She had left a light on for him.  He hated her for it, for reminding him of a different life.  One in which his wife always told him the truth.  Pulling out his wallet--the one filled with pictures of a life that no longer existed--he tossed it down on the dresser.  His change and keys went into a little dish that Laura had bought for him years ago, during a business trip for the Foundation.  She had been examining a new school system.  Or that's what she had told him.  Now he had to wonder.

After hanging his suit in the closet, he went into the master bath.  The bright lights hurt his eyes.  Leaning over the sink, he filled his hands with water and tossed it on his face.  He felt dead inside.

Familiar hands caressed his back.  "Hi, honey."  She kissed his shoulder, and he barely kept himself from pulling away.

"Hi," he answered her as he reached for a hand towel.  "I'm sorry that I missed dinner."

"That's okay," she told him as she lifted herself up onto the counter.  She was wearing a white silk negligee that he loved.  He had bought it for their last wedding anniversary.  Something new to wear on the cruise.  He wanted to tear it off of her, but the impulse was different than usual.  This time he didn't want to see her beautiful nude body.  This time he wanted to rip away the past, to destroy what had never existed.

When he didn't say anything else, she looked at him.  "Are you okay, Jack?"

"I'm fine," he lied.  "Just a rough day."

He turned and walked away from her.  He heard her soft footfalls behind him.  "What happened anyway?  Really?  I know you couldn't tell me on the phone."

Why did she want to know?  For herself?  Or for SD-6?  Sinking down onto the bed, he said, "We have a traitor.  An agent has been supplying information to China."

"What?"  He watched Laura pull away from the doorjamb she had been leaning on, and he wondered at his own words.  He knew he couldn't tell her the truth, couldn't tell her that he knew about her lies.  So, why had he said something about a traitor?

His wife walked to their bed and crawled in behind him.  She began to massage his shoulder.  "I'm sorry.  I know that must have hurt."

What would she say if he told her that it tore his heart from him?  "It's never easy."

"I don't see how anyone could do that.  Betray their country," she told him.  He wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled.  Then, he wanted to hear her explain how Sydney had misunderstood her, that she really wasn't a part of SD-6.  It had all been a horrible, terrible misunderstanding.

The taste of bile filled Jack's mouth.  He had been the traitor.  It hadn't known it, but since Laura had joined SD-6, he had been sharing information with the enemy.  How many years had she been lying to him?  How many years had he been betraying his country?  "He didn't know."

Her hands stopped moving.  "What do you mean?"

"He was being used," he told her.  I was being used.

He had to make this different from his own story somehow, keep her from knowing the truth.  "He started visiting a massage parlor.  I don't know how he could have been so stupid.  Fell in love with his Chinese masseuse and started sharing his life with her.  He didn't believe it when he was told."  He still didn't believe it.

Laura's arms wrapped around him from behind.  "I'm sorry."

"I am, too.  Sorry that he was so stupid and sorry that she had a brother in Chinese intelligence," he muttered as he stood up.  Laura leaned back onto her side of the bed as he pulled the sheets down and slid in between them.  Her scent and the smell of fabric softener surrounded him.  He almost gagged.

She got in next to him and curled up onto his chest.  The warmth of her body seemed to suck the heat from his.  He wanted to shiver, but he forced himself to remain still.  Kissing his chest, she whispered, "I love you."

For one heartbeat, he felt nothing.  Then a trickle of emotion slipped past the wall.  "I love you, too," he whispered and hated himself for the small truth in those words.

***

"Are you okay, Laura?"

Sloane's hand was on her shoulder.  Forcing her lips into a smile, she nodded.  "I'm fine."

"Problems at home?" he asked as his hand trailed across her back.

She barely kept her mouth shut.  Sloane was a snake, but a skillful one.  Somehow, he could mesmerize anyone, even those that knew who he was.  She wanted to tell him about Jack's strange behavior, but she knew better.  Sloane's jealousy of her husband ran deep.  No one knew as well as she did how deep.

"Everything's fine."  She returned her attention to the file in front of her.

Sloane sank down into the chair in front of her.  Leaning back, he watched her.  "Jack okay?"

Her muscles started to tense but she stopped them before he could see.  Or she hoped that she had.  "He's fine.  Tired.  He worked late last night."

She felt his interest.  His entire focus had shifted from possible information to hurt her--important--to information that could help SD-6--more important.  Looking up at him, she could see nothing but mild amusement in his eyes.  "He even left early this morning."

She didn't tell him that he had left without waking her, something he had never done before.  If she slept in or he left early, he always leaned down to kiss her before going to the office.  She always woke up as she felt him moving beside her.  Her instincts required her to wake up every time, and every time they both smiled as he leaned down for his kiss.  There had been no smile and no kiss this morning.

"Why?"

She shook her head.  "Jack is not a part of this, Sloane.  Remember?  I don't use him for information."

He grinned and she wanted to shiver.  "I find your reluctance to use Jack for information amusing considering the circumstances of your marriage."

Her lips thinned.  "That was a long time ago, Sloane.  A very long time ago."

After standing, he slid around the table.  He put his hands on her shoulder and leaned down next to her ear.  "But it would still matter to Jack.  All of it would."

She was suddenly very glad that he was standing behind her.  He couldn't see her eyes, the windows to the soul that she couldn't control right now.  They were full of rage and misery, but he couldn't see the result of his words.  He could feel her tension, her anger, but he couldn't feel her fear.  "Yes, it would," he whispered as he stroked her hair.

"How's Emily?" she asked him.

His fingers tightened on her shoulders before he pulled away.  He hated hearing her mention his wife's name, hated her for reminding him of his own betrayals.  "She's not doing well; the doctors are considering a different treatment for her."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Laura said.  She looked down at her hands as she thought about the beautiful, kind woman that loved Arvin Sloane with a devotion Laura could not understand.

Then, she thought about Jack and her own devotion to him.  Of his devotion to her.  Like Emily, he was an incredible person, full of goodness and light, and he was married to a traitor.  She and Sloane had betrayed countries, and, more importantly, the ideas and beliefs that their spouses held dear.

"I want to tell her," she said suddenly.

"What?"  He sounded distracted, as if he were still thinking of Emily.

She turned and looked at the man she had hated for twenty years.  "I want to tell Sydney the truth about me."

Sloane chuckled.  "The entire truth?"  He watched her face, studied her, and she hated him even more.  "I didn't think so.  However, if that is what you would like to do, it would make it easier on us to have you near at hand."

Laura wondered if she had made a mistake.

***

Vaughn sighed as Janet used the intercom to announce his presence.  He relaxed when he heard Jack's voice telling his secretary to show him in.  Not that he thought Jack would refuse to see him, but today had been one crappy day.

Jack was standing when they entered his spacious office.  His assignment at Jennings Aerospace was a plum job that anyone back at the LA headquarters of the CIA would appreciate.  Jack had a nice title in the company that, while legitimate, had very close ties with the CIA.  His office matched his title.  The windows alone were longer than any of the government offices his co-workers had, where cramped working conditions were a way of life.

"It's good to see you again, Mr. Vaughn," Jack said as he held out his hand from across his black shiny desk.

Vaughn shook his hand.  "Thanks for seeing me without an appointment," he answered as Janet discreetly shut the door behind her.

As he sat down in his office chair--another deluxe item hundreds of Federal employees would envy him for--Jack was quick to ask the question Vaughn was expecting.  "What are you doing here, Michael?  You are exposed."

Vaughn nodded.  "Somewhat, but not really.  Jack, I had to talk to you."

Jack smiled, but the action only showed the strain on the other man's face.  Vaughn knew some of that tension was mirrored on his own.  His sudden reassignment from routine desk work to handler had caused him some stress, but watching and hearing about the investigation into Jack's life had taken a toll on Vaughn, too.

"It sucks, Jack."

His friend and mentor stared at him for a minute.  Shaking his head, Jack stood and headed towards the bar in the corner.  Vaughn knew that the wood was actually cherry instead of some cheap imitation.  If he had any doubts, the shiny gold plating on the corners told him that the small bar had cost a fortune.

Pouring them both a shot of Bourbon, Jack said, "Fleming just left."

Vaughn nodded as he took the glass Jack offered him.  Fleming was their bug man.  He made weekly checks out at Jennings for any listening devices.  Not that the CIA worried too much about them.  The design of the building included RF interference; cell phones did not even work inside.  "I know.  Weiss told me."

"Did he tell you that Russek was gone for the week, too?"

Vaughn's forehead wrinkled in confusion.  "Who?"

"Anthony Russek.  SD-6's mole here," Jack explained.  His friend and mentor wasn't looking at him.  He was staring out the window, but Vaughn knew he wasn't looking at anything outside either.  "He keeps track of us, and we keep track of them through him.  Not that he knows that we are aware of his activities."

He took a sip of his drink.  "I'm the one who figured out what he was; knew it within days of meeting him.  I got a commendation for my observation, but I guess I should have been looking closer to activities in my own home."

Vaughn ran his free hand through his hair.  "It's not fair, Jack.  For them to question your loyalty--"

"Only makes sense," Jack finished, turning to look at him.  "Vaughn, these last few days, I have questioned my loyalty."

His mouth fell open.  "Jack--"

Turning his back to him again, Jack went over and poured himself another glass.  "I have.  I've wondered if Laura came to me on her own, what I would have done."

"You would have turned her in."

"No, I wouldn't have."  He gulped down the liquid in his glass.  He started to reach for the decanter.  Vaughn watched him jerk back his hand before turning and walking back to the desk.  He sat down with his shoulders slumped forward.  It was an unfamiliar look.  "I wouldn't have turned her in, Michael.  I don't know what I would have done, but I wouldn't have told anyone at the CIA."

Vaughn opened his mouth to disagree.  If he found out that Alice was a spy for SD-6, he would report her in a heartbeat.  He shut his mouth again when he thought about the differences.  Jack had adored his wife for almost thirty years.  Vaughn shifted uncomfortably in his seat when he thought about the attraction he had felt earlier for a woman not Alice.

"I think it's a mistake for me to be Sydney's handler."  The words shot out of his mouth.

Jack looked up at him in surprise.  "Why?"

Because I'm way too attracted to her, he thought.  "Because I don't think we get along well enough," was what he said.

An eyebrow lifted.  "Really?  Usually, you and Sydney both get along with everyone."

"Well, Haladki and I don't get along all that great," Vaughn said, trying to ignore the question.

"Haladki gets along better with you than he does anyone else," Jack answered with a smile.  "Now, tell me what happened."

Sighing, Vaughn sank back into the plush chair.  "I had my first meeting with her, and she started giving me the plan of how to take down SD-6."

His body tightened in a very familiar--but completely unwanted--way when he thought about the passion and determination in her voice as she spoke about SD-6.  You are in her father's office, he told himself.  The reminder had the desired effect.  Sort of.

He realized Jack was chuckling.  Not at his predicament, but at what he had said.  "My daughter has always been strong willed, Michael.  She's always been very good at organizing.  Laura and I let her plan our trip to Disney World when she was nine."  Jack's smile faded, and he looked down at his hand.  Vaughn noticed him staring at his wedding band.  "Laura said Sydney's strategy was probably the most efficient one ever for that park;  We saw everything we wanted to see."

Vaughn nodded.  "If we were just dealing with the SD-6 that she knew, it would work.  She planned on us going after the money first--a man by the name of Leonard Dreyfus helps bankroll their operations.  Then, we were to go after their arms supplier, Ineni Hassan."

He stopped when he heard Jack suck in a breath.  Revulsion flared from the older man's eyes.  "Has Sydney met him?"  Vaughn nodded, unable to answer with words.  Jack's jaw clenched.  "You want to talk about the absolute slime of the earth?  Ineni Hassan is close to the top of the list."

Jack sighed and stood again.  He strolled over the window.  Putting his hands in his pockets, he shook his head.  "My daughter has met one of the worse men in the world, and my wife let it happen.  Michael, I can accept her being in SD-6 easier than I can accept Laura letting our daughter be dragged in with her."

"Maybe she didn't know what it was then," he offered.

"No," Jack answered.  "She would have come to me the minute she found out if she didn't want to be there.  I know that much about her."

Vaughn couldn't think of anything to comfort his friend.  "I'm sorry."

Jack nodded and turned back to face him.  His professional facade was firmly back in place, and Vaughn knew he was about to wrap up the meeting.  "I know that Sydney is stubborn, Michael, but so are you.  She needs you to be her handler.  That's why I requested it."

"You?"

"Yes, me.  They really don't have a clue how valuable my daughter is going to be, so they didn't give me much resistance when I suggested a junior agent.  It's a good chance for you to show your ability, Michael."

Jack stopped talking and looked at him.  "And I know you'll put her first."

Jack was counting on him to do the job.  Standing, Vaughn nodded and accepted the inevitable.  "If you want me there, Jack--"

"I do."

"Then, I'll be there," he promised.  He thought about her earlier words and his less than adequate response.  "She thinks this mission is going to be over with in a couple of months, Jack.  We know SD-6 is big--not to mention the Alliance--but I just didn't have the intel to prove it to her."

"I'll talk to her.  Thanks," he said as he sat down at his desk.  Vaughn turned and left, hoping that he had just not made a mistake by agreeing to be Sydney's handler.  Every instinct in his body was telling him that it was not a good idea.

As he shut the door behind him, he glanced down at his watch and emitted a soft curse.  Janet looked over at him in surprise.  "I'm sorry.  I just realized that I'm late.  I was supposed to meet my girlfriend for lunch fifteen minutes ago."

Janet nodded in sympathy.

***