Disclaimer: I no own, so you no sue.

Synopsis: Legolas tortured Sprite with the most horrible methods possible: Cartoons! Legolas, Merry, and Pippin (with the help of Leroy) rescued her.

Reader Votes:

Legolas: 38
Figwit: 37

Aldawen: "Take heart, Legolas! You've caught up!"

Legolas: "Oh, sweetest of all possible joys! I'm ahead!"

Sprite: "Figwit? Are you OK? Do you need to talk?"

Figwit: shrugs "Eh, C'est la vie."

Sprite: "Um...OK..."

Author: "We shall now proceed to Round Seven, as usual."

Round Seven

Figwit, Sprite, Merry, and Pippin flew through the air atop Leroy. Leroy was Elrond's magic carpet, for those of you who have not been paying attention for the past...what? Two chapters? Gods, people these days are so inattentive.

"So..." said Figwit. "What shall we do now?"

"We're young, foolish, free!" cried Sprite. "And we have a magic carpet! We can do anything! There's a whole new world out there!"

At this point, Figwit and Sprite began singing A Whole New World from Aladdin, but because of copyright issues that most people would overlook, The Author will not repeatit here. Merry and Pippin stared at them, open-mouthed.

"That was definatley different..." said Merry.

"Yeah..." said Pippin. "Am I the only one who sees the irony of them singing a Disney song after Sprite was tortured by Disney cartoons?" Sprite sighed happily and lay her head on Figwit's shoulder.

Through unspoken consent, the four of them decided to go to Mirkwood and visit Thranduil, Legolas' father. Even though Mirkwood was far away, it did not take long for them to get there. They landed Leroy just outside the palace, or what ever it was that Thranduil lived in, and got off.

Suddenly, The Author got a terrible bout of writer's block and had to go dunk her head in a bucket of cold water before she could continue writing.

Who should come out to greet them but Thranduil himself! "Ah, wonderful!" Thranduil cried. "Visitors from Rivendell! Come join the party!"

"Yeah! Party!"hooted Pippin.

"Excuse me..."asked Figwit. "Party?"

"My birthday party, of course," explainedThranduil. "Today is my 8,000th birthday!" He beamed at all of them, and they stared back, open-mouthed, except for Pippin, who was wondering if there were any pints.

"Come in, come in!" Thranduil cried. "The more the merrier, you know." He winked.

"I wonder how much wine he's already had?"asked Sprite as the four of them followed the Elf King into his palace.

"That's not what I'm worried about right now," Figwittold her."If today is Thranduil's birthday, then Legolas is sure to be there."

"Oh, that's right!" said Sprite.

"AHHH!" Merry screamed. "AND HE'D KILL US!"

"Why would who kill us?" Pippin asked, his mind momentarily torn away from the prospect of pints.

"Legolas," Merry replied.

"AHHHHH!" screamed Pippin. "Where? Hide! He'll skin us alive!" The two hobbits darted over and hid behind Sprite.

"Cut it out, you two, we don't know if he's here at all!" Figwit reminded them, exasperated.

"Oh, OK," Merry said, and they cautiously emerged from around Sprite's legs.

The Author has decided not to write much about the party, because it was not very important. But Merry and Pippin DID get very drunk, andDID have terrible hangovers in the morning. Sprite and Figwit DID spot Legolas from a distance, but he was too preoccupied with his daddy to notice them.

Later, Sprite and Figwit were doing nothing much in their guest room. Sprite decided to talk to Figwit about something that had been on her mind lately.

"Figgy," she began tentatively. "You know, alot of us fangirls came to Rivendell because of this war thingy that you and Legolas are having, so... What am I gonna do when it's over? Will I have to leave?"

"Oh, Sprite," Figwit said, coming over to sit next to her. "You are my Kindly Reader, and-"

"Is that all I am to you, Figwit?" cried Sprite in angst, the back of her hand attaching itself to her forehead. "A Kindly Reader?"

"No, no, Sprite!" cried Figwit, putting his hands on her shoulders. "You see...um...well... I love you." And then he kissed her.

Sprite fainted.

Legolas and Aldawen highly enjoyed Thranduil's birthday party. (They left Sake at Rivendell because, well, wouldn't you?) Of course, Legolas had been highly annoyed at the escape of Sprite, but coming back home to Mirkwood cheered him up mightily. He was already plotting what to do to Figwit once he got back to Rivendell. He had also thought up some splendid ways to kill Merry and Pippin. Ah, yes, life was good.

Towards the end of the party, Aldawen spotted something, and tried to tell Legolas.

"Legolas!" she said. "I think I just saw-"

"Just a sec, Aldawen," Legolas interrupted.

"But Legolas!" Aldawen urged. "I need to-"

"Aldawen, I'm talking to Phil!" Legolas said.

It was not until Legolas and Aldawen had retired to their room that Legolas thought to ask her what she had seen. By this time Aldawen looked as though she was about to explode.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" asked Legolas.

"Well, I saw-" Aldawen began.

"Oh, just a moment, Aldawen, I need to-" interrupted Legolas.

"FIGWIT AND SPRITE AND MERRY AND PIPPIN ARE HERE!" shouted Aldawen. "I SAW THEM!"

"...What?..." said Legolas, stunned by this explosion. "You saw them...where?"

"HERE!" screamed Aldawen. "I SAW THEM LEAVING THE BANQUET HALL AND I TRIED TO TELL YOU BUT WOULD YOU LISTEN NO YOU WERE TOO BUSY TALKING TO PHIL!" Aldawen stopped, and panted heavily.

"Oh," said Legolas. "Look, I'm terribly sorry about that, but Phil is my best chum and I haven't seen him in such a long time."

"Hrrch sshck thak!" said Aldawen, and stopped, agast. She had been screaming so loudly that she had lost her voice!

"Oh, Aldawen!" cried Legolas, at once seeing what was wrong. "I'm so sorry! If Figwit had not been here, you would not have seen him, and so you would have not been forced to scream at me! This is all Figwit's fault!"

"Gleep!" agreed Aldawen.

Oh, sure. Blame the underdog.

"We must get revenge on Figwit," Legolas said. "How did he get here anyway?"

They heard a burst of laughter from outside. Legolas and Aldawen rushed to the window to see what was going on. They saw Figwit and Sprite riding around on Leroy, laughing in the moonlight. After she had come to, they had decided to take a night-time ride.

"A whole new world!" cried Sprite, flinging out her arms.

"I have a great idea," said Legolas. He called out the window, "Oh, Leroy! I have some Acme Carpet Cleaner here for you!"

Leroy the magic carpet excitedly changed his course, throwing both Sprite and Figwit off. The carpet flew towards Legolas' window and zoomed into his room. Figwit and Sprite landed on the stable roof.

"Ha HA!"crowed Legolas, leaning out of his window. Leroy happily awaited the Acme Carpet Cleaner bath.

Winner of Round Seven: Legolas

A/N: Ok, here it goes.

Thank you to: Sprite, Aldawen, and Sake. Many thanks to Sake actually, for enduring the undignified manner in which I have portrayed her. Honestly, Sake, I have nothing against you and I don't really MEAN to make you look stupid, it just...sort of...happens? Also thanks to everyone who has reviewed, and e-mailed me with ideas and praise.

I know that some of you have not really like the way the Elfie-boys, especially Legolas, have been portrayed here. And yeah, they have been womanizers, and vain, but this is a HUMOR fic, it's supposed to be FUNNY!

Oh, yeah, for those of you don't know who Phil is, he's a pseudo-character in one of my other fics. He is Phil, ambassador of Mirkwood, best chum of Legolas Greenleaf, prince of Mirkwood.

To GreyLadyBast: Yes, I have confiscated Merry and Pippin's Li'l Bastard Havock-Wrecking kit, and by all means, take it! Have fun!