.:All of My Tomorrows:.
chapter twenty-two : dawn, part two

"How is she?"

Sesshoumaru shifted in his seat and sighed tiredly as he peered down at the kitsune pup. The boy returned the gaze with an expectant look.

"She is the same."

Shippou said nothing as he sat down next to Kagome and regarded her intently. She appeared peaceful in her slumber, just as she had for days. Her lack of improvement was disturbing to everyone, most of all to Shippou and Sesshoumaru.

"Konnichiwa, Kagome," Shippou whispered as he wrapped his hand around hers and gave her a fond, yet gentle, squeeze.

Silence descended upon the room immediately after Shippou spoke. The kitsune cub snuggled up next to her, wedging his upper body between her arm and body and sighed. The anxious stress that accompanied worry was exhausting, though the youkai pair still maintained their vigil. Each sat in a companionable silence as they observed Kagome for some change or shred of hope that she would get better and soon awaken.

If she ever would awaken.

She had been unconscious for almost a week and Sesshoumaru rarely left her side. Unbeknownst to everyone else, he often slept next to her when his own exhaustion overwhelmed him. Usually he lay next to her during the quietest hours of the night, not always because he needed the rest, but because he simply wanted to be close to her. His sense of protectiveness toward Kagome was a natural thing to him. Her health and welfare was important, he never spent much time pondering why until recently. His mind had been far too distracted with questions as to why the woman had yet to awaken than it was concerned about his behavior and unrealized need to be near her.

Kagome's wounds were all superficial, save for the large gash in her thigh. It required some stitching and extra attention to make sure it healed right, but he removed them two days ago. Her body was fine. She smelled healthy. Shippou even commented that her scent was more normal now than it had been since Inuyasha died.

Sesshoumaru pursed his lips together as a familiar question repeated itself in his mind: why was she still unconscious?

The kitsune yawned and settled down more comfortably against the woman in question, cuddling up to her and resting his head on her chest. Sesshoumaru did his best not to let his annoyance show, but he knew Shippou caught sight of his irked gaze just before closing his eyes and sighing loudly and contently.

Sesshoumaru almost smirked at the pup's reaction to his ire. The boy had grown on him over the past few days and the pair had come to a strange understanding. Shippou knew Sesshoumaru did not care much for him acting so clingy with Kagome, but the kitsune did it anyway, more out of a mischievous spite than anything. Sesshoumaru put up with it most of the time, knowing that Kagome and the pup had a close bond similar to that of mother and child. It still bothered him though, on a purely instinctual level, to have another youkai acting so familiar with her. The mingling of their scents just felt wrong to him.

It was during a moment earlier in the week, similar to the one that Sesshoumaru was currently observing, that opened the youkai lord's eyes to a truth he had been denying. An offhanded comment by Shippou finally forced Sesshoumaru to make peace with what he had actively denied and subconsciously feared he had been feeling all along.

He could not explain logically why the epiphany was as shocking to him as it was. There was really no reason why it should be. After all, he recalled thinking more than once during his battle with Magatsuhi that Kagome belonged to him. Although he had had those thoughts during battle, he later dismissed them as being a fleeting, "heat-of-the-moment" type of reaction.

However, it was not. Kagome did belong to him. That was it. Somewhere, somehow during the time she spent with him since the day they set foot on his domain, he had bonded with her.

Moreover, Shippou had suspected it all along.

Two nights following the fight with Magatsuhi, when everyone felt certain that Kagome would soon awaken, Shippou made the mistake of doing what he had always done when sleepiness came upon him. He made himself comfortable next to her, cuddled up to Kagome's chest and closed his eyes. Fury swept through Sesshoumaru at the sight of another youkai being so intimate with Kagome and he started to growl at Shippou. Sesshoumaru did not even pause to think about why he was growling, he just knew he wanted Shippou to stop and if he didn't, there would be hell to pay.

Shippou recognized the growl immediately and sat up to peer at Sesshoumaru with sleepy eyes. He scooted away from Kagome just far enough to calm Sesshoumaru's frayed nerves before saying, "What are you growling at me for? I'm not trying to bond with her or anything. I'm just tired!"

Sesshoumaru nearly lost control of himself when he heard the word "bond." Instinct told him to kill the annoying brat, but at the last minute, he held back and flung Shippou away from Kagome with one solid smack of his hand. The youkai lord sent the boy flying with a shocked 'eep' and he slammed into the nearest wall with a hard thud, knocking the child temporarily unconscious.

It took the rest of the night for Sesshoumaru to calm down so as not to be a threat to anyone, let alone to even begin to think rationally. The thought of him bonding to a human was insulting to say the least. Every time he started to think about what Shippou had said the same rage would spark up once more. It took days for Sesshoumaru to calm down enough to explore what he felt and he was disgusted with himself to realize that the child was right.

He had bonded with the human woman.

• • •

She was first aware of a gentle, yet persistent scraping sound that pulled her from her sleep. She moaned quietly and rolled onto her side as she tried to ignore the scraping that insisted upon being heard. The noise disappeared for a while and she relaxed once more, only to reawaken when she heard a low howl that preceded more scraping.

"Uhhh…" Kagome pouted tiredly when she realized that she would not be able to ignore the sound until she knew what was causing it and then figured out how to end it.

Grogginess clung to her, refusing to let go of her mind even as she blinked open her eyes to locate the source of the noise that had roused her from her sleep. Turning her head, Kagome focused on the only window in the room and saw a distant flash of light and she knew at once what the scraping was.

A storm was coming and the wind was causing the tree branches outside to scrape against her window.

Satisfied, Kagome snuggled down in her bedding and let the cozy darkness surround her once more. She did not pause to think about what it was that made the darkness so strangely comforting, she simply relished in the sensation and paid no mind to both the foreign and familiar feel of it. A sigh of contentment escaped her lips as she turned toward the source of her comfort and snuggled against it, only dimly aware of the rhythmic thumps against her cheek that lulled her back to sleep.

Sesshoumaru knew, and he waited for her to fall asleep once more before moving his free hand to gently caress her hair and back. Tonight was the first time she had awoken and relief filled him. Her sudden wakefulness made him want to talk to her, force her to eat, explain to him why she had been unconscious for so long. He resisted those urgings simply because he did not want her to realize that he was in bed beside her and had been sharing the same bed with her for over a week.

He had accepted the fact that he had bonded to her, but he was not ready for her to know about it. He was not even certain that he wanted her to ever know about it. Everything was happening so quickly and the situation had changed so dramatically that he felt completely out of his element. He was used to leading and being in control, not the other way around.

A bright flash of light reminded him that time was short. With a storm well on its way, he would have to separate himself from beside her before the storm officially arrived and awoke her once more. He did not want her to notice what he was not yet willing to share.

Sesshoumaru's body felt unusually cold as he padded back toward his quarters and crawled into bed.

"You are finally awake," Sesshoumaru said with a slight smirk as Kagome's head suddenly turned to look at him in surprise. "We were beginning to worry."

Kagome blushed as she pulled her katabira tighter around her and peered at Sesshoumaru sheepishly. "Ohayou gozaimasu, Sesshoumaru."

"Ohayou."

"I'm still a little groggy," she said with a nervous smile as she motioned at her early morning attire, "I must not have heard you knock, otherwise I would have gotten dressed."

"I did not knock. I heard you moving around and entered without your permission."

Kagome felt her cheeks begin to flush in anger at Sesshoumaru's admission and she glared at him, but the matter-of-fact way he admitted to the deed threw her off balance. She wanted to yell at him and tell him off, but all she could utter was a confused, "Oh."

"How are you feeling?" he asked, wanting to distract her from his sudden appearance in her room.

"I feel okay, just tired. I didn't sleep very well last night."

"Did the storm wake you?"

"Yes. But I was also cold. I just can't get warm for some reason," she blushed and peered down at her bedding. "I can't sleep when I'm cold."

Sesshoumaru pressed his lips together as he tried to ignore the implications of her last comment. "I'll have Jaken bring you more blankets. Are you hungry?"

"Yes."

Sesshoumaru nodded, "When you get dressed you can join Rin and Shippou for breakfast. They will be happy to see you up."

At the mention of Shippou, Kagome glanced about the room seeking the kitsune out. "Where is Shippou?"

"I provided him with his own room to sleep in," Sesshoumaru stepped toward Kagome and examined her curiously, wondering if she had any idea of how long she had been unconscious. "What day do you think it is today?"

Kagome's eyebrows furled together, "What?"

"What day is it today?"

"Is this a trick question?" Kagome asked skeptically. "It's… Tuesday, isn't it?"

"No."

Kagome frowned at him, convinced that he was playing with her somehow. "Well then what day is it?"

"Friday. You have been unconscious for over a week."

Kagome's mouth gapped open, "What?! How— I don't…"

"What is the last thing you remember?" Sesshoumaru asked as Kagome sank down on top of her futon.

She put her hands to her face and leaned forward, her eyes growing distant as she concentrated. Several moments clicked by and she finally turned to Sesshoumaru, "It's like the last time," she whispered, "when I killed…" Her voice trailed off as her throat tightened with emotion, "I didn't kill anyone… did I?"

Sesshoumaru knelt down in front of her, "No." He tilted his head as he studied her, noting the tears that were gathering in her eyes. "You did nothing you were not meant to do. What do you remember, Kagome?"

She took a deep, shaky breath, obviously relieved. "Magatsuhi… I remember Magatsuhi and Shippou and Rin… I remember Magatsuhi coming and sending them away," Kagome sighed and closed her eyes, forcing some of her unshed tears to fall. "I remember being cut. I can remember seeing Inuyasha and my father. I can remember seeing you, too… but it was wrong. It wasn't you. It was all wrong."

Kagome modestly put her right hand inside of her katabira and moved her hand over her left side, searching for the familiar lump that market the location of the Shikon no Tama. Her face went pale when she felt the unblemished skin under her fingertips and knew that the jewel was missing. Tear-bright eyes opened to look upon Sesshoumaru pleadingly, "It's all mixed up in my head… but Magatsuhi is dead, isn't he? The Shikon no Tama is gone and you killed him, right?"

"Hai, we both did." Sesshoumaru stood and pulled Kagome up with him, his hands never leaving her shoulders even after they were both standing. "Go bathe and get dressed. I will send Rin to help you if you need it. We will talk again after you eat."

Kagome's breath caught in her throat when Sesshoumaru smiled at her in a reassuring manner, the expression reflecting in his eyes.

"Do not let this trouble you, Kagome. I will tell you what happened if you are unable to remember everything for yourself."

• • •

Kagome watched the sun set as she sat in front of her window, contemplating the events of the past few weeks. Her memory was still shoddy, leaving gaps in various places, but she remembered most of the events that led to Magatsuhi's death. Anything she was uncertain about, Sesshoumaru made clear to her and usually his narrations jogged her memory enough so that she recalled most of the events on her own.

Sesshoumaru's presence was something Kagome found that she craved more and more each day. She missed him when he was gone. Since the day when she first awoke, she spent the majority of her time sticking close to the youkai lord, his presence a comfort to her confusion. Kagome had expected him to react coldly to her, to tell her to go away because she was a nuisance, but instead he seemed to welcome her.

At the time, it felt perfectly natural, but in retrospect, she could see the strangeness of it.

When Kagome was alone, she found that her thoughts were often of Sesshoumaru and home. She puzzled over her feelings toward the youkai lord and her need to see her family again. That too, invoked a curious response from her heart. She felt compelled to return home. She wanted to see her family again, but what held her back and kept her up at night was the even stronger desire to stay with Sesshoumaru.

She'd chastised herself repeatedly for her foolishness. After all, why would she want to stay with Sesshoumaru? Was he her friend? Could it be that the feelings she was developing for him was something more than gratitude and platonic fondness? It wasn't possible that it could be anything deeper than that, right? Besides, would he welcome her desire to stay with him and live in his home? That was doubtful. This was Sesshoumaru after all. He had already been more than the hospitable host and gentleman… but to stay with him? The idea was ludicrous!

"Kagome?" A childish voice asked from well behind the young woman staring at the waxing dusk.

She smiled and turned her head toward the cub, "Yes, Shippou?"

The boy sat cross-legged beside Kagome, "You've been in your room for so long, I decided to check on you."

"You were worried about me?"

"Well… yeah."

Kagome's smile grew wider as she patted the boy on the head. "I'm fine. I've just been doing some thinking."

"What about?"

She sighed and looked out the window once more. "Home, mostly," she said, not ready to admit that Sesshoumaru filled her thoughts far more than the idea of going home.

"Oh," Shippou looked down at the floor and pretended to be more interested in watching his hind paws as he idly wiggled his toes. Kagome noticed his fidgeting and stroked his head.

"I miss my family, Shippou. I miss my mom and grandpa and little brother. It's been so long since I last saw them," she smiled bitterly, "they probably think the reason I haven't come home is because I'm dead or something."

"Does this mean you're going to go home now?" Shippou swallowed hard and kept his eyes to the floor as he spoke, "For good?"

Kagome glanced down at the kitsune cub and saw the downcast look in his eyes. She reached out and pulled him close, giving him a gentle embrace. "Shippou, if I tell you something you have to promise not to tell anyone. Okay?"

The boy looked up at Kagome wide-eyed and sincere as he nodded silently.

"The truth is, Shippou, I've been sitting here thinking about going home and missing my family... but I'm afraid to leave."

"Huh? Why?"

"I don't know… it's… well—" Kagome frowned as she searched for the right words, "I guess... I guess I'm afraid that if I go through the well, I won't be able to come back. I mean... I want to come back here." Kagome blushed and smiled down at Shippou nervously, "I don't think I'm making much sense."

"But you want to see your family again, right?"

"Of course! They're my family. I don't want them to be left wondering if I'm okay or not, you know? But I think I would be more homesick over there, than here..." Kagome trailed off and looked out into the darkness of the newborn night once more, "In fact, I know I would."

The pair sat in silence for several moments before Shippou finally turned his face up to look Kagome in the eyes, "Miroku tried to force you through the well once. After Inuyasha died."

The young woman raised her eyebrows at Shippou, "He did?"

"He picked you up and carried you all the way to the well and then dropped you."

"I don't remember that," Kagome said softly.

"I remember." The boy bit a trembling lip and clenched his small fists as he fought for control over his emotion. His battle did not go unnoticed and Kagome laid her hand on his shoulder and gave him a gentle squeeze.

"Shippou?"

The kitsune turned his damp eyes to look at Kagome shamefully, "And I was glad. I really was. They were going to seal it and I would never see you again. I couldn't stop them so when you came out I was glad that it wouldn't take you. I was happy."

"Shippou—"

"I'm sorry!"

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for."

"Yes, there is! I was glad, Kagome. I wanted you to stay, even if you were miserable here. I thought I could help you to get better, I thought—"

The kitsune pup was cut off as Kagome pulled him into a warm embrace and refused to let him go even when he protested. Realizing that he was trapped in her hug, Shippou let go of the emotions he'd been trying so hard to keep a bay and wept in her arms. As the tears began to dry and the boy calmed, Kagome leaned her face down toward him and kissed the top of his head. He sniffled and looked up at her, an embarrassed look reflecting in his eyes.

"Shippou, I forgive you."

"Kagome—"

"I understand why you were glad, Shippou," Kagome said quickly, "and it's alright."

Shippou took a deep, calming breath. "But you still want to go home, don't you?"

Kagome frowned, not exactly certain how to explain her motivations to him without causing him more hurt. She understood his fear of being alone and understood the sense of abandonment that filled his heart.

"Shippou," Kagome began delicately, hoping her illustration would finally make him understand why she had to go home, "if you were in my place… if your family expected you home by the end of the week and almost two years later you're still missing and they don't know if you're alive or dead, wouldn't you try to go home?"

The boy paused for a moment, considering. Then finally, a nod.

"That's why I have to try, Shippou."

"So," the kitsune drawled slowly, "you're not going because you want to go back, you're going because you feel obligated to because of your family?"

Kagome pressed her lips together as she thought over Shippou's question. Her heart blurted out the answer instantly, but her intellect kept her mouth from verbalizing it. Could it be that the only reason she felt so compelled to return home was out of obligation? Not homesickness, but simple personal responsibility?

'Yes!' her heart blurted out, 'This is your home. Here with Sesshoumaru!'