"You okay?" Shane asked Kurt as he sat down next to him in the kitchen in
the McMahon estate. Kurt and Stephanie had pretty much moved in with Shane
into the giant house after Stephanie had decided to stay with the WWE.
"What are you doing up?" Kurt asked, looking discreetly at the microwave to discover it was after two in the morning.
"I should ask you the same question," Shane said.
"I couldn't sleep," Kurt said. "I tried milk."
"Warm?" Shane asked.
"You know it," Kurt said dryly.
"Sorry man," Shane said. "How's Stephanie."
"Sleeping like a baby for once," Kurt said. "She hasn't been sleeping well since she's left the lighthouse."
"Why?" Shane asked.
"Hell if I know," Kurt replied. "She's grieving for your father still. He was a bastard but she loved him. I really can't begrudge her anything."
"She's actually taken it better than I thought she would," Shane said. "Of course, I didn't realize she had you and I sure didn't think anyone could talk her into staying."
"I was a little shocked myself," Kurt said. "I was going to ask her but Jericho and The Rock had already taken care of it for me."
"How often did you see her before she came back?" Shane asked.
"In the beginning, not so often," Kurt said. "She didn't even want to tell Vince we were married at first. But once she finally broke down and told him, Vince helped me make sure I didn't have to do so much promotional stuff. Near the end, I was there about three days a week."
"I don't know if I could stand that," Shane said. "You guys obviously love each other. I would want to be with her all of the time."
"I did want to be with her all of the time," Kurt said. "I wanted to see her every morning and every night. But Stephanie thought that would hurt me."
"Why?" Shane asked.
"She hated when she would come back from her episodes as she calls them and realize she had forgotten the most important part of my life," Kurt said. "If I wasn't there it wouldn't happen that often."
"I don't quite understand the episodes," Shane said. "Like, what triggers them."
"Stress," Kurt said. "She had forgotten for about a week after Vince died. She could remember Vince died, but that was about it."
"And did you try to find her?" Shane asked.
"I knew she was safe with you," Kurt said. "I knew to bide my time. Every time she comes back she relives the experience of losing the baby. I knew that I couldn't let her lose her father and force her to lose the baby again. Do you understand?"
"No," Shane said. "You don't seem to really care about your marriage the way a husband should."
"How do you mean?" Kurt asked, looking forward so Shane couldn't see the anger that flashed through his eyes.
"I mean, you don't seem to want her to get better from whatever this psychological impairment is, you didn't spend all of the time you could with her, and Jericho is the damn hero of her novels," Shane said.
"I don't think you could ever understand Shane," Kurt said, standing up and going to the sliding glass door to look out onto the dark backyard. "I don't know that I completely understand."
"Try," Shane said.
"Why is it so important to you?" Kurt asked, trying to control the pain and anger he felt.
"Because she's my sister!" Shane exclaimed. "And I love her."
"I love her too," Kurt answered simply.
"Then try to explain it to me," Shane said.
Kurt looked at Shane and stared at him for a moment. He finally nodded and walked back to the chair he had been sitting in. "Do you want to know the most painful night of my life?"
"Sure," Shane said.
"The night we had a fight and she forgot our marriage for the first time," Kurt said. "She relived all of the abandonment she felt the night I left after another fight. She didn't know when she had her episode that I had only left to go get some air, that I came back with wine and roses to an empty lighthouse and a message on the phone from the local hospital saying she had been in an accident.
"When I looked in her eyes after that first time she had an episode, all I could see was hurt and that it was me who hurt her," Kurt finished. "It broke my heart. It breaks my heart every time she has to relive that awful night. If I could take that pain away from her, I would."
"Then why don't you get her in to see a doctor or something?" Shane asked.
"Don't you think I've tried that?" Kurt asked, turning to Shane, his blue eyes wet with tears. "Your sister is convinced that after time it will stop completely. She thinks she would be weak if she went to get help for it. She thinks she will be fine."
"But there has to be something," Shane said.
"Shane, I've threatened to leave her if she didn't get some help," Kurt said. "And then she had an episode. And I knew right then that I couldn't leave her alone. I couldn't ever walk away despite the fact that it kills me that she won't admit something is wrong."
"So you pretend everything is fine?" Shane asked.
"No," Kurt said. "I step on eggshells around her. I try to make sure nothing aggravates her. And now I feel like a watchdog and I'm afraid she will start to hate me because I rarely let her out of my sight. I feel like I treat her like a child, but I feel like I don't have a choice."
"I guess," Shane said.
"I can't live without her Shane," Kurt said, his voice harsh with tears he refused to cry. "And she would rather live without me than get help. She refuses to be weak."
"Then why didn't you spend more time with her while she was up in Maine?" Shane asked.
"I told you," Kurt said. "It hurt her. It hurt me to be away from her because all I wanted to be was with her. I was ready to leave the WWE. We had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of our lives, but she thought it would just hurt me."
"You two are strange," Shane said.
"I know," Kurt said. "If I could make us normal, or less strange in any case, I would do it. I would take away all of that pain she feels when she has an episode. But I can't."
"What about her writing Jericho as her hero?" Shane asked.
"He's her best friend," Kurt replied. "I knew that they were best friends from the moment we started seeing each other again, after she broke up with him. He's the one man in her life who has never broken her heart."
"I doubt Test ever broke her heart," Shane said.
"He did," Kurt answered. "When he refused to believe that she had anything to do with getting married to Hunter, it broke her heart. Her staying married to Hunter had little to do with you and Vince, and more to do with Test. It was just Vince who Hunter wanted to target."
"Wow," Shane said. "And you've broken her heart?"
"Yeah," Kurt said. "Several times. When I was the mole in the Alliance, when I lied to her face and told her I didn't love her afterwards, when I left after our fight."
"Has she broken yours?" Shane asked.
"Yeah," Kurt said. "Every time I read Jericho as her hero."
*
"Hey baby," Stephanie whispered when she felt Kurt slip into bed next to her.
"You're awake?" Kurt asked.
"I woke up about five minutes ago," Stephanie shrugged. She cuddled close to him and smiled when she felt his arms band around her waist.
"I wish you could sleep better than you have been," Kurt whispered to her.
"I know," Stephanie said. "I wished you would too."
"I just feel so tense," Kurt said. "Like something is going to happen."
"Something bad?" Stephanie asked, lightly placing a kiss on his bare chest.
"I don't know," Kurt said. "I wish I could say."
"Hey, it's okay," Stephanie said.
"I love you Stephanie," Kurt said, thinking about his conversation with Shane. He didn't care about what anyone thought about his feelings for Stephanie, as long as Stephanie knew his true feelings for her. "You know that right?"
"I know," Stephanie said, again kissing Kurt's chest. "And I love you too."
"I know," Kurt said.
Stephanie looked up at Kurt while he slept. She kept thinking about the last words she had heard him say to Shane. "Every time I read Jericho as her hero."
"What are you doing up?" Kurt asked, looking discreetly at the microwave to discover it was after two in the morning.
"I should ask you the same question," Shane said.
"I couldn't sleep," Kurt said. "I tried milk."
"Warm?" Shane asked.
"You know it," Kurt said dryly.
"Sorry man," Shane said. "How's Stephanie."
"Sleeping like a baby for once," Kurt said. "She hasn't been sleeping well since she's left the lighthouse."
"Why?" Shane asked.
"Hell if I know," Kurt replied. "She's grieving for your father still. He was a bastard but she loved him. I really can't begrudge her anything."
"She's actually taken it better than I thought she would," Shane said. "Of course, I didn't realize she had you and I sure didn't think anyone could talk her into staying."
"I was a little shocked myself," Kurt said. "I was going to ask her but Jericho and The Rock had already taken care of it for me."
"How often did you see her before she came back?" Shane asked.
"In the beginning, not so often," Kurt said. "She didn't even want to tell Vince we were married at first. But once she finally broke down and told him, Vince helped me make sure I didn't have to do so much promotional stuff. Near the end, I was there about three days a week."
"I don't know if I could stand that," Shane said. "You guys obviously love each other. I would want to be with her all of the time."
"I did want to be with her all of the time," Kurt said. "I wanted to see her every morning and every night. But Stephanie thought that would hurt me."
"Why?" Shane asked.
"She hated when she would come back from her episodes as she calls them and realize she had forgotten the most important part of my life," Kurt said. "If I wasn't there it wouldn't happen that often."
"I don't quite understand the episodes," Shane said. "Like, what triggers them."
"Stress," Kurt said. "She had forgotten for about a week after Vince died. She could remember Vince died, but that was about it."
"And did you try to find her?" Shane asked.
"I knew she was safe with you," Kurt said. "I knew to bide my time. Every time she comes back she relives the experience of losing the baby. I knew that I couldn't let her lose her father and force her to lose the baby again. Do you understand?"
"No," Shane said. "You don't seem to really care about your marriage the way a husband should."
"How do you mean?" Kurt asked, looking forward so Shane couldn't see the anger that flashed through his eyes.
"I mean, you don't seem to want her to get better from whatever this psychological impairment is, you didn't spend all of the time you could with her, and Jericho is the damn hero of her novels," Shane said.
"I don't think you could ever understand Shane," Kurt said, standing up and going to the sliding glass door to look out onto the dark backyard. "I don't know that I completely understand."
"Try," Shane said.
"Why is it so important to you?" Kurt asked, trying to control the pain and anger he felt.
"Because she's my sister!" Shane exclaimed. "And I love her."
"I love her too," Kurt answered simply.
"Then try to explain it to me," Shane said.
Kurt looked at Shane and stared at him for a moment. He finally nodded and walked back to the chair he had been sitting in. "Do you want to know the most painful night of my life?"
"Sure," Shane said.
"The night we had a fight and she forgot our marriage for the first time," Kurt said. "She relived all of the abandonment she felt the night I left after another fight. She didn't know when she had her episode that I had only left to go get some air, that I came back with wine and roses to an empty lighthouse and a message on the phone from the local hospital saying she had been in an accident.
"When I looked in her eyes after that first time she had an episode, all I could see was hurt and that it was me who hurt her," Kurt finished. "It broke my heart. It breaks my heart every time she has to relive that awful night. If I could take that pain away from her, I would."
"Then why don't you get her in to see a doctor or something?" Shane asked.
"Don't you think I've tried that?" Kurt asked, turning to Shane, his blue eyes wet with tears. "Your sister is convinced that after time it will stop completely. She thinks she would be weak if she went to get help for it. She thinks she will be fine."
"But there has to be something," Shane said.
"Shane, I've threatened to leave her if she didn't get some help," Kurt said. "And then she had an episode. And I knew right then that I couldn't leave her alone. I couldn't ever walk away despite the fact that it kills me that she won't admit something is wrong."
"So you pretend everything is fine?" Shane asked.
"No," Kurt said. "I step on eggshells around her. I try to make sure nothing aggravates her. And now I feel like a watchdog and I'm afraid she will start to hate me because I rarely let her out of my sight. I feel like I treat her like a child, but I feel like I don't have a choice."
"I guess," Shane said.
"I can't live without her Shane," Kurt said, his voice harsh with tears he refused to cry. "And she would rather live without me than get help. She refuses to be weak."
"Then why didn't you spend more time with her while she was up in Maine?" Shane asked.
"I told you," Kurt said. "It hurt her. It hurt me to be away from her because all I wanted to be was with her. I was ready to leave the WWE. We had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of our lives, but she thought it would just hurt me."
"You two are strange," Shane said.
"I know," Kurt said. "If I could make us normal, or less strange in any case, I would do it. I would take away all of that pain she feels when she has an episode. But I can't."
"What about her writing Jericho as her hero?" Shane asked.
"He's her best friend," Kurt replied. "I knew that they were best friends from the moment we started seeing each other again, after she broke up with him. He's the one man in her life who has never broken her heart."
"I doubt Test ever broke her heart," Shane said.
"He did," Kurt answered. "When he refused to believe that she had anything to do with getting married to Hunter, it broke her heart. Her staying married to Hunter had little to do with you and Vince, and more to do with Test. It was just Vince who Hunter wanted to target."
"Wow," Shane said. "And you've broken her heart?"
"Yeah," Kurt said. "Several times. When I was the mole in the Alliance, when I lied to her face and told her I didn't love her afterwards, when I left after our fight."
"Has she broken yours?" Shane asked.
"Yeah," Kurt said. "Every time I read Jericho as her hero."
*
"Hey baby," Stephanie whispered when she felt Kurt slip into bed next to her.
"You're awake?" Kurt asked.
"I woke up about five minutes ago," Stephanie shrugged. She cuddled close to him and smiled when she felt his arms band around her waist.
"I wish you could sleep better than you have been," Kurt whispered to her.
"I know," Stephanie said. "I wished you would too."
"I just feel so tense," Kurt said. "Like something is going to happen."
"Something bad?" Stephanie asked, lightly placing a kiss on his bare chest.
"I don't know," Kurt said. "I wish I could say."
"Hey, it's okay," Stephanie said.
"I love you Stephanie," Kurt said, thinking about his conversation with Shane. He didn't care about what anyone thought about his feelings for Stephanie, as long as Stephanie knew his true feelings for her. "You know that right?"
"I know," Stephanie said, again kissing Kurt's chest. "And I love you too."
"I know," Kurt said.
Stephanie looked up at Kurt while he slept. She kept thinking about the last words she had heard him say to Shane. "Every time I read Jericho as her hero."