Ten Thousand Drops of Blood
Chapter 7
We just had him, right there, and now he's slipping.
It's hard not to see why. Syaoran's body has gone. Syaoran's soul remains, but it is not for our taking. He trusts only Yue because Yue was the one he spent most of his afterlife with. He still loves Sakura but does not trust her.
I never really had a chance to talk with him after we found him in the gardens, and where Yue spoke of the little drops of blood, forming small, lovely little blossoms, flowers of light and life. But one day he came to me, solemn and fair, an angel on earth.
" Time is running out." He said, his voice like bells. I started, still unused to his voice.
" Hai, indeed." I said, weary. " What of it?"
" I'm not staying."
At first I nodded, understanding what he meant, but conflicted on whether to ask or not.
" Why?" I finally replied.
Syaoran moved gracefully over to the balcony and I followed. It was night, the stars are bright, the rain finally clearing. Time was indeed, running out.
" So many things on this planet." He finally answered, like a god stroking smooth water. " So many things. Fair and beautiful."
I nodded.
" Yet I don't belong here."
Blinking, I looked at him. " How do you know?"
" I remember when I was a child." He answered. " I found a book speaking of a lost boy that will become god. Shortly after, there was a Moon Festival. The Li clan cruised along a boat down a calm, large lake, under the full moon. It was a perfect night, the sky was clear, the moon was bright. I remember staring at the moon, thinking that the moon follows me everywhere, that it is always watching over me. My sisters laughed at that, saying, what are you talking about? The moon does not follow you. But I look and watch, and it does."
I nodded, knowing the mind of young children, urging him to go on.
" When I looked down into the water, I saw the moon's reflection. Reaching out, I try to touch it, knowing it was water but curious to see if it feels the same. Is it colder than normal water? Is it warmer? Does it feel like water?" Syaoran smiled.
" And you fell in." I guessed.
" Iie." He smiled. " It does seem likely, doesn't it, for a young child. But instead, a huge monster broke through the face of the moon. It was glaring, with wide, sharp teeth. Long body, covered with scales. I withdrew my hand. I looked up at the moon. But the moon, where is it? Where has it gone? And as I searched, I found the moon, this time white as newly fallen snow, and I saw my own shadow resting on it, just as the water beast longed for my throat."
I held my breath.
" Iie." Syaoran answered. " This wasn't the first time I died. On the night of the full moon I woke in darkness, and the moon was nowhere to be seen. But there was blood, round puddles of blood, surrounding me, voices whispering and murmuring, sobbing and wailing. Eyes stare into mine."
" You were...brought back to life through magic?" I blinked, finally realizing where the story was going. " But...how?"
" That does not matter." Syaoran answered. " Because unlike most other people who miraculously revived, I remember everything before the murmurs and the sobs. I remember flying through the land in a single swoop, seeing death, horror, love and betrayal. When I woke things were never the same."
" People don't know what life is until they pass to the other side, Eriol. People don't know what living feels like because that's what they've been doing all along. But when one comes from the other realm back into the living world, it feels like the very strength of the earth is pulling at their body, forbidding them to rise, to fly, to open their eyes. The burdens of life do not just rest on shoulders, Eriol. They rest on the whole body. They don't just weigh you down. They flatten you, crush you, until you are like the flowers you step on, deformed and lifeless."
" And I saw how people threw away everything they have, fast or slow. Because innocence, well, innocence is the human being. And as the being grows, the innocence is lost, fast or slow. Shreds were ripped away to be replaced by outside influences. Until all that's left is a pile of dust, the image of what could have been." Syaoran closed his eyes.
I finally understood. Syaoran had died and come back to life before. He had seen the living from the other side. He remembered what he saw, which made him different from the rest of us. It showed why his blood became life. And now, now he's seen enough.
" Are you willing to go to a land where nothing is?" I asked.
" I will not go there." He answered softly, the wind carrying his voice so that it seemed far away. " I will go where the immortals live."
" Then what of Sakura?"
" Sakura?" Syaoran started, and then hesitated, as if unsure how to answer.
" Did you forget about her?" I asked, trying hard to avoid sounding annoyed and surprised.
" Iie." He answered. " I did not forget."
So I waited. And for a time he did not answer. Slowly he shifted. His dark eyes looked into mine.
" Sakura." He said. " Innocent young Sakura. One who never met death face to face. For if she had, then would she be afraid of spirits? Like many others she has never been tainted by darkness, and hopefully never will for a long time. Iie. I will not stay for the sake of Sakura."
" Why?" I asked softly.
Syaoran smiled. It was a smile I probably will never see when he is alive.
" Did Clow Reed remain for the sake of his guardians? For the sake of his magical cards?" He asked. Then he smiled again, a very tender, gentle smile.
" There are some times when love is not strong enough to make life bearable, Eriol. There are times when love retreats and death takes over. Love is a powerful thing. But if you tamper too much with it, love becomes hate. Hate becomes death. Life and Death are the true forces. Love is but a shadow of life."
" I want you to do a favor for me Eriol." He said to me.
" What?" I asked. " Anything."
Taking a dagger, small and sharp, he lifted his left hand and stabbed a wrist before I could protest. A single drop of blood formed and became a peony.
" When I go I want you to give this to her." Syaoran said. I accepted the flower, surprised that my hands were trembling. " And when you do, say these words for me. Tell her that the world is beautiful, and that she is beautiful. Tell her that there are some things too precious to give. Tell her that she needs to learn to protect herself. That there are more forces in this world than love alone. And when you give this to her, tell her that this flower represents my heart and everything it contains. And when she meets someone who she thinks she loves, to ponder on giving this same flower to him. To tell that person that this flower, too, represents her heart and everything it contains. And if that person understands, than she knows that person loves her back. Tell her that this flower would live as long as she lives, for this flower came from my spirit, my soul."
" Wh-why don't you give it to her?" I asked.
" I'm leaving tomorrow night." He answered simply. " And I do not want to bleed again."
After Syaoran left I comtemplated on what he said. And for a while I wondered what Clow Reed would do. What would he do for his descendant? That talk made me realize how little I knew of him. But what would Clow Reed do?
It was why I never spoke to Sakura until the last minute, the last few minutes. The sky by then was perfectly clear, and the fullest moon shone out of date. Sakura had been in the park when I spoke with her.
" There's something he wants to give you." I told her. And Sakura had looked at me, all confused. And I gave her the lovely peony, with all its fairness and grace, and told her what Syaoran instructed me to say.
" But why?" She asked softly, when I finished. And for a moment I looked into her eyes and understood why Syaoran wanted me to say what I did. There is so much in Sakura. So much, endless love and empathy. So little understanding and yet so much will to try. I smiled at her.
" He loves you." I said. " And that is the only reason there is."
Sakura stood there, all bewildered, with her eyes filled with tears, staring at the flower, the only thing that will be left, if she doesn't hurry.
" Aren't you going to stop him?" Her voice rose, angry. " Aren't you going to stop him from doing this?"
" From doing what?" I asked calmly. I did not know why I felt so good. Maybe because I knew I was doing the right thing. " Stop him from doing what? Do you know yourself, Sakura? Do you know what he sacrificed to be with you?"
She stared at me in shock, silent. It was not her fault. She doesn't understand. She shouldn't understand, but I told her anyway.
" This is one drop of blood." I pointed to that flower in her hand. " This is his drop of blood. This flower is one that he made, a drop of blood from his soul. This flower represents his heart and everything that means anything to him. It represents his hopes and dreams, the lessons he has learned, his sympathy, his trust, his vows, never to be fulfilled. This represents Syaoran."
Sakura stared at me with a look of complete incomprehension. And I didn't blame her. She is too young to understand.
" Have you ever wondered who Syaoran really is?" I asked her, seriously.
" He's a good person." She was weeping, with tears trailing down her pale cheeks. " He was kind. He cares for others."
" There's more to him than that." I said gently. " Know you what it is like to lose yourself? We all speak of such things but we don't know what it means. Sakura, Syaoran is going to the land of the gods. Do you think it is fair that he should stay in a corrupted world such as this for your sake? Love is not stronger than light, Sakura. Love is but a shadow of happiness."
She still looked at me with those confused eyes of hers, and I sighed. For the first time I realized that age is rather important now.
" I need to tell you something about Syaoran." I said. And I told her about the night of the full moon, with the crocodile and the round puddle of blood. I told her about how Syaoran revived, a different child, no longer innocent, no longer pure.
When she departed, I went after her, but I was smiling. I knew I did the right thing. Because I knew that Clow Reed would be proud of Sakura. He would be even more proud of Syaoran, his grandson who knows how many times removed, but still bearing those drops of blood, ten thousand drops of blood from Clow Reed. I knew Clow Reed would be proud. Because I've never been prouder.
Chapter 7
We just had him, right there, and now he's slipping.
It's hard not to see why. Syaoran's body has gone. Syaoran's soul remains, but it is not for our taking. He trusts only Yue because Yue was the one he spent most of his afterlife with. He still loves Sakura but does not trust her.
I never really had a chance to talk with him after we found him in the gardens, and where Yue spoke of the little drops of blood, forming small, lovely little blossoms, flowers of light and life. But one day he came to me, solemn and fair, an angel on earth.
" Time is running out." He said, his voice like bells. I started, still unused to his voice.
" Hai, indeed." I said, weary. " What of it?"
" I'm not staying."
At first I nodded, understanding what he meant, but conflicted on whether to ask or not.
" Why?" I finally replied.
Syaoran moved gracefully over to the balcony and I followed. It was night, the stars are bright, the rain finally clearing. Time was indeed, running out.
" So many things on this planet." He finally answered, like a god stroking smooth water. " So many things. Fair and beautiful."
I nodded.
" Yet I don't belong here."
Blinking, I looked at him. " How do you know?"
" I remember when I was a child." He answered. " I found a book speaking of a lost boy that will become god. Shortly after, there was a Moon Festival. The Li clan cruised along a boat down a calm, large lake, under the full moon. It was a perfect night, the sky was clear, the moon was bright. I remember staring at the moon, thinking that the moon follows me everywhere, that it is always watching over me. My sisters laughed at that, saying, what are you talking about? The moon does not follow you. But I look and watch, and it does."
I nodded, knowing the mind of young children, urging him to go on.
" When I looked down into the water, I saw the moon's reflection. Reaching out, I try to touch it, knowing it was water but curious to see if it feels the same. Is it colder than normal water? Is it warmer? Does it feel like water?" Syaoran smiled.
" And you fell in." I guessed.
" Iie." He smiled. " It does seem likely, doesn't it, for a young child. But instead, a huge monster broke through the face of the moon. It was glaring, with wide, sharp teeth. Long body, covered with scales. I withdrew my hand. I looked up at the moon. But the moon, where is it? Where has it gone? And as I searched, I found the moon, this time white as newly fallen snow, and I saw my own shadow resting on it, just as the water beast longed for my throat."
I held my breath.
" Iie." Syaoran answered. " This wasn't the first time I died. On the night of the full moon I woke in darkness, and the moon was nowhere to be seen. But there was blood, round puddles of blood, surrounding me, voices whispering and murmuring, sobbing and wailing. Eyes stare into mine."
" You were...brought back to life through magic?" I blinked, finally realizing where the story was going. " But...how?"
" That does not matter." Syaoran answered. " Because unlike most other people who miraculously revived, I remember everything before the murmurs and the sobs. I remember flying through the land in a single swoop, seeing death, horror, love and betrayal. When I woke things were never the same."
" People don't know what life is until they pass to the other side, Eriol. People don't know what living feels like because that's what they've been doing all along. But when one comes from the other realm back into the living world, it feels like the very strength of the earth is pulling at their body, forbidding them to rise, to fly, to open their eyes. The burdens of life do not just rest on shoulders, Eriol. They rest on the whole body. They don't just weigh you down. They flatten you, crush you, until you are like the flowers you step on, deformed and lifeless."
" And I saw how people threw away everything they have, fast or slow. Because innocence, well, innocence is the human being. And as the being grows, the innocence is lost, fast or slow. Shreds were ripped away to be replaced by outside influences. Until all that's left is a pile of dust, the image of what could have been." Syaoran closed his eyes.
I finally understood. Syaoran had died and come back to life before. He had seen the living from the other side. He remembered what he saw, which made him different from the rest of us. It showed why his blood became life. And now, now he's seen enough.
" Are you willing to go to a land where nothing is?" I asked.
" I will not go there." He answered softly, the wind carrying his voice so that it seemed far away. " I will go where the immortals live."
" Then what of Sakura?"
" Sakura?" Syaoran started, and then hesitated, as if unsure how to answer.
" Did you forget about her?" I asked, trying hard to avoid sounding annoyed and surprised.
" Iie." He answered. " I did not forget."
So I waited. And for a time he did not answer. Slowly he shifted. His dark eyes looked into mine.
" Sakura." He said. " Innocent young Sakura. One who never met death face to face. For if she had, then would she be afraid of spirits? Like many others she has never been tainted by darkness, and hopefully never will for a long time. Iie. I will not stay for the sake of Sakura."
" Why?" I asked softly.
Syaoran smiled. It was a smile I probably will never see when he is alive.
" Did Clow Reed remain for the sake of his guardians? For the sake of his magical cards?" He asked. Then he smiled again, a very tender, gentle smile.
" There are some times when love is not strong enough to make life bearable, Eriol. There are times when love retreats and death takes over. Love is a powerful thing. But if you tamper too much with it, love becomes hate. Hate becomes death. Life and Death are the true forces. Love is but a shadow of life."
" I want you to do a favor for me Eriol." He said to me.
" What?" I asked. " Anything."
Taking a dagger, small and sharp, he lifted his left hand and stabbed a wrist before I could protest. A single drop of blood formed and became a peony.
" When I go I want you to give this to her." Syaoran said. I accepted the flower, surprised that my hands were trembling. " And when you do, say these words for me. Tell her that the world is beautiful, and that she is beautiful. Tell her that there are some things too precious to give. Tell her that she needs to learn to protect herself. That there are more forces in this world than love alone. And when you give this to her, tell her that this flower represents my heart and everything it contains. And when she meets someone who she thinks she loves, to ponder on giving this same flower to him. To tell that person that this flower, too, represents her heart and everything it contains. And if that person understands, than she knows that person loves her back. Tell her that this flower would live as long as she lives, for this flower came from my spirit, my soul."
" Wh-why don't you give it to her?" I asked.
" I'm leaving tomorrow night." He answered simply. " And I do not want to bleed again."
After Syaoran left I comtemplated on what he said. And for a while I wondered what Clow Reed would do. What would he do for his descendant? That talk made me realize how little I knew of him. But what would Clow Reed do?
It was why I never spoke to Sakura until the last minute, the last few minutes. The sky by then was perfectly clear, and the fullest moon shone out of date. Sakura had been in the park when I spoke with her.
" There's something he wants to give you." I told her. And Sakura had looked at me, all confused. And I gave her the lovely peony, with all its fairness and grace, and told her what Syaoran instructed me to say.
" But why?" She asked softly, when I finished. And for a moment I looked into her eyes and understood why Syaoran wanted me to say what I did. There is so much in Sakura. So much, endless love and empathy. So little understanding and yet so much will to try. I smiled at her.
" He loves you." I said. " And that is the only reason there is."
Sakura stood there, all bewildered, with her eyes filled with tears, staring at the flower, the only thing that will be left, if she doesn't hurry.
" Aren't you going to stop him?" Her voice rose, angry. " Aren't you going to stop him from doing this?"
" From doing what?" I asked calmly. I did not know why I felt so good. Maybe because I knew I was doing the right thing. " Stop him from doing what? Do you know yourself, Sakura? Do you know what he sacrificed to be with you?"
She stared at me in shock, silent. It was not her fault. She doesn't understand. She shouldn't understand, but I told her anyway.
" This is one drop of blood." I pointed to that flower in her hand. " This is his drop of blood. This flower is one that he made, a drop of blood from his soul. This flower represents his heart and everything that means anything to him. It represents his hopes and dreams, the lessons he has learned, his sympathy, his trust, his vows, never to be fulfilled. This represents Syaoran."
Sakura stared at me with a look of complete incomprehension. And I didn't blame her. She is too young to understand.
" Have you ever wondered who Syaoran really is?" I asked her, seriously.
" He's a good person." She was weeping, with tears trailing down her pale cheeks. " He was kind. He cares for others."
" There's more to him than that." I said gently. " Know you what it is like to lose yourself? We all speak of such things but we don't know what it means. Sakura, Syaoran is going to the land of the gods. Do you think it is fair that he should stay in a corrupted world such as this for your sake? Love is not stronger than light, Sakura. Love is but a shadow of happiness."
She still looked at me with those confused eyes of hers, and I sighed. For the first time I realized that age is rather important now.
" I need to tell you something about Syaoran." I said. And I told her about the night of the full moon, with the crocodile and the round puddle of blood. I told her about how Syaoran revived, a different child, no longer innocent, no longer pure.
When she departed, I went after her, but I was smiling. I knew I did the right thing. Because I knew that Clow Reed would be proud of Sakura. He would be even more proud of Syaoran, his grandson who knows how many times removed, but still bearing those drops of blood, ten thousand drops of blood from Clow Reed. I knew Clow Reed would be proud. Because I've never been prouder.