Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Warner
Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions.
This song is written/performed by Vanessa Carlton (I
think). No copyright infringement is intended here.
Note: I know this moves a bit faster than the last chapter,
but this is how I envisioned Lee.
Talking, as he knows he needs to, but not going into unnecessary detail, just
sort of running through it.
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass and I'm homebound
Listen, Doc. I know
the man sitting here, talking to you, is hardly the man of most of my story.
I know that, you know that, is there any reason to belabor the point?
You
know what led me here, seen me in this very office, talking about things I
don't want to talk about. I
don't want to talk about them now, either.
They're not painful anymore, but that's not where my life is.
Yes,
I was orphaned at five, and of course I still miss my
parents. Sometimes I'll pass a woman on
the
street wearing my mother's perfume and I'll have trouble not turning
around. I know it won't be her, but
one whiff of her perfume and I'm five years old again.
And yes,
I'm the same cocky agent who fell in love with a woman who turned out to be working
for the
KGB. Funny thing is, that never hurt the
way it should have. I already had Amanda
there, I guess, I
didn't need Eva.
And I'm
also the Scarecrow, young member of the Oz Network, in love with fellow member,
Dorothy.
But I no longer get nauseous when I smell red
roses. I no longer picture Dorothy's
prone body covered
with those flowers.
Instead,
I picture Amanda kneeling in the garden tending to her mother's roses, smelling
the ones I hand
her, placing them in a vase.
My life is different now, I
have a family, I have a home. Okay, so my family doesn't know about me yet,
nor do I live in my home yet. But that's why we're here, right? We're working on that.
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way through the crowd
So it all started with a Pilgrim Peach Puff or something
like that. Someone was out to kill
agents, one by
one. I had a package, my contact was on
a train, and I had no way to reach him.
They were on to me,
chasing me through the train station, and I was unsure how to get on the train
without them noticing. But
then I recalled something I had done before – passed off the package to
a civilian. Clearly not the best
option, but in times like these, it seemed like it may work.
So, I was scanning the faces in front of me when I saw
her. Pretty, unassuming, and well, … arresting.
Something in her eyes, I guess you could say, caught me and I knew it had to be
her. She was the one
who could do it. Fate maybe, some higher
being, I don't know, I only know that the instant I saw her I
knew there was no one else in the train station to give the package to.
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you... tonight
That should have been
it. It should have been simple and I
never should have seen her again. But as I
was just beginning to learn, nothing with Amanda was simple.
The drop didn't go
right. Thank goodness.
And so I had to find her, and then she just wouldn't quit,
she had to show up and save me. It was
frustrating, there is no other word for it. Frustrating and humiliating – a trained agent
saved by a
housewife from Arlington.
But then Billy took an immediate liking to her and started
suggesting that I use her on cases. I
protested
of course, I worked alone, but to no avail.
Amanda King became my partner.
And she was good. I rarely gave her credit for it, but she was good.
And then I came to rely on
her being there - the way she'd always
help out when asked, even when I
asked her for really ridiculous things.
And the way she'd hold my hand and lean on me when she needed
the support. Having Amanda with me in
the field became second nature, and somehow spilled over to my
personal life. I found myself on dates
with other women comparing them to Amanda.
It wasn't
conscious at first, I was just doing it.
But repeatedly, my dinner companions came up short. Couldn't tell
you what they were lacking, but more and more often I found myself calling the
evening off after dinner,
and then ending dinner early, and eventually not going out at all anymore.
And with all this free time I
started having dinner with Amanda more often, just to fill up time, or so I
told myself. And then I found I enjoyed
these dinners, conversations we'd have that were about things
other than work. And so I'd invite her
to dinner more often, sometimes to a concert or something
beforehand.
It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder if you ever think of me
Until suddenly, I was with
Amanda so much it wasn't surprising that I missed her when I didn't see her,
that I'd start driving by Maplewood Drive to make sure she was okay.
It's always times like these
When I think of you
And I wonder if you ever think of me
'Cause everything's so wrong
And I don't belong
Living in your precious memory
'Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you... tonight
And I… I
Don't wanna let you know
I… I
Drown in your memory
I… I
Don't wanna let this go
I… I
Don't
I started thinking about her, sometimes even when she was with me, in ways I never had before. I guess I
noticed that she was a woman. Clearly I had noticed before that, but I guess I'd always seen her as
"Amanda King. Annoying partner. Talks way too much. Really great friend, though. Pretty…. But not
my type."
And so while I began driving by her house more and more often, sometimes stopping to talk, other times
simply watching her interact with her family, I still didn't want to get involved. There were all sorts of
issues. Agency policy for one. Her family for another. And then the simple fact that Amanda King was
not my type.
So I didn't tell her what I was thinking, didn't want her to know. I didn't want to lose the friendship that
we had, so I couldn't complicate it by telling her how I felt and then telling her that I was unwilling to act
on those feelings. I was pretty sure she felt the same way, but I'd spent years telling her that nothing
would ever happen, so I knew it was up to me to admit something had changed. So I simply wouldn't tell
her that.
Making my way downtown
Walking fast
Faces pass and I'm homebound
Staring blankly ahead
Just making my way
Making a way through the crowd
And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass us by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you...
oh oh
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
If I could just hold you
Tonight
Until, I guess, that wasn't enough anymore. I didn't just drop by her house to see her, but sometimes to
hold her. Hey, she was my partner, my friend, and there are times, especially in this business, when you
need something more substantial to be sure that your coworkers are there, some sort of physical contact.
Things just happened from there, I guess. I don't remember waking up one morning and being in love
with Amanda, so much as I remember that I used to think that she wasn't my type and then somehow I
stopped thinking that. I'd try to remind myself of Agency policy and instead I'd see Amanda's eyes
peering into mine, her smile. I'd think of her family and I'd recall holding her out in the woods, being
hunted like deer.
So, I kissed her. At the time, I was sure it was the stupidest thing I had ever done, but now I know that I
couldn't have been more wrong. The past year and a half have been the best of my life. I hope the next
year and a half are even better.
The agent in front of me stopped speaking, looking at me hopefully. His eyes were clearer than I'd ever
seen him and he didn't look even the smallest bit afraid, despite the fact that I held his future, and that of
his family, in my hands. I realized that for the most part, Lee Stetson didn't care what I said. He had
made up his mind. If it was Amanda King and her family or the Agency, Mrs. King, er … Stetson, won,
hands down.
I smiled as I made my way to the door and stepped aside as Amanda made her way over to her husband
and sat down. I saw the look between them, the gentle smile on both their faces, and I knew what my
decision had to be. It was out of my hands now.
"Mr. and Mrs. Stetson," I smiled, "It is my belief, as Agency doctor, that you are both of sound mind and
body and clearly capable of being both partner and spouse. Your record over the past year and a half
demonstrate that, and I'd be surprised if anyone argued that fact. While what you tell your family is no business of mine, you have demonstrated the ability to put our
nation's security above that of your family, so I am sure you will make the right decision.
You are hearby cleared for active duty as partners." The Stetsons smiled at each other, their hands
tightening around each other.
In a softer tone, I continued, "May I suggest you go home and talk to your family."
I watched the couple leave my office, and when I went to go home myself a few moments later, I wasn't
the least bit surprised to see Lee Stetson and Amanda King, er … Stetson, wrapped in each other's arms
in the parking lot.