J.K. Rowling dreamed up the plot
For the books, Bloomsbury bought the lot
Warner Bros owns it all for the big screen
I'm just in for fun, so suing would be mean!
Andolyn
27. The Walls Begin To Tumble Down
"This, is where you -work-?"
"Don't worry, they're all quite dead, they won't bite."
Snape's voice was cold and distant and -did- snap at the edges of Ari's nerves as she realised not his own desires but the childish rivalry between the dark wizard and the black hound had led her here.
Protectively Ari wrapped her arms around herself as she stepped further in, shivering in the cold of the office somewhere deep down in the dungeons.
Candles had winked alight upon her passing the threshold of Snape's sanctum, but their steady flicker was neither cosy nor cheerful, merely efficient. The fireplace seemed as dead as the to ingredients reduced wildlife.
The walls were lined with unspeakably horrid slimy things in jars, well preserved and indeed quite dead, all neatly labelled in a precise, fine hand.
Jars and bottles- row upon row in all colours and shapes and sizes. Tall ones, round ones and small vials. Some orange or green coloured, but most were clear, showing their unfortunate content. There was a scent in the air, a trace of sulphur, mint, herbs Ari had no name for.
It was spicy and sharp and not totally unpleasant. Dried leaves and flowers hung from the ceiling, together with a dead bird with blue and red plumage, a small alligator, a few bats and a winged serpent.
Everywhere were books. Small books, thick leather bound volumes with gold trim, a large black one laying on a small table, well thumbed and with lettering crawling over the paper like ants. Scrolls cluttered the round desk, a cupboard at the other side of the room was filled with even more of them.
A dry chuckle woke Ari from her astonishment.
"Do try the sitting."
"I'm not sure I should. You've got quite a dead zoo here, and most of the species are unknown to me."
Ari stretched out a hesitant hand toward one of the jars, but before she could disturb the deceased, her hand was quickly caught in a larger one and snatched away. The pull of the movement made her turn and face the man behind her, who now gently but firmly kept hold.
He wagged a finger in her face and scalded her with a small smile and serious eyes.
"You may look, but not touch, Miss Philpot. Very few items in my stock are harmless and nearly all has magic infused within it. Have a care."
Ari felt her heart hammering in her throat and was certain she blushed. She nearly stammered her retort, looking up at him.
"Why- why won't you keep this stuff in your store-room?"
The smile grew, the hold on her hand lessened. He towered over her, and Ari had to crane her neck to look him in the eye. But neither chose distance.
Quite low he answered. "Because these ingredients might get nicked, otherwise."
"Why the hell would someone try to steal something from you, that, while quite dead, -still- keeps looking at you?" Ari found more confidence, since the nervous stallion she had met in the hallway seemed a far cry from the man she looked up at now. At home here, no prying eyes, no one who could hear them, or overhear them. She could cry out and no-one would be the wiser.
Not quite an unpleasant thought, actually.
Her hand was brought down, but still held. That small physical contact between them was taking on meaning. He had embraced her by the roadside, not quite knowing what to do with her, in his arms. She had held his hand within the circle and he had been loath to let go. The soft voice droned on.
"Some of my students are quite the rule breaking pranksters- you don't want to know what I have been exposed to- or what they have done to each other for that matter. In my classroom -idiots- have been frozen, grown boils, had their clothing being eaten away by corrosives while running for cover as their cauldrons exploded. Merely because some fool student was too stupid to heed my simple instructions."
A thumb brushed her knuckles, and Ari shivered. The touch made her feel light-headed and reckless. Empty, needy. And bold. If such a small caress could do this to her, then what would it feel like to have those strong, elegant hands running through her hair, sliding over her back- touching. She gave no answer.
"So-" Snape mused softly, "how did that interview went again?"
"Well," she said dry mouthed. "It went well.", and swallowed.
"I see. I do hope the two of you were able to be a bit more -eloquent- than that."
And the moment broke. Ari snatched her hand from his and flopped down in the chair in front of Snape's desk. Snape waved his wand at a burner with small cauldron upon it. He started rummaging trough some boxes an plucking leaves from the ceiling as if Ari was not there at all, throwing anything he found into the nearly boiling liquid.
"O please, don't let -me- interrupt some important experiment!"
"Chamomile flowers, some lemon grass, tilia, blackberry leaves, spearmint, hawthorn berries and rosebuds. And dried orange blossoms." He turned at her. "Mixed in their right dosage makes for an excellent tea."
Ari shook her head in amused disbelieve, her hair falling over her eyes and she brushed it away.
"You are quite something, Mister Potions Master. Did you know that?"
Snape took a glass spoon from somewhere and stirred the mix, his free hand flexing as if he were holding himself back. A romantic boyfriend had once told Ari her hair was 'like white gold' in candlelight. He had made the same hand movements before coming to her and stroking it.
"Haven't been told in quite a while- And certainly not-"
"By someone like me?" Ari asked coyly.
"That would be very unlikely indeed. Would you like honey or lemon or both?"
"Neither. And no caffeine I'm sure?"
"None."
"Pity."
"Oh you poor addict."
"Oh do throw the first stone, my dear- I'm sure you're free of vices."
Once said- words cannot be taken back and Ari could have bitten her tongue for that offhand remark. A shadow came over Snape's face and he turned sharply at her. She bit her lip.
"I'm sorry- that was uncalled for."
He shrugged. "If you were only talking about the ongoing battle of witlessness and wits between Black and me, or the sensitivities of my students I care not one jot about, that might be so."
Snape took a couple of mugs, filled them with a ladle and handed one to Ari. He sat himself down with the other and stared pensively into the tea before taking a sip.
Ari blew over the hot drink and drank carefully. "Tastes nice."
"Helps me relax. Most of the time."
"Not now?"
Black eyes flashed up at her.
"What have you been told about me- what have you learned about me from the others."
The question sounded like a mere request for information an not much more. Even if it made Ari frown.
"I'm not one for gossip, Sev."
Snape rolled his eyes. "Please -Ariadne-, teachers cannot afford nicknames like that!"
Slyly she answered. "You're not -my- teacher. Although I might have enjoyed Chemistry a bit more with one like you."
"Oh, I assure you," Severus murmured, "I have my methods to discourage or diffuse silly crushes quite sufficiently."
Silly crushes? Ari sipped her tea before she answered.
"With ways that make you rather vulnerable to nicknames and pranks?"
"Oh-" he answered haughtily, "Would that be it than? You seriously think one's teaching methods have something to do with the way one is regarded by their students? Come back to me -after- you've instructed -several- generations of Weaseleys and we'll talk pranks!"
"What did they -do- to you?"
"I would rather not go up that alley if you don't mind- suffice it to say lilac is -not- my preferred hair colour- nor do I enjoy it when small fluffy animals start attaching themselves to my robes under the sad notion that I'm their mother."
Ari nearly chocked on her tea.
"And do yourself a favour. If -ever- any redhead with a twin offers you edibles, don't! Unless you -want- to end up looking like an overgrown canary or with a three foot long tongue."
Ari helplessly set down her mug and tried to get her breath under control again. Which was not all that easy under Snape's amused scrutiny. The Professor chuckled again and Ari suddenly felt all warm and giddy. She made him laugh! She was actually making the morose misanthrope enjoy himself and laugh. But his eyes were question marks now. She sighed.
"I know you are a mole."
"Now that -is- novel. I've been called a snake, a bat, a git and a -slimy- git, and those are only the kinder denominations trailing me. But a -mole-?"
"So why would 'Sev' be so hard on you, then? And I do not mean 'mole' as in small subterranean blind mammal, you silly slimy git! I mean -mole- as in spy. Double agent, to be more precise."
"Must be a Muggle expression, that." He waved it away.
"Never heard of James Bond either, I'm sure, Master Snape, Severus Snape?"
"I've red about actors who played him in your Sunday papers."
"The Baron told me you came -back- to Dumbledore. And that the people who join Voldemort are seduced by him to do so- "
A pensive nod and a doubled interest in the contents of his mug.
"So I take it you joined up, wised up, came back and turned spy on your old mates to make up?"
"In short, my dear. In very, very short. I've done some pretty loathsome things in my time."
"And you do not feel you've paid enough already?"
"When life is lost a debt is created that can never be atoned for."
"You've killed?"
He stared up and straight into her eyes. "I thought myself a warrior, a knight. Think of the worst Muggle victors have ever done to helpless opponents. You'll find me there."
"Victors an victims? Sounds like a war."
"It was."
He put down his mug and smiled sadly at her.
"And why am I telling -you- all this?"
"To test me and see if I'm going to run or not?"
Any colour left drained from his face- even his lips went pale. The eyes glittered over bright- the tight emotionless mask was firmly in place. Snape's voice sounded steady and cold.
"Are you?"
Ari stood and walked over to him, sat on the edge of the cluttered desk and looked down on the professor for a change, if not by much.
"I do not know the boy you were in yesteryear. I do know the man who risks his life for a child he does not like, and his community, frequently apparently. Dumbledore, Hooch- most of the others trust you. Lupin even likes you, believe it or not. Whatever you were, you must have changed. And to top it of, you saved my life! I'm not running anywhere."
Snape sat back, looking up at her.
"I did not save your life, I ruined it by involving you in our struggle- Besides, it -was- paying of the debt. You did save me from the Dementors."
"Awful things."
"Yes. I am a powerful wizard in my own right, Ari. But five of them- And I could not find a Patronus-'
"A what?"
"Part of a defensive charm, the only one that really works against those creatures. I was putting out so much energy even -you- were able to see them!"
Ari raised her brow.
"Muggles -are- different from Wizards. Under normal circumstances you would -not- have been able to detect them. Perhaps you do have something of a witch in you."
"I think not! But thank you for the compliment. I do have a nose and a taste for the extraordinary."
"Well there you have it than."
Snape put down his now empty mug and stared at the dregs for a moment.
"Reading tealeaves now?"
"Not bloody likely." He seemed to make a decision, unbuttoned the cuff of his left sleeve and rolled op the cloth.
"Recognise this?"
"You've got a tattoo?"
"No. A brand."
This shocked Ari.
"Brands are for cattle."
"Yes. For cattle. For -things- owned."
Ari stared at the black splodge on Snape's sinewy forearm. His wrist seemed too thin for a man his size, and the blue veins were clearly visible under the light skin. The drawing on Snape's arm was ugly, yet elaborate. A detailed two dimensional image of the green scull with the snake she had seen floating above the burnt out wreck of her little blue car.
"That mark-"
"The Dark Mark. The sign of Voldemort's ownership, burned into all of his servants. He uses it to call us to his side. It burns deep black and hurts like hell when he does."
There were scars around the mark and half over. Scars made by nails and teeth and sharp things. And a thin line from the wrist straight to it, were once a deep gash had drained the very life of the man. Wound touching the edge of the mark, but not the damned sign itself. Rippling over skin, almost with a life of its own. Almost stronger than the man who bore it.
Unthinkingly Ari reached out and touched it, deliberately spreading her fingers to stroke the long scar leading up to it from the wrist. Snape gasped.
"That must have hurt."
The wizard pulled back and hid his arm away again, beneath the tight cuff of his shirt and his thick jacket.
"It did. Long ago."
"You tried to get rid of it."
"More than once and in various ways. It cannot be done. Not ever. It was quite actively sought by one who was disgusted with life itself and who knew nothing but hatred. It is a loathsome sign and I've lived up to it. Understand this if nothing else about me, Ariadne. I -wanted- this and I -deserved- it. Worked for it and earned it. And when I realised my mistake, it was far too late."
"It was given to you as a reward?"
Leaning back tiredly and with closed eyes, his answer was a resignation and a sigh.
"Yes."
Ari put down her mug, bowed her head, intertwined her fingers in her lap and thought hard.
She could ask Severus, perhaps interrogate was a better word, to satisfy her curiosity and make him spill his history and all his reasons for doing what he had done, for being and becoming the man he was. Such was the power she felt she had. But it would only imply she expected him to apologise for himself. 'Give me the reason for your downfall, so I may absolve you'. Hallelujah gloria and amen.
Severus did not trust her- not yet. He was testing, prodding. Trying to make her leave him, abandon him. Telling her with not so many words he had murdered.
Raped? Tortured?
Unspeakable, unforgivable things.
He certainly had not been able to forgive himself, and the scars on his wrist told her he had tried to cut, bite and -claw- of the mark.
Had tried to kill himself.
To Ari's mind as far as punishments went, there was no greater pain than a the true remorse of a guilty conscience. He had told her he was not a nice man, or a kind one. That she should fear him. With a shiver, Ari realised she did.
A murderer. A torturer.
How old had he been when all this had happened? Or better put, how young? Taking Harry's age for reference, he had to have turned to Dumbledore in his early twenties, and if he had to -earn- his marking, his seduction into darkness had come early in life. Perhaps even as a teenager.
A teenager disgusted with life? What had damaged him so when he had been so very young. Who? Why?
Questions. So many. But did they really needed to be answered? Not right now, at least. No more words.
Gently, Ari reached out, cupped the pale face and turned it up towards her. She tenderly kissed the closed lips, pulled back when he gasped, stared deeply into those glittering black eyes and kissed him again, more insistently. Severus opened his mouth to her and while their kiss grew deeper, he embraced her small body and pulled her into his lap, until she sat, cradled like a child, head tucked in the crook of his neck.
"I don't deserve you-" he whispered. "You're pure."
"I'm just a woman, Severus. Nothing more."
"You can call me 'Sev', if you like. You can call me anything you like."
Ari hid her face against his shoulder, her glasses uncomfortably biting her cheeks. Severus pressed her closer. She should not cry- she should not. He was surrendering to her. Letting her in. Their fingers intertwined and Severus stroke her long hair. She shivered.
"Are you cold?"
Mercifully, Ari's stomach chose that moment to let them both know how 'just a woman' she really was and grumbled warningly.
"No," she said, raising herself from the comfort of his embrace. "Just hungry."
"It will be time for dinner, soon."
"We best make ourselves presentable than."
"And it would not do, to be seen together."
"No, I guess not."
They stood. With reverence, Snape took Ari's skewered glasses from her face and put them back straight, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ears. Ari brushed some nonexistent dust from his chest. Snape caught her fingers in his own and brought them to his lips. He shivered. There was something he was struggling to say, but it came out harsh and almost as a demand. Or an accusation.
"Woman, I want you so much- It is breaking me!"
"Then come to me. Come to me tonight."
The shiver became a tremble. Snape nearly crushed Ari's fingers in his grip. He looked up and gave her one slow nod before letting her go.
"Go now- go before I- Please go."
Ari quickly distanced herself, heart pounding in her ears and throat. He turned and stared at the wall. In reaching the door she asked: "Will I be seeing you, at dinner?"
"No."
She fled.
*******************************************
Title from the song 'Falling into you' by Celine Dion.
"I was afraid
"To let you in here
"Now I have learned
"Love can be made in fear
"The walls begin to tumble down
"And I can't even see the ground
For the books, Bloomsbury bought the lot
Warner Bros owns it all for the big screen
I'm just in for fun, so suing would be mean!
Andolyn
27. The Walls Begin To Tumble Down
"This, is where you -work-?"
"Don't worry, they're all quite dead, they won't bite."
Snape's voice was cold and distant and -did- snap at the edges of Ari's nerves as she realised not his own desires but the childish rivalry between the dark wizard and the black hound had led her here.
Protectively Ari wrapped her arms around herself as she stepped further in, shivering in the cold of the office somewhere deep down in the dungeons.
Candles had winked alight upon her passing the threshold of Snape's sanctum, but their steady flicker was neither cosy nor cheerful, merely efficient. The fireplace seemed as dead as the to ingredients reduced wildlife.
The walls were lined with unspeakably horrid slimy things in jars, well preserved and indeed quite dead, all neatly labelled in a precise, fine hand.
Jars and bottles- row upon row in all colours and shapes and sizes. Tall ones, round ones and small vials. Some orange or green coloured, but most were clear, showing their unfortunate content. There was a scent in the air, a trace of sulphur, mint, herbs Ari had no name for.
It was spicy and sharp and not totally unpleasant. Dried leaves and flowers hung from the ceiling, together with a dead bird with blue and red plumage, a small alligator, a few bats and a winged serpent.
Everywhere were books. Small books, thick leather bound volumes with gold trim, a large black one laying on a small table, well thumbed and with lettering crawling over the paper like ants. Scrolls cluttered the round desk, a cupboard at the other side of the room was filled with even more of them.
A dry chuckle woke Ari from her astonishment.
"Do try the sitting."
"I'm not sure I should. You've got quite a dead zoo here, and most of the species are unknown to me."
Ari stretched out a hesitant hand toward one of the jars, but before she could disturb the deceased, her hand was quickly caught in a larger one and snatched away. The pull of the movement made her turn and face the man behind her, who now gently but firmly kept hold.
He wagged a finger in her face and scalded her with a small smile and serious eyes.
"You may look, but not touch, Miss Philpot. Very few items in my stock are harmless and nearly all has magic infused within it. Have a care."
Ari felt her heart hammering in her throat and was certain she blushed. She nearly stammered her retort, looking up at him.
"Why- why won't you keep this stuff in your store-room?"
The smile grew, the hold on her hand lessened. He towered over her, and Ari had to crane her neck to look him in the eye. But neither chose distance.
Quite low he answered. "Because these ingredients might get nicked, otherwise."
"Why the hell would someone try to steal something from you, that, while quite dead, -still- keeps looking at you?" Ari found more confidence, since the nervous stallion she had met in the hallway seemed a far cry from the man she looked up at now. At home here, no prying eyes, no one who could hear them, or overhear them. She could cry out and no-one would be the wiser.
Not quite an unpleasant thought, actually.
Her hand was brought down, but still held. That small physical contact between them was taking on meaning. He had embraced her by the roadside, not quite knowing what to do with her, in his arms. She had held his hand within the circle and he had been loath to let go. The soft voice droned on.
"Some of my students are quite the rule breaking pranksters- you don't want to know what I have been exposed to- or what they have done to each other for that matter. In my classroom -idiots- have been frozen, grown boils, had their clothing being eaten away by corrosives while running for cover as their cauldrons exploded. Merely because some fool student was too stupid to heed my simple instructions."
A thumb brushed her knuckles, and Ari shivered. The touch made her feel light-headed and reckless. Empty, needy. And bold. If such a small caress could do this to her, then what would it feel like to have those strong, elegant hands running through her hair, sliding over her back- touching. She gave no answer.
"So-" Snape mused softly, "how did that interview went again?"
"Well," she said dry mouthed. "It went well.", and swallowed.
"I see. I do hope the two of you were able to be a bit more -eloquent- than that."
And the moment broke. Ari snatched her hand from his and flopped down in the chair in front of Snape's desk. Snape waved his wand at a burner with small cauldron upon it. He started rummaging trough some boxes an plucking leaves from the ceiling as if Ari was not there at all, throwing anything he found into the nearly boiling liquid.
"O please, don't let -me- interrupt some important experiment!"
"Chamomile flowers, some lemon grass, tilia, blackberry leaves, spearmint, hawthorn berries and rosebuds. And dried orange blossoms." He turned at her. "Mixed in their right dosage makes for an excellent tea."
Ari shook her head in amused disbelieve, her hair falling over her eyes and she brushed it away.
"You are quite something, Mister Potions Master. Did you know that?"
Snape took a glass spoon from somewhere and stirred the mix, his free hand flexing as if he were holding himself back. A romantic boyfriend had once told Ari her hair was 'like white gold' in candlelight. He had made the same hand movements before coming to her and stroking it.
"Haven't been told in quite a while- And certainly not-"
"By someone like me?" Ari asked coyly.
"That would be very unlikely indeed. Would you like honey or lemon or both?"
"Neither. And no caffeine I'm sure?"
"None."
"Pity."
"Oh you poor addict."
"Oh do throw the first stone, my dear- I'm sure you're free of vices."
Once said- words cannot be taken back and Ari could have bitten her tongue for that offhand remark. A shadow came over Snape's face and he turned sharply at her. She bit her lip.
"I'm sorry- that was uncalled for."
He shrugged. "If you were only talking about the ongoing battle of witlessness and wits between Black and me, or the sensitivities of my students I care not one jot about, that might be so."
Snape took a couple of mugs, filled them with a ladle and handed one to Ari. He sat himself down with the other and stared pensively into the tea before taking a sip.
Ari blew over the hot drink and drank carefully. "Tastes nice."
"Helps me relax. Most of the time."
"Not now?"
Black eyes flashed up at her.
"What have you been told about me- what have you learned about me from the others."
The question sounded like a mere request for information an not much more. Even if it made Ari frown.
"I'm not one for gossip, Sev."
Snape rolled his eyes. "Please -Ariadne-, teachers cannot afford nicknames like that!"
Slyly she answered. "You're not -my- teacher. Although I might have enjoyed Chemistry a bit more with one like you."
"Oh, I assure you," Severus murmured, "I have my methods to discourage or diffuse silly crushes quite sufficiently."
Silly crushes? Ari sipped her tea before she answered.
"With ways that make you rather vulnerable to nicknames and pranks?"
"Oh-" he answered haughtily, "Would that be it than? You seriously think one's teaching methods have something to do with the way one is regarded by their students? Come back to me -after- you've instructed -several- generations of Weaseleys and we'll talk pranks!"
"What did they -do- to you?"
"I would rather not go up that alley if you don't mind- suffice it to say lilac is -not- my preferred hair colour- nor do I enjoy it when small fluffy animals start attaching themselves to my robes under the sad notion that I'm their mother."
Ari nearly chocked on her tea.
"And do yourself a favour. If -ever- any redhead with a twin offers you edibles, don't! Unless you -want- to end up looking like an overgrown canary or with a three foot long tongue."
Ari helplessly set down her mug and tried to get her breath under control again. Which was not all that easy under Snape's amused scrutiny. The Professor chuckled again and Ari suddenly felt all warm and giddy. She made him laugh! She was actually making the morose misanthrope enjoy himself and laugh. But his eyes were question marks now. She sighed.
"I know you are a mole."
"Now that -is- novel. I've been called a snake, a bat, a git and a -slimy- git, and those are only the kinder denominations trailing me. But a -mole-?"
"So why would 'Sev' be so hard on you, then? And I do not mean 'mole' as in small subterranean blind mammal, you silly slimy git! I mean -mole- as in spy. Double agent, to be more precise."
"Must be a Muggle expression, that." He waved it away.
"Never heard of James Bond either, I'm sure, Master Snape, Severus Snape?"
"I've red about actors who played him in your Sunday papers."
"The Baron told me you came -back- to Dumbledore. And that the people who join Voldemort are seduced by him to do so- "
A pensive nod and a doubled interest in the contents of his mug.
"So I take it you joined up, wised up, came back and turned spy on your old mates to make up?"
"In short, my dear. In very, very short. I've done some pretty loathsome things in my time."
"And you do not feel you've paid enough already?"
"When life is lost a debt is created that can never be atoned for."
"You've killed?"
He stared up and straight into her eyes. "I thought myself a warrior, a knight. Think of the worst Muggle victors have ever done to helpless opponents. You'll find me there."
"Victors an victims? Sounds like a war."
"It was."
He put down his mug and smiled sadly at her.
"And why am I telling -you- all this?"
"To test me and see if I'm going to run or not?"
Any colour left drained from his face- even his lips went pale. The eyes glittered over bright- the tight emotionless mask was firmly in place. Snape's voice sounded steady and cold.
"Are you?"
Ari stood and walked over to him, sat on the edge of the cluttered desk and looked down on the professor for a change, if not by much.
"I do not know the boy you were in yesteryear. I do know the man who risks his life for a child he does not like, and his community, frequently apparently. Dumbledore, Hooch- most of the others trust you. Lupin even likes you, believe it or not. Whatever you were, you must have changed. And to top it of, you saved my life! I'm not running anywhere."
Snape sat back, looking up at her.
"I did not save your life, I ruined it by involving you in our struggle- Besides, it -was- paying of the debt. You did save me from the Dementors."
"Awful things."
"Yes. I am a powerful wizard in my own right, Ari. But five of them- And I could not find a Patronus-'
"A what?"
"Part of a defensive charm, the only one that really works against those creatures. I was putting out so much energy even -you- were able to see them!"
Ari raised her brow.
"Muggles -are- different from Wizards. Under normal circumstances you would -not- have been able to detect them. Perhaps you do have something of a witch in you."
"I think not! But thank you for the compliment. I do have a nose and a taste for the extraordinary."
"Well there you have it than."
Snape put down his now empty mug and stared at the dregs for a moment.
"Reading tealeaves now?"
"Not bloody likely." He seemed to make a decision, unbuttoned the cuff of his left sleeve and rolled op the cloth.
"Recognise this?"
"You've got a tattoo?"
"No. A brand."
This shocked Ari.
"Brands are for cattle."
"Yes. For cattle. For -things- owned."
Ari stared at the black splodge on Snape's sinewy forearm. His wrist seemed too thin for a man his size, and the blue veins were clearly visible under the light skin. The drawing on Snape's arm was ugly, yet elaborate. A detailed two dimensional image of the green scull with the snake she had seen floating above the burnt out wreck of her little blue car.
"That mark-"
"The Dark Mark. The sign of Voldemort's ownership, burned into all of his servants. He uses it to call us to his side. It burns deep black and hurts like hell when he does."
There were scars around the mark and half over. Scars made by nails and teeth and sharp things. And a thin line from the wrist straight to it, were once a deep gash had drained the very life of the man. Wound touching the edge of the mark, but not the damned sign itself. Rippling over skin, almost with a life of its own. Almost stronger than the man who bore it.
Unthinkingly Ari reached out and touched it, deliberately spreading her fingers to stroke the long scar leading up to it from the wrist. Snape gasped.
"That must have hurt."
The wizard pulled back and hid his arm away again, beneath the tight cuff of his shirt and his thick jacket.
"It did. Long ago."
"You tried to get rid of it."
"More than once and in various ways. It cannot be done. Not ever. It was quite actively sought by one who was disgusted with life itself and who knew nothing but hatred. It is a loathsome sign and I've lived up to it. Understand this if nothing else about me, Ariadne. I -wanted- this and I -deserved- it. Worked for it and earned it. And when I realised my mistake, it was far too late."
"It was given to you as a reward?"
Leaning back tiredly and with closed eyes, his answer was a resignation and a sigh.
"Yes."
Ari put down her mug, bowed her head, intertwined her fingers in her lap and thought hard.
She could ask Severus, perhaps interrogate was a better word, to satisfy her curiosity and make him spill his history and all his reasons for doing what he had done, for being and becoming the man he was. Such was the power she felt she had. But it would only imply she expected him to apologise for himself. 'Give me the reason for your downfall, so I may absolve you'. Hallelujah gloria and amen.
Severus did not trust her- not yet. He was testing, prodding. Trying to make her leave him, abandon him. Telling her with not so many words he had murdered.
Raped? Tortured?
Unspeakable, unforgivable things.
He certainly had not been able to forgive himself, and the scars on his wrist told her he had tried to cut, bite and -claw- of the mark.
Had tried to kill himself.
To Ari's mind as far as punishments went, there was no greater pain than a the true remorse of a guilty conscience. He had told her he was not a nice man, or a kind one. That she should fear him. With a shiver, Ari realised she did.
A murderer. A torturer.
How old had he been when all this had happened? Or better put, how young? Taking Harry's age for reference, he had to have turned to Dumbledore in his early twenties, and if he had to -earn- his marking, his seduction into darkness had come early in life. Perhaps even as a teenager.
A teenager disgusted with life? What had damaged him so when he had been so very young. Who? Why?
Questions. So many. But did they really needed to be answered? Not right now, at least. No more words.
Gently, Ari reached out, cupped the pale face and turned it up towards her. She tenderly kissed the closed lips, pulled back when he gasped, stared deeply into those glittering black eyes and kissed him again, more insistently. Severus opened his mouth to her and while their kiss grew deeper, he embraced her small body and pulled her into his lap, until she sat, cradled like a child, head tucked in the crook of his neck.
"I don't deserve you-" he whispered. "You're pure."
"I'm just a woman, Severus. Nothing more."
"You can call me 'Sev', if you like. You can call me anything you like."
Ari hid her face against his shoulder, her glasses uncomfortably biting her cheeks. Severus pressed her closer. She should not cry- she should not. He was surrendering to her. Letting her in. Their fingers intertwined and Severus stroke her long hair. She shivered.
"Are you cold?"
Mercifully, Ari's stomach chose that moment to let them both know how 'just a woman' she really was and grumbled warningly.
"No," she said, raising herself from the comfort of his embrace. "Just hungry."
"It will be time for dinner, soon."
"We best make ourselves presentable than."
"And it would not do, to be seen together."
"No, I guess not."
They stood. With reverence, Snape took Ari's skewered glasses from her face and put them back straight, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ears. Ari brushed some nonexistent dust from his chest. Snape caught her fingers in his own and brought them to his lips. He shivered. There was something he was struggling to say, but it came out harsh and almost as a demand. Or an accusation.
"Woman, I want you so much- It is breaking me!"
"Then come to me. Come to me tonight."
The shiver became a tremble. Snape nearly crushed Ari's fingers in his grip. He looked up and gave her one slow nod before letting her go.
"Go now- go before I- Please go."
Ari quickly distanced herself, heart pounding in her ears and throat. He turned and stared at the wall. In reaching the door she asked: "Will I be seeing you, at dinner?"
"No."
She fled.
*******************************************
Title from the song 'Falling into you' by Celine Dion.
"I was afraid
"To let you in here
"Now I have learned
"Love can be made in fear
"The walls begin to tumble down
"And I can't even see the ground