(A/N: JoeBob – read your story, and I email you my comments, 'cause ff.net
was being annoying and refused to post them. Everyone, go read JoeBob's
story! If you're looking for something cute, read Keep Guessing!)
Chapter Eighteen
Hermione was almost asleep when she heard the door in Severus's rooms click shut. Instantly, she was wide awake, and she quickly cast an invisiblity spell on herself. She wanted to observe him unseen.
Severus sat down at his kitchen table, and buried his face in his hands. He sighed, and rubbed his left forearm tiredly. He was sick of this, sick of forcing himself to pay for a bad decision that he made when he was a teenager. Logically, he knew that he should forgive himself, but mentally he had always found that he could not. His mind began to take him back to the night – was it only a few weeks ago? – that he and Hermione had shared. He honestly couldn't remember having such a great night since he was a much younger man.
"I wish I didn't have to be such a fucking wanker to her," Severus muttered. "But really, what can I do?" He abruptly left his seat and headed over to the mahogany cabinet in the corner of the room. He unlocked it with a small silver key, and extracted a small clear bottle. He drank its contents, and moved to his right to throw the empty bottle away. Coincidentally, he also moved in the direction of the invisible Hermione. As Severus neared her, he paused. He stood in front of her for some minutes, his head cocked, listening. Rather belatedly, Hermione remembered ruefully Harry's stories about Professor Snape knowing that he was using the invisibility cloak, but never being able to prove it.
"Who's there?" he asked, tauntingly. "You had better show yourself." Severus was just reaching for his wand when Hermione reversed the invisibility spell. He raised an eyebrow and replaced the wand in his pocket.
"What are you doing here, in my quarters and invisible?"
"Albus told me that Voldemort has returned."
A spasm passed across his face, but that was the only indication that he was at all affected by her words. "He has not."
"Don't play dumb, not with me, Severus."
"I really have no idea what you are talking about."
Hermione sighed. "All right, so you want to play it that way? You had a dream, which you believe was not a dream at all, but a message from the Dark Lord himself. Therefore, you told Albus that Voldemort was not killed after all, but lives on still. You now live in constant fear of being called, for you know not when the inevitable will occur. And you called me a 'nice piece of ass' to get me to distance myself so I wouldn't be easy prey for the Dark Lord."
Severus met her gaze squarely. He shook his head. "No. You think that I care enough about you to bother with all of that?"
"There you go again…look, I'm not stupid. You of all people, who taught me for seven years, should know that. And I can see through you."
"Can you? I don't think so, Miss Granger," he responded acidly.
She threw up her hands in anger. "Oh, we're back to that again, are we, Mr. Snape?"
"Well, I am old enough to be your father, so I think it only proper that you call me Mr. Snape. Respect your elders, and all that."
"Should the elders shag the youths?" Hermione fired back.
Severus did not blink. "Takes two to tango."
Hermione sighed dramatically. "I was seduced by the big, bad Potions master; I am but an innocent little girl!"
He simply crossed his arms and looked at her. He was suddenly tired, so tired of his stupid façade. "Look," he began in a low voice. "You cannot possibly understand the tortures that Voldemort has in store for me. That is what is waiting for me when I am called: death, and a painful one at that." His voice became progressively louder as he became angrier. "I will not stand here in my own quarters and be condemned because I tried to spare you torture and rape."
There was silence in the room for a few moments. Hermione could not think of anything to say. He had truly rendered her speechless.
"I think perhaps you should get some sleep, Miss Granger," Severus spoke. His voice sounded exactly as she remembered it from her school days; low, silky, smooth, and menacing. It gave her goosebumps. Since she still had no idea what to say to him, she left the room.
But Hermione did not go to bed. She knew that it would be a futile effort; she would never be able to sleep after a confrontation like that. Instead she wandered the corridors of Hogwarts aimlessly. She soon found herself outside by the lake in front of the castle, so she sat down on a rock for awhile to rest.
"Can't sleep either?" came an amused voice behind her. Turning around, Hermione saw that the voice belonged to Minerva McGonagall. Hermione smiled, and motioned for the older woman to come join her. Minerva did, and the two sat in silence for some minutes before Minerva spoke.
"I heard you and Severus arguing this evening," she began neutrally. Hermione sighed, and pursed her lips.
"He's being unreasonable," said Hermione, kicking a small rock with her left foot.
Minerva took a deep breath. "He's only trying to do what he thinks is best, Hermione."
"Who is he to decide I can't take care of myself?"
"Well, who were you to decide that Severus could not handle the fact that you were pregnant with his child and were going to lose it?"
Hermione looked down at her feet. "That was different," she muttered.
"How so?"
Hermione didn't say anything. It was tacit admission of Minerva's victory.
"Look, Hermione – I've known Severus since he first entered Hogwarts, a mere boy of ten. He has never been one to open up and say what he's feeling, but you can always tell by his eyes. And when he was carrying you to the hospital wing in his arms, outwardly he looked impassive, but his eyes told another story. His eyes expressed his concern for you. Severus didn't know what to think. You are the first person, I think, that he has really cared for, and that scares him a little. Understandably. And I've known you, too, for a long time, and I can tell you care about Severus." She smiled suddenly. "You two are good for each other."
When Minerva was done speaking, she slipped quietly away to let Hermione think.
*~*
But Minerva was not done with her night. She traveled down to the dungeons to see Severus next. She got through his locking charms laughably easily, and entered the room and called out his name.
"Severus?" she asked the empty room. She looked into the small potions lab he had in his quarters, and found him bending over a bubbling mixture, and talking to a ghost. Minerva walked in and tapped Severus on the shoulder. "Severus, I want to talk to you."
He glared down at her irritably. "I'll just drop everything, shall I? Never mind that I was just having an extremely important conversation, I'll finish it later so I can be berated by two Gryffindor women in one night, shall I?"
The ghost, Sevolod, rolled his eyes. "Sev, you were just trying to get rid of me two seconds ago. I'm the lesser of two evils, am I?" He winked at Minerva, who laughed.
"How are you, Sevolod?"
He shrugged. "Can't complain. I'll just leave you two alone, shall I?" Minerva nodded. But Sevolod could not leave without a parting shot at his brother. "Going from younger to older women so soon, eh Sev?" He disappeared.
Minerva stifled her laugh at the murderous look on Severus' face. "I swear, if he weren't already dead, I would kill him myself," he muttered, stirring his potion.
Minerva took a deep breath and began. "Severus, I've just been to see Hermione. I heard you two arguing tonight, and I've come to add my two cents."
"Probably more like 400 galleons," Severus muttered sarcastically, but halfheartedly.
She chose to ignore that remark. "You were only trying to do what you thought would be best, and no one can fault you for that. I know you care for her, Severus, its obvious from the look in your eyes. You two are good for each other, I think. So does Albus," she added, with sudden inspiration.
Severus looked down at her. "No one here – not you, not Albus, and definitely not Hermione – should have to know the tortures of the Dark Lord." There was a haunted look in his eyes.
Minerva leaned over and gripped his arm tightly. He flinched, but did not move his arm from her grasp. "Don't go back," she whispered. "You've more than paid for a decision made when you were seventeen. You can help your Slytherins as no one else can. But you can't do that if you're dead."
"Even my death will not atone for what I have done, Minerva." His voice was steely and determined.
"Bullshit, Severus. The good you have done has more than outweighed the bad."
He did not respond for some minutes. Finally, he said: "I don't even help the Slytherins. So many of them became Death Eaters…" he shook his head. "What was I doing wrong?"
"You can't help some students, as you yourself should know. Some students simply don't want help, or they disguise themselves so well that you have no idea they needed help until its too late. Should I blame myself for Peter Pettigrew?"
Severus pushed his hair out of his face. He shook his head.
"Then neither can you blame yourself for students like Crabbe, and Goyle. You did help Draco Malfoy, didn't you?"
Severus blinked. "Well, yes…it took many hours talking in my office about what he really wanted to do with his life. That boy has – had – much anger against his father."
"Lucius would have deserved anything he got from that boy," Minerva stated.
Then he made an uncharacteristic statement about himself. "He reminded me of myself, and how my own father was to me."
"Lucius never touched a hair on Draco's head," responded Minerva. "Not like your father at all."
"The emotional abuse was the same," Severus answered tiredly.
"Well, you were his head of house," Minerva deferred to her colleague, who nodded. Then she steered the conversation back to Hermione. "Severus, just try, all right? I promise you Hermione can take care of herself."
"It's risky…" he debated. Then he shrugged. "Who am I to question my good luck?" he asked wryly. Minerva smiled and slapped him gently on the back.
"There you go, that's the spirit!" she exclaimed. "Now go find her."
"Now?!"
"Yes, now! Go!" Minerva couldn't wait to go find Albus and tell him that the mission was accomplished.
Chapter Eighteen
Hermione was almost asleep when she heard the door in Severus's rooms click shut. Instantly, she was wide awake, and she quickly cast an invisiblity spell on herself. She wanted to observe him unseen.
Severus sat down at his kitchen table, and buried his face in his hands. He sighed, and rubbed his left forearm tiredly. He was sick of this, sick of forcing himself to pay for a bad decision that he made when he was a teenager. Logically, he knew that he should forgive himself, but mentally he had always found that he could not. His mind began to take him back to the night – was it only a few weeks ago? – that he and Hermione had shared. He honestly couldn't remember having such a great night since he was a much younger man.
"I wish I didn't have to be such a fucking wanker to her," Severus muttered. "But really, what can I do?" He abruptly left his seat and headed over to the mahogany cabinet in the corner of the room. He unlocked it with a small silver key, and extracted a small clear bottle. He drank its contents, and moved to his right to throw the empty bottle away. Coincidentally, he also moved in the direction of the invisible Hermione. As Severus neared her, he paused. He stood in front of her for some minutes, his head cocked, listening. Rather belatedly, Hermione remembered ruefully Harry's stories about Professor Snape knowing that he was using the invisibility cloak, but never being able to prove it.
"Who's there?" he asked, tauntingly. "You had better show yourself." Severus was just reaching for his wand when Hermione reversed the invisibility spell. He raised an eyebrow and replaced the wand in his pocket.
"What are you doing here, in my quarters and invisible?"
"Albus told me that Voldemort has returned."
A spasm passed across his face, but that was the only indication that he was at all affected by her words. "He has not."
"Don't play dumb, not with me, Severus."
"I really have no idea what you are talking about."
Hermione sighed. "All right, so you want to play it that way? You had a dream, which you believe was not a dream at all, but a message from the Dark Lord himself. Therefore, you told Albus that Voldemort was not killed after all, but lives on still. You now live in constant fear of being called, for you know not when the inevitable will occur. And you called me a 'nice piece of ass' to get me to distance myself so I wouldn't be easy prey for the Dark Lord."
Severus met her gaze squarely. He shook his head. "No. You think that I care enough about you to bother with all of that?"
"There you go again…look, I'm not stupid. You of all people, who taught me for seven years, should know that. And I can see through you."
"Can you? I don't think so, Miss Granger," he responded acidly.
She threw up her hands in anger. "Oh, we're back to that again, are we, Mr. Snape?"
"Well, I am old enough to be your father, so I think it only proper that you call me Mr. Snape. Respect your elders, and all that."
"Should the elders shag the youths?" Hermione fired back.
Severus did not blink. "Takes two to tango."
Hermione sighed dramatically. "I was seduced by the big, bad Potions master; I am but an innocent little girl!"
He simply crossed his arms and looked at her. He was suddenly tired, so tired of his stupid façade. "Look," he began in a low voice. "You cannot possibly understand the tortures that Voldemort has in store for me. That is what is waiting for me when I am called: death, and a painful one at that." His voice became progressively louder as he became angrier. "I will not stand here in my own quarters and be condemned because I tried to spare you torture and rape."
There was silence in the room for a few moments. Hermione could not think of anything to say. He had truly rendered her speechless.
"I think perhaps you should get some sleep, Miss Granger," Severus spoke. His voice sounded exactly as she remembered it from her school days; low, silky, smooth, and menacing. It gave her goosebumps. Since she still had no idea what to say to him, she left the room.
But Hermione did not go to bed. She knew that it would be a futile effort; she would never be able to sleep after a confrontation like that. Instead she wandered the corridors of Hogwarts aimlessly. She soon found herself outside by the lake in front of the castle, so she sat down on a rock for awhile to rest.
"Can't sleep either?" came an amused voice behind her. Turning around, Hermione saw that the voice belonged to Minerva McGonagall. Hermione smiled, and motioned for the older woman to come join her. Minerva did, and the two sat in silence for some minutes before Minerva spoke.
"I heard you and Severus arguing this evening," she began neutrally. Hermione sighed, and pursed her lips.
"He's being unreasonable," said Hermione, kicking a small rock with her left foot.
Minerva took a deep breath. "He's only trying to do what he thinks is best, Hermione."
"Who is he to decide I can't take care of myself?"
"Well, who were you to decide that Severus could not handle the fact that you were pregnant with his child and were going to lose it?"
Hermione looked down at her feet. "That was different," she muttered.
"How so?"
Hermione didn't say anything. It was tacit admission of Minerva's victory.
"Look, Hermione – I've known Severus since he first entered Hogwarts, a mere boy of ten. He has never been one to open up and say what he's feeling, but you can always tell by his eyes. And when he was carrying you to the hospital wing in his arms, outwardly he looked impassive, but his eyes told another story. His eyes expressed his concern for you. Severus didn't know what to think. You are the first person, I think, that he has really cared for, and that scares him a little. Understandably. And I've known you, too, for a long time, and I can tell you care about Severus." She smiled suddenly. "You two are good for each other."
When Minerva was done speaking, she slipped quietly away to let Hermione think.
*~*
But Minerva was not done with her night. She traveled down to the dungeons to see Severus next. She got through his locking charms laughably easily, and entered the room and called out his name.
"Severus?" she asked the empty room. She looked into the small potions lab he had in his quarters, and found him bending over a bubbling mixture, and talking to a ghost. Minerva walked in and tapped Severus on the shoulder. "Severus, I want to talk to you."
He glared down at her irritably. "I'll just drop everything, shall I? Never mind that I was just having an extremely important conversation, I'll finish it later so I can be berated by two Gryffindor women in one night, shall I?"
The ghost, Sevolod, rolled his eyes. "Sev, you were just trying to get rid of me two seconds ago. I'm the lesser of two evils, am I?" He winked at Minerva, who laughed.
"How are you, Sevolod?"
He shrugged. "Can't complain. I'll just leave you two alone, shall I?" Minerva nodded. But Sevolod could not leave without a parting shot at his brother. "Going from younger to older women so soon, eh Sev?" He disappeared.
Minerva stifled her laugh at the murderous look on Severus' face. "I swear, if he weren't already dead, I would kill him myself," he muttered, stirring his potion.
Minerva took a deep breath and began. "Severus, I've just been to see Hermione. I heard you two arguing tonight, and I've come to add my two cents."
"Probably more like 400 galleons," Severus muttered sarcastically, but halfheartedly.
She chose to ignore that remark. "You were only trying to do what you thought would be best, and no one can fault you for that. I know you care for her, Severus, its obvious from the look in your eyes. You two are good for each other, I think. So does Albus," she added, with sudden inspiration.
Severus looked down at her. "No one here – not you, not Albus, and definitely not Hermione – should have to know the tortures of the Dark Lord." There was a haunted look in his eyes.
Minerva leaned over and gripped his arm tightly. He flinched, but did not move his arm from her grasp. "Don't go back," she whispered. "You've more than paid for a decision made when you were seventeen. You can help your Slytherins as no one else can. But you can't do that if you're dead."
"Even my death will not atone for what I have done, Minerva." His voice was steely and determined.
"Bullshit, Severus. The good you have done has more than outweighed the bad."
He did not respond for some minutes. Finally, he said: "I don't even help the Slytherins. So many of them became Death Eaters…" he shook his head. "What was I doing wrong?"
"You can't help some students, as you yourself should know. Some students simply don't want help, or they disguise themselves so well that you have no idea they needed help until its too late. Should I blame myself for Peter Pettigrew?"
Severus pushed his hair out of his face. He shook his head.
"Then neither can you blame yourself for students like Crabbe, and Goyle. You did help Draco Malfoy, didn't you?"
Severus blinked. "Well, yes…it took many hours talking in my office about what he really wanted to do with his life. That boy has – had – much anger against his father."
"Lucius would have deserved anything he got from that boy," Minerva stated.
Then he made an uncharacteristic statement about himself. "He reminded me of myself, and how my own father was to me."
"Lucius never touched a hair on Draco's head," responded Minerva. "Not like your father at all."
"The emotional abuse was the same," Severus answered tiredly.
"Well, you were his head of house," Minerva deferred to her colleague, who nodded. Then she steered the conversation back to Hermione. "Severus, just try, all right? I promise you Hermione can take care of herself."
"It's risky…" he debated. Then he shrugged. "Who am I to question my good luck?" he asked wryly. Minerva smiled and slapped him gently on the back.
"There you go, that's the spirit!" she exclaimed. "Now go find her."
"Now?!"
"Yes, now! Go!" Minerva couldn't wait to go find Albus and tell him that the mission was accomplished.