Ryoga Hibiki paused to take a deep breath and look around. The area felt slightly familiar, but given the places his sense of direction had taken him over the years, that didn't signify much at all. The billboards were in Japanese, so it looked like he'd at least managed to get to the right country. Hefting his sack of pralines, magnolia blossoms, and pecans, he started walking again. The southern United States had been pretty, but nothing had helped him forget his torment. He was determined to find Nerima, and Akane.
A hand shot out and pulled him through an open door. "Finally! I've been expecting you for ages!"
Ryoga sat abruptly as the hand released him onto a chair. "Ukyo? How could you have been expecting me?"
She smirked and started assembling an okonomiyaki with movements so fast that her hands seemed to blur. "Akari came through here looking for you. Since you dumped her, I figured you'd come by to try to get Akane again." The steaming pizza was expertly flipped onto a plate in front of him and Ukyo slipped into the seat across from him. "Was I wrong?"
Ryoga felt himself blushing as he stared down at his plate. "It's not like that, exactly. There's..." He broke off and poked at the food in front of him. A look of disgust crossed his features. "This isn't pork, is it?"
Ukyo rolled her eyes. "What do you think I am, stupid? It's soy meat, now shut up and chew while I explain the plan." Ryoga looked at her skeptically and took a bite of his food. He closed his eyes as he dutifully obeyed her instructions, reflecting that no other country could cook okonomiyaki right, and no one in Japan cooked it better than Ukyo. He looked at her as she talked and speculated once again as to why Ranma didn't choose this fiancee, with her sparkling eyes and earthy friendliness. Granted, she was scary sometimes, and was all too ready to use that gigantic spatula, but that just made her a better choice for a violent jerk like Ranma, right? Not like Akane's sweetness and gentle ways, which Ranma would trample all over.
Realizing where his thoughts were going, he slapped himself to snap out of it. He'd come to Nerima to say goodbye to Akane forever. She'd told P-chan often enough how she felt about Ranma, and Akari had convinced him to accept that. He started banging his head against the table to remind himself of that.
"Look, it's the perfect plan. Once you take Akane out on a real date, she'll be so impressed with your big muscles and your sweetness that she'll dump Ranma in a heartbeat." Ukyo broke off her monologue when his head smacking into the table showed he wasn't listening. After a moment of looking on in alarm, she thwapped the back of his head with one of her smaller spatulas. "Hey! If you want massive head trauma, break my table, why don't you?! Then I'll SHOW you what a head injury is!"
Ryoga looked up, dazed, then stared sheepishly at the dent he'd made in the formica. "Sorry, Ukyo." Why couldn't he do anything right? Was he doomed to misery forever? Rolling her eyes, Ukyo smacked him again, adding another lump to the collection on top of his head. "Hey! What was that for?!?"
"You were being all depressed again." She met his glare with one of her own, until he broke off with a wince and held his head. "You know, if you'd been listening, I wouldn't have had to do that. Try not to break anything while I get you some ice."
He started eating again, not bothering to tell her the ice wasn't needed. It would give him some time to concentrate on his food without having to try to pay attention to her plan, and she seemed happy to be fiddling around in the kitchen, fetching ice and a clean dishrag. Ryoga's lip curled in disgust when Ukyo flung his icepack to the table and started bustling at her grill. Ranma had arrived.
"No food tonight, Ucchan." Ryoga felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up at Ranma's tone. His vague feeling of dread was confirmed when Ranma blurted out, in a single breath, "Akane and I love each other, and we eloped. The marriage is all legal and stuff, so there's no way to stop it or change it. You're my best friend, and I hope you'll be happy for us... For me."
Ryoga looked at where Ukyo stood, her shoulders slumped and her face hidden by the fall of her hair. Her hands went up to cover her face and her shoulders shook. Ranma started babbling in obvious panic. "Come on, Ucchan, don't cry, you'll mess up your pretty face by crying. I love you, man! I wouldn't even be here if Akane hadn't told me I had to tell all the fiancees in person." Ranma couldn't seem to stop his foot going deeper and deeper into his mouth. "Not that I wouldn't have told you or nothin', I mean, I'd have sent you a postcard at least!"
Before he could say anything else, Ukyo threw back her head, completely losing the battle against the laughter that had been bubbling inside her. Both Ranma and Ryoga looked at this unexpected reaction with confusion, and Ranma reached for her. She smacked his hand away, and any inclination he had to try again was forestalled by Ryoga looming in front of him. Ranma started in surprise, pigtail standing on end and index and pinky fingers stretched out. "Ryoga! How long've you been here?"
"Long enough." Chi flames flared around Ryoga as he stared down at his longtime rival and seethed. He'd always known that Ranma had the manners and sensitivity of a musk ox, but even a musk ox would have handled the situation better. How could Ranma dare to treat Ukyo this way? Ukyo might be a violent maniac sometimes, but she still had feelings. He'd already known he had to give up Akane, and the news still gave him a wrench; Ukyo had to be heartbroken, and the way the bombshell had been dropped made it that much worse. With a glare acid enough to etch steel, Ryoga said, "Don't you think you should leave now, Ranma?"
The martial artist in question was once again thrown into a state of confusion. "Huh? Shouldn't I prepare to die or something like that?"
Ryoga smirked, light glinting off one fang as he crossed his arms and stared down at Ranma. "If you want to, you can." He cracked his knuckles and had dropped casually to a fighting stance by the time a giant spatula intervened.
"No fighting in my restaurant." Both men turned to look at the okonomiyaki chef and shuddered. She was smiling faintly, but otherwise looked perfectly calm, a portrait of serenity. "Go home, Ranma. I'm closed."
Once again, Ranma proved that he didn't necessarily think before speaking. "But... Ryoga's here."
Ryoga's eyes bored into him, but Ukyo's blankly pleasant expression didn't waver. Her voice was the soft and cheery tone normally reserved for customers. "He's my guest, and my friend. You're not welcome here right now. Did you have anything else to say?"
The moment when Ranma's brain finally kicked in, his mouth closed with an audible click. He muttered a vague goodbye and scuttled out the door, the remaining pair watching until his back disappeared around a corner. Ukyo walked slowly to the door and locked it, hanging up the closed sign.
"Are you okay?" Ryoga walked over to Ukyo, holding some napkins in case she started crying and needed to wipe her tears. "Ranma's a jerk."
"Yeah, but he's Akane's jerk, not mine." She looked thoughtful for a minute, a hint of tears floating past her eyes. "He has been all along." She took a deep breath, and an impish grin lit her features. "Still, this means I can stop acting like the cute fiancee, right? I can do whatever I want." She threw off her apron, quickly going through the motions of shutting down the grill for the night. Her rapid movements paused and she frowned before laying a cool hand on Ryoga's arm. "You're okay, right? I mean, Akane's out of reach, but you can patch things up with Akari, right?"
He frowned and said flatly, "Right," but she took his answer at face value and started going up the stairs. Deciding the best thing to do was wait, he sat down to finish his food. Although his ears were perked for sounds of incipient grief, all he heard were rustles of cloth and drawers banging open and shut.
Minutes later, Ukyo drifted by in a cloud of perfume and a swish of skirts. Ryoga only got a glimpse of a frothy peach colored material as she sailed out of the front door of the restaurant with a cheery, "See you later! I'm gonna go have fun!"
He stood and tried to follow her to make sure she didn't do something stupid. By the time he'd left the kitchen and meat freezer and found the front sidewalk, she was turning a corner in the distance. He set off after her, starting to run when it looked like he was about to lose her. He caught her arm and looked into the face of a complete stranger.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Pervert!" A purse that seemed to be full of bricks smacked him in the face and the girl he'd been following ran off, leaving him all alone in a small side street. He looked around and sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping dejectedly. Lost again.
He spent a week wandering around Nerima, looking for Ukyo, or the Tendo Dojo, or anything that looked even vaguely familiar. He'd run into Konatsu at one point, and spent half an hour trying to calm the sobbing boy/girl down. Apparently Ukyo had come home at some point and snarled at Konatsu for trying to talk to her. Konatsu had tried to press the point and Ukyo had screamed for the ninja waitress to get out. Ryoga suggested to Konatsu talk to the Tendos about a place to stay, and then kicked himself for not following the newly chipper Konatsu there. He was still worried about Ukyo, but the Tendos would have helped him look for her, and given him a place to rest, and some food.
On cue, his stomach growled. He looked around and saw he was standing under a neon sign that advertised "Bar & Grill". Even if it wasn't the best place to relax, he could sit down and eat something before he set out again. Decision made, he pushed open the door.
A wild rebel yell rang through the night as a furnace blast of hot air rolled over him from the entrance. The tang of alcohol fought with the reek of sweat and too many perfumes through a hazy blue miasma of cigarette smoke that curled through the air. A heavy bass beat hit next, the only part of the music that could be heard over the roar of a crowd of people trying to make intimate connections with strangers. Ryoga batted at the clouds of smoke in the air and tried to concentrate on finding the promised grill. His attention was distracted by another loud whoop and a wild laugh in a husky feminine voice.
He had been caught by the laugh, but it was the legs that held him. Stiletto-heeled sandals were held on by ribbons that crisscrossed up to tie just under her knees. Firm thighs flexed as she danced, leading the eye upward to a skirt that was barely worthy of the name. Short and tight also described her shirt, and there was no possibility whatsoever that she was wearing a bra. Dark hair spilled around her shoulders and over her face as she danced wildly on a tabletop with a heavily muscled man in a tight t-shirt. She threw her head back to take a long swing from the bottle she held and Ryoga felt shock slam into his gut as solidly as Ranma's best attack.
"Ukyo! Get down from there, right now!"
She licked her lips and looked down on him dizzily. "Ryoga-kun! Did you come to dance, too?" She slid from the table, ignoring her dance partner's pout. Still undulating to the music, she slid through the crowds to stand next to him. "Isn't this a great club?"
Ryoga's face wrinkled at the amount of beer on her breath. "Why don't I take you home, Ukyo? This... Isn't a good place for you." He reeled backwards as she smacked him in the chest, hard.
"What do you know about what's good for me? I happen to like drinking beer and listening to music." Even if the music was too loud, and the whiskey fumes from some of the men made her gag. She was a free woman, right? Just because Ranma didn't want her, had never wanted her, didn't mean no one would. And she'd prove it, too, just as soon as she found a man whose touch she could stand to think about on her bare skin. Pushing aside the tiny voice that said she was being self-destructive, Ukyo raised her arms and went into an all-over shimmy that captured the attention of her erstwhile dance partner.
The muscled giant stalked over with a purposeful gleam in his eye, and Ryoga whispered urgently to Ukyo, "Is he good for you, too? Because if that's what you want, I can just go."
For a moment, Ukyo seemed to hesitate, her dancing slowing to a stop. Then her expression closed in on itself and she started moving again, swaying to the pulsing beat. Defiantly, she said, "Maybe it IS what I want. It's not like I'm engaged or married." A flicker of heartbreak crossed her eyes as she said softly, "I can do whatever I want."
The beefy man's hand closed around Ukyo's waist and he pulled her close to him, as primitive a gesture of ownership as any. "Get lost, pal. This here's my chick, and she don't need losers like you hanging around."
Ryoga shrugged, the negligent move a cover for loosening his muscles in case of trouble. "If that's what the lady wants, I've got no objections." He looked at Ukyo, who was being held off balance by the man's grip. "Is this what you want?"
Ukyo's admirer laughed, a sneering and drunken sound. She looked uncertain, but didn't move to free herself. "Of course it's what she wants. She's been begging for it all night." His hands went down to Ukyo's rear, pressing her up against him while he leaned in to thrust his tongue into her mouth.
"Blech." Ukyo ran the back of a hand over her mouth as she pushed against the man holding her. "That was disgusting."
Within seconds, the man holding her was on the ground, tears streaming from his eyes. Ukyo blinked as she documented the damage. The arm that had been holding her looked dislocated, or possibly broken. The man's jaw was swollen, and it looked like some teeth were missing. Ryoga was standing perfectly still, his arms crossed nonchalantly and not one hair out of place. "So, did you want to stay here, or did you want me to walk home with you?"
Ukyo was silent until they'd stepped out into the crisp night air. "I could've handled him, you know."
Ryoga grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, I know. But I figured, you handle things for yourself so often, maybe you wouldn't mind if I stepped in this one time."
Ukyo shook her head and started walking. "I'll let it go this time, but only if you keep me company a while." She had a headache from the noise of the club, and the thought of going back in to try to steel herself up to go through with her plan nauseated her. Tomorrow she'd go back to it. Someone, somewhere, had to want her, she just had to find him and then get drunk enough to get over her instinctive repulsion. She didn't need Ranma in order to be a girl. No, Ukyo Kuonji could be sexy and feminine, even if she hated every minute of it. For tonight, though, she could take a break. A peaceful evening at home in undemanding company sounded like a slice of heaven.
Ryoga shrugged and fell in step behind her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ryoga was not drunk. Even though he and Ukyo had spent several hours drinking beer, eating popcorn and watching movies, he'd been drunk before and he knew this was not it. Therefore, he had no one to blame but himself and maybe his tiredness for blurting out, "Did you mean what you said to Ranma?"
"Hmm?" Ukyo looked up from the screen and looked at him blankly for a moment. Once her brain registered the question, she paused, one hand above the popcorn bowl. "Yeah, of course you're my friend. Why do you think you're here?"
Ryoga nodded and then blurted out, "What about Ranma?"
She stared at the commercial playing as if it held the secrets of the meaning of life, giving Ryoga plenty of time to curse himself for ruining the companionable mood of the evening. Just when he would have babbled something, anything, to break the silence, she spoke, softly but with conviction. "I don't know what's worse - that I chased Ranma for so long, or realizing that I didn't love him, I loved the idea of not being alone. Of having someone think..." She trailed off, bowing her head to hide her eyes.
A small noise that was somewhere between a bitter laugh and a grateful sob escaped her, increasing the frown on his face. "When he told me they'd done it, they'd gotten married, I felt like I'd been busted up into a thousand pieces, but the strongest feeling was relief that I could stop trying to convince myself that Ranma was my own personal fairy tale prince."
Ryoga snorted and took a swig from his beer. "More like the frog."
Ukyo shot him an arch look from eyes starting to clear of tears. "Is it a tragic story of a frog drown in pool many year ago? If so, I've heard it."
Ryoga choked on his drink and a corner of his mouth turned up. It turned promptly back down at Ukyo's next words. "So, why did you leave Akari? She seemed to be the one person on earth created by God especially for you." She eyed him speculatively as his blush seemed to expand beyond his skin to form a halo around him.
"You have to swear to me on your favorite spatula and your honor as a chef that you will never tell anyone about this, ever." At her nod and 'get on with it' hand flap, he took a deep breath and continued. "I guess I thought that, too, and that I should be grateful for the miracle of a girl who actually wanted me, in spite of my pig form." His lips twisted, a parody of a smile with a glint of shining fang.
Several moments went by before Ukyo couldn't contain herself any longer. "So what happened?"
"Well, we spent some time together. I started to get used to her pig obsession, and she started to understand that I didn't appreciate having cold water randomly thrown at me." A gulp of beer made the next part easier for him to say. "We decided to go ahead and, uh, go all the way."
Ukyo held her breath, waiting for him to continue. He looked intently at the wrappings on his legs, his words a monotone as he continued to relate the horrible, humiliating details. "I was okay with the grunting; what the hell do I know about what noises women make when they're excited? The position with her on her knees was also not a problem, if you get my drift. But when she yelled out her pig's name and screamed, 'Ride me, my magnificent wild boar', I had to leave."
Ukyo's face had stiffened over the course of this recital into a blank mask. Her lip twitched slightly and she said, carefully, "Her pig's name?"
Ryoga nodded morosely. "You know that big sumo one she rides on? That one."
Ukyo tried. She was framing a grave response when the first snicker managed to escape. A valiant rearguard action was fought and lost. The words, "I'm so sorry, Ryoga," were interspersed with breathless giggles.
"It's NOT funny." Ryoga watched as Ukyo pressed her hands to her face. Tears were rolling down her face and she was holding her stomach, trying to stop laughing enough to breathe and continue apologizing. The sheer life-threatening humor of it all started to sink in to Ryoga as he watched her and soon both were literally rolling on the floor, laughing. Both started shouting out their issues and laughing at each in turn.
"Between school and the restaurant, I don't have time to have a life!"
"I can't get wet without someone trying to cook me!"
"I wasted years of my life on a jerk!"
'All the women I've been interested in love the pig more than me!"
"I've dressed as a boy so long, I don't know whether I can be a girl any more!"
"I spent weeks wondering if I'd ever get an erection again!"
Ryoga continued to laugh uproariously until he noticed he was the only one doing so. He trailed off and looked at Ukyo's sad and sympathetic face. "Oh, Ryoga. I'm sorry."
He found he preferred her laughter to the tears pooling in her eyes. He hastened to say, "No, no, don't worry, it's okay now."
She smiled slightly and patted his hand. "You saw Akane?"
His blush threatened to set his hair on fire as he shook his head and mumbled, "Uh, actually, well... I didn't realize it was you on that table at first, or I would've been, y'know, respectful and not looked, but, um, well, you have very, uh, nice legs." An embarrassed cough marked the end of his fumbling attempt at explanation.
Ukyo's blush nearly matched his, and for the first time she sized up the situation. Fact: She was still wearing extremely short, tight, and revealing clothes. Fact: She was alone with a boy who was big, strong and handsome. Fact: She was not engaged. Her eyes roamed up and down his body, still hunched over in a posture of abject shame and embarrassment. A calculating gleam came to her eye as she speculated on his suitability for her plan. He was her friend. Surely that would make it better than some man she found at one of the pickup joints she'd been determinedly haunting for the past week. "Ryoga-kun? It's okay..."
Ryoga felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as Ukyo's shining eyes roamed over him. Her look held an unholy amount of voracious hunger, and he found himself scooting backwards. She matched his movements, crawling towards him and over him with the grace of a predator. His shoulder blades hit the wall with a thump and she moved in for the kill.
"U-ukyo?" His voice cracked and broke as he felt her lips trace his jaw. She placed a finger over his mouth and nibbled her way down a throat that was swallowing convulsively.
She'd moved up to drape her arms around his neck, and he was all too aware of her body pressing against his. His nerve endings all seemed to fire at once as her hot breath tickled his ear and she whispered, "Yes?"
Ryoga tried to remember what she was responding to. His libido came up with quite a few questions it wanted answered in the affirmative with that slightly husky purr. A trickle of blood started coming from his nose and his hand automatically went up to try to stem the flow. The fact that her fingers were working on loosening his belt was not helping matters at all. Well. Not matters of thinking.
Ukyo hummed in contentment as she pulled his shirt off his unresisting arms. She still wasn't completely used to alcohol, despite a week of dedicated practice. The fizz of it in her blood was exhilarating. She ran a hand gently over his chest, noting consciously for the first time how attractive she found him, marveling at how warm his skin was, how firm and defined his muscles. She stole a look at his closed eyes and brought one of his hands to her chest, wanting to feel all the sensations she'd read about in the romance novels that she would never admit to anyone she read.
Ryoga's fingers twitched and she let out a sound somewhere between a wince and a moan. His brain desperately tried to get his attention, but was overruled by his hands, which were getting to touch real live breasts. His movements were clumsy, but enthusiastic. She stopped fumbling with his belt and sat up, throwing her head back and giving him unrestricted access. He leaned in to plant an earnest kiss on her collarbone and she gasped out what sounded like, "Rrrrrr-chan."
Sense returned in a cold wave and he stood, knocking her off balance where she was leaning into him. He pulled his shirt on and stood in the far corner of the room, taking in huge gulps of air as he tried to calm down. He could feel his chi building and he tried to suppress it, since he didn't think he could forgive himself if he destroyed Ukyo's restaurant and home with a spontaneous shi-shi-hokodan.
"Ryoga? What's wrong?" Ukyo sat up, pulling her shirt closed over her breasts. She felt cold, stone cold sober. "Don't... Don't you like me? I know I'm not much of a girl, but-"
He whirled to face her, his face full of the anger and pain he was suppressing. "Ukyo, why did you do this?" He clenched his fist in front of him, willing himself to be calm. "Am I just a substitute for Ranma?"
Her jaw dropped open and she stared at him. "How could you think that?" She realized with shame that, even if Ranma had been far from her mind, she had been using Ryoga. Pushing the thought aside, she lifted her chin defiantly. "I knew exactly who I was kissing."
Ryoga shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. "Did you know why?" He slumped tiredly, the battle aura fading as he blinked away tears. "Was it me you wanted, or anyone?"
"Ryoga..." She bit her lip, trying to find a way to explain emotions she hadn't completely figured out.
Taking her silence for confirmation of his worst fears, he turned and left. The door clicked shut softly behind him, leaving her once again alone.
(Author's note: Anyone out there ready to burn me in effigy yet? I've edited and reedited and just generally spent more time and psychic energy on trying to write this in character than I've ever spent on any other fic. I'm not sure if I hit the mark or not, so I have to ask: Is it really worth continuing? And if so, what would/should happen? Did Ryoga walk into a closet, or actually manage to leave? Will they talk some more? Are they still friends? Will they make wild monkey love? Damned if I know. I'll write more when I figure it out, and in the meantime any suggestions are welcome, along with comments, criticisms, effusive praise and vicious flames. Thanks for reading.)
A hand shot out and pulled him through an open door. "Finally! I've been expecting you for ages!"
Ryoga sat abruptly as the hand released him onto a chair. "Ukyo? How could you have been expecting me?"
She smirked and started assembling an okonomiyaki with movements so fast that her hands seemed to blur. "Akari came through here looking for you. Since you dumped her, I figured you'd come by to try to get Akane again." The steaming pizza was expertly flipped onto a plate in front of him and Ukyo slipped into the seat across from him. "Was I wrong?"
Ryoga felt himself blushing as he stared down at his plate. "It's not like that, exactly. There's..." He broke off and poked at the food in front of him. A look of disgust crossed his features. "This isn't pork, is it?"
Ukyo rolled her eyes. "What do you think I am, stupid? It's soy meat, now shut up and chew while I explain the plan." Ryoga looked at her skeptically and took a bite of his food. He closed his eyes as he dutifully obeyed her instructions, reflecting that no other country could cook okonomiyaki right, and no one in Japan cooked it better than Ukyo. He looked at her as she talked and speculated once again as to why Ranma didn't choose this fiancee, with her sparkling eyes and earthy friendliness. Granted, she was scary sometimes, and was all too ready to use that gigantic spatula, but that just made her a better choice for a violent jerk like Ranma, right? Not like Akane's sweetness and gentle ways, which Ranma would trample all over.
Realizing where his thoughts were going, he slapped himself to snap out of it. He'd come to Nerima to say goodbye to Akane forever. She'd told P-chan often enough how she felt about Ranma, and Akari had convinced him to accept that. He started banging his head against the table to remind himself of that.
"Look, it's the perfect plan. Once you take Akane out on a real date, she'll be so impressed with your big muscles and your sweetness that she'll dump Ranma in a heartbeat." Ukyo broke off her monologue when his head smacking into the table showed he wasn't listening. After a moment of looking on in alarm, she thwapped the back of his head with one of her smaller spatulas. "Hey! If you want massive head trauma, break my table, why don't you?! Then I'll SHOW you what a head injury is!"
Ryoga looked up, dazed, then stared sheepishly at the dent he'd made in the formica. "Sorry, Ukyo." Why couldn't he do anything right? Was he doomed to misery forever? Rolling her eyes, Ukyo smacked him again, adding another lump to the collection on top of his head. "Hey! What was that for?!?"
"You were being all depressed again." She met his glare with one of her own, until he broke off with a wince and held his head. "You know, if you'd been listening, I wouldn't have had to do that. Try not to break anything while I get you some ice."
He started eating again, not bothering to tell her the ice wasn't needed. It would give him some time to concentrate on his food without having to try to pay attention to her plan, and she seemed happy to be fiddling around in the kitchen, fetching ice and a clean dishrag. Ryoga's lip curled in disgust when Ukyo flung his icepack to the table and started bustling at her grill. Ranma had arrived.
"No food tonight, Ucchan." Ryoga felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up at Ranma's tone. His vague feeling of dread was confirmed when Ranma blurted out, in a single breath, "Akane and I love each other, and we eloped. The marriage is all legal and stuff, so there's no way to stop it or change it. You're my best friend, and I hope you'll be happy for us... For me."
Ryoga looked at where Ukyo stood, her shoulders slumped and her face hidden by the fall of her hair. Her hands went up to cover her face and her shoulders shook. Ranma started babbling in obvious panic. "Come on, Ucchan, don't cry, you'll mess up your pretty face by crying. I love you, man! I wouldn't even be here if Akane hadn't told me I had to tell all the fiancees in person." Ranma couldn't seem to stop his foot going deeper and deeper into his mouth. "Not that I wouldn't have told you or nothin', I mean, I'd have sent you a postcard at least!"
Before he could say anything else, Ukyo threw back her head, completely losing the battle against the laughter that had been bubbling inside her. Both Ranma and Ryoga looked at this unexpected reaction with confusion, and Ranma reached for her. She smacked his hand away, and any inclination he had to try again was forestalled by Ryoga looming in front of him. Ranma started in surprise, pigtail standing on end and index and pinky fingers stretched out. "Ryoga! How long've you been here?"
"Long enough." Chi flames flared around Ryoga as he stared down at his longtime rival and seethed. He'd always known that Ranma had the manners and sensitivity of a musk ox, but even a musk ox would have handled the situation better. How could Ranma dare to treat Ukyo this way? Ukyo might be a violent maniac sometimes, but she still had feelings. He'd already known he had to give up Akane, and the news still gave him a wrench; Ukyo had to be heartbroken, and the way the bombshell had been dropped made it that much worse. With a glare acid enough to etch steel, Ryoga said, "Don't you think you should leave now, Ranma?"
The martial artist in question was once again thrown into a state of confusion. "Huh? Shouldn't I prepare to die or something like that?"
Ryoga smirked, light glinting off one fang as he crossed his arms and stared down at Ranma. "If you want to, you can." He cracked his knuckles and had dropped casually to a fighting stance by the time a giant spatula intervened.
"No fighting in my restaurant." Both men turned to look at the okonomiyaki chef and shuddered. She was smiling faintly, but otherwise looked perfectly calm, a portrait of serenity. "Go home, Ranma. I'm closed."
Once again, Ranma proved that he didn't necessarily think before speaking. "But... Ryoga's here."
Ryoga's eyes bored into him, but Ukyo's blankly pleasant expression didn't waver. Her voice was the soft and cheery tone normally reserved for customers. "He's my guest, and my friend. You're not welcome here right now. Did you have anything else to say?"
The moment when Ranma's brain finally kicked in, his mouth closed with an audible click. He muttered a vague goodbye and scuttled out the door, the remaining pair watching until his back disappeared around a corner. Ukyo walked slowly to the door and locked it, hanging up the closed sign.
"Are you okay?" Ryoga walked over to Ukyo, holding some napkins in case she started crying and needed to wipe her tears. "Ranma's a jerk."
"Yeah, but he's Akane's jerk, not mine." She looked thoughtful for a minute, a hint of tears floating past her eyes. "He has been all along." She took a deep breath, and an impish grin lit her features. "Still, this means I can stop acting like the cute fiancee, right? I can do whatever I want." She threw off her apron, quickly going through the motions of shutting down the grill for the night. Her rapid movements paused and she frowned before laying a cool hand on Ryoga's arm. "You're okay, right? I mean, Akane's out of reach, but you can patch things up with Akari, right?"
He frowned and said flatly, "Right," but she took his answer at face value and started going up the stairs. Deciding the best thing to do was wait, he sat down to finish his food. Although his ears were perked for sounds of incipient grief, all he heard were rustles of cloth and drawers banging open and shut.
Minutes later, Ukyo drifted by in a cloud of perfume and a swish of skirts. Ryoga only got a glimpse of a frothy peach colored material as she sailed out of the front door of the restaurant with a cheery, "See you later! I'm gonna go have fun!"
He stood and tried to follow her to make sure she didn't do something stupid. By the time he'd left the kitchen and meat freezer and found the front sidewalk, she was turning a corner in the distance. He set off after her, starting to run when it looked like he was about to lose her. He caught her arm and looked into the face of a complete stranger.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Pervert!" A purse that seemed to be full of bricks smacked him in the face and the girl he'd been following ran off, leaving him all alone in a small side street. He looked around and sighed deeply, his shoulders slumping dejectedly. Lost again.
He spent a week wandering around Nerima, looking for Ukyo, or the Tendo Dojo, or anything that looked even vaguely familiar. He'd run into Konatsu at one point, and spent half an hour trying to calm the sobbing boy/girl down. Apparently Ukyo had come home at some point and snarled at Konatsu for trying to talk to her. Konatsu had tried to press the point and Ukyo had screamed for the ninja waitress to get out. Ryoga suggested to Konatsu talk to the Tendos about a place to stay, and then kicked himself for not following the newly chipper Konatsu there. He was still worried about Ukyo, but the Tendos would have helped him look for her, and given him a place to rest, and some food.
On cue, his stomach growled. He looked around and saw he was standing under a neon sign that advertised "Bar & Grill". Even if it wasn't the best place to relax, he could sit down and eat something before he set out again. Decision made, he pushed open the door.
A wild rebel yell rang through the night as a furnace blast of hot air rolled over him from the entrance. The tang of alcohol fought with the reek of sweat and too many perfumes through a hazy blue miasma of cigarette smoke that curled through the air. A heavy bass beat hit next, the only part of the music that could be heard over the roar of a crowd of people trying to make intimate connections with strangers. Ryoga batted at the clouds of smoke in the air and tried to concentrate on finding the promised grill. His attention was distracted by another loud whoop and a wild laugh in a husky feminine voice.
He had been caught by the laugh, but it was the legs that held him. Stiletto-heeled sandals were held on by ribbons that crisscrossed up to tie just under her knees. Firm thighs flexed as she danced, leading the eye upward to a skirt that was barely worthy of the name. Short and tight also described her shirt, and there was no possibility whatsoever that she was wearing a bra. Dark hair spilled around her shoulders and over her face as she danced wildly on a tabletop with a heavily muscled man in a tight t-shirt. She threw her head back to take a long swing from the bottle she held and Ryoga felt shock slam into his gut as solidly as Ranma's best attack.
"Ukyo! Get down from there, right now!"
She licked her lips and looked down on him dizzily. "Ryoga-kun! Did you come to dance, too?" She slid from the table, ignoring her dance partner's pout. Still undulating to the music, she slid through the crowds to stand next to him. "Isn't this a great club?"
Ryoga's face wrinkled at the amount of beer on her breath. "Why don't I take you home, Ukyo? This... Isn't a good place for you." He reeled backwards as she smacked him in the chest, hard.
"What do you know about what's good for me? I happen to like drinking beer and listening to music." Even if the music was too loud, and the whiskey fumes from some of the men made her gag. She was a free woman, right? Just because Ranma didn't want her, had never wanted her, didn't mean no one would. And she'd prove it, too, just as soon as she found a man whose touch she could stand to think about on her bare skin. Pushing aside the tiny voice that said she was being self-destructive, Ukyo raised her arms and went into an all-over shimmy that captured the attention of her erstwhile dance partner.
The muscled giant stalked over with a purposeful gleam in his eye, and Ryoga whispered urgently to Ukyo, "Is he good for you, too? Because if that's what you want, I can just go."
For a moment, Ukyo seemed to hesitate, her dancing slowing to a stop. Then her expression closed in on itself and she started moving again, swaying to the pulsing beat. Defiantly, she said, "Maybe it IS what I want. It's not like I'm engaged or married." A flicker of heartbreak crossed her eyes as she said softly, "I can do whatever I want."
The beefy man's hand closed around Ukyo's waist and he pulled her close to him, as primitive a gesture of ownership as any. "Get lost, pal. This here's my chick, and she don't need losers like you hanging around."
Ryoga shrugged, the negligent move a cover for loosening his muscles in case of trouble. "If that's what the lady wants, I've got no objections." He looked at Ukyo, who was being held off balance by the man's grip. "Is this what you want?"
Ukyo's admirer laughed, a sneering and drunken sound. She looked uncertain, but didn't move to free herself. "Of course it's what she wants. She's been begging for it all night." His hands went down to Ukyo's rear, pressing her up against him while he leaned in to thrust his tongue into her mouth.
"Blech." Ukyo ran the back of a hand over her mouth as she pushed against the man holding her. "That was disgusting."
Within seconds, the man holding her was on the ground, tears streaming from his eyes. Ukyo blinked as she documented the damage. The arm that had been holding her looked dislocated, or possibly broken. The man's jaw was swollen, and it looked like some teeth were missing. Ryoga was standing perfectly still, his arms crossed nonchalantly and not one hair out of place. "So, did you want to stay here, or did you want me to walk home with you?"
Ukyo was silent until they'd stepped out into the crisp night air. "I could've handled him, you know."
Ryoga grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, I know. But I figured, you handle things for yourself so often, maybe you wouldn't mind if I stepped in this one time."
Ukyo shook her head and started walking. "I'll let it go this time, but only if you keep me company a while." She had a headache from the noise of the club, and the thought of going back in to try to steel herself up to go through with her plan nauseated her. Tomorrow she'd go back to it. Someone, somewhere, had to want her, she just had to find him and then get drunk enough to get over her instinctive repulsion. She didn't need Ranma in order to be a girl. No, Ukyo Kuonji could be sexy and feminine, even if she hated every minute of it. For tonight, though, she could take a break. A peaceful evening at home in undemanding company sounded like a slice of heaven.
Ryoga shrugged and fell in step behind her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ryoga was not drunk. Even though he and Ukyo had spent several hours drinking beer, eating popcorn and watching movies, he'd been drunk before and he knew this was not it. Therefore, he had no one to blame but himself and maybe his tiredness for blurting out, "Did you mean what you said to Ranma?"
"Hmm?" Ukyo looked up from the screen and looked at him blankly for a moment. Once her brain registered the question, she paused, one hand above the popcorn bowl. "Yeah, of course you're my friend. Why do you think you're here?"
Ryoga nodded and then blurted out, "What about Ranma?"
She stared at the commercial playing as if it held the secrets of the meaning of life, giving Ryoga plenty of time to curse himself for ruining the companionable mood of the evening. Just when he would have babbled something, anything, to break the silence, she spoke, softly but with conviction. "I don't know what's worse - that I chased Ranma for so long, or realizing that I didn't love him, I loved the idea of not being alone. Of having someone think..." She trailed off, bowing her head to hide her eyes.
A small noise that was somewhere between a bitter laugh and a grateful sob escaped her, increasing the frown on his face. "When he told me they'd done it, they'd gotten married, I felt like I'd been busted up into a thousand pieces, but the strongest feeling was relief that I could stop trying to convince myself that Ranma was my own personal fairy tale prince."
Ryoga snorted and took a swig from his beer. "More like the frog."
Ukyo shot him an arch look from eyes starting to clear of tears. "Is it a tragic story of a frog drown in pool many year ago? If so, I've heard it."
Ryoga choked on his drink and a corner of his mouth turned up. It turned promptly back down at Ukyo's next words. "So, why did you leave Akari? She seemed to be the one person on earth created by God especially for you." She eyed him speculatively as his blush seemed to expand beyond his skin to form a halo around him.
"You have to swear to me on your favorite spatula and your honor as a chef that you will never tell anyone about this, ever." At her nod and 'get on with it' hand flap, he took a deep breath and continued. "I guess I thought that, too, and that I should be grateful for the miracle of a girl who actually wanted me, in spite of my pig form." His lips twisted, a parody of a smile with a glint of shining fang.
Several moments went by before Ukyo couldn't contain herself any longer. "So what happened?"
"Well, we spent some time together. I started to get used to her pig obsession, and she started to understand that I didn't appreciate having cold water randomly thrown at me." A gulp of beer made the next part easier for him to say. "We decided to go ahead and, uh, go all the way."
Ukyo held her breath, waiting for him to continue. He looked intently at the wrappings on his legs, his words a monotone as he continued to relate the horrible, humiliating details. "I was okay with the grunting; what the hell do I know about what noises women make when they're excited? The position with her on her knees was also not a problem, if you get my drift. But when she yelled out her pig's name and screamed, 'Ride me, my magnificent wild boar', I had to leave."
Ukyo's face had stiffened over the course of this recital into a blank mask. Her lip twitched slightly and she said, carefully, "Her pig's name?"
Ryoga nodded morosely. "You know that big sumo one she rides on? That one."
Ukyo tried. She was framing a grave response when the first snicker managed to escape. A valiant rearguard action was fought and lost. The words, "I'm so sorry, Ryoga," were interspersed with breathless giggles.
"It's NOT funny." Ryoga watched as Ukyo pressed her hands to her face. Tears were rolling down her face and she was holding her stomach, trying to stop laughing enough to breathe and continue apologizing. The sheer life-threatening humor of it all started to sink in to Ryoga as he watched her and soon both were literally rolling on the floor, laughing. Both started shouting out their issues and laughing at each in turn.
"Between school and the restaurant, I don't have time to have a life!"
"I can't get wet without someone trying to cook me!"
"I wasted years of my life on a jerk!"
'All the women I've been interested in love the pig more than me!"
"I've dressed as a boy so long, I don't know whether I can be a girl any more!"
"I spent weeks wondering if I'd ever get an erection again!"
Ryoga continued to laugh uproariously until he noticed he was the only one doing so. He trailed off and looked at Ukyo's sad and sympathetic face. "Oh, Ryoga. I'm sorry."
He found he preferred her laughter to the tears pooling in her eyes. He hastened to say, "No, no, don't worry, it's okay now."
She smiled slightly and patted his hand. "You saw Akane?"
His blush threatened to set his hair on fire as he shook his head and mumbled, "Uh, actually, well... I didn't realize it was you on that table at first, or I would've been, y'know, respectful and not looked, but, um, well, you have very, uh, nice legs." An embarrassed cough marked the end of his fumbling attempt at explanation.
Ukyo's blush nearly matched his, and for the first time she sized up the situation. Fact: She was still wearing extremely short, tight, and revealing clothes. Fact: She was alone with a boy who was big, strong and handsome. Fact: She was not engaged. Her eyes roamed up and down his body, still hunched over in a posture of abject shame and embarrassment. A calculating gleam came to her eye as she speculated on his suitability for her plan. He was her friend. Surely that would make it better than some man she found at one of the pickup joints she'd been determinedly haunting for the past week. "Ryoga-kun? It's okay..."
Ryoga felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as Ukyo's shining eyes roamed over him. Her look held an unholy amount of voracious hunger, and he found himself scooting backwards. She matched his movements, crawling towards him and over him with the grace of a predator. His shoulder blades hit the wall with a thump and she moved in for the kill.
"U-ukyo?" His voice cracked and broke as he felt her lips trace his jaw. She placed a finger over his mouth and nibbled her way down a throat that was swallowing convulsively.
She'd moved up to drape her arms around his neck, and he was all too aware of her body pressing against his. His nerve endings all seemed to fire at once as her hot breath tickled his ear and she whispered, "Yes?"
Ryoga tried to remember what she was responding to. His libido came up with quite a few questions it wanted answered in the affirmative with that slightly husky purr. A trickle of blood started coming from his nose and his hand automatically went up to try to stem the flow. The fact that her fingers were working on loosening his belt was not helping matters at all. Well. Not matters of thinking.
Ukyo hummed in contentment as she pulled his shirt off his unresisting arms. She still wasn't completely used to alcohol, despite a week of dedicated practice. The fizz of it in her blood was exhilarating. She ran a hand gently over his chest, noting consciously for the first time how attractive she found him, marveling at how warm his skin was, how firm and defined his muscles. She stole a look at his closed eyes and brought one of his hands to her chest, wanting to feel all the sensations she'd read about in the romance novels that she would never admit to anyone she read.
Ryoga's fingers twitched and she let out a sound somewhere between a wince and a moan. His brain desperately tried to get his attention, but was overruled by his hands, which were getting to touch real live breasts. His movements were clumsy, but enthusiastic. She stopped fumbling with his belt and sat up, throwing her head back and giving him unrestricted access. He leaned in to plant an earnest kiss on her collarbone and she gasped out what sounded like, "Rrrrrr-chan."
Sense returned in a cold wave and he stood, knocking her off balance where she was leaning into him. He pulled his shirt on and stood in the far corner of the room, taking in huge gulps of air as he tried to calm down. He could feel his chi building and he tried to suppress it, since he didn't think he could forgive himself if he destroyed Ukyo's restaurant and home with a spontaneous shi-shi-hokodan.
"Ryoga? What's wrong?" Ukyo sat up, pulling her shirt closed over her breasts. She felt cold, stone cold sober. "Don't... Don't you like me? I know I'm not much of a girl, but-"
He whirled to face her, his face full of the anger and pain he was suppressing. "Ukyo, why did you do this?" He clenched his fist in front of him, willing himself to be calm. "Am I just a substitute for Ranma?"
Her jaw dropped open and she stared at him. "How could you think that?" She realized with shame that, even if Ranma had been far from her mind, she had been using Ryoga. Pushing the thought aside, she lifted her chin defiantly. "I knew exactly who I was kissing."
Ryoga shook his head, his hair falling into his eyes. "Did you know why?" He slumped tiredly, the battle aura fading as he blinked away tears. "Was it me you wanted, or anyone?"
"Ryoga..." She bit her lip, trying to find a way to explain emotions she hadn't completely figured out.
Taking her silence for confirmation of his worst fears, he turned and left. The door clicked shut softly behind him, leaving her once again alone.
(Author's note: Anyone out there ready to burn me in effigy yet? I've edited and reedited and just generally spent more time and psychic energy on trying to write this in character than I've ever spent on any other fic. I'm not sure if I hit the mark or not, so I have to ask: Is it really worth continuing? And if so, what would/should happen? Did Ryoga walk into a closet, or actually manage to leave? Will they talk some more? Are they still friends? Will they make wild monkey love? Damned if I know. I'll write more when I figure it out, and in the meantime any suggestions are welcome, along with comments, criticisms, effusive praise and vicious flames. Thanks for reading.)