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Don't be fooled by me
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them me.
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A soft click and a *schick* echoed through the silent room, signifying the return of the occupant. A hand was waved over the light plate and a soft dim light illuminated the place. Another pass allowed the lights to brighten to better light the large place. There were many varieties of plants that were spread out around the quarters, making it like an artificial jungle with modern amenities. Small trees, hanging plants, plants on shelves and even air plants abounded in the place. The floor was a plush mixture of brown and green, where tired feet can sink into the floor. Off to one side, came the soothing sound of falling water -- an artificial waterfall to lend to the illusion of the great outdoors. Beyond the furniture, the plants, decoration was a clear glass wall showing the star filled black void.
The jungle was surreal with space as it's backdrop instead of the usual blue skies. Or whatever color the sky may be depending on which planet you hailed from. The quarters doubled as the Senior Vice President's living space and one of the spaceship's main oxygen supplier and partial hydroponics. It was the few luxuries afforded to this company figurehead as it was a place much like her home planet.
With a sigh, Usagi Tsukino kicked off her shoes by the door and moved further into her quarters. One of the benefits of having her quarters built the same time Quatre's was during the construction of the Intergalactic Transport (IGT) Star's Hope was that she had the amount of space she wanted. It was fairly large since it was thought that she would be living on board the spaceship during the time it took to recruit people on various planets.
The Winner Enterprise Incorporated was a realized dream for her and her partner, Quatre Winner. A dream that first began in a nondescript coffeehouse not far from the well known Lesargria Business Academy. Something Usagi never would have believed to find herself deeply involved in. It was more than a simple treetop dweller like herself would even dare to dream, yet here it was several light years away from their home system.
She moved among the plants, checking to see if all the plants had enough water. Finding some that didn't, she came close to lecturing herself once more. Murmuring, "I need to start making sure they have enough water before I go out again."
She was accustomed to talking to herself when she was out of the presence of another, except when she was around Quatre or Mina, her sister. The thought of her sister brought a smile on her face. It has been a while since she last saw her. She missed her sister most of all when the IGT Star's Hope finally left Lesagrian airspace seven years ago. They were only a thought away, but being able to sit down and talk with her sister, finding comfort and solace in hearing her voice, was what tore at her the most.
After watering her plants, she went to her favorite spot in her quarters, the large bay windows that allowed her to gaze out into the star filled void. Right now, she had a wonderful view of the planet below. Wearily, she lowered herself onto the cream colored couch to stare at Mydra Prime. They came so far to this desolate planet in hopes they could do more good than damage here. Shimmering blue eyes slid close ...
Usagi almost cried out when visions assaulted her mind. In the quiet solitude of her own place, she relived her high school and early Academy years. The things she had done, the faces she once knew. The terror of seeing visions before she lost herself in the cacophony of lights and music. Of abuse and self destruction. She still remembered the ecstasy of using the various drugs found beneath the forest city of Vryde -- in Paraiso. How she would join her friends to lose their identity with drugs. Alcohol was another way she was able to escape ... and escape she did into oblivion, where she would never remember what she had done the night before. It was a constant in her life. School was something she excelled in, an escape route from her daily night life. In the end, she had lost what confidence she had in herself and what little pride she had managed.
Things now still reminded her of then. This afternoon, she found herself accepting a glass of whatever alcohol that was offered her by a coworker. The thought that she was becoming what she once was -- becoming an alcoholic, acting wildly, those urges surging back -- scare her. Twice now she had drunk enough to forget what happened that night. Quatre had caught her smoking, when she had quit seven years before. It seemed like to her that she was backsliding again. And she was afraid.
Just like she was afraid of love. Of sharing herself with another person because she hated what she was and who she had become over the intervening years. She would have to learn to trust another person to open her mind to them. She found it hard to love another person, when she couldn't find it within herself to love herself. And trust was hard to give. Not after all the agony she went through during those dark years. Her boyfriends had used her to get into places, like some of her usual hangouts, to earn "fame" amongst her peers and for the drugs she could get her hands on. She had been a puppet, a tool for other people.
Was it so hard to understand how she had become this way? The two people that helped her through her high school years had helped her keep her sanity and her life. Minako and her fiance, Quenellen. Quenellen was dead now, thanks to her stupidity. He had died trying to save her during a shoot out in Paraiso And it tore her heart asunder when he died and watched her eldest sister mourn.
Afterwards, she learned how to hide her true emotions to the point where she believed the inner lies she wove. She no longer mattered. Only those outside of herself did. Her parents were finally happy to see a "new" Usagi after Quenellen died. Only her sister saw through the facade. She was confident of everything she did, in others and herself. Her teachers even approved of this new outlook and helped her get into one of the most prestigious schools on Lesagria, the Lesagria Business Academy. They thought it would be a place for her to get away from all the bad memories created in Vryde -- and most importantly in Paraiso.
How little they knew. When night fell and the doors were shut against the rest of the world, bitter tears would fall endlessly. Tears that had been locked within and internally shed. It didn't matter. It didn't bring back what she lacked most within herself. She wasn't the confident leader they saw her to be, she was helpless, scared and she had no confidence in herself. Her night life had all but destroyed it.
Even now, it affected her. Tears were rolling down her face. Her new found friend, Trowa, had only seen a small glimpse of who she truly was. Of how she felt about herself. She drew her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees as she gave into her inner demons. She was nothing. Not worth anything ... not even another person's affection. It was wrong of her to even presume that she could. She buried her face in her knees sobbing. Times like these, she did contemplate suicide, but knew it was only hopeless to try. She didn't want to hurt Mina again, and Quatre and Relena (her younger sister) would only stop her from going through it. Even if she didn't believe she deserved anyone's comfort, she wished that she did have the courage to talk to Quatre right now.
Quatre. He had helped her so much during the Academy. He had shown her the beauty in life, even if he was always cooped up in his room. He told her his dreams after he graduated from the Academy. Slowly, she climbed out of her shell, basking in this rediscovered feeling of being close to another person other than her sisters. Quatre was a constant in her world of darkness at the Academy that she had begun to pull out of it. She even stopped smoking and drinking so much because he hated it.
She did recover a little bit of what she lost, a little bit of pride and self confidence. Sometimes it wasn't enough, like now. She would only fall back into that helpless pit of despair. Instead of trying to climb out of it, she wallowed at the bottom. So much had been lost that it was too hard to regain. She was like some of her plants; with no love, care, water and maintenance she would wilt and begin to die. Not even watering and care can bring back a plant that was close to dying.
It was a never-ending cycle she had found herself in. Usagi cried herself to sleep on the couch without a dream or a wish to guide her. Lost within the pit she banished herself to in during her earlier years. There was no light, no saving grace for the one who had fallen so far. Not even the deities she looked up to ... because she was not worthy. She was alone because she pushed everyone else away. Her heart broke again as it will always do when she found herself here. Not even the best glue can fully mend it. It would only hold long enough to become broken again.
Many light years away, two hearts broke at the agony felt through a shared bond. Yet these hearts dreamt of a better life for Usagi and maybe ... maybe someone would do more than mend her.
The light speckled darkness facinated him more than any woman could. It was home, sanctuary, his lover's arms. Space filled the void he couldn't fill within himself. The irony of it all -- a void filling another void. Yet, it did. This was his element, the place where he was most comfortable in. He gave the picturesque view the window gave him before he turned to go into the sleeping area. The auto pilot would keep them on course and alert him should anything appear in their immediate vicinity.
A smirk appeared on the usual thinned lips. He knew there were people out there hunting for him, but he had always stayed one step ahead of them and will continue to do so. It didn't matter that the ends usually justified the means to him, he was considered a murderer. Could he help that the well liked politicians were corrupted and needed to be killed? The money paid to him helped. It was tainted as some people would believe. No, he would research before he would take any job. If it didn't suit him or if it was to help someone's personal gain, the offer was turned down despite the amount of money that would have been awarded. That, in itself, made him dangerous enemies.
The first thing he would do before going to be was to check his weapons. The fact that they were in working order kept him alive longer than most other bounty hunters. Or maybe some of them would classify him as a vigilante. It didn't matter to him, he was what he was. He pulled the chamber open and eyed the open shaft. With a soft hn, he closed it, satisfied with the click it made in the silent quarters.
He frowned at one particular weapon as he took it apart. Something had jammed causing it to misfire in the middle of a fight which nearly cost him his life. A scowl appeared on his face as he recalled that particular job. The bastard had thought to backstab him when he returned with the head of Minister Warden. It was true that Minister Warden was corrupted, but his employer appeared to be even more so. How he had managed to miss those important fact still befuddled him. His employer, now dead, had done his homework well on the bounty hunter. His mind focused on the healing wound at his side before he pulled it sharply away. There was no use in dwelling on the past. It would not happen again.
The bounty hunter swore at the fluid filled capsule he pulled out of the main chamber. Useless. He would need to get another one before the weapon would work again. He pursed his lips, if he recalled correctly Mryda was the closest planet that would carry such things. Wonderful. That place was a paradox onto itself that made it a dangerous place to be. An organized chaos of lowlifes and well to dos. No matter, the trip was necessary. He needed to replenish his stores.
Several days later found him going through the streets of Mydra. He smirked when he walked past a paperfilled bulletin. Posted, clear as day, was his picture with that signature infuriating smirk of his. Wanted, dead or alive: Heero Yudaneru. Reward: 10 billion credits. He would have laughed if it had been his nature to do so. Posting wanted posters on Mydra was fruitless. The planet was filled with people hiding from the law or getting away from their former lives or whatever other reasons that brought them here. Many times they would join a Clan, a Family House or Guild and that made it that much harder to dislodge the wanted. No one heeded the posters. It was an unspoken rule not to turn anyone in, it helped keep the peace.
Besides, the Mydrian Police had enough on their hands to worry about off planet worries such as intergalatic wanted men.
Still, it was always best to be on guard in such a place. Pick pockets were better (or worse depending on which side of the fence you're on) than on other planets. From the moment you touch the ground to one step, you could have already lost your credits filled purse. it made hiding credits that much harder to do since the pickpockets would learn quickly where a new hiding place may be. It didn't deter Heero as he strode purposely, smoothly sliding past the others, to his destinations. He knew how to hide his credits.
As Heero journeyed back to his ship, he quickly calculated what he spent and nodded to himself. The supplies he bought should last him two standard months. That was excluding any jobs he may take between now and then. His chasers were always put into the equations.
He glanced at a new looking building, reading WEI at the top and stared up at it curiously. The place had to be recent and already it seemed like it was bustling with activity. It was rare for a place like this to pop up on Mryda. Guilds, business, clans and families were made and broken within days of forming. Those that survived past it's first month was considered to be lasting.
"Excuse me," Heero said, grabbing the nearest person that walked by him. "How long has that place been up?"
The man he was holding glared contemptly at him before snarling his answer. "A week and already they steal members from the Regata Family."
Heero pushed him away with a hn before pivoting on his heel and walking away. Interesting. What would WEI be doing this far from Lesagria? What space traveller didn't know about how fast the Winner Enterprises Incorporated grew and spread? It seems like the company was going to try it's hand on this planet. He snorted, more power to them if they managed to come out alive past their first month.
For now, he wanted to get off this gods forsaken planet. He didn't need more females trying to paw at him and he already missed his beloved space.
The sound of a low tormented groan brought him back from the realm of dreams. It would have been too soft for anyone sleeping but him. He was such a light sleeper due to his responsibilities to the Parapsychic Center and his sister. He slipped his feet into slippers and donned a robe as he crossed the room. Deftly, he flipped on the recorder and placed the retractable electrode Goosegg net to her head.
He paused only a moment to glance over at a monitor to check if this was a valid incident, which he had no doubt that it was. Years of practice helped him recognize the symptoms in his sister. The same sister that he had wanted so badly to protect and knew he could not when her talent emerged. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he waited until his sister's brain waves settled back to normal. It had taken a minute, the longest any of her previous premonitions.
Saitoh Sasayaku watched the expressions flit through his sisters expressive face. It was only during these times was she really vulnerable. Softly persuasive, he began questioning her, "what do you see? What do you feel?"
His sister groaned, "So many people touched by a light gone dark. Everywhere, they build bring hope. No, stay away. Get away. Pain. It hurts ... stop, please ... please! STOP!"
A scream wretched out of her as Saitoh's eyes widened. He had never seen her react like this before. Worried about her, premonitions be damned, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Quietly, he exerted his own talent over hers allowing her reprieve from the onslaught of disturbing images. He rarely had to suppress her, this being the third time. Each time he would get a glimpse of what she had seen.
An outline of a girl. No, a woman was glowing brightly before it dimmed significantly. He was afraid that she had died but it came back, flickering madly like a dancing candle flame before a strong breeze. There was so many images that passed that he wasn't able to catch any, but he knew in his heart that if they came to pass he would recognize it, just like his sister would. There was the light again, but it was weaker and there was so much death around her. What kind of vision was this? It was dark and full of despair. Why would his sister see this? Where was the pain that she was talking about? She wouldn't see something like this unless ... and without a doubt he knew. Whoever's death that was, it was going to touch all the known planets.
"Sasayaku. Come on, Saitoh! I know you're there! Snap out of it and tell me what's going on with Kimako Hitono!"
His sister, Rei Sasayaku was given the name Kimako Hitono by other precogs because her sight was the clearest and the most frequent of all of them. She was the eye that sees.
"Saitoh ... we have to find her. We have to keep her safe!" Rei moaned as she clung to her elder brother. "We can't let that premonition come to pass!"
Hi minna! Yep, I started a new fic even though I have the other two ... err, four ... to worry about. I'll probably discontinue the ones I have posted on the Sailor Moon board. That's okay since I only have one review there. I'll continue to write in Elements and Hidden. I'm working on some ideas for Kyle and Heero so I can't exactly go any further than I am right now. Although chapter 7 of Elements is in the process of being written as well as chapter 3 of Hidden. We all do want to find out about the karaoke scene, right? I hope?
I hope you all enjoy Star's Hope too. If you couldn't tell, it is AU. Some of the characters I'll be putting in will retain their original last names, like Quatre Winner. I changed some of the others. And yes, Relena is Mina's and Usagi's younger sister. No, I don't hate her, I just don't know what to do with her most of the time. Yes, this is a Heero and Usagi fic. I'm just too attached to the couple right now to write anything but. Although, I wouldn't mind reading more Usagi/Ran (WK). That's just me though. Anyone know of any good ones other than When You Wake Up? (That was such a good fic!)
The poem at the beginning of the chapter is only the beginning of the actual poem. I'll be using the stanzas to introduce the next chapters. Hopefully, with what I have in mind, it will tie into what the chapters about. Then again, the fic may get a mind of it's own and it might not. Oh well, I'll still use it. It's one of my favorite poems.
Anyway, time for bed. Class in the morning and I don't need to fall asleep through it since I need to get some info for Thursday's exam. Yikes!
Disclaimer (yes, I am going to put it at the bottom): I don't own Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon or the concept of the Parapsychic Centers (from Anne McCaffery's Saga of the Talents), or Don't Listen to What I'm Saying. It belongs to their respective owners. I own nothing. If they sue me, the only thing they'll get are the dead moths in my wallet. ::sigh::