The days after Rhett left went by deathly slow for Scarlett. She went from
being alternately furious, lovelorn, and scared. She was frightened that
Rhett would go through with his threat and attempt to take Cat from her.
Scarlett hated to let Cat out of her sight, much to the dismay of the
little girl who loved to run around by herself. Eleanor grew closer and
closer to Cat and showered her with her love, Cat adored her "Granny
Butler." At first it was a daily thing for Cat to ask where he daddy had
gone. Her questions diminished as she saw her mommy's face fall every time
she asked. One night, after Cat had been put to bed, Eleanor and Scarlett
sat in front of the fire.
"Do you think he'll come back?" Scarlett asked quietly.
"My dear, I don't think he could stay away if he wanted to." Eleanor said kindly.
"I hope you're right, Miss Eleanor, I really do." Scarlett sighed.
"You love my son, don't you?" Eleanor asked. Scarlett looked at her with tears in her eyes.
"Very much." She said honestly. "I wish I didn't sometimes, but I do."
"He certainly has made a mess of things, hasn't he?" Eleanor mused.
"We kind of did it together. Our whole life together was just a bunch of misunderstandings and miscommunications. What was it that Rhett said? Oh yes, he said that we were at cross purposes." Scarlett bit her lip, trying not to cry, as she remembered the night he had said that. That horrible night that had brought her world crashing down. In one fell-swoop both Melanie and Rhett had been taken from her. "Is it wrong for me to love him?" Scarlett asked. "Is it wrong for me to love another woman's husband? Is it wrong to dream about him coming home to me and to our daughter?"
"Darling, of course not. "Eleanor said. "It was wrong for Anne to- pursue him while he was married" She added hesitatingly. Scarlett wiped her eyes and nodded slowly. "May I ask you something that's been troubling me, dear?"
"Of course, you may ask me anything."
"What went wrong between you and Rhett? You love him and he- he always adored you."
"A million things went wrong that just added up to us not being able to be together." Scarlett said. "Bonnie's death took so much out of him. He was so different after that, so bitter. We said horrible things to each other over the years. I don't think he ever forgave himself for my miscarriage. It wasn't his fault, it was nobody's. Right before I fell I had told him that I didn't want the baby, even though I did. He said that I should cheer up; maybe I would have a miscarriage. He must have felt horrible for that. But I think the main reason we aren't together today is love. I never knew I loved him until it was- to late. And I never knew that he loved me. I was so stupid; I don't know how I didn't see it. I was such a child then. I pushed him away for years until he had finally had enough and he left. He said that he had no more love left." Scarlett's eyes were now running with tears. She checked her pocket for a handkerchief and found one of Rhett's, the one he had given her when he had first come to Ballyhara. "So he divorced me and here we are today." Scarlett finished. "And if you were wondering about the divorce then well, you probably know more about that than I do. It was, um, it was pretty sudden. I was so shocked that he had done that, I didn't understand. To this day I still don't. I know we could have worked things out, I just know but he didn't even want to try. He just gave up and ran away like he's so good at. Every time something goes wrong he just…. runs. He never gave a damn about my feelings, I don't think he thought I had any. I wish I didn't love him, but I do. I love him so much and I've missed him so much for these four years."
"Oh, you poor dear." Eleanor said, reaching out to pat Scarlett's hand.
"The thing I don't get is, why didn't he ask my relatives in Savannah where I had gone before he divorced me? I said in the note I left you that that's where I was going."
"Note? I never got any note, my dear."
"You- you didn't? But I left it with Rosemary! She said she would give it to you!"
"Oh dear. Rosemary never gave me a note."
"That's why he didn't come for me." Scarlett said amazedly. "I was so sure that he was going to come for me. Then he didn't, so I came here and this whole mess began." She said, shaking her head.
"Mommy, why you cryin'?" Cat's voice came from across the room.
"Cat O'Hara! You are supposed to be in bed!" Scarlett said, trying to sound stern. Cat came over and climbed up on Scarlett's lap.
"Were you crying because Daddy went away?" she asked.
"You're too smart for your own good, Kittycat. Yes I was crying because of Daddy."
"You shouldn't, he's coming back. I know he is, he said so."
"He did?" Scarlett asked.
"Uh-huh. He said 'I'll be back soon and then we can be a family'"
Scarlett mulled this over in her mind. What did he mean by we? Did he mean her and him and Cat? Or did he mean him and Anne and Cat?
"Do you think he'll come back?" Scarlett asked quietly.
"My dear, I don't think he could stay away if he wanted to." Eleanor said kindly.
"I hope you're right, Miss Eleanor, I really do." Scarlett sighed.
"You love my son, don't you?" Eleanor asked. Scarlett looked at her with tears in her eyes.
"Very much." She said honestly. "I wish I didn't sometimes, but I do."
"He certainly has made a mess of things, hasn't he?" Eleanor mused.
"We kind of did it together. Our whole life together was just a bunch of misunderstandings and miscommunications. What was it that Rhett said? Oh yes, he said that we were at cross purposes." Scarlett bit her lip, trying not to cry, as she remembered the night he had said that. That horrible night that had brought her world crashing down. In one fell-swoop both Melanie and Rhett had been taken from her. "Is it wrong for me to love him?" Scarlett asked. "Is it wrong for me to love another woman's husband? Is it wrong to dream about him coming home to me and to our daughter?"
"Darling, of course not. "Eleanor said. "It was wrong for Anne to- pursue him while he was married" She added hesitatingly. Scarlett wiped her eyes and nodded slowly. "May I ask you something that's been troubling me, dear?"
"Of course, you may ask me anything."
"What went wrong between you and Rhett? You love him and he- he always adored you."
"A million things went wrong that just added up to us not being able to be together." Scarlett said. "Bonnie's death took so much out of him. He was so different after that, so bitter. We said horrible things to each other over the years. I don't think he ever forgave himself for my miscarriage. It wasn't his fault, it was nobody's. Right before I fell I had told him that I didn't want the baby, even though I did. He said that I should cheer up; maybe I would have a miscarriage. He must have felt horrible for that. But I think the main reason we aren't together today is love. I never knew I loved him until it was- to late. And I never knew that he loved me. I was so stupid; I don't know how I didn't see it. I was such a child then. I pushed him away for years until he had finally had enough and he left. He said that he had no more love left." Scarlett's eyes were now running with tears. She checked her pocket for a handkerchief and found one of Rhett's, the one he had given her when he had first come to Ballyhara. "So he divorced me and here we are today." Scarlett finished. "And if you were wondering about the divorce then well, you probably know more about that than I do. It was, um, it was pretty sudden. I was so shocked that he had done that, I didn't understand. To this day I still don't. I know we could have worked things out, I just know but he didn't even want to try. He just gave up and ran away like he's so good at. Every time something goes wrong he just…. runs. He never gave a damn about my feelings, I don't think he thought I had any. I wish I didn't love him, but I do. I love him so much and I've missed him so much for these four years."
"Oh, you poor dear." Eleanor said, reaching out to pat Scarlett's hand.
"The thing I don't get is, why didn't he ask my relatives in Savannah where I had gone before he divorced me? I said in the note I left you that that's where I was going."
"Note? I never got any note, my dear."
"You- you didn't? But I left it with Rosemary! She said she would give it to you!"
"Oh dear. Rosemary never gave me a note."
"That's why he didn't come for me." Scarlett said amazedly. "I was so sure that he was going to come for me. Then he didn't, so I came here and this whole mess began." She said, shaking her head.
"Mommy, why you cryin'?" Cat's voice came from across the room.
"Cat O'Hara! You are supposed to be in bed!" Scarlett said, trying to sound stern. Cat came over and climbed up on Scarlett's lap.
"Were you crying because Daddy went away?" she asked.
"You're too smart for your own good, Kittycat. Yes I was crying because of Daddy."
"You shouldn't, he's coming back. I know he is, he said so."
"He did?" Scarlett asked.
"Uh-huh. He said 'I'll be back soon and then we can be a family'"
Scarlett mulled this over in her mind. What did he mean by we? Did he mean her and him and Cat? Or did he mean him and Anne and Cat?