Disclaimer: If anyone reading this sues, needless to say... I'll be shocked. So will they when they find out I don't have a penny to my name, only debts.

Warning: Ack... this was technically supposed to have been posted last night, but I got too sleepy to finish it. You are hereby warned: THIS IS NOT MY USUAL CHAPTER! In fact... it's probably 3 or more times that size. *smiles* Have fun.

-----------------------------------------

Souken no Shibun

Of Dreams and Drugs...

-----------------------------------------

After their chat, Kenshin had left Kyouki. It had only been a few minutes later that he heard her muffled steps passing his bedroom door. Satisfied that all was well with her, he began the short process of deciding where to sleep. Futon or sitting against wall? No offense meant to Kyouki, but perhaps it was best to be prepared considering there was an amnesiac ex-killer under their roof. Any number of things could happen, not all them concerning her directly. The Nentou's men could storm the house while they slept or Kaoru might have a bad dream... Who knew, but it was best to be ready for anything. So Kenshin seated himself against the wall as comfortably as he could and leaned his sakabatou against his shoulder.

As he allowed his eyes to drift shut, he heard Kaoru's shoji quietly slide open and her soft footsteps head for the kitchen. She must be thirsty... Normally, he would get up and check on her at this point. However, a warm fuzzy feeling in his head convinced him otherwise. Soon his mind sank completely into unconsciousness, all but forgetting his blue-eyed goddess.

Meanwhile, Kaoru paused in her trek, realizing the lack of a redheaded rurouni tailing her. She grinned. The powder must be working finally... She grinned evilly and decided to check on the others before yanking the knife from the kitchen ceiling. Megumi had mixed together sleeping powder and something she called 'hallucinogens'. Kaoru was sure the kitsune had mention a couple other medical terms, but she wasn't really familiar with any of them. Megumi did, however, say that the hallucinogens would make the user see things...

She could hear Kenshin's soft regulated breathing as she passed his door. Inching his shoji open, she peered into the darkness of his room. She almost jumped as she realized he was sitting right beside the door. Even with as quiet as she was being, the opening shoji would have alerted the man under normal circumstances, but with the medicine coursing through him, he slept on, undisturbed. A brief thought flickered across her mind that if something were to happen now, she'd be left alone to defend the dojo. However, citing that it would only give her more of a chance to prove herself to the overprotective rurouni, she squelched the worry out of existence.

She closed his door and continued down the hall. Passing Yahiko's door, she heard him mumbling something about saloons in his sleep. She chuckled quietly to herself and thought nothing more of it. As she came to Kyouki's door, there was utter silence. Frowning, she slid that shoji open as well. "Kyouki-san?" Inside the room was empty. The futon remained rolled away in the corner and there was no sign of the girl. "Must have fallen asleep on the roof." Kaoru sighed. "There's no way I could drag her down from there..." Shaking her head, she closed the shoji and shrugged. "Hope she doesn't fall."

*******************************************************************

The fresh scent of the forest. The wind creating an ocean of sound within the treetops. The twitter of a small bird as it passed overhead. All were familiar things to Kenshin, but somehow, they suddenly seemed sweeter than usual. Opening his eyes, he found himself sitting against the rough bark of tall tree, the large roots hiding him from view of any passersby.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he stood and looked around, taking in his unfamiliar surroundings. The flora and fauna around him were decidedly of a type he'd never seen before in his life. This would normally be enough to alarm, but much like the Kamiya dojo, these woods radiated a sense of peace that calmed him. Stepping away from the tree, he began exploring the area, looking for anything familiar. After a few minutes, gave up and shook his head. "Where has sessha gotten to this time...?"

"The forest," a familiar voice answered him, the tone used not hinting at whether this was a good or bad thing.

Kenshin blinked and looked around, searching the trees. "Aoshi?"

"No," the emotionless voice replied. "I am the narrator."

Kenshin cocked an eyebrow, still looking for any sign of the former okashira. "But you sound like Aoshi, de gozaru yo..."

"I am the narrator."

"Right... Well, why is sessha in the middle of this forest?" Kenshin crossed his arms, waiting for Aoshi to explain what was going on.

"Your father, King Hiko, was promised endless amounts of sake if he would marry the sorceress, Megumi. So he did. However, Queen Megumi became jealous of you when her magic mirror proclaimed you the fairest in the land."

Kenshin's eye twitched as Aoshi continued. "Because you were prettier-"

"Sessha is not pretty, de gozaru!" Kenshin growled, stomping a foot. He could almost see Aoshi arch a graceful eyebrow before continuing, ignoring Kenshin's outburst.

"-than she, Queen Megumi chased you from your home. She is intent upon being the fairest, so she has sent a hunter to kill you."

Kenshin grumbled some insults at the younger man under his breath. "A little drastic, if you ask sessha... how did sessha even get into this, de gozaru ka?"

"Your tea was drugged," came the dull reply.

Kenshin sighed and hung his head. I'm getting too old for this. "Sessha thought it tasted a little funny. Question is: who did it, de gozaru ka?"

"I know only what you know," Aoshi answered cryptically.

Kenshin rolled his eyes. Just like Aoshi to give such a useless answer. "Well, could you at least tell sessha where he is supposed to be going, Aoshi?"

"I am the narrator."

Kenshin clenched his hands into fist. "Yes, sessha thinks we've covered that already."

"I can only provide commentary for current and past events," Aoshi explained, a slight edge of annoyance to his tone.

Kenshin blinked. "Oh." Kenshin stared into the trees again. "Do you have to be a disembodied voice, de gozaru ka? It's a little creepy."

"I am the narrator."

Kenshin grit his teeth, the repeated phrase getting on his nerves. "I'll take that as a yes."

Looking around, he started walking in whatever random direction struck his fancy. The underbrush soon became quite hard to trudge though, making Kenshin wonder if he should have taken another direction. "Is there an easier way...?" Silence was his only response to the question and Kenshin frowned. "Stone Cold might as well be here in the flesh for all the difference it would make, de gozaru yo..."

"I heard that."

"Really? That's good." Both allowing the short conversation to drop at that, Kenshin continued his way through the forest quietly. Finally, he stumbled upon a large clearing. He was greeted by swaying grasses, a small creek, and a path leading to a homey little cottage. Spotting smoke billowing from its chimney, he thought it safe to say someone was home. So he did. "Someone's home, de gozaru." He crept towards the bridge that ran over the creek, keeping a wary high on the high grass around him.

"Kenshin found a clearing containing a cottage and cautiously crept forward, so as not to alert possible hostile residents to his presence."

Kenshin glared up at the sky. "That was the general idea, de gozaru. Now everyone within a ten mile radius is sure to know sessha is here."

"Actually," Aoshi began dispassionately, "you're the only one that can hear me. So if your position has been revealed, it is your own fault, Himura."

Before Kenshin could bust a blood vessel, another voice spoke up. "Actually, I can hear you just fine, buddy."

Kenshin blinked wide violet, looking around for this voice, but much like Aoshi, he couldn't find the owner. "Um... hello?"

"Heh, that sure is a dumbass look..." the new voice said, amused.

Kenshin gaped. "Excuse me?!"

"So Kenshin came upon the bridge and was soon surprised by a disembodied voice th-"

"And just what do you think you are?!" Kenshin asked, glaring at the sky again.

"I am the narrator," Aoshi answered calmly and finished his commentary. "That began to insult the man."

The new voice snickered. "Seems like you're having a bit of trouble with the narrator, pal. Sorry to hear it."

Kenshin brow furrowed as he realized the voice was familiar. "Where are you, de gozaru ka?"

"Look down," the voice directed.

Kenshin did as told and had to remind himself to close his mouth. Standing a couple of feet in front was Sano chewing on a fishbone... only chibi-fied. Kenshin blinked and Sano chuckled at him again. "S-Sano...?"

The other picked at his teeth with the fishbone a moment before chunking it and shaking his head. "Nah. Here I'm called Lazy. One of the seven dwarves, you know?" At Kenshin's lost look, he sighed. "Guess not." He shrugged and gestured for Kenshin to follow. "I'll go ahead and introduce you to the other six. What kind of serviceable skills do you have? Can you cook, clean, or do laundry?"

Kenshin nodded dumbly, still a little shocked by seeing a tiny Sano. "Sessha's good with laundry... but why are you only offering me household chores, de gozaru ka?"

Sano glanced up Kenshin, then looked pointedly at the rurouni's gi before returning his attention to the path. "Just a feeling." Kenshin felt his eye twitch again, but didn't comment. They soon came upon the cottage that other tiny people were already starting to file out of. They all stood in a row as Sano brought forth Kenshin. The chibi Sano jerked a thumb over his shoulder at Kenshin when they stopped. "This is Kenshin. He does laundry."

Kenshin stared at the other six before, the stupid look once again gracing his expression. In front of him, all tiny, stood Yahiko, Tae, Tsubame, Kyouki, Michika and... Saito. Kenshin almost busted out laughing upon seeing the Wolf of Mibu chibi-fied, but managed to restrain himself. He couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face, however, and Saito quirked an eyebrow. "Ahou." With that said, he disappeared behind the cottage.

Sano shook his head. "Don't worry about him. Grumpy's always like that." Kenshin chuckled at the name as Sano motioned for the other to introduce themselves.

Yahiko stepped, seeming none too happy as he stated his given name. "Tiny..."

Tsubame patted the boy's shoulder comfortingly as Tae stepped forward. "Hi! I'm Snoopy. It's a pleasure to meet you, Kenshin."

Michika stepped forward then, brushing some hair out of her face. "I'm Airy and the one behind me," she said, motioning to Kyouki, "is Creepy. And the sweetheart there," she continued, pointing to Tsubame, " is Tsubame."

Kenshin arched an eyebrow. "Why doesn't Tsubame-dono get a name like the rest of you?"

Michika shrugged. "I don't know. It's your head, not mine."

A cry split the air and everyone turned to see Natsuo stumble into the clearing, Saito aka Grumpy following on his heels at a leisurely pace. "I told you, you constipated midget, I'm not here to bother you and your little orgy! I was just looking for-" Natsuo looked up and saw Kenshin standing beside the other pygmies. Suddenly, Natsuo whipped a bow from his back and cocked an arrow, aiming it straight for Kenshin's heart. "I have been given the righteous order by milady, Queen Megumi, to hunt down and kill the runaway, Himura Kenshin."

Kenshin blinked big violet eyes at Natsuo. "Oro?"

A hush filled the clearing as Natsuo stepped closer to the redhead. Kenshin was more than prepared to defend against the attack, but something told him he wouldn't have to. A moment later, he was rewarded for his patience when Natsuo sighed and dropped his weapon. "I cannot..." He moved to stand directly before Kenshin, tears in his eyes. "I just can't..." Kenshin was only beginning to worry about the man's close proximity when the other suddenly threw himself at Kenshin, crying on his shoulder. "I can't do it! You're too pretty!"

Luckily, he was saved from the uncomfortable situation by the chibi Michika, who cracked her knuckles and sent Natsuo flying into next Tuesday. "Pervert!!" As she huffed at the fast disappearing form of the hunter, Kenshin slowly inched away from the tiny Karada. Even tiny, the girl packed a punch.

That's when he bumped into the mini-Kyouki. Her misty gray eyes seem to look through him as she handed him the washtub. "Don't worry. Simply let the wind flow through the grass as it wishes. You will find your path to the future less turbulent." She smiled before and turning away. "And be more careful from now on. Allowing someone to drug you so easily might end fatally next time."

He looked down into the tub, then around, spotting the pile of laundry quite easily by its size. Apparently, it had been there for quite some time, for Kenshin could see the flies gathering. Whipping an apron out of nowhere and tying both sleeves, Kenshin got a predatory glint in his eyes as he stalked towards the stinking mass of dirty clothes.

"Meanwhile..." Aoshi narrated indifferently.

At the Sakeland Castle, one Queen Megumi paced back and forth in her personal tower. "What's taking that moron so long?" The fox lady threw her arms up in frustration. "This is what I get for hiring an outsider." She stared down into the castle courtyard, wondering if Natsuo had managed to complete his task yet. "Well, there's one way to find out..."

She stepped over to the large, golden mirror hanging on the opposite wall, her long gown whispering across the floor. Staring into it's reflective silver depths, she posed her usual question. "Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all?"

The mirror surface became smoky for a second before swirling in a hypnotic pattern and disappearing to reveal two shining eyes of jade, glinting angrily. "I have a name, you know. It's Makimachi Misao and don't you forget it!"

Megumi waved away the mirror girl's declaration. "Just answer the question."

Misao stepped back, revealing herself from the waist up as she rolled her eyes. "An answer, huh? It was no yesterday and it's still no today, you old hag. So long as Himura Kenshin lives, you'll always be second best."

Megumi's eye twitched as she slowly turned her head towards the window, glaring. "That means that idiotic Natsuo hasn't done his job yet!"

Misao bristled. "You mean you sent someone to kill Himura?! That's... that's..."

Megumi glanced up at the mirror, smirking. "Wrong?" she offered. "Or how about evil? Bad? Diabolic? Perhaps wicked? Or even fiendish?" Megumi swept an arm out, as if putting the words on display for Misao. "Pick any one, they'll all fit. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!"

Megumi's patented laugh was cut short, however, as Natsuo came flying through the window and landed on top of her. She let out an 'oomf' as the two fell gracelessly to the floor in a tangle of limbs and clothes. As soon as she gathered her wits once again, she flipped onto Natsuo's stomach and began strangling the dazed hunter. "You useless, idiotic good-for-nothing! Why didn't you complete the job?!"

The swirls faded from Natsuo's as he blinked and frowned at Megumi. "Forgive me, milady, but my righteous heart would not allow me to do the world such an injustice." His eyes shined with gathering tears. "He was just too pretty."

"You go, Natsuo!" Misao cheered from her place on the wall.

Both Natsuo and Misao the Mirror found themselves sailing out the window. As the ground sped closer, Natsuo sighed. "You know, I have only one regret."

Misao unshielded one of her eyes to peer at Natsuo. "What's that?"

He smiled. "That they don't make parachutes for mirrors." He pulled a cord and his pack released a large, hemispherical piece of cloth. It opened fully as it caught the wind and slowed Natsuo's descent. As Misao continued to plummet, she spent her remaining moments as an unblemished mirror cursing his existence. She finally hit the ground, though, shattering into thousands of shining, jagged pieces as Natsuo floated to safety, hurried on by Megumi's evil laughter.

"Back at the clearing..." Aoshi again interrupted, his narration short and precise.

Two hours and several wash loads later, Kenshin had only to hang the last bit of clothing. As he was making the trek across the field with his bucket of clean clothes, there was a large poof of smoke that appeared in his path. He set the bucket down, just in case he needed to move quickly, but was surprised to find himself face with the visage of a hideous old crone. She gave him a toothy smile and held out a bright red apple. "You've been working so hard on that, young one. Why not stop a moment for a snack before finishing up?"

Kenshin stared down at the apple suspiciously, the foreign ruby fruit almost unknown to him. My rurouni sense is tingling. Finally, he shook his head. "Thank you, but sessha is not used to eating those. A stomachache simply would not do right now, de gozaru yo."

The crone pushed the apple towards him again. "It'll be fine. Eat it."

Kenshin grimaced, fighting the urge to be rude to the hag. "Why does sessha think you are not giving that to me for my good health, de gozaru ka?"

"Fine!" the crone replied, pitching the apple at his head. It connected and Kenshin fell over in a dazed heap. Another poof of smoke quickly revealed the true identity of the old woman to be the youthful Queen Megumi. She let loose another round of her patented laughter as she produced a knife. "This is coated in the very same poison as the apple... one scratch means instant death! Then I will finally be the fairest in the land!"

"As the Queen Megumi prepared to shave every last hair from Kenshin's head using the knife, thus condemning him to eternal baldness, another appeared," Aoshi once again cut in.

"Drop the knife, Megumi," ordered an armored figure on horseback. Megumi shielded her eyes from the sun as she glared defiantly at the figure. The horse snorted at the woman crouched over the dazed rurouni. "If you do not, I will be forced to inform His Majesty of your trickery."

Megumi blessed the unknown rider with a condescending smile. "I don't know what you're talking about, stranger."

"Oh really," the rider replied, dismounting their steed. "Perhaps you won't mind then when I tell him that all the sake you gave him as a dowry was just cheap, second rate alcohol you bought off some traveling peddler."

Megumi eyes narrowed at the redhead's would-be savior. She was about to ask how this newcomer could possibly know of such things when she was interrupted by another voice. "Wow, pretty and a shapeshifter. Now that's my kind of girl." Megumi blinked down at the chibi Sano now standing beside, looking over her with an appraising eye. He nodded to himself and grabbed the woman's sleeve in a vise-like grip, dragging her into the woods. "Can you do tentacles and tails, too?"

"A piercing scream was all that was ever heard from the evil Queen Megumi again," the narrator once again narrated, as was his job.

"Well, except for that day the hair dresser swore Megumi had shown up at the salon," Misao's voice added.

Silence reigned for a moment.

"What? I decided since my mirror was broken, I might as well be a disembodied voice, too! Then I could be with you, Aoshi-sama." Both voices went silent as the story continued.

The armored rider pulled the helmet, revealing herself to be none other than the Royal Highness Kamiya Kaoru of the Kasshin country. Kaoru threw the helmet aside and bent down next to Kenshin, slapping him lightly a couple of times to bring the rurouni back to his senses. "Welcome back, sleeping beauty."

As Kenshin's eyes took in the girl before him, a smile spread across his face. "Kaoru-dono... thank you for saving sessha." She nodded then peered up into the sky, as if looking for something. A shadow passed overhead, completely blocking out the sun and Kaoru smiled. "He's here..."

Kenshin blinked as they both stood up. "Who's he?"

When it landed, the shadowy form was revealed to be Natsuo using some kind of flying contraption. He unbelted himself from it and groaned as he stretched. "I had to circle at least a half dozen times waiting for Megumi to disappear! It was simply unjust I tell you!"

Kaoru chuckled lightly and looked at Kenshin. "Time for me to go!" She began walking towards Natsuo at a brisk pace, leaving behind a very lost-looking rurouni.

"Where are you going, de gozaru ka?"

Kaoru stopped and glanced over her shoulder, smiling warmly at Kenshin. "To get married, silly!"

Kenshin's mouth hung open in shock. "B-but... but..." Once again, his mind frantically searched for something to save his ass. "But he's gay!"

Kaoru turned back to Kenshin and nodded. "Yeah, I know! So am I, so it all works out! Isn't it great?" She frowned at Kenshin confused expression. "Didn't you know, Kenshin?" She reached up, grabbing ahold of the things covering her upper body. Kaoru ripped them away to reveal a flat chest and washboard abs. "I'm a man!" she proclaimed proudly.

A look of utter horror painted itself on Kenshin's face. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

*******************************************************************

Wind blew down the dusty street, kicking up small dirt devils as it passed. Very few people walked the streets of Bradley that day and the few that did ducked inside as the stranger passed. No one wanted any trouble with the obvious outlaw. Who else but the sheriff and his deputy would walk around with their gun blatantly displayed?

So no one bothered him or blocked his path as he walked from the hotel he'd spent the night at, which was just fine with Yahiko. Decked out in chaps, boots, and even a ten gallon cowboy that barely covered his spiky hair, he knew his image would catch attention. The guns at his sides would keep most but the bravest from bothering him. And it was those brave few that he sought to test his skills against. In the plains, he'd been called the best, the greatest that ever lived even, but he knew there were better. There were people alive that could still outdraw him. So he packed up what belongings he's had and headed west to find these people.

Oh, he'd come across a few daring souls to duel with. A couple had even managed to draw their weapons before the guns were shot out of their ends, effectively ending the match. That was before he'd heard of Bradley, heard of the legendary gunmen that resided there. Even their sheriff had once been branded as such.

The prospect of an actual challenge excited Yahiko, so he gathered all the information he could on the infamous residents. Rumors had it that not one, not two, but eight living legends resided in the peaceful little dustbowl. There was Zanza the Slinger, though it was said he was slinging more drinks than he was guns these days. Then there were the Le Morte Sisters, Michika and Kyouki, who seemed a perfect combo of cunning and speed. Joining the motley crew were Aoshi the Frigid, known for his chilling gaze and heartlessness. Natsuo the Gambler, also among their ranks, was known for his seemingly endless good fortune. Rounding off the list were the sheriff and deputy of Bradley. These two were the Wolf, known for his motto of 'Aku. Soku. Zan.' though damned if anyone but his victims knew what it meant, and Chou the Collector, whose collection would astound even the most obsessive of gun lovers.

That left only one more, the one legends were born to be. And though rumor had it he lived here as well, none who passed through had seen him...

A tumbleweed rolled by as Yahiko stepped up to the town's only saloon. The sound of card playing and music drifted to him and he smiled. This would be the place his dreams were made of. As he stepped inside, his adult form filling the opening more than he was used to, everything died down to utter silence.

"It's a shrimp!" he heard someone call from across the room.

"Go home to your mom, kid!" another shouted.

Passing by a dining patron, he grabbed the pie they were eating from and sent it hurtling towards one of the spotted oppressors, a tall man of brown eyes and spiked hair. It easily hit its mark, making the man beside the chosen target roar in laughter. The spike-haired man caught the pie pan as it fell and turned to his companion. "Shut up, Natsuo," he ordered just before slamming the remaining pie into his friend's face. As his friend retaliated with his own food, an all out food fight broke out. The music started back up and the dancers on the stage went back to doing their routine amongst the chaos.

So that was Natsuo the Gambler. Yahiko sighed as he carefully made his way to the bar, dodging dishes and food alike. "I bet I'll have to pay for this now," he mumbled as he sat down, setting his hat on the bar.

"Nah, they do that all the time. Those idiots were just looking for a reason." Yahiko looked up into a pair of warm sapphire eyes and smiled his gratitude. The waitress pulled a pad and pencil from her apron. "Would you like anything to eat?"

He shook his head and she nodded, going off to try and calm the warring patrons. Another voice caught him by surprise, though. "Miss Kaoru, do we have any more sake in back? We're out up and you know Mister Hiko'll get upset if he doesn't get his sake, that he will."

Yahiko blinked and peered over the bar, finding a small redheaded figure kneeling on the other side. "If you were talking to that blue-eyed waitress, she's gone."

Violet eyes blinked up at him. "Oro?"

Yahiko made very slow gestures with his hands, his voice equally slow. "The... waitress... is... gone..."

"Oh." There was a moment of silence when the other suddenly snapped to a standing position. "Oh dear, are you a customer? I didn't even notice you come in, that I did not." The effeminate man smiled hospitably. "Can I get you anything to drink?"

Yahiko eyed the slowly dying food fight and sighed again. "Whatever's cheap."

He nodded, reaching below for a glass and poured some sarsaparilla into Yahiko's cup before scurrying off somewhere. If this was what his dreams were made of, his dreams sucked. Ah well, considering he could out-draw most anyone in a gun fight, maybe it was time for some new dreams. Since he liked traveling, maybe he could start an export business or something.

Things got quiet again and Yahiko turned to see a shadow standing in the door he had stepped through just moments before. Smoking a cigarette and dressed in sharp, wrinkleless clothing, the man stood at least a head taller than Yahiko and had a face that would scare most children. The man Yahiko had hit with the pie picked himself up from the floor, somehow managing to look imposing even covered from head to foot in food. "What's that bastard Saito doing here..?" he growled lowly.

Saito... the sheriff. Yahiko grinned into his cup. So that's the Wolf. Finally, something interesting...

Saito glanced over the room, his cold amber eyes settling on the imposing man. "Moron." The waitress eyed the man sourly before heading into the kitchen. Another head popped out from behind Saito, bearing blonde spikes and giving the room a one-eyed disdainful look.

"Get tired of sweeping up the shit again, Deputy?" teased the appointed moron of the room, causing several others present to fall over laughing.

Chou the Collector growled. "Shut up, ya damn chicken head!"

"Broom-head!"

"Chicken-head!"

Saito narrowed his eyes at the little fight. "I'm surrounded by morons."

"Now, now," came the bartender's soothing voice. Yahiko glanced over to find the redhead had returned from the back, apparently fetched by the very angry looking waitress. Although he appeared to be casually making his way to his post at the bar, something in the set of the man's shoulders told Yahiko there was actually something he wanted from there. "Is there something we can help you with, Saito?"

"For once," the man said, taking a drag off his cigarette. "It seems one of your morons here has taken off with the police station's furnace. We'd like it returned."

Crickets could be heard chirping as everyone tried to understand what was just said. "The police station's... furnace... was stolen?" Kaoru repeated questioningly.

"I would suspect it was Sagara, considering his usual drunken antics," Saito said, explaining his presence among them.

All eyes turned to the pie-covered man who stared dumbly back. "What?"

The bartender moved around and handed a towel to the man. "Sano, if you've taken the furnace, it would be best to return it, that it would."

Zanza... That makes 4 out 8 and the only respectable one is a creepy looking asshole. Damn...

Sano glared down at the smaller man angrily. "I didn't take the damn furnace. Even drunk, I'd know anything belonging to that bastard would be a piece of shit."

This seemed truthful enough to the bartender who turned to Saito and shrugged. Saito frowned slightly. "I know the one who took it is in this room and until they confess, no one leaves." There were a few angry shouts and a fight broke out between two of the dancers. No one seemed surprised by this so Yahiko simply continued sipping his drink quietly.

The next hour was spent like this with Tae the pianist trying her best to calm everyone with her music. Just when it seemed another fight was going to break out, the resident singer stepped on stage and Yahiko was blown away. So far he'd seen three dancers, one named Megumi was currently lecturing Sano, and several other pretty young women hanging about or waiting tables. None of them compared to the singer's beauty in his eyes, though. Her eyes were dazzling and he became entranced as he listened to her, watching her sway to the song.

It was over all too soon in his opinion though as the young lady climbed from the stage to sit beside the pianist. Kaoru noticed Yahiko's dazed and giggled, supplying him with the girl's name. "Tsubame..."

Finally, a man who'd been sitting in the corner, shadowed by shadowy shadows, stood and whipped a white mantle over his shoulders. "I can't believe this pack of idiots," he mumbled to himself, downing the last of his sake. The sound of his cup slamming down brought everyone to attention and he ever so gracefully made his way around the table towards the door. "A person would wonder why you would even need a furnace in the middle of the summer." Saito arched an eyebrow at the man as the speaker continued towards him. "But I supposed since your wife kicked you out, you have to weather the cold nights somehow."

Saito snapped his cigarette in half. "Is there something important you'd like to say, Hiko?"

Hiko shrugged his broad shoulders, a charming grin plastered on his face that made almost every female in the saloon swoon. "Other than your wife likes breakfast in bed, two things..." Saito's eye twitched, but he waited on the other to continue. He turned back to the bartender. "Kenshin, you've always wanted to know who your parents were right?" The redhead nodded. Hiko jerked a thumb at Saito. "Saito's your father; had you with a redheaded German woman from Kansas." There were murmurs all around.

Kenshin sighed. "Well, as long as we're being truthful... Miss Kaoru and I got married two years ago and we just never got around to telling anyone, that we did not." There was a collective gasp. "We even have a son named Kenji..." There were several cooing sounds from the women as they began discussing the child.

"Might as well keep with the trend," one of the dancers said and turned to the dancer beside her, tears in her eyes. "Kyouki, I just wanted you to know... I'm your long lost sister!"

Kyouki's eye twitched. "Michika, we already knew that, you moron."

Michika blinked. "Oh yeah..." Kyouki sighed and shook her head.

Natsuo stood and handed Sano a five dollar bill. "Honesty is the best policy, one supposes... It was unjust of me, my friend, but I cheated you for this in that last poker game."

Sano yanked the five from the man's hand and glared at him. "I think you owe me more than just that, then..."

Natsuo scratched his chin, looking thoughtful. "No... just that."

Megumi turned to a girl with braided hair and jade eyes. "Misao, what do you say to starting a women's rights movement?" Misao grinned evilly and the two moved off to a corner to plan their trip to Washington to picket the White House.

Aoshi and Tae, being the only ones left out besides Yahiko, decided they'd throw together a traveling carnival for the hell of it. Running a business was Tae's dream and it was a great cover for Aoshi's undercover investigations of aliens.

Saito pinched the bridge of his nose, already feeling the oncoming headache. "The morons... they're everywhere..."

Hiko patted Saito on the shoulder. "The second thing would be that I took your furnace. I needed some parts for my vat to make my latest batch of moonshine." He waved as he headed outside. "You can have it back tomorrow," he called over his shoulder.

Chou gave his superior a sympathetic look. "How about we go back to the station and get you some aspirin, boss?"

Saito sighed and the two disappeared out the door.

Yahiko stood from his barstool and smiled at the remaining crowd. "I guess everyone should know that I came here to kill you..." Everyone turned towards him in surprise, most forgetting he was even there. "...but as I sat here watching Tsubame sing, I found a more peaceful calling in life." The room was full of smiles for him. He pulled a brown sash, several badges sewn on it, from his pack and dropped it over his head to hang off one shoulder. "I'm going to be the best damn girl scout there ever was!" He whipped a box of cookies from behind his back. "Would anyone like to try some? They're only $5 a box!"

*******************************************************************

Kaoru stood on the tiny stepstool, stretching her arm out as far as she could. She'd had easily found the stool thanks to Kenshin's compulsive need to put everything back where it belonged. If Kyouki was still on the roof, then she was still up there somehow since Kaoru hadn't heard anything but the usual nightly noises since she began her quest for the knife. "Just a little further..."

Her fingers grazed the handle and, heartened, she managed to stretch herself a little further. After a moment, she finally managed to clamp her hand around the hilt and sighed in relief. "Phew..." It was at that moment, as Kaoru stood overextended and hanging onto the knife, that two screams of utter terror split the air. "What the hell...?!"

She whipped about, forgetting her precarious position. She was quickly reminded, however, as her sudden motion knocked the stool out from under her and she fell, making a dull thudding sound as she landed face first on the floor, knife in hand. She sat for a moment, torn between screaming in pain or racing angrily through the house in search of the disturbance. She finally settled on a simple utterance of the pain that now racked her body.

"Ow."

-----------------------------------------

A/N: I hope everyone got at least a chuckle out of that! It was a pain in the ass to write! But still fun, not to mention, a nice break from the storyline for me. *shrugs* Eh, what can I say? It's been stuck in my head for quite some time... I even had music selected for it, but decided at the last minute not to bother anyone with it. *smiles* I still hope you all enjoyed it though. *sweatdrops* I might never do it again... *groans*

To Cymberleah: *looks around forlornly* You were the only one who reviewed the last chapter... *sighs* Oh well. I'm sure they'll still reading, just busy. *tears up* Right? *poke, poke* So what do you think?? Aoshi cracked me up in Kenshin's dream... *smiles*

Anyways... hope you don't croak from reading this... poor Author Lady... *pats your shoulder* Have fun!