"Jeff..."
He pouted at me mockingly. Yes, he was referring to that red mesh shirt again. I examined his hazel eyes and brushed a loose lock of red hair from his forehead. His hair was starting to break from over-dying it and it tended to fall loose all too often. Not that I was complaining, it was always another excuse to touch him. Not that I really needed any, seeing as how he had me pressed up against a wall in very compromising position. Something in the back of my mind was commanding me enjoy the situation to the fullest. Unfortunately, something in the front of my mind was naggingly broadcasting to me that Adam was somewhere in the building and could theoretically find me at any minute. I had to get out of this position - against all my own feral desires - before Adam came strolling around the corner. And my only way out was to agree to wear Jeff's shirt, it seemed. I'd already fought tonight, Jeff wanted me to wear it tomorrow.
"It's better than that black one y' wear now."
I looked down to the sheer, black shirt I was wearing. It was a nice shirt, I thought. I'd been wearing it for years during the Edge and Christian Dynasty. "What's wrong with this shirt?"
"You're hidin' some of y' best features," Jeff smirked at me, setting his hand playfully on my chest.
I tried to play it off with a laugh and moved his hand away. "I thought only girls had to worry about men talking to their chests instead of their faces."
"Maybe Ah'm a chauvanist. Sue me."
I smiled up at him and he kissed me. Well, I'm a sucker for that. I can't help it. I pulled away sooner than he would have liked but tried to compensate with a smile. "I'll just have to deal with that, I guess."
"Yup," he nodded. "Now, th' shirt."
"Why are you so fixated on this?" I asked, finally taking the shirt he was holding out to me.
"'Cause Ah like how y' look in it."
"All right, all right. I'll wear it. Tomorrow."
Jeff beamed as I took the shirt, then kissed me again. Just another kiss for him, but there was an ever present paranoid tension whenever we kissed in public. Adam - or someone who might tell Adam - could be anywhere, watching. I was slipping, though. The longer I was around Jeff, the more willing I was to let him touch or even kiss me in public. Probably not a good idea, I realized. Especially after a voice interrupted us.
"All right, boys, break it up."
Jeff and I turned, smiling, to Jeff's older brother, who was grinning back at us. "There's somethin' t' be said f' public displays of affection, but this is gettin' ridiculous."
Jeff took my hand and stood up to Matt, defiantly. "Y' jus' jealous."
Matt just shrugged. "Don't tell Amy."
I kept my mouth shut, wishing Adam and I could joke around like that still. Speaking of Adam, I suddenly realized again that Jeff was holding my hand. Can I pull it away? Would Jeff take it the wrong way? No, not if I use the chance to change my shirts, I think. I took my hand away, causing Jeff to look at me, confused, but I smiled shortly and switched the shirts. Jeff beamed again, then turned to Matt. "Does he look good in that shirt or what?"
Matt smiled gently. "Very nice."
"Very nice?" Jeff asked, incredulous.
"Very nice," Matt repeated, noticing that I was in my wrestling gear. "Y' gonna wear that t' th' ring?"
"I guess so," I shrugged, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Yeah he is," Jeff acknowledged, proudly. "An' he'll be gorgeous."
I blushed and Matt smirked. "Y' know, Ah never thought you'd be this int' anythin' that wore tights."
I jokingly sneered at Matt, but Jeff turned and loudly confided to me, "He's jus' tryin' t' get a rise outta you. He knows that my first crush was th' Macho Man."
"I'm not going to wear frills or a cowboy hat, just so you know."
Matt and Jeff laughed again, then Matt gestured for Jeff to follow him. "C'mon, Jeff, our match is in ten."
Jeff sighed. "Ah'll catch up t' you in a minute."
Matt nodded and stepped off, heading down the hall. Turning to me, Jeff smiled softly.
"I'll catch you later, then. I have to shower from my match, anyway."
"Not goin' t' wait f' me?" Jeff smirked, not taking his eyes off me. He tugged playfully at the bottom loops of the shirt. I just grinned and shook my head. "All right, Ah'll -"
"Jay?"
I know that I stopped breathing. I think my heart may have stopped, too. For a couple beats, at least. My eyes were on Jeff, and his brows raised in confusion at the look of abject terror that Adam's voice registered on my face. He let go of my shirt and took a step back in confusion, then repeated Adam's question with much less shock and much more concern, "Jay?"
"I... uh..." I couldn't even speak once I started breathing again. I shifted my glance from Jeff to Adam. Adam's green eyes were as wide as mine and there was an obvious look of shock and disgust on his face.
"What the hell is going on?"
"Adam, it's not what you think..."
"It's not?" Jeff asked harshly. I turned back to him suddenly, finding that he'd narrowed his eyes at me. "What exactly isn't it?"
Shit, shit, shit. I tried to respond, but no words came out. No need, I found out sadly, as Jeff turned away from me and glared at Adam now.
"So it's true. Ah'd heard it, but Ah figured that Jay wouldn't keep that from me." Harsh look in my direction. "Guess Ah was wrong."
"What -" Adam started to question, but Jeff took a step in his direction.
"If y' have a problem with me, why didn't y' take it up with me instead of talkin' b'hind my back?"
I dropped my head. Not like this, not like this.
"I -"
"Y' friend doesn't seem t' have a problem with my swingin'. Ah think he kinda likes it."
Ah, fuck. I looked up quickly to receive another scathing glance from Jeff.
"Jay..." Adam started a sentence that he wasn't going to finish anytime soon.
"Tell him, Jay," Jeff ordered. I looked at him again. I'd never seen him this angry before. He almost looked like he would kill me, Adam, or both of us if I didn't confirm Adam's worst fears. He took a step towards me and restated his command more bluntly. "Tell him that you're with me. Tell him we've been together a month an' a half now b'hind his back."
"Wait a minute, -" Adam tried to cut him off, but Jeff ignored it and continued.
"Tell him Ah've been fuckin' you f' almost a month now."
I winced. I didn't know the truth could knock the wind out of you like that. I couldn't bear to look at Jeff now, but it was even harder to look at Adam, so Jeff won my glance. "Jeff, I'm -"
"You're a coward, Jay. A fuckin' coward," he pointed to Adam. "This sure as hell explains a lot. What d' y' care more about, lyin' t' him, or lyin' t' me?"
"Jeff, it's more complicated than -"
"It's always complicated with you, isn't it?" Jeff sneered back at me. "Maybe 'cause you're never tellin' anyone th' truth."
"Wait a minute," Adam tried to interrupt again.
"Shut up!" Jeff yelled, forcefully. Adam blinked and stepped back.
I stepped up to Jeff and reached for his hand. "Please, Jeff, just -"
"Forget it, Jay," he growled, jerking his hand away. "Let me know when y' want t' be honest."
"Jeff..."
"Better yet, don't. Don't bother me anymore."
With that, he turned on his heel and stalked off. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I watched him go. I'd really fucked it up this time. Congratulations, Jay. Dropping my head into my hands, I wiped away tears with the heels of my hands. Christ, I hadn't cried since I was in school. This occasion, however, seemed to merit tears.
"You're gay?"
I looked up quickly, suddenly realizing that Adam was still standing right behind me. Of all the...
"Goddammit, Adam, I really don't need this right now."
There was silence, then the soft click of wrestling boots stepping around me. I slowly raised my eyes to look at Adam. He still looked thoroughly disgusted. "You're gay? And you never told me?"
"Like I could fucking tell you. What would you have done? Huh?"
Adam looked away, shaking his head. "I don't know..."
"And to tell you that I was with Jeff? Even better, right?" I glared at him, stepping back into his glance. He met my eyes momentarily, then looked away again.
"I can't believe..."
"Can't believe that I just ruined the first great relationship I ever had because I was too afraid to tell you that it was with a man? Can't believe that I hid him from you that long? What?"
"You're gay?"
I shook my head with disgust. "Fine, Adam, what the fuck ever. If you can't deal with the fact that I'm a 'fucking faggot,' fine. Have a nice life. Right now, I just need to be alone for a while."
So I left him there, in shock, as I stormed off. I don't know where I was going. My eyes were glued to the floor and I decided to keep walking until I couldn't walk anymore. In my condition, however, I didn't think that would be that long. I couldn't think straight. Jeff hated me. Adam hated me. I hated me. Which was the worst? I had no idea. I felt like I could just curl up in a ball and die. But no, I would keep walking. And walking and walking.
"Jay?"
And I stopped. Eyes still on the floor, I found a pair of black sneakers first. Raising, loose black pants that tapered at the hips to reveal a pink thong, where small hands graced with black plastic bracelets rested, and chiseled stomach. Higher still, a pink tank top under a black mesh, the tips of bright red hair, and a huge face on the shoulder. I kept moving my eyes up.
"Amy..."
She looked surprised, and tried to meet my glance. "What's wrong?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Jay, what happened? You don't look so good."
"I just need to be by myself for a while," I sighed, and started to walk off again.
"I don't think that's ever true," she informed me, catching up and falling in step with me.
"It is now."
"Jay, stop."
I was so surprised by the command that I did. She lead me over to a tech case and I sat down. Perhaps this was where I couldn't walk anymore anyway. She hopped on the case next to me and set a hand on my shoulder. "You can tell me anything, Jay, really."
I didn't want to tell her anything. I just wanted to cry. So I did. I just didn't care anymore. The things I cared most about had just evaporated in the past ten minutes. Amy respected my silence, wrapped her other arm around me, and just held me as I cried. Maternally, I guess, she smoothed my hair back and rocked me slightly. I managed to drown out everything around me and center myself on my own misery. It was a terrible, terrible release.
"Jay," Amy whispered, consolingly.
"Adam hates me," I sniveled back. "And so does Jeff."
She didn't respond. She must have made the correlation herself, because she didn't question further. "You'll be all right, Jay, it'll be all right..."
"I don't know who I'm going to stay with tonight."
I felt her laugh slightly. "It'll be all right, sweetie, you can stay with me."
I sighed, finally clearing my head. "I really screwed up, Amy."
"I know," she answered. "But things will work out, I'm sure."
"I should have just told Adam straight up."
"I know," she repeated, smoothing my hair still. I sighed again, then pulled away from her embrace. "Are you all right?"
"I'll be ok. Don't you have to be at the ring in a few?"
"Yeah, I'm going," she said, jumping off the tech case. "You stay here, I'll be back after their match."
"Not with Jeff?" I asked, pleading her with my eyes.
"No," she smiled and patted my knee. "All by myself."
I nodded. "Thanks, Amy."
"No problem," she whispered, setting her hand on my face and kissing my forehead gently. "Just don't worry, all right?"
I nodded again, and she walked off. I watched her leave and - when she was around the corner - I buried my face in my hands and started crying again.