. Okay so he got caught a few times, but he really didn't care. For once in his life he wasn't afraid of his father or anything. Being bad can make you feel invincible. Like nothing can stop you. But once that feeling passes only the emptiness remains. As the saying goes…it's lonely at the top.
Cause there's a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting
He climbed his ladder
And there was nothing there
And now it's a long way down
He played his part to perfection, and to a couple of suspensions. He just went on going through the motions, trying to recapture the feelings. But most nights he still woke up drenched in a cold sweat, surrounded by the emptiness tinged with fear. He looked for ways to evoke something—anything to make a difference. Nothing did. Everything he felt faded, anger, fear, envy, joy, and love? Ha! Love had never entered the equation. It all washed away.
Cause on and on and on he goes
Dancing on the grave
On what he thought was still alive
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand
He had just gotten back from another round of suspension to find himself without a group for his Shakespeare class. While he considered blowing off the project completely, some part of him still thought about the future and college, so he joined a group. He joined her group. While it was true the rest of the groups were filled with vengeful ex-girlfriends, he joined this group as a kind of a test to himself. He was tired of dealing with the brainless bimbos; he wanted to see if he could handle being around Rory again. Even Paris, Madeline and Louise, they were different from the other girls at Chilton. He had known them forever and since his little foray into the dark side he had avoided them. Because they remind him of a time long ago, when their lives were easier. When they were kids and dreams didn't seem like a waste of time and energy.
He sighs and his head is filled with
Cartoons and fairy tales
And he's trapped inside a dungeon of dolls
With smiles on their faces
So he tested himself and lost. The more time he spent in that group the more strangled and caged he felt in the bad boy role he had made. His own skin felt uncomfortable. So he tried harder to prove to everyone this was who he was. Rory talked to him again, not to reach out in friendship or anything. Just to ask him to keep that 'meaningless kiss' secret from her perfect bag boy boyfriend. He agreed at first, he had a hard time saying no to her, she kept talking and acting like she knew him. She pissed him off royally. And the sight of her Neanderthal boyfriend it just set him off. And that pissed Rory off and lead to the nice scene that made him so angry that he just had to get out of that wanna be Mayberry town. He needed to escape.
He's built a pretty cage
He shows on a beautiful stage
With candy coated prison bars
And chains that look like jewelry
The emotions he searched for erupted in anger and jealously and immense pain. It was like this huge sign was held up saying 'THIS IS WHAT YOU'LL NEVER HAVE', you'll never be happy, you'll never belong and you will never be loved. The feelings overwhelmed him in such a way that he felt he had to do something—anything to deaden them. It was a viscous cycle. He wanted to feel but the only things he felt hurt him. So he got home took some shots of vodka and called his friends to see what he else destructive he could do that night. It was all a little blurred, opening the safe, the alarm and then the police, his father and the massive hangover that followed and the bruises that formed. So went his descent…
Cause there's a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting
He climbed hid ladder
And there was nothing there
And now it's a long way down
He didn't really think his father would send him away, but he was wrong. He was off to a military school in North Carolina. He guessed he finally pushed the old man too far. So he packed his bags and was allowed to bid his friends a final goodbye before he left. He tried to explain to Paris but in typical Paris fashion she stomped off in a huff before she could hear the whole story. So he gave Rory a slightly edited version and said his goodbye. He managed to conceal his anger towards and only his slight regret showed. His longing for another chance another life. He was foolish to think that she would ever be for him. He was foolish to believe that life held something grand especially for him.
Cause he lives inside
Of fairy tales and castles land
And there's room inside
For false expectations and illusions
So he left one hell to enter a new one. Instead of one man yelling at him there were ten drill sergeants. All ready to try and break him. They didn't seem to understand he had been broken a long time ago and this is what remained. He had put himself back together numerous times so there was no point to their insults and defamation. He may no longer be the King of Chilton, he's just that cocky rich boy wanna be badass. And that's fine, he knows what fear is and this is not it. Not the yelling and the running and the god awful morning hours. Fear is what still grips him in his sleep and causes him to wake with a start, his heart pounding, pumping with adrenaline from dreams he can't quite recall.
There's a crack in his plastic crown
And his throne of ice is melting
He climbed his ladder
And there was nothing there
And it's a long way down
He was there until Winter Semester his senior year, and then he was abruptly pulled out by his father to return home. No letters, no calls just a notice from his superior to pack his bags once again. His world was shifting yet again and to what he didn't know. All he knew that he was heading back there…to the place where all his dreams and nightmares lived.
Cause on and on and one he goes
Dancing on the grave
Of what he thought was still alive
On and on and on he goes
Dancing in mansions made of twigs
And castles made of sand
…psst, it's the button here, if you want to make Katie really happy you'll review. Think of it as a belated b-day gift for her…you know she'll love you forever and when she rules the world she'll give you your own little country….