Long, Ryuu, Dragon

by DP-san

Humor with a touch of Romance! The Dao (Tao) and Ainu families need descendants, and Lian (Ren) and Horo Horo are too stubborn to resort to incest! They must trade sisters, but the trade goes... WRONG!! Horo gets slapped! Twice!!

2. You're Going To Trade Me Away?!

Long, Ryuu, Dragon
By Wusai, the Dark Phantasy

Wusai: Disclaimer and claimer in the first chappie. This fic was supposed to be serious, but... *sigh* And yes, the chapter titles rhyme, because I said so.
NEW Disclaimer: Wusai doesn't own Kat's ideas, nor does she own Gundam Wing.

***
Chapter Two
You're Going To Trade Me Away?!
***

And so, the Ainu and Dao families decide on a day for their 'trade'. However, the females do not know of this event...

"Ok. 100 yen for a one-pound bag of rice."
"What kind of rice? Long or short?"
"Does it matter?!"
"No, no, Master Horo Horo, I was kidding..."
"Bad joke. REALLY bad."

Horo Horo lay back onto his royAl throne. He sighed.

"One more bad joke and you'll have an ice cube up your ass, got it?" Horo Horo said. The servant nodded nervously.

***

All of a sudden, floating penguins appear over Lian, eating toilet paper. However, that's not possible, because Lian doesn't have toilet paper. Again, this is not my idea, but 'tis what Kat always does. ~.~;

"Damn... I shouldn't drink Chun's Wu Long (Oolong) tea... I'm so bored!!" Lian exclaimed. There came a knock on his door. He got up, dusting off the imaginary dust off his very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides.

He opened the door, of course.

"Master Lian, there is an entertainer for you," the servant said. Lian nodded, and went to the rOyal hall. Wait, no, it royal with a capital 'y'. He walked to his roYal hall, and sat on his rOyal throne. There came in a clown! With a unibang!! He wore a mask covering half of his face!!!!!!

In other words, he was Trowa Barton, or Triton Bloom, from Gundam Wing! Hey, if Trowa's real name is Triton Bloom, and the guy who plays Legolas in "The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring" is Orlando Bloom, does that mean Trowa and Legolas are related?! Ok, that was off the subject... anyway...

So Trowa juggles. Big deal. He walks on the ball. Ooh, great... As you can see, Horo Horo, as are we, is extremely bored. But then! Wingèd Sheep attack!! Trowa pilots Gundam Heavyarms, aims for a few sheep, miss, and blow up half of the palace!! However, he somehow, magically restored that half, and all was calm.

As you can see, I'm really bored.

Anyway...

Don't you think I'm using too many 'anyway's? Anyway... see?! There's another one!! Anyway... O, that was definitely off the subject. Let's get back to the fic and not my rambling.

Lian claps for Trowa, and praises him for being so boring. He then shoves him out of the palace with sporks up his ass. However, that's not possible, because Lian doesn't have sporks. I do hope you know what sporks are, right? You don't? They're spoons with the front like forks. So they're sporks. Lian has a nonexistent collection of nonexistent things he has in his nonexistent attic, so that's how he pulls out nonexistent stuff. Yeah.

***

"Bai-long, Lian zen me ke yi na chu lai bu chen zai de dong xi? (Bai-long, how does Lian pull out nonexistent things?)"
"Wo zhen de bu zhi dao. (I really don't know.)"
"Hao. Na xie tiao gen he cha zi, liang ge do zai yi ge dong xi, shi jiao she me? (Ok. Those things that are a spoon and fork in one, what are they called?)"
"Hm. Bu zhi dao. Wo men ke yi jiao ta 'tiao zi'. (Hm. Don't know. We can call them 'spork' [Actually, that's not what they say; they're trying to combine the two phrases.])"
"Dan shi, hao xiang yi jing you ge dong xi jiao 'tiao zi'. (Ok, but I think there's already something called a 'tiao zi'. [In Chinese, each pronunciation has many characters, so it's possible for one phrase to sound like a different one, such as 'xing'. It has two characters, one meaning 'star', and the other 'heart', and they have the same pronunciation, so if it's a word play, I can't translate it.])
"Hmph. Na me wo men lai jiao ta 'na ge dong xi Lian yo, shi tiao gen ye shi cha zi, zai yi chi'. (Hmph. Then, let's call it 'that thing Lian has, it's a spoon and fork in one.)"
"Hao. Wo men wei she me yao zhi dao na shi she me dong xi? (Ok. Why do we need to know what that thing is?)"
"Wo men bu yong zhi dao. (We don't need to know.)"
"Bai-long... (Bai-long...)"
"She me? (What?)"
"Wo men wei she me mei tian shuo hen que yi si de hua? (Every day, why do we speak such pointless talk [nonsense]?)"
"Ni wei she me wen wo? (Why do you ask me?)"
"Wo yi wei ni zhi dao. (I thought you knew.)"
"Dan shi wo bu zhi dao. (But I don't know.)"
"Hao. Wo men lai bi zui. (Ok. Let's shut up.)"
"Hao. (Ok.)"

***

"Bah. I hope they're satisfied with the price of their rice. Price of their rice. Price of their—Yeah. That rhymes, it's so amusing!!" Horo Horo said, laughing. The servant nodded, fearfully.
"Should we tell Mistress Pilica about the arrival of the Dao's? After all, she does not know, and they will be arriving in a few days," the servant asked.
"Shut up. It's my job," Horo Horo said, "PILICAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
"WHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?!"
"COME OVER HEEEEERRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!"
"OKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!"

Pilica bounced into the royaL hall, and stood before Horo Horo, who was sitting on his royAl throne. Strange how none of them have the 'r' capitalized in the word 'royal'... that'd look strange, no? Anyway...

"Pilica, I have something I must tell you."
"I knew it! It was YOU who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!!"
"Um. No."
"Then... then... I knew it!! It was YOU who... um... uh..."
"Um. No. Let me finish."
"Fine."
"Anyway, Pilica, we're going to trade you away."
"WHAT?!"
"Unless you want to marry me."
"NO!"
"Exactly. So, we're going to engage you to this... Lian guy. If you find you absolutely hate him and would rather marry me, which I'll doubt, then just say so. They'll be here in a few days."
"Lian... what a funny name!!"
"Let's not worry about that. Anyway, understand the plan?"
"Yes."

Pilica bounced away. Somehow.

"Oh, and Pilica?"
"Yeah?"
"It was YOU who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!! Remember?! I asked you to give me one, or you'd have an ice block up your ass!!"
"Oh yeah... Oh well!!"

Pilica continued bouncing away. Yeah, you all know that game about the cookie jar. You know, 'Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar?!' and then you randomly pick someone and say, 'It was YOU who stole the cookies from the cookie jar!!' and then they have to say 'Not me!! Couldn't be!!' or something like that, and then the people reply 'then WHO stole the cookies from the cookie jar?!' and it goes on like that. Truly boring, really.

***

"WHAT?!"
"Yup. You heard me correctly."
"But... but... this Horo Horo you speak of, first of all, his name sounds like boro boro, and, second, he's about FOUR YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!!"
"So?"
"That's... bad!"
"Then would you want to marry me?"
"Of course not!!"
"Then you'd have to marry Horo Horo."
"Hmph. This'd be a lot easier if I could marry Bai-long. (A/N: In this fic, Bai-long [Pyron] isn't a zombie. Though I don't know what he's doing there...)"
"You can't. He's not a Dao."
"I know, I know..."
"And he's about... ten? Twenty? years older than you."
"I know."
"Ai ya, Lian hao tao yien... (Aiya, Lian's so annoying...)"
"Wo bu tao yien! Wo shi... um... wo shi... ah... (I'm not annoying!! I'm... um... I'm... ah...)"
"Tao yien. (Annoying.)"
"Chun, ni gei wo bi zui. (Chun [Jun], you shut up.)"

—SUPER SECRET HIDDEN KILLER MOVE #1 – 'PURE' REVENGE!!—

(A/N: 'Chun' means 'Pure'.)

Chun raised her arm, and slapped Lian across the face. The red on his cheek made a great contrast with the black on his very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides.

"Never, EVER, tell me to shut up!!"
"God, are you PMSing or something?"

Remember, boys, there's two things you should never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never 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never never never never never never never never never never NEVER do.

The first thing is, if you're a younger brother, and have an older sister, you should never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never 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never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never NEVER tell her to shut up.

The second thing is, you should never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never 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never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never NEVER ask her if she's PMSing. Chances are, if she is, you'll get slapped across the face. If she isn't, then you'll get slapped across the face. Both ways, you're screwed.

—SUPER SECRET HIDDIN KILLER MOVE #2 – PURE REVENGE... x2!—

A loud crack was heard for miles around. Now, in addition to the red on one cheek, there was a very bright red hand print on the other. Both of them contrasted very well with the black on Lian's very expensive, black silk outfit; the pants with nonexistent pockets and slut holes in the sides.

***

"Did you hear that crack?"
"Yes. I bet you I know what happened, Horo Horo!"
"What do you think, Pilica?"
"I bet you a younger brother just either told his older sister to shut up, and-slash-or a boy asked a girl if she was PMSing!"
"That should be it."

***

Wusai: Ok, I know the 'never's take up about three or four pages... there's 3000 'never's in this chapter. :3 I know, I'm wasting space... but... it was fun! XD Copy and paste. Copy and paste. Copy and paste. Copy and—yeah. :3 Please review!!