(A/N: Okay, thanks so much for reviewing, ladies and gentlemen...I hope you guys like this chapter, and keep the reviews coming, please ).
Chapter Eight
Severus sat straight up in his bed, breathing shallowly and sweating heavily. He looked at his hands; they were shaking. He waited a moment to calm himself, and then padded into his bathroom. He divested of his pajamas, which consisted of a black undershirt and black and gray plaid Muggle pajama bottoms, and stepped into his shower. As he stood under the comforting, hot spray of water, he tried to recall the details of his dream. Suddenly they came back to him in such a rush that Severus had to grip the soap holder on the wall for support.
He had been in the Forbidden Forest, with Albus, Minerva, and Hermione. They three were hidden, and he himself was speaking to Voldemort. He administered the potion, and watched as Voldemort grew weaker on the floor of the forest. The remaining members of the coven emerged from their hiding places, and the united coven joined hands. Wands out, pointing at the Dark Lord, they began to chant Avada Kedavra. The green light shot out of their wands, going into Voldemort. But Severus' part of the spell reflected off the Dark Lord, bouncing back and hitting Hermione. He watched in silent horror as she hit the floor of the forest. Then he had awakened from that horrific nightmare in a terrible state.
Severus let out a long breath he had not realized he was holding. It was only a dream, nothing more, he told himself. When he thought he had himself under control, he stepped out of the shower, dried himself off, and dressed in another, identical pair of pajamas and added a bathrobe to combat the cold of the dungeon rooms. He checked his watch: 1:11. A bit early to go down to breakfast, he thought ruefully. He idly walked over to his bookcase. He stood there staring blankly at the titles of his books, running his hands absently along the spines. He pulled one off of the shelf: Shakespeare's "As You Like It." "O Rosalind! these trees shall be my books," he quoted softly. Although not his favorite play, he enjoyed Shakespeare immensely, and read him frequently. He replaced that volume, and removed Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. Tolstoy was a genius, all right, he reflected. His psychological insights were interesting, and still rather accurate, even today. Severus abandoned Tolstoy,
and picked up his Edgar Allan Poe compilation. He sat down on his couch, opened the book, and began to read his favorite short story, "The Fall of the House of Usher." He was almost finished when he became aware of another human being's presence in the room with him. He did not look up straight away, but continued to read for a moment. Then, Severus carefully lowered his book, and found himself staring into the twinkling blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore.
"You're up rather early, Severus," Albus observed.
"I could say the same about you, Headmaster," answered Severus rather stiffly.
"Sevolod has been to see me. He's rather concerned about you, and your emotional reaction to Voldemort's downfall. I must say, I am worried as well, child." Albus leaned forward, and gripped the younger wizard's thin shoulders.
"My debt is so immense, my sin so deep, that no amount of reconnaissance or penance could pay it back," Severus responded, refusing to meet his mentor's eyes, staring instead at his own thin hands clasped in his lap.
"I've never blamed you, Severus. Don't you think it's time for you to forgive yourself? Allow yourself to truly live again?" And with that, Albus left the Potions master to his thoughts.
*~*
Hermione, as it turned out, had had no better luck sleeping than her colleague. She had taken the Dreamless Sleep Potion, pleased that she would be able to have a good night's sleep for once, and lay awake in her bed for hours. Finally, grumbling angrily, she left her four-poster, threw her bathrobe over her pale-pink with roses nightgown, added slippers, and decided to go for a walk. She left her room, and began to walk the halls of Hogwarts, moving toward a familiar destination: the kitchens.
Hermione arrived, and was promptly waited on by the house-elves. She ordered a slice of apple pie and a cup of tea; both of which were brought speedily. She took out the book on coven magic that she had brought with her, and began to read, sinking into a chair in the corner. The passage she was particularly interested in read:
i Coven magic is extremely old magic, first created by a group of Irish witches in the eighth century. When two witches and two wizards come together for a pure purpose, a good purpose, the spell that they say is amplified twenty times. The principle of coven magic has not been used often, owing to the fact that it often creates a bond between the witches and wizards involved. However, a coven was used to destroy the dark wizard Piscino in the year 1925 in England. The members of the coven were Annelynne Lugelwhine, Laura Relic, Shawn Iles, and Azrael Logglewhelm./i
She wondered what the bond that the book talked about was. Hermione would have to remember to ask Albus about it. She was still absorbed in reading and eating her pie and sipping her tea, when she heard a familiar voice behind her. "Dear me," it said mockingly. "In the kitchens, and after hours as well. 10 points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger."
Hermione sighed. She did not bother to turn around; nor did she respond. The tall figure of Severus Snape came into her line of vision, and sat down in front of her. He was wearing the same black bathrobe that she had seen during her brief stay at his home; but this time he wore Muggle pajamas: black and gray plaid bottoms with a black tee shirt. "Dreamless sleep potion didn't work?" he asked in that infuriating manner of his.
"I wouldn't know," she responded coolly, taking a sip of tea, "for I never fell asleep in the first place."
"Oh, I am sorry to hear that," he responded. "I will brew something stronger tomorrow."
"Don't bother," she said shortly.
"Oh, I wouldn't," he said mockingly, "except that I find that I rather need something stronger myself."
Hermione flushed angrily. They sat in silence, Hermione concentrating with all her might on sipping her tea without throwing it in her former teacher's face. They were soon interrupted by Minerva McGonagall, who stepped in looking for something to eat. She jumped when she saw the sullen pair sitting in the corner of the kitchens.
"Severus, Hermione!" she exclaimed, giving Hermione a peck on the cheek. "How are you?"
"Fine, thanks," answered Hermione happily. "Did you just get back?"
"Yes, I did," the older witch answered. "I heard about the plan," she continued, turning to Severus. "We should do this as soon as possible, you know. The sooner, the better, in my opinion."
Severus sighed. "It can't be over too quickly for me, Minerva."
She gave him a sympathetic look and nodded. "Give me a day to recover. We can plan tomorrow, and execute the plan on Friday. We'll be done before the first term starts," she ended, looking pleased with her reasoning.
Severus waved a hand dismissively. "Fine, Minerva. I'm the only one who has to go into mortal danger, so, hey, no problem."
Minerva laughed. "You can't frighten me, Severus. You forget that I have known you since you were 10 years old."
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "10?"
"Oh - I started at Hogwarts a year early," he said quickly, and Hermione nodded appreciatively, a new respect for her ex-Potions master in her eyes.
Minerva bid them good-night, and left for her rooms in Gryffindor tower. Hermione watched her go, and then sipped the last of her tea, sighing appreciatively. "For enslaved creatures," she said, "these house elves really seem to enjoy what they do."
Severus' eyes twinkled. "Of course they do," he responded, drumming his fingers casually on the tabletop. "Mine even refused to leave me when I presented her with clothes."
Hermione's eyes almost popped out of her head. "You freed Pearl?" she asked in astonishment.
Severus chuckled. "Yes, I did. When I was twenty-five. She threw the clothes back at me, and refused to leave. I didn't dare argue with her, so...she's still with me today."
Hermione shook her head in disbelief. "In school, I would never have thought that the fearsome Potions master had a sensitive, caring side to him along with the sarcastic, caustic side."
Severus blinked. "Well, that was the point. A kind, caring, considerate Death Eater? Wouldn't happen. And I knew that I would eventually have to return to Voldemort, so I took the liberty of being as mean as possible."
Hermione nodded. "Do you ever let anyone in to see the real you?"
Severus pursed his lips. "Not many people. I could count the amount on one hand."
Hermione surprised both herself and Severus by saying, "I'd like to be one of those people."
Severus looked at her, shocked, not sure he had heard correctly. "No, you don't," he rejoined. She smiled thinly at him, and left the room. He sighed, and put a hand to his temple. He needed a headache cure potion, and he needed it now.
He padded back to his chambers in the dungeons, sat in his armchair, near the fire that did nothing to warm him, either physically or emotionally. He had not been in his chambers for twenty minutes when Severus was paid the second surprise visit of the night, this time from his brother Sevolod. Sevolod just walked through the walls and stood before his brother, who glared up at him irritably. "Yes?" Severus asked sharply.
But Sevolod, used to his brother's moods, was unfazed. "Can't a dead man visit his brother, who, incidentally, is pretending to be emotionally dead?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Sevolod," he growled.
"Yes, I think you do, Sev," he responded. "You were the smartest Slytherin, although we both started a year early, and are hands-down the best Potions brewer Hogwarts has seen since Salazar himself. A man such as that would know when he has turned off his feelings, pretending that he no longer cares two straws about companionship. A man who makes himself purposely unattractive knows why he does it. Fear, Sev. You don't want to let anyone get too close to you, lest you are abandoned again." He paused, and looked at his twin.
Severus' thin lips were pressed together tightly in anger. "Who do you think you are?" he managed. "You, at the age of twenty, 152 pounds, 6'2", tried to assault Lucius Malfoy, aged twenty-one years, 210 pounds, also 6'2". Your powers of reasoning are not exactly sung of with adoration throughout the land."
Sevolod raised an eyebrow. "I knew how to let people into my life, how to love," he returned. "Which makes me infinitely more intelligent than you, my brother."
"I do not have the luxury of being able to care for someone, you know," he bit back. "Voldemort would kill them before you can say Unforgivable Curses."
Sevolod smiled gently. "But after the war is over?" he asked.
Severus swallowed. "I don't know. Sevolod, I've killed people. Used all three of the Unforgivables, without too much thought. She deserves better...Anyone does. `Lod, I don't even know how to care anymore."
"Let her show you." And with that cryptic remark, Sevolod vanished. Severus sighed as a man used to such suffering, and resumed his seat, picking up his well-worn copy of Shakespeare's Macbeth, and began to read.
*~*
At dawn, Severus showered, dressed in fresh robes, and walked the halls of Hogwarts, heading towards the Headmaster's office. As he stood at the gargoyle trying to remember the password of the moment, another time he had stood in the same place, a lifetime ago (or so it seemed) was brought to his mind.
** "Albus?" Severus called shakily. "I can't remember your password this week, and I must see you."
Albus' genial voice called out, "Licorice twist." The gargoyle moved aside, and the young Potions master entered. He got straight to the point, deciding that he had better get the worst over with right away.
"I am a Death Eater." There. He had said it.
Albus' eyes dropped, and fixed on a point somewhere around his feet. "I know, my child."
Severus took a shaky breath. "Let me become your spy," he demanded.
Albus looked at his younger friend. "Can you?"
Severus met his eyes. "Yes." **
With a shake of his head, Severus brought himself back to the present. Suddenly it came to him: Sour Skittles. He repeated the password, the gargoyle moved, and he entered, feeling like a scared twenty-year-old again.
As he stepped into the room, he saw Minerva and Hermione already waiting for him. He acknowledged them with an inclination of his head, (noting as he did so that Hermione did not look as if she had slept much either) and turned to Albus. They went over the plan one last time, and Albus cast an invisibility charm on the three others. Severus led them toward the only place in Hogwarts where Apparition was possible: his dungeons. In two hours, either Voldemort would be dead, or they would all lose their lives.
Chapter Eight
Severus sat straight up in his bed, breathing shallowly and sweating heavily. He looked at his hands; they were shaking. He waited a moment to calm himself, and then padded into his bathroom. He divested of his pajamas, which consisted of a black undershirt and black and gray plaid Muggle pajama bottoms, and stepped into his shower. As he stood under the comforting, hot spray of water, he tried to recall the details of his dream. Suddenly they came back to him in such a rush that Severus had to grip the soap holder on the wall for support.
He had been in the Forbidden Forest, with Albus, Minerva, and Hermione. They three were hidden, and he himself was speaking to Voldemort. He administered the potion, and watched as Voldemort grew weaker on the floor of the forest. The remaining members of the coven emerged from their hiding places, and the united coven joined hands. Wands out, pointing at the Dark Lord, they began to chant Avada Kedavra. The green light shot out of their wands, going into Voldemort. But Severus' part of the spell reflected off the Dark Lord, bouncing back and hitting Hermione. He watched in silent horror as she hit the floor of the forest. Then he had awakened from that horrific nightmare in a terrible state.
Severus let out a long breath he had not realized he was holding. It was only a dream, nothing more, he told himself. When he thought he had himself under control, he stepped out of the shower, dried himself off, and dressed in another, identical pair of pajamas and added a bathrobe to combat the cold of the dungeon rooms. He checked his watch: 1:11. A bit early to go down to breakfast, he thought ruefully. He idly walked over to his bookcase. He stood there staring blankly at the titles of his books, running his hands absently along the spines. He pulled one off of the shelf: Shakespeare's "As You Like It." "O Rosalind! these trees shall be my books," he quoted softly. Although not his favorite play, he enjoyed Shakespeare immensely, and read him frequently. He replaced that volume, and removed Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. Tolstoy was a genius, all right, he reflected. His psychological insights were interesting, and still rather accurate, even today. Severus abandoned Tolstoy,
and picked up his Edgar Allan Poe compilation. He sat down on his couch, opened the book, and began to read his favorite short story, "The Fall of the House of Usher." He was almost finished when he became aware of another human being's presence in the room with him. He did not look up straight away, but continued to read for a moment. Then, Severus carefully lowered his book, and found himself staring into the twinkling blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore.
"You're up rather early, Severus," Albus observed.
"I could say the same about you, Headmaster," answered Severus rather stiffly.
"Sevolod has been to see me. He's rather concerned about you, and your emotional reaction to Voldemort's downfall. I must say, I am worried as well, child." Albus leaned forward, and gripped the younger wizard's thin shoulders.
"My debt is so immense, my sin so deep, that no amount of reconnaissance or penance could pay it back," Severus responded, refusing to meet his mentor's eyes, staring instead at his own thin hands clasped in his lap.
"I've never blamed you, Severus. Don't you think it's time for you to forgive yourself? Allow yourself to truly live again?" And with that, Albus left the Potions master to his thoughts.
*~*
Hermione, as it turned out, had had no better luck sleeping than her colleague. She had taken the Dreamless Sleep Potion, pleased that she would be able to have a good night's sleep for once, and lay awake in her bed for hours. Finally, grumbling angrily, she left her four-poster, threw her bathrobe over her pale-pink with roses nightgown, added slippers, and decided to go for a walk. She left her room, and began to walk the halls of Hogwarts, moving toward a familiar destination: the kitchens.
Hermione arrived, and was promptly waited on by the house-elves. She ordered a slice of apple pie and a cup of tea; both of which were brought speedily. She took out the book on coven magic that she had brought with her, and began to read, sinking into a chair in the corner. The passage she was particularly interested in read:
i Coven magic is extremely old magic, first created by a group of Irish witches in the eighth century. When two witches and two wizards come together for a pure purpose, a good purpose, the spell that they say is amplified twenty times. The principle of coven magic has not been used often, owing to the fact that it often creates a bond between the witches and wizards involved. However, a coven was used to destroy the dark wizard Piscino in the year 1925 in England. The members of the coven were Annelynne Lugelwhine, Laura Relic, Shawn Iles, and Azrael Logglewhelm./i
She wondered what the bond that the book talked about was. Hermione would have to remember to ask Albus about it. She was still absorbed in reading and eating her pie and sipping her tea, when she heard a familiar voice behind her. "Dear me," it said mockingly. "In the kitchens, and after hours as well. 10 points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger."
Hermione sighed. She did not bother to turn around; nor did she respond. The tall figure of Severus Snape came into her line of vision, and sat down in front of her. He was wearing the same black bathrobe that she had seen during her brief stay at his home; but this time he wore Muggle pajamas: black and gray plaid bottoms with a black tee shirt. "Dreamless sleep potion didn't work?" he asked in that infuriating manner of his.
"I wouldn't know," she responded coolly, taking a sip of tea, "for I never fell asleep in the first place."
"Oh, I am sorry to hear that," he responded. "I will brew something stronger tomorrow."
"Don't bother," she said shortly.
"Oh, I wouldn't," he said mockingly, "except that I find that I rather need something stronger myself."
Hermione flushed angrily. They sat in silence, Hermione concentrating with all her might on sipping her tea without throwing it in her former teacher's face. They were soon interrupted by Minerva McGonagall, who stepped in looking for something to eat. She jumped when she saw the sullen pair sitting in the corner of the kitchens.
"Severus, Hermione!" she exclaimed, giving Hermione a peck on the cheek. "How are you?"
"Fine, thanks," answered Hermione happily. "Did you just get back?"
"Yes, I did," the older witch answered. "I heard about the plan," she continued, turning to Severus. "We should do this as soon as possible, you know. The sooner, the better, in my opinion."
Severus sighed. "It can't be over too quickly for me, Minerva."
She gave him a sympathetic look and nodded. "Give me a day to recover. We can plan tomorrow, and execute the plan on Friday. We'll be done before the first term starts," she ended, looking pleased with her reasoning.
Severus waved a hand dismissively. "Fine, Minerva. I'm the only one who has to go into mortal danger, so, hey, no problem."
Minerva laughed. "You can't frighten me, Severus. You forget that I have known you since you were 10 years old."
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "10?"
"Oh - I started at Hogwarts a year early," he said quickly, and Hermione nodded appreciatively, a new respect for her ex-Potions master in her eyes.
Minerva bid them good-night, and left for her rooms in Gryffindor tower. Hermione watched her go, and then sipped the last of her tea, sighing appreciatively. "For enslaved creatures," she said, "these house elves really seem to enjoy what they do."
Severus' eyes twinkled. "Of course they do," he responded, drumming his fingers casually on the tabletop. "Mine even refused to leave me when I presented her with clothes."
Hermione's eyes almost popped out of her head. "You freed Pearl?" she asked in astonishment.
Severus chuckled. "Yes, I did. When I was twenty-five. She threw the clothes back at me, and refused to leave. I didn't dare argue with her, so...she's still with me today."
Hermione shook her head in disbelief. "In school, I would never have thought that the fearsome Potions master had a sensitive, caring side to him along with the sarcastic, caustic side."
Severus blinked. "Well, that was the point. A kind, caring, considerate Death Eater? Wouldn't happen. And I knew that I would eventually have to return to Voldemort, so I took the liberty of being as mean as possible."
Hermione nodded. "Do you ever let anyone in to see the real you?"
Severus pursed his lips. "Not many people. I could count the amount on one hand."
Hermione surprised both herself and Severus by saying, "I'd like to be one of those people."
Severus looked at her, shocked, not sure he had heard correctly. "No, you don't," he rejoined. She smiled thinly at him, and left the room. He sighed, and put a hand to his temple. He needed a headache cure potion, and he needed it now.
He padded back to his chambers in the dungeons, sat in his armchair, near the fire that did nothing to warm him, either physically or emotionally. He had not been in his chambers for twenty minutes when Severus was paid the second surprise visit of the night, this time from his brother Sevolod. Sevolod just walked through the walls and stood before his brother, who glared up at him irritably. "Yes?" Severus asked sharply.
But Sevolod, used to his brother's moods, was unfazed. "Can't a dead man visit his brother, who, incidentally, is pretending to be emotionally dead?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Sevolod," he growled.
"Yes, I think you do, Sev," he responded. "You were the smartest Slytherin, although we both started a year early, and are hands-down the best Potions brewer Hogwarts has seen since Salazar himself. A man such as that would know when he has turned off his feelings, pretending that he no longer cares two straws about companionship. A man who makes himself purposely unattractive knows why he does it. Fear, Sev. You don't want to let anyone get too close to you, lest you are abandoned again." He paused, and looked at his twin.
Severus' thin lips were pressed together tightly in anger. "Who do you think you are?" he managed. "You, at the age of twenty, 152 pounds, 6'2", tried to assault Lucius Malfoy, aged twenty-one years, 210 pounds, also 6'2". Your powers of reasoning are not exactly sung of with adoration throughout the land."
Sevolod raised an eyebrow. "I knew how to let people into my life, how to love," he returned. "Which makes me infinitely more intelligent than you, my brother."
"I do not have the luxury of being able to care for someone, you know," he bit back. "Voldemort would kill them before you can say Unforgivable Curses."
Sevolod smiled gently. "But after the war is over?" he asked.
Severus swallowed. "I don't know. Sevolod, I've killed people. Used all three of the Unforgivables, without too much thought. She deserves better...Anyone does. `Lod, I don't even know how to care anymore."
"Let her show you." And with that cryptic remark, Sevolod vanished. Severus sighed as a man used to such suffering, and resumed his seat, picking up his well-worn copy of Shakespeare's Macbeth, and began to read.
*~*
At dawn, Severus showered, dressed in fresh robes, and walked the halls of Hogwarts, heading towards the Headmaster's office. As he stood at the gargoyle trying to remember the password of the moment, another time he had stood in the same place, a lifetime ago (or so it seemed) was brought to his mind.
** "Albus?" Severus called shakily. "I can't remember your password this week, and I must see you."
Albus' genial voice called out, "Licorice twist." The gargoyle moved aside, and the young Potions master entered. He got straight to the point, deciding that he had better get the worst over with right away.
"I am a Death Eater." There. He had said it.
Albus' eyes dropped, and fixed on a point somewhere around his feet. "I know, my child."
Severus took a shaky breath. "Let me become your spy," he demanded.
Albus looked at his younger friend. "Can you?"
Severus met his eyes. "Yes." **
With a shake of his head, Severus brought himself back to the present. Suddenly it came to him: Sour Skittles. He repeated the password, the gargoyle moved, and he entered, feeling like a scared twenty-year-old again.
As he stepped into the room, he saw Minerva and Hermione already waiting for him. He acknowledged them with an inclination of his head, (noting as he did so that Hermione did not look as if she had slept much either) and turned to Albus. They went over the plan one last time, and Albus cast an invisibility charm on the three others. Severus led them toward the only place in Hogwarts where Apparition was possible: his dungeons. In two hours, either Voldemort would be dead, or they would all lose their lives.