The moral was once again getting low. The troops were depressed and mutinous. They refused to write letters. Now I am nice and dandy if they are depressed and need a moral booster. But if they refuse to write, that's a different story. It was time to bring in the local band.

He arrived on Tuesday, a 500 pound man with a voice that could kill your cat. He started off with N*SYNC.

"NOT THAT!!!!" Screamed Wood, "ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!"

So he moved on to oldies. They were resilient for a while. Pretending they didn't hear, then covering they're ears, then closing they're eyes and humming. They were starting to crack. Just when they thought it couldn't get anyworse…

"YEEEEEEEEHAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It did.

Country music. It could drive a sane man mad. That was my plan. Column or insanity, either would be entertaining.

Wood was crouched in his chair, cradling his knees and softly whimpering. Pansy was passed out on the ground. I went and checked to make sure she was alive, she was so I woke her up. She couldn't hear when she was unconscious. Voldemort was sprawled out on the floor beating his fists against the ground and crying.

"We…will…write…the column."

"What?" I said. I was in a nasty mood. "You want more music? OK!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"All right, all right just playing."

I told the singer to pack it up. He held out his hand for money, I gave him a high five.

Then we got back to work.

*Ask Pansy, Wood and Voldemort*

Dear Brittany,
I realize some other girl wrote in about taking over the world. I just wanted to let you know that we have to stop her. Because she took our idea. We can probably kill her...hehe....Also I'd love to congratulate you on capturing hostages.....so I will. Congratulations. First 2 people from Hogwarts and an evil warlock. Next, THE WORLD!!! ::Evil laughter::

Much Love,
Your crazy friend, You know which one.

p.s.- Wood I know your busy w/helping the OTHER girl take over the world but I'm single and lonely....just something for you to think about

Dear Crazy Friend (and I do know which one),

I have no intention whatsoever in letting someone else take over the world. WE have to build our house with the theme park, dry-erase-board room and cave. (Inside joke don't try to understand.) Thanks for writing I feel special now. Hehe.

Much Love,

Brittany

P.S. I will keep that in mind.-Wood

~~~~~

I have two questions for all of you.
What was the weirdest thing you ever did? (Doing something while and if you were drunk counts.)
Do you like Guinea pigs?

Rabid Locust

Rabid Locust,

The weirdest thing I ever did was allow myself to be taken here to write this column. And yes guinea pigs are cute.

Pansy

~~~~~

Rabid Locust,

I would have to say it was when I studied for a test rather then have Quidditch practice. I think I might have been drunk. No, I hate guinea pigs. They smell and crap all over the place.

Wood

~~~~~

Rabid Locust,

The weirdest thing I have ever done was get blown up into a million pieces after I tried to kill Harry. It was unbelievable. I wasn't dead but I wasn't alive. It was, well, weird. I like guinea pigs, but only with LOTS of barbecue sauce.

Voldemort

~~~~~

Dear Pansy,
I hate Draco! What do you see in him? Gosh hes so ugly, pale, albino looking and mean. Come on you can do better than that. Voldemort looks better than him(lol). Get over him!

Sabookie

Dear Sabookie,

Voldemort is a half-dead, diseased creep, while Draco is perfect. "Sigh…" I will never get over him. You are just jealous!

Pansy

~~~~~