Long, Ryuu, Dragon
By Wusai, the Dark Phantasy

Disclaimer: Wusai doesn't own Shaman King.
Claimer: Wusai owns her ideas.
Wusai: Ren will be called Lian; Jun, Chun; En, Yuan; Pyron, Bai-long; and Gei Yin keeps her name. *hides* Yes, I know, I still have three unfinished Shaman King fics out there, and two unfinished Yu-Gi-Oh! ones... I promise I'll finish them!! I will, I will!! And I'm currently stuck on humor. My strange humor that's not really that funny. O.o; Just in case you don't know, Long is Chinese for Dragon, and Ryuu is Japanese for Dragon.

***
Chapter One
Incest?! No Way!!
***

Long ago, there lived two families: The Dao Family, and the Ainu Family. All through the generations, and the ages, these two families never had to meet, not even once. But, there came a day when there ran out of people worthy to be part of the royal family!! Oh no! What will happen now?!

"Dao Lian... if you are to be the Emperor of this kingdom, we must find you an Empress. If we can't find you one, we'll have to resort to..."
"To what?"
"Having the Empress be Chun."

Dao Lian jumped out of his royal (with a capital 'o' [rOyal]) throne. He stared at the messenger in shock.

"Are you crazy?! No incest. Do I have to have an Empress?"
"Well, you need descendants, so..."
"Ick."

Lian plopped back down on to his rOyal throne.

"I heard children of incest are normally born with physical and-slash-or mental faults?" Ren asked/stated.
"I'm not sure," the messenger replied.

***

"Ainu Horo Horo. The Dao family is facing the same problem as us."
"And what is that problem?"
"If they are to have an Emperor, they need an Empress. If we are to have you as King, we need a Queen. Since both of the heirs are refusing to resort to incest..."
"So you're suggesting that they might want Pilica as an Empress."
"Correct."

Horo Horo snorted at the thought of anyone even liking Pilica. He attempted to elegantly sweep the ribbon over his shoulder, but got his finger tangled, thus resulting in pulling the ribbon off. He hurriedly tied the ribbon again.

"The Dao family also has a female."
"You mean... you're going to engage us to someone we don't know?!"
"Yes..."
"Crazy!"

Horo Horo lay back on his royal (with a capital 'a' this time [royAl]) throne. The messenger stared at him.

"Well, anyway, we haven't decided on whether the Ainu family is going to the Dao land, or vice versa," the messenger said.
"Let them come over here. I'm too lazy to go over there," Horo Horo said, tracing the design on his royAl throne with one... not so delicate finger.
"Yes," the messenger said. He scurried off to someplace.

Horo Horo propped up his chin with his left arm, staring in a bored manner at his right hand. All of a sudden, he began to laugh.

"Ah ha ha ha. AH ha ha ha. AH HA HA HA!!! WA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!"

He stopped laughing.

"Who would've known a hand was so amusing?"

He smiled. Well, actually, this isn't my idea, rather, my friend Kat always does that. O.o;

***

Lian changed into his very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides. He looked at himself in the mirror.

"I look good in my very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides. Of course, I always look good," Lian said. He admired himself in his very expensive, gold lined—


I think you get the point. Anyway...

"Master Lian!!"

A servant called to Lian, obviously. Lian opened the door, looking MAGNIFICENT in very expensive, black silk outfit, the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides. The servant handed Lian a scroll, wrapped with a silk ribbon similar to Lian's very expensive, black silk—

You know what I mean.

Lian untied the black ribbon similar to his very expensive, black silk... etc, etc, etc.

Emperor Dao Lian:

As you can see, both of us have a damned annoying problem. We both need an Empress/Queen. And since we're both too damned stubborn to resort to incest, we have to 'trade' sisters.

Pleh. Who cares about your damned rice?! We don't need to set a price! Sell it for whatever price you PLEASE!!

Ok, that was off the subject. Anyway, please come to the Ainu lands in one week from the current day. Since I'm too damned lazy to get my arse off my royAl throne and check the calendar, you have to do that yourself. Got it? Great.

~Ainu Horo Horo

"What kind of name is Horo Horo? Hey, if you add dots, it'd be Boro Boro... heh, I wonder if he's sleazy and-slash-or crappy," Lian said.

***

"Damn this!! Why do I have to set a price for the rice?! Hey, that rhymes! Price for the rice... um, oh yeah, back to work. Anyway... How about 100 yen a grain?" Horo Horo asked.
"Don't you think that's a bit too expensive?" his servant asked.
"Shut up. This is my job," Horo Horo said. The servant immediately retreated. Into a bomb shelter.

***

"Bai-long, jing tian Lian hao xiang... bu dui. (Bai-long [Pyron], today, Lian seems... wrong.)"
"Ta jiou shi bu dui. (He just is wrong.)"
"Dui... dan shi, jing tian ta hao xiang hen... zen me shuo... (Correct... but, today, he seems... how to say it...)"
"Gui? (Strange?)"
"Aa, dui. (Aa, correct.)"
"Dan shi, ta mei tian hen gui a! (But, he's strange every day!)"
"Wo men zai shuo she me?! (What are we saying?!)"
"Wo bu zhi dao. (I don't know.)"
"Hao... na me... wo men bu shuo, hao ba? (Ok... then... let's just stop this conversation, ok?)"
"Hao. (Ok.)"

***

"Dammit! Can you just tell them to set their own prices for their rice before I stick ice blocks up their asses?!" Horo Horo yelled to the servant.
"I'm afraid that is not possible," he replied.
"FINE! 100 yen a bag!!"
"You have to specify how big the bag is."
"GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

***

Wusai: All right, that was strange... Please R&R!!