(A/N: To those of you who did not like the alcohol part of my story, if
you're even reading this, which I think is highly doubtful: I'm sorry, but
people do turn unexpected ways when they're in pain. Try to understand.
Anyway, to those of you who are still reading and like this crap: On with
Chapter Twelve!)
Chapter Twelve
Sitting at the staff table at breakfast the next morning, Hermione found that she could not quite look Severus in the eye. Had she glanced over, however, she would have noticed that he appeared to be avoiding her gaze as well. Their dreams were still too fresh in their minds to look at each other.
Hermione, lost in both her memories of her dream and of Harry and Ron, decided to leave breakfast early, without eating much of anything. As she rose, she felt a hand gently grab her arm, and pull her back down to her seat. "Sit back down," Severus commanded. "You haven't eaten anything."
"I have too," retorted Hermione. "I ate the strawberries."
Severus, for answer, only raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed. "Oh, all right."
"Thank you," he murmured. She grinned in response, and popped another strawberry into her mouth.
*~*
Hermione sat at her desk, grading papers during her prep period. She shook her head and tutted softly at the seventh-year paper she was marking. Suddenly, a ghost rose up from the floorboards, and settled himself on her desk. She gasped, and then laughed quietly, clutching her heart. "Sevolod! You scared me!"
He grinned widely in response. "Good." Turning serious, he asked her how she was.
Hermione shrugged. "I'm holding up, I suppose. I find myself missing Harry and Ron more and more each day. This place, it just…reminds me of them." She sighed. "It seems like only yesterday we were running around, wreaking havoc on Hogwarts."
Sevolod smiled slightly. "That's only normal. I happen to know that after I died, my brother frequented all our favorite haunts in Hogwarts, and almost threw himself off the astronomy tower, one of our favorite places to just sit and read."
Hermione cocked her head. "Really? I just can't get used to thinking of him as a person, you know. He was my teacher for so long, and one never thinks of one's teachers as being people."
The ghost laughed out loud at that. "I suppose there's something in that. It is just as hard for a teacher to think of his student as a person, or more specifically, a woman."
Hermione bit her lip. "I should hope Severus would think of me as a friend, after all we had been through. I would hope --" she trailed off.
"What?" Sevolod asked gently.
She shook her head. "I don't know!" she cried.
He pursed his lips. "You're still grieving. Talk to Severus. He can help you." And with that, the ghost disappeared.
And Hermione put her head down on her desk and gave into the tears.
*~*
Sometime later, when Severus did not have a class, he was walking down the hall outside the DADA professor's classroom, when he heard quite a commotion coming from that aforementioned classroom. He quickened his pace, and stuck his head inside the room, and fixed the class with his stoniest look. The offending class immediately stopped yelling.
"Just what is going on here?" Severus drawled. He pointed a long finger at a quiet seventh-year Slytherin girl. "You, Miss Shaitana, will explain." He crossed his arms and waited.
"Well, you see sir, we've been here for nearly twenty minutes, and Professor Granger still isn't here. We were arguing about what was best to be done."
He nodded. "Class is dismissed. Return to your common rooms." The class did not move. "Well, what are you waiting for, a owled invitation? Go!" The class did not need to be told a third time.
When they had all exited the room, Severus pursed his lips. He decided to go next door and see if Hermione was in her office. He knocked. There was no response. He was about to turn and walk away when a slight sound caught his hypersensitive ears. It sounded like – he leaned closer – yes, it sounded like someone sobbing. Severus shook his head slightly. He tried the knob, found it open, and entered the room.
"Professor?" he called, shutting the door. Then, more gently: "Hermione?"
He found her in a corner, crying her eyes out and tearing the edge of her robes to shreds. "Hermione?" He still received no response, so he went ahead and picked her up, damsel-in-distress style, and placed her in a chair, where she continued to weep, with her hands over her face. Severus gently pried her hands away from her eyes, and pulled her into a soft, comforting embrace. She bawled on his shoulder even harder, as if that small show of affection made things worse. He rubbed her back and stayed silent; soon she was able to speak. He handed her a white silk handkerchief with his initials embroidered in the corner in dark green and silver thread: STS. She smiled her thanks shakily, and wiped her eyes.
"It just all got to be too much," Hermione whispered. "I just…I want things to go back to the way they were. Before Harry and Ron died. Before my life fell apart."
Severus nodded. He steeled his resolve; after twenty some-odd years it was still hard to speak about this. "After Sevolod died," he began, clenching his fists in his lap, "I guess you could say that I went through a time of severe depression. Albus tried to help, but actually I think that he just made it worse. He tried to get me to talk about my feelings, which I had never done before in my life. Anyway, about two months after my brother died, I found myself in the Astronomy Tower, my hand shaking and holding a knife and my palms all bloody, with absolutely no recollection of how I got there. I figured I might as well throw myself off the Tower; what good was I to anyone? Then, Albus appeared. I have no idea how he got there that quickly, it is impossible to my mind. He had to forcibly restrain me from killing both myself and him. We had a long talk, he persuaded me not to commit suicide right then, and the next day Sevolod appeared in my chambers."
Hermione raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.
"What I'm trying to say, in a roundabout, circuitous way," he continued, "is don't do anything stupid. You're a strong woman, you'll get through this."
Hermione smiled slightly. "Thanks, Severus."
He nodded, and rose to leave. He paused for a moment, then turned and went back to Hermione. He pressed a small bottle into her hand. "Here," he said. "Take this. It'll help you to sleep – restfully, unlike that crap that Poppy gives out."
She smiled shakily again, and he left her alone.
*~*
Severus knew exactly who had said things to upset her like that, and he went immediately to find that someone. He retired to his chambers and muttered a spell. With a wave of his wand, Sevolod popped up from the floorboards. "You called, my brother?" he asked, with an extravagant bow.
"I did," Severus replied coldly. "Did you or did you not pay a visit to Hermione Granger today?"
Sevolod considered. "I don't think that I – wait, wait – let me check." And he produced a miniature datebook from thin air and made a show of thumbing through it. "Actually, yes, I did stop in to see the aforementioned Miss Granger for a few moments today. Why do you ask, my dear brother?"
Severus fixed him with an icy glare that could have frozen molten lava. "Because when I found her in her office just a few minutes ago, she was hysterically crying, completely over the edge. And I only know one person who could have pushed her over that proverbial edge."
"Actually, brother, I cannot really be considered a person anymore. I would prefer to be referred to as a ghost, or a being, or just plain Sevolod would do, I suppose -- "
"What anyone calls you is irrelevant!" Severus snapped, finding that Sevolod had provoked him into an angry outburst yet again. He hated not being in control of his temper.
Sevolod narrowed his eyes. "Well well," he said softly. "It looks as if the fearsome, emotionless Potions master does have a heart, after all. Shall I send out the memo to the staff?"
"Shut up," muttered Severus. "Really, you should know better."
"I should," said Sevolod. "But I don't. Or rather, I find that being dead gives you a great advantage over flesh-and-blood people. I just don't care."
Severus sank into a chair, holding his head in his hands. "I can't do this, 'Lod. It's too hard. How could I let myself get emotionally attached to a girl young enough to be my daughter? Look at me, 'Lod. What do you see?"
"I see a man afraid to let himself care, but mostly afraid to let others care about him. That's why he keeps up his tough exterior. I see a tall, thin man with black hair and captivating dark eyes that many women have found attractive in the past. But mostly, I see a man who, despite his best efforts to disguise it, has a heart and is being forced to listen to it."
"No." He stated this firmly. "She would never agree, plus its taking advantage – I can't."
Sevolod shrugged. "Well then – I guess you won't be interested in the fact that she dreams of you too, and not in a…shall we say…strictly professional way."
The only betrayal that Severus cared about this last particular bit of information was the slight widening of his eyes. Sevolod laughed and disappeared, leaving Severus to his own thoughts.
*~*
Hermione awoke hours later in the middle of the night. She thought she could sense someone in the room with her. She grabbed her wand, and quietly muttered 'lumos.' She jumped when she heard a voice, a very familiar voice, speak to her.
"Oh, cut the crap, 'Mione," it said.
"Yea, its just us," chimed in another very familiar voice.
She responded in a shaky voice, all the while telling herself that she was hallucinating. "Who the fuck are you?" She swallowed and gripped her wand tighter.
The first voice tutted. "My, my – such language."
"Besides that – don't you even remember your best friends? We're hurt." The voice gave a loud sniff.
"Harry? Ron?" she whispered, disbelieving.
"The very same," chorused the voices.
Chapter Twelve
Sitting at the staff table at breakfast the next morning, Hermione found that she could not quite look Severus in the eye. Had she glanced over, however, she would have noticed that he appeared to be avoiding her gaze as well. Their dreams were still too fresh in their minds to look at each other.
Hermione, lost in both her memories of her dream and of Harry and Ron, decided to leave breakfast early, without eating much of anything. As she rose, she felt a hand gently grab her arm, and pull her back down to her seat. "Sit back down," Severus commanded. "You haven't eaten anything."
"I have too," retorted Hermione. "I ate the strawberries."
Severus, for answer, only raised an eyebrow at her. She sighed. "Oh, all right."
"Thank you," he murmured. She grinned in response, and popped another strawberry into her mouth.
*~*
Hermione sat at her desk, grading papers during her prep period. She shook her head and tutted softly at the seventh-year paper she was marking. Suddenly, a ghost rose up from the floorboards, and settled himself on her desk. She gasped, and then laughed quietly, clutching her heart. "Sevolod! You scared me!"
He grinned widely in response. "Good." Turning serious, he asked her how she was.
Hermione shrugged. "I'm holding up, I suppose. I find myself missing Harry and Ron more and more each day. This place, it just…reminds me of them." She sighed. "It seems like only yesterday we were running around, wreaking havoc on Hogwarts."
Sevolod smiled slightly. "That's only normal. I happen to know that after I died, my brother frequented all our favorite haunts in Hogwarts, and almost threw himself off the astronomy tower, one of our favorite places to just sit and read."
Hermione cocked her head. "Really? I just can't get used to thinking of him as a person, you know. He was my teacher for so long, and one never thinks of one's teachers as being people."
The ghost laughed out loud at that. "I suppose there's something in that. It is just as hard for a teacher to think of his student as a person, or more specifically, a woman."
Hermione bit her lip. "I should hope Severus would think of me as a friend, after all we had been through. I would hope --" she trailed off.
"What?" Sevolod asked gently.
She shook her head. "I don't know!" she cried.
He pursed his lips. "You're still grieving. Talk to Severus. He can help you." And with that, the ghost disappeared.
And Hermione put her head down on her desk and gave into the tears.
*~*
Sometime later, when Severus did not have a class, he was walking down the hall outside the DADA professor's classroom, when he heard quite a commotion coming from that aforementioned classroom. He quickened his pace, and stuck his head inside the room, and fixed the class with his stoniest look. The offending class immediately stopped yelling.
"Just what is going on here?" Severus drawled. He pointed a long finger at a quiet seventh-year Slytherin girl. "You, Miss Shaitana, will explain." He crossed his arms and waited.
"Well, you see sir, we've been here for nearly twenty minutes, and Professor Granger still isn't here. We were arguing about what was best to be done."
He nodded. "Class is dismissed. Return to your common rooms." The class did not move. "Well, what are you waiting for, a owled invitation? Go!" The class did not need to be told a third time.
When they had all exited the room, Severus pursed his lips. He decided to go next door and see if Hermione was in her office. He knocked. There was no response. He was about to turn and walk away when a slight sound caught his hypersensitive ears. It sounded like – he leaned closer – yes, it sounded like someone sobbing. Severus shook his head slightly. He tried the knob, found it open, and entered the room.
"Professor?" he called, shutting the door. Then, more gently: "Hermione?"
He found her in a corner, crying her eyes out and tearing the edge of her robes to shreds. "Hermione?" He still received no response, so he went ahead and picked her up, damsel-in-distress style, and placed her in a chair, where she continued to weep, with her hands over her face. Severus gently pried her hands away from her eyes, and pulled her into a soft, comforting embrace. She bawled on his shoulder even harder, as if that small show of affection made things worse. He rubbed her back and stayed silent; soon she was able to speak. He handed her a white silk handkerchief with his initials embroidered in the corner in dark green and silver thread: STS. She smiled her thanks shakily, and wiped her eyes.
"It just all got to be too much," Hermione whispered. "I just…I want things to go back to the way they were. Before Harry and Ron died. Before my life fell apart."
Severus nodded. He steeled his resolve; after twenty some-odd years it was still hard to speak about this. "After Sevolod died," he began, clenching his fists in his lap, "I guess you could say that I went through a time of severe depression. Albus tried to help, but actually I think that he just made it worse. He tried to get me to talk about my feelings, which I had never done before in my life. Anyway, about two months after my brother died, I found myself in the Astronomy Tower, my hand shaking and holding a knife and my palms all bloody, with absolutely no recollection of how I got there. I figured I might as well throw myself off the Tower; what good was I to anyone? Then, Albus appeared. I have no idea how he got there that quickly, it is impossible to my mind. He had to forcibly restrain me from killing both myself and him. We had a long talk, he persuaded me not to commit suicide right then, and the next day Sevolod appeared in my chambers."
Hermione raised an eyebrow, but remained silent.
"What I'm trying to say, in a roundabout, circuitous way," he continued, "is don't do anything stupid. You're a strong woman, you'll get through this."
Hermione smiled slightly. "Thanks, Severus."
He nodded, and rose to leave. He paused for a moment, then turned and went back to Hermione. He pressed a small bottle into her hand. "Here," he said. "Take this. It'll help you to sleep – restfully, unlike that crap that Poppy gives out."
She smiled shakily again, and he left her alone.
*~*
Severus knew exactly who had said things to upset her like that, and he went immediately to find that someone. He retired to his chambers and muttered a spell. With a wave of his wand, Sevolod popped up from the floorboards. "You called, my brother?" he asked, with an extravagant bow.
"I did," Severus replied coldly. "Did you or did you not pay a visit to Hermione Granger today?"
Sevolod considered. "I don't think that I – wait, wait – let me check." And he produced a miniature datebook from thin air and made a show of thumbing through it. "Actually, yes, I did stop in to see the aforementioned Miss Granger for a few moments today. Why do you ask, my dear brother?"
Severus fixed him with an icy glare that could have frozen molten lava. "Because when I found her in her office just a few minutes ago, she was hysterically crying, completely over the edge. And I only know one person who could have pushed her over that proverbial edge."
"Actually, brother, I cannot really be considered a person anymore. I would prefer to be referred to as a ghost, or a being, or just plain Sevolod would do, I suppose -- "
"What anyone calls you is irrelevant!" Severus snapped, finding that Sevolod had provoked him into an angry outburst yet again. He hated not being in control of his temper.
Sevolod narrowed his eyes. "Well well," he said softly. "It looks as if the fearsome, emotionless Potions master does have a heart, after all. Shall I send out the memo to the staff?"
"Shut up," muttered Severus. "Really, you should know better."
"I should," said Sevolod. "But I don't. Or rather, I find that being dead gives you a great advantage over flesh-and-blood people. I just don't care."
Severus sank into a chair, holding his head in his hands. "I can't do this, 'Lod. It's too hard. How could I let myself get emotionally attached to a girl young enough to be my daughter? Look at me, 'Lod. What do you see?"
"I see a man afraid to let himself care, but mostly afraid to let others care about him. That's why he keeps up his tough exterior. I see a tall, thin man with black hair and captivating dark eyes that many women have found attractive in the past. But mostly, I see a man who, despite his best efforts to disguise it, has a heart and is being forced to listen to it."
"No." He stated this firmly. "She would never agree, plus its taking advantage – I can't."
Sevolod shrugged. "Well then – I guess you won't be interested in the fact that she dreams of you too, and not in a…shall we say…strictly professional way."
The only betrayal that Severus cared about this last particular bit of information was the slight widening of his eyes. Sevolod laughed and disappeared, leaving Severus to his own thoughts.
*~*
Hermione awoke hours later in the middle of the night. She thought she could sense someone in the room with her. She grabbed her wand, and quietly muttered 'lumos.' She jumped when she heard a voice, a very familiar voice, speak to her.
"Oh, cut the crap, 'Mione," it said.
"Yea, its just us," chimed in another very familiar voice.
She responded in a shaky voice, all the while telling herself that she was hallucinating. "Who the fuck are you?" She swallowed and gripped her wand tighter.
The first voice tutted. "My, my – such language."
"Besides that – don't you even remember your best friends? We're hurt." The voice gave a loud sniff.
"Harry? Ron?" she whispered, disbelieving.
"The very same," chorused the voices.