.:All of My Tomorrows:.
chapter fifteen : dawn, part one
"Maybe your father gave it to you so you would learn the value of life."
An impatient sigh answered Kagome as she continued to express her theories about the twin swords. The youkai lord flicked his tail as he settled himself into a chair, watching her out of the corners of his eyes. She was in a talkative mood and for some reason, Sesshoumaru did not mind conversing with her. Though he did wish she would choose something else for the two of them to discuss.
"Or," Kagome continued, "maybe it's a yin and yang thing... but then that doesn't explain Inuyasha's inheritance, does it?
Sesshoumaru grunted with annoyance as he turned his full gaze toward her.
"You know not of what you speak."
"That may be," Kagome said, appearing thoughtful. "It's not like you need a sword to kill a hundred youkai at once, Sesshoumaru. Aren't you supposed to be one of the most powerful youkai living?"
"You are pointless to discuss this with."
"You mean you just don't want to talk about it."
"That, too."
Kagome smirked, "That's because I'm right."
"Why must I repeat myself with you? Is your mind too feeble to understand my words or are you purposely not listening to me? You know not of what you speak."
He continued to gaze at Kagome harshly, radiating a simple message to her: drop the subject. If it were not for the slight upturn of Sesshoumaru's lips, Kagome would let the subject drop. She didn't want to make him cross on purpose. Nevertheless, she could tell that he was not as annoyed as he projected himself to be. She had since learned to read his body language much better and she trusted her instincts. Besides, Kagome was enjoying the way Sesshoumaru was trying to avoid the topic. For once, the circumstances were reversed.
"Let's see... you spend your entire life training to be as strong, or stronger than your father. You succeed, but come to find out that instead of your father seeing your accomplishment and rewarding you with the Tetsusaiga, he gives you the Tenseiga and you're unhappy about it and hate Inuyasha."
"You put it so simply," he said sarcastically.
"I'm just trying to understand this grudge. You could be a little more helpful and explain it to me, you know."
"Why would I wish to do such a thing?" he asked as he leaned back more comfortably in his seat and smirked at her. "If I did, I would miss listening to your insightful gems of wisdom."
"Ha, ha."
• • •
Magatsuhi knew exactly where she was, what she was wearing, even what she smelled like.
He could see her; with his mind's eye, he could see her. The picture was clear and the sound crisp. Magatsuhi could see and smell her as clearly as though he was sitting next to her, breathing her in through his own nostrils and feeling her with his own flesh.
Yet in reality, she was sitting with him. She was talking, laughing and smiling with him and he could see the contentment in her eyes.
Magatsuhi could see a faint blush rise on her cheeks and he watched the nervous way she would occasionally fold and unfold her hands in her lap. She liked the youkai lord. She trusted him. Her feelings are obvious and quite plain, but Magatsuhi doubted that his little Kagome-chan was aware of those feelings herself. Those worthless emotions and sentiments that humans insist on clinging to kept her from acting on what her body was already telling her to do.
It was both disturbing and disgusting and Magatsuhi felt rage boil up within him as he watched.
She was his! Even before she was born, she belonged to him. The small bump just under her skin marking the presence of the Shikon no Tama was testimony of that fact. He owned her. Her flesh was for his pleasure and his pleasure alone. If anyone were going to spoil her, dirty her… glorify her, it would be him.
Midoriko rejected him once and bound him, it would not happen again. Now he would be the one to bind her.
Magatsuhi pulled back to watch the pair, letting his eyes travel over the youkai lord who sat beside his property completely unaware. He was in the way.
If only that fool had not been so damn stubborn and proud Magatsuhia would not have had to hide himself within a human to gain the nourishment he required. Sesshoumaru was supposed to accept Magatsuhi and become his vessel. His heart had been primed from the beginning; his father started the process before Sesshoumaru was even strong enough to hold a sword. Hatred and distrust of humans should be solidified within his heart by now, poisoning him and ripening his soul for Magatsuhi's consumption.
Sesshoumaru should hate her. He should want to humiliate and shame her in every way imaginable. He should have accepted Magatsuhi's offer. No -- he should have been delighted by it. They could be one, with her, and yet, Sesshoumaru rejected him.
Magatsuhi could see the flecks of warmth within Sesshoumaru's aura as he listened to the young woman. The youkai lord had steadily grown fond of her, even protective. He wanted to help her. He was comfortable in her presence.
He trusted her.
He cared about her.
Magatsuhi seethed at the sight. It was not meant to be this way. There should only be one sword, not two. That dirty little girl called Rin should belong to the maggots. Sesshoumaru's hate of humans should be a tangible thing. Naraku and the walking corpse should have taken the hanyou with them.
And Kagome should have waited with the Tetsusaiga for Magatsuhi to come to her just as she was supposed to!
A glint caught Magatsuhi's eye and he focused on the sheathed sword that lay beside the youkai lord. Perhaps it was the influence of that sword that turned the tide against him. It was a contradiction. No sword should exist capable of healing and saving lives. The very concept was an abomination.
It had to be the sword. Somehow, it was manipulating Magatsuhi's chosen fate. The Tenseiga and the Shikon no Tama were working together, against him. That had to be why the two were drawn together. The Tenseiga had softened Sesshoumaru's heart and purified his soul. It taught him what compassion, love and forgiveness is and the Shikon no Tama was protecting her.
The Tenseiga had to be destroyed and the Shikon no Tama had to be possessed. Magatsuhi's fate required it.
• • •
Sesshoumaru smirked sarcastically at her, "What makes you think that I do not value life?"
"I don't know," Kagome said with mock wonder, "your name for one, Destroyer of the Circle of Life-san."
Sesshoumaru chuckled, "You do not like it? My father chose it."
"I like it fine, but it leads one to believe you like the killing."
"I like the fighting. There is a difference. If my opponent happens to die from his injuries, however..." Sesshoumaru trailed off as he shrugged, his smirk never leaving his face.
"That still doesn't explain the grudge and–"
Another exasperated sigh escaped from Sesshoumaru's lips, interrupting Kagome in mid sentence. "This is bordering on becoming tedious."
"Well, why do you think your father gave Inuyasha the Tetsusaiga and not you?"
"Perhaps because Inuyasha was half human. Perhaps because he favored his mother over mine. Perhaps because he thought it would motivate me to become stronger. On the other hand, perhaps because he thought it would be humorous. My father was known for his strange sense of humor. In any case, I do not know, but the sword rightfully belongs to me and always has."
"What about the Tenseiga?"
"What about it?"
"You hate it, don't you?"
A single eyebrow quirked up, "Who told you that?"
Kagome rolled her eyes, "You did. I heard you specifically tell Toutousai that you wanted a 'more worthy' sword. That would kind of indicate that you think the Tenseiga is unworthy."
"I may have thought that once."
"But you always have it with you," she said, then gestured to the sword in question laying beside him, "even now."
"It is my sword."
Kagome sighed and rubbed her forehead in a frustrated gesture.
"I do not understand why you are asking such questions," he said.
"I want to understand why Inuyasha hated you so much, and why you disliked him."
Sesshoumaru raised a curious eyebrow. "What does it matter? He is dead."
"Yes, but I just don't get it. He hated you, but you don't seem to hate him. At least not like he hated you. You're not at all like the way Inuyasha made you out to be and I want to understand why that is. Why did Inuyasha hate you so much? He once said you would sooner commit seppuku than help a human, yet you care for Rin and you are kind to me."
Kagome sighed and looked down at her hands folded in her lap, "I just want to understand I guess. It feels weird being here and being friendly with you. I mean, the reason I'm even here is because of the Tetsusaiga–"
"You feel guilty."
Kagome glanced up at Sesshoumaru and nodded shyly. "Well... yes."
"Did I not tell you once before that I am not interested in educating you about my family history?"
"Yes," Kagome said softly, "you did."
Sesshoumaru felt an unfamiliar twinge of sympathy toward the woman-child. Her reasons for asking all the questions still seemed inconsequential to him, but were clearly important to her. He did not want to tell her the reasons. He preferred to keep the memories to himself, in the darkness of his heart. Yet, she needed to hear it, wanted to hear it, and he felt compelled to tell her.
If recounting the past would satisfy her and ease her heart, then he would give that to her.
"My father," Sesshoumaru began, the intense look in his eyes grabbing Kagome's full attention, "mated with my mother almost three centuries ago. They were both warriors and conquered this land together. A hundred years later, I was born and my mother spent her time caring for the household and I while my father continued to defend his current domain and win more territory in battle."
Kagome sat back slowly, never breaking eye contact with the youkai lord who seemed to hold her in his gaze. She swallowed nervously as she listened to him, feeling as though he was telling her something he never told anyone before.
Sesshoumaru folded his arms over his chest as he continued. "When I reached what you would consider early adolescents, my father's passions shifted from fighting and being the most powerful youkai in the lands to the pleasures of the flesh. He developed a taste for mortal women and often acted upon his desires when away for battle. He did not hide his activities from anyone; in fact, he often brought his mortal women home.
"My mother protested and told him that he was acting dishonorably and bringing shame to the family because he did not honor his life-mate and his heir. For a time, he stopped bringing women home and behaved himself. Before long, he went back to his old ways; the only difference was he tried to be more discreet about it. Eventually, the inevitable happened and one of his whores conceived.
"My father could sense the power that the unborn hanyou possessed and he decided that the pup was worthy to be his son, so he brought the mortal home with him to live and become his bound concubine.
"My father was a fool. He underestimated my mother's sense of honor and my sense of loyalty to the family. We both refused to recognize her as being part of the family and my mother refused to share her bed and marriage with the mortal. The two of us fought with my father about it quite frequently, and sometimes blood was shed. The pregnant whore did not know her place and would often end the fight by interfering one way or another," Sesshoumaru paused and spoke the next phrase with more emphasis, "an offense often punishable by death."
"When the hanyou was born and my father gave him the name of Inuyasha, a family name indicating that he was accepted as his son, my mother killed herself. Shortly thereafter, I left my father's home to make a name for myself apart from him. Inuyasha did not grow up knowing me. I rarely saw him as a child and when I did, he avoided any contact with me. I am certain that he only knew me by what his mother told him about me, which was probably not very flattering considering that I tried to kill her for interfering in a fight between my parents.
"As for the swords; I did not know of the Tenseiga and Tetsusaiga until after my father's death."
Kagome felt her throat tighten as she gazed back at Sesshoumaru. His eyes never left her face as he told her about his parents and Inuyasha's birth and she felt a strange sense of understanding settle in her belly.
"Thank you… for telling me."
"Do you feel less guilty now?"
Kagome smiled painfully and shook her head. She wanted to cry for Sesshoumaru, for the loss of his family and the pain he must have felt growing up in a home where one parent cared more about themselves than they did for their family. The only thing holding back her tears was Sesshoumaru's own pride. She felt it would be insulting to him for her to shed any tears.
"No, I feel something else," Kagome said, "I am impressed with you, Sesshoumaru. I'm glad you are not the person Inuyasha made you out to be. I'm glad to know you better now."