.:All of My Tomorrows:.
chapter twelve : glint inside

The world seemed to be spinning uncontrollably leaving her dizzy and disconnected. She felt like she was falling into the motion and becoming part of it. Her eyes focused on the object before her and a shy smile found its way to her lips as it pulsed merrily at her. Kagome recognized it and the sphere recognized her, both seemed to reach out to the other. A true smile parted her lips and light up her eyes as it began to pull her into itself, surrounding her with warmth. A blinding light suddenly filled her senses and she squinted against it, anxious to see what it had to show her.

When her eyes adjusted to the light, she watched a chasm slowly open before her revealing several long and winding paths. All of the paths looked well worn and easy to travel as they carved their way through lush meadows and forests. Her eyes studied each path intently as she wondered which path was hers, knowing only one would lead to her appointed destination.

Then she saw it. A narrow path eroded with the passage of time called out to her, forcing her to see the chasm for what it truly was.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she studied the path. It looked treacherous and frightening with many twists and turns and risks she was afraid of taking. She shook her head as her eyes followed the route of the path.

She saw two corpses and recognized them as Shippou and Rin. She saw herself, broken and shamed. "N-no…"

"That is an illusion, Kagome," a familiar voice whispered from behind her, "That is what it wants to do."

"I can't— I can't face that. How am I supposed to defeat that by myself?!"

"Kagome, it is trying to frighten you. It is trying to make you doubt."

She didn't hear him, "I can't!"

"Kagome—"

"Not me!" her voice broke, painfully revealing her youth and inexperience, "I—"

"You are the last one," the voice said sternly, interrupting her. "It is alright to be afraid, but it is not alright to not fight. You know this."

Dismay filled her heart and tears stung at her eyes, "What if I fail?" Squeezing her eyes shut, she started to cry, feeling very alone and very overwhelmed by what she had to do.

"Kagome, you will not be alone," the voice said quietly, filling her with a surprise sense of security. "Take a closer look at the end of the path."

"I saw the end."

"No, you saw what would happen if you failed. You saw what it wanted you to see. You did not see the outcome if you are successful, if you unravel the jewel."

"You'll help me?"

A reassuring hand squeezed her shoulder, "Kagome, look."

Kagome slowly opened her eyes and gazed out into the chasm once more, hesitantly seeking her destination once more. She stared at it for a long time, straining her eyes to see more clearly.

"Keep looking."

A sudden sense of reassurance filled her soul as she saw the familiar faces of the people she loved waiting for her.

She glanced over at her companion, fear edging into her mind once more. "What if… What if I hurt them again?"

Knowing eyes met hers, making her feel instantly at ease. "You worry needlessly. You will set them free."

She smiled softly, trusting his words were true. Her fear gave way to hope and she smiled through her tears. This was what she was supposed to do. This was her destiny and she was not going to meet it alone.

Kagome awoke to a damp pillow, stained with her own tears. Even as full consciousness returned to her she could not keep from weeping. She peeked over at Shippou to make sure her cries had not awakened him and felt glad to see him still sleeping soundly. She did not want to have to explain to him the reason for her tears, he had been angry enough when she told him what happened between her and Jaken earlier that day.

Kagome rubbed her eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath, trying to clear her mind. It was not as if she had not had this dream before. Slightly different variations of the same dream had plagued her for weeks, yet tonight the dream had changed drastically and left her feeling uncertain. She'd never seen what Magatsuhi would do if she failed and the memory of it chilled her to the bone.

Usually Midoriko was the other person in her dream answering her questions or offering her reassurance, but tonight it had been Sesshoumaru. In her dream, she felt complete trust toward the youkai lord. She felt confident that she could depend on him, that he would take care of her and help her. That difference suddenly made the dream much more unnerving. It bothered her deeply and filled her with a sense of guilt, as though she was betraying Inuyasha somehow. She did not quite understand why.

It was more than a little disturbing.

It should have been Midoriko or perhaps Inuyasha in her dream, not Sesshoumaru. He wasn't her friend. If killing her meant that the Tetsusaiga would be his, Kagome was certain he would not hesitate to make quick her death. He was just using her...

'...and you are using him.'

Kagome's breath caught in her throat at the realization.

It was true. She was using him. She needed him to wield the Tetsusaiga against Magatsuhi. If they were successful in destroying him, then the Shikon no Tama would cease to exist.

If Kagome were not successful... if Sesshoumaru did not help her, all of their suffering and grief would be for nothing. Inuyasha and Kohaku would have died in vain and all the people trapped by the curse of the jewel would continue to suffer.

The only way to end the cycle was for Sesshoumaru to put his own life on the line and help her.

Kagome sighed and closed her eyes as she replayed the dream in her mind. Perhaps she needed to try to trust Sesshoumaru more. Perhaps the dream was trying to tell her that he was far more than what he projected.

She certainly hoped so.

• • •

Kagome was surprised not to see Jaken that morning as they normally did every morning when he brought them clean clothes to wear. After waking from her dream, Kagome had a difficult time falling back to sleep and had spent the early morning hours convincing herself that she should swallow her pride and apologize to Jaken. She did not feel she was the one who needed to apologize for the events of the previous day, but she was willing to do it if it meant preventing an already tense situation from becoming worse.

However, his usual time of showing up came and went and Kagome found herself wondering if she truly had offended the youkai lord as Jaken had implied when she heard a loud rap at her door. She knew from the knock that it was not Jaken. He never knocked, he always opened the door unannounced, deposited the clothing and left, usually without even looking at them.

Kagome frowned as she stared at the door. "Yes?"

The door slid open to reveal Sesshoumaru, his body appearing taller than normal in the narrow doorway and his expression reflecting agitation. Kagome did not think to hide her surprise from him; he had never come to see her before. He looked at her coolly and raised a brow at her causing Kagome to blush as she realized she was still wearing her nightclothes.

"Ah… good morning, Sesshoumaru," Kagome said politely as she gave a slight bow and clenched the top of her robe closed with her fist. She smiled nervously as her mind whirled with unspoken questions and perplexed feelings about his sudden visit.

"Jaken should not have struck you yesterday," Sesshoumaru said very matter-of-factly, almost coldly. "I have reprimanded him for his actions."

He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her intensely as he continued. "You are not to go against my wishes and 'help me' when I specifically tell you that I do not need or want your help."

"But, I–"

"I am not finished and I am not here to discuss this with you," he said sharply. "I am thankful for your talents with the miasma but as long as you are my guest do not make it a habit to act so irrationally and carelessly in the future. Act like a fool on your own time. I have no patience for it."

With that, the youkai lord shut the door and left, leaving Kagome to stand frozen in astonishment.

'Did... did he just say that he was thankful?'