Kitty wanted Lance. She didn't even know why he wasn't there. Linda and Rick were being evasive. Had she been feeling better, she would've demanded they tell her exactly where her husband was. Instead, she just mumbled something about needing him.
It was the following afternoon before Lance came back. He walked into her hospital room. Kitty took one look at him and rolled over the other way. "Kitty, baby, don't be mad," Lance said softly.
"You haven't wanted to be here before. Don't be here now."
"Kitty, I'm sorry, okay? I was just…upset."
Kitty turned back over, her eyes filled with tears. "What, and I wasn't? I didn't want to be alone last night, Lance! You could've been here. Where the hell were you anyway?"
"I just…had to get away for a little while. I'm sorry."
"You were supposed to be here for me."
"I know. And I feel bad, I do. I just…I don't handle loss well."
Kitty wanted to be more angry at him, but she needed him close to her. She tried to understand, to see things from his point of view. She reached out her hand to him. "Come here."
Lance sat down beside her, holding her hand. "I love you," he said. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too." Kitty looked away. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry? For what?"
"For losing the baby."
"Kitty, that wasn't your fault. It was that bitch Rachel Tabor. What happened anyway?"
"She was trying to convince me you two were having an affair. I wouldn't listen to her, and she tried to make me stay. She grabbed me, and it made me fall."
Lance's jaw tightened. "Why couldn't she just leave us alone?"
"Because she thinks she has to be in control all the time."
"Do you want to press charges against her?"
"Lance, please, don't ask me that right now."
Lance recognized that as a no. He already knew his wife well enough to be able to see that. "Kitty, her petty jealous behavior cost us our child!"
"There's nothing we can do to change that, either. Ruining Rachel's life won't bring the baby back."
"Kitty, she…"
"I don't want to talk about it! I just want to get out of the hospital, go home, and try to put this past us, okay? Dragging things out with Rachel—it'll only make it worse. Her parents will fight it with the best lawyer they can buy, and we'll end up with nothing anyway, except maybe more stress and debt."
"I wish you'd change your mind."
"I'm not going to."
"I know."
"I have to ask you something else."
"What?"
"Do you still want to be married?"
Kitty looked up at Lance in shock. "How could you ask a question like that at a time like this?"
"It's an important question, Kitty. We got married because of the baby, and well now…"
Kitty turned away from him. "Go away. I don't want to talk to you right now."
"Kitty…"
"Look, if you only married be 'cause you knocked me up, then fine, leave now. Here's your out."
"That isn't what I meant! I married you because I love you. I'd be lying if I said the baby had nothing to do with the decision, but it affected the timing more than anything else. I don't want to lose you, but I thought… Well, you're only seventeen, and…"
Kitty turned back over again. "Please don't start the 'we're not right together' shit again. I'm not in the mood."
"No! That's not what I'm saying either. I just wanted to know if you really wanted to be married so young. I mean, we could be together without the whole marriage thing."
"Would you rather we weren't married?"
"Honestly? No."
"So you don't mind being married so young? I mean, nineteen isn't exactly that much older than seventeen."
"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Kitty."
"Then let's stick it out, okay? We said for better or for worse. I meant that, Lance."
"I did, too."
Lance sat on the edge of the hospital bed, and Kitty rested her head in his lap. They stayed that way for a long time, with Lance running his fingers through her hair, and neither of them speaking.
*** *** ***
"Today would've been my due date."
Lance looked over at Kitty. It had been several months since she lost the baby, but he could tell she was nowhere near over it. He reached his arms out to her, and she moved across the room into them without hesitation. Lance held her, trying to let her know that he was there, no matter what.
"I wasn't sure if I wanted it, the whole time I was pregnant. I just kept thinking, what was I going to do with a baby, y'know? Sometimes I'd wish—I'd wish I'd never gotten pregnant. I thought it would be better for us if we weren't parents so soon. And now, well, I feel guilty, Lance. Like I wished the baby away."
Lance held Kitty tighter. "It wasn't your fault, Kitty. You don't need to feel guilty about having doubts. Anyone would have. And you didn't make us lose the baby—Rachel did."
"I know, I just…I know."
"We'll be all right, Kit. We'll be all right."
*** *** ***
Kitty didn't bother to go to her graduation. She just picked up her diploma in the office and left high school behind. She gotten a large scholarship to the University of Chicago, and while she'd said she probably shouldn't go, seeing as they'd have to move and there would still be some tuition she'd have to pay, Lance had insisted she go to school. He didn't want to be what held her back from doing what she wanted with her life.
The move, while only to an apartment thirty minutes away, was hard to Kitty. She'd spent her whole life in Deerfield, and moving into Chicago seemed like a huge deal somehow. But Rick got Lance a job with a friend in the city, and Kitty was able to find part time work near the campus. It was like she was really putting her past behind her. Things were tight, but they were making it.
Kitty liked college life. She fit in better than she ever really had in high school, finding people she could really connect with. Lance was happy to see her doing so well, and was glad he'd convinced her to make the move.
Things were the best for them they had ever been.
*** *** ***
Kitty had decided by the second term of her freshman year that a computer science major was the route she wanted to take. She didn't mind being one of the few—and sometimes the only—girls in her courses, instead getting a thrill when she often outshone her male counterparts.
She was sitting in one of her computer courses the first day of her sophomore year when she heard someone ask if the seat beside her was taken. She turned around to see a tall man, with blonde hair and blue eyes smiling down at her.
"Um, no, have a seat," she said.
"Thanks." He sat beside her, then turned to smile at her again. "I'm Chris Marks, by the way," he said.
"Kitty Alvers."
"I know. We were in English 101 together last term. You probably didn't notice me. It's a big class, and I sat in the back. English isn't my subject."
"Are you a computer science major?"
"Yep. I'm just looking for my chance to make it out to Silicone Valley so I can make millions," he said with a laugh. "You?"
"Computer science major, too. Don't know what I want to do with the degree just yet though."
Chris started to say something else, but then the professor came in, and everyone grew quiet, listening to him speak. It wasn't until the end of the class that Chris turned back over to her again. "Enjoyed sitting beside you," he said. "You sure do seem to know your stuff. Everything you said in class was brilliant."
Kitty blushed at the praise. "I don't know if I'd say brilliant exactly…"
"I would."
"Thank you."
"Hey, would you like to go get a cup of coffee or something?"
"I can't," Kitty said. "I have to meet with my advisor after this class."
"After that then?"
"I can't. I'm sorry."
Chris frowned. "Let me guess, boyfriend?"
Kitty held up her left hand and showed off her rings. "Husband."
"Ouch." He smiled. "That's all right. You seem nice. Maybe we can talk sometime—just as friends. I'm really not the type to move in on someone else's girl."
"All right. Look, I really have to run. I need to get all the way across campus. I'll see you next time in class."
"See you then, Kitty."
Kitty nodded before grabbing her books and leaving the room.
*** *** ***
Chris sat beside her again the next time the class met. "How'd you do getting through the reading assignment?" he asked.
Kitty groaned. "I wanted to shoot myself in the head by page two."
"And you had quite a bit left," Chris said with a laugh.
"Tell me about it. Between school and work, I'm surprised I have time to breath, let alone read a hundred pages for one class. My apartment is a mess."
"What, you can't put the husband to work doing dishes?" Chris teased.
Kitty laughed. "He helps out, trust me. He works overtime a lot, though."
"Any kids?"
Kitty flinched. "No."
Chris caught her reaction. "I take it that's a sore subject."
"I lost a baby a couple of years ago," she said, not sure why she was divulging personal information to a virtual stranger. "It's still—difficult sometimes."
"I'm sorry."
"It's all right."
"You have any meetings after this class?"
"No."
"Still refusing to have coffee with me?"
"I don't know how good of an idea that is," Kitty said with a laugh.
"Is Lance the jealous type? Because I swear, I'm not hitting on you."
"As far as I know, he isn't. And it's not that. I just…don't have a lot of free time."
"That's okay. I'm used to getting the brush off." Chris winked.
"The professor's here," Kitty said, pointing to the door as their teacher walked in.
Chris gave her a lopsided grin before turning away.
*** *** ***
"Will you turn me down for a study date?"
Chris had been persistent in his attempts to meet Kitty outside of class, and apparently he thought the upcoming test was a good opportunity. "Study date?"
"Yeah. Look, Kitty, you're acing this class, and well, as my recent quiz grade indicated, I'm not doing so hot. I cant afford to blow this course, with my GPA on the edge the way it is right now, and I could really use some help. Please?"
"Okay, fine. When and where do you want to meet?"
"Library around five thirty?"
"Make it six thirty, and you have a deal."
"Done."
*** *** ***
As it neared time for Kitty to get off work, she called Lance to tell him she wouldn't be coming straight home. "Where are you going?" he asked.
"Library to study with a classmate," she said. "We have a major test coming up."
Lance was quiet for a moment. "Do I know her?"
"It's a him, actually. Chris."
"Oh. You've never talked about him before."
"I don't know him very well. Look, I need to finish up here so I can get out and meet him by six thirty. I don't want to be there all night. I'll be home before too long, I promise."
Kitty could tell from Lance's tone that he wasn't happy. "All right. Be careful, and I love you."
"Love you, too. Bye, hon."
"Bye."
Kitty couldn't figure out why she felt guilty when she hung up the phone.
*** *** ***
Lance waited until midnight to start getting worried. Kitty had studied in the library after work plenty of times before, but never this late. She was usually home no later than ten o'clock, and even that had been during finals week.
It was close to one in the morning when Kitty finally got in. Lance was sitting on the couch, looking less than thrilled. "Where the hell have you been?"
Kitty jumped, startled. "Lance! I didn't think you'd still be up! And I told you where I was going."
"Yeah, seven hours ago."
"I'm sorry, Lance. Chris and I got to talking and…"
Lance jumped up. "Dammit, Kitty, I don't like you staying out until the wee hours of the morning with another man!"
"It wasn't like that, Lance, I swear! He's knows I'm married."
"Yeah, like that's gonna stop him."
Kitty sighed in exasperation. "Don't be that way, Lance. I'm tired, and I have to get up early in the morning. The last thing I need is your freaking out on me over something that doesn't mean a damn thing."
"You could've at least called to let me know you were going to be later than usual. I was worried."
Kitty walked over and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to be out this late. It won't happen again, okay?"
"I hope not."
"C'mon, let's go to bed."
Lance nodded, and they went off towards the bedroom.
*** *** ***
Kitty's study dates with Chris grew more commonplace as the semester went on. Lance's patience began to thin. It seemed as if Kitty was spending more time with Chris than with him. Things came to a boil around finals when Lance came home to find Chris in his house, studying with Kitty on the living room floor. Lance didn't have to ask who it was.
"Kitty, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a moment, babe?"
Kitty looked up from her text book, "Lance, I'm sorta busy."
"Now, Kit." Lance stalked into the kitchen. Kitty looked up at Chris who just shrugged. She sighed, and went after her husband.
"What?"
"Make him leave."
Kitty's jaw fell open a little. "What? Lance, we have our final the day after tomorrow. I'm just helping him study."
"I don't care. I want him out of my house."
"I pay rent here, too, you know."
"I know. But I don't want him here. I don't like him."
"You don't even know him!"
"I don't have to know him. I saw the way he was looking at you when I came in. He's not interested in being just a friend, Kitty."
"You're paranoid."
"Either he leaves, or I leave."
"I'm not kicking him out."
"Fine." Lance started towards the door.
"Where are going?"
"Out." Lance slammed the door behind him.
Kitty looked over at Chris, who was sitting on the floor, obviously made uncomfortable by the scene. "I take it that was Lance."
"Yeah. I'm so sorry about that, Chris. Apparently he is the jealous type."
"Do you want me to go?" Chris asked.
"No. He'll cool off. He just gets in these moods sometimes. It'll be fine."
"He doesn't…hit you does he?"
"Oh God, no!" Kitty said. "Geez, Lance would never be violent with me. He just has…moments of petulance."
Chris chuckled a little. "You think you'll still be able to concentrate on this?" he asked, gesturing to the spread of books and papers in front of him.
"Yeah. I'm just going to make a cup of tea. Want some?"
"Sure."
Kitty smiled. "Okay. I'll be right back."
*** *** ***
Kitty could smell the alcohol on Lance when he finally got back and came to bed that night. He didn't say anything, just stripping down to his boxers and collapsing on the bed. "Where'd you go," she asked softly.
Lance moved, startled, and Kitty figured he'd thought she was asleep. "I told you, out."
"Out where?"
"None of your damn business."
"Lance, I'm your wife. When you're gone all night and come back smelling pickled, it's my business."
"You're a smart girl, Kitty. Figure out where I was."
"Geez, why do you have to be such an asshole sometimes?"
"Why do you have to bring some guy over here who's obviously sniffing after your cunt?"
Kitty was silent for a second. "You don't know him, Lance. We were studying together. That's it."
"Maybe that's all it is to you. I know men, Kitty. Constant studying with a girl is for a lot more than good grades in a class."
"Maybe for you. Chris actually cares about his education," Kitty snapped. She knew immediately she'd gone too far. Lance's one try at passing the GED had ended in failure, and Kitty knew his lack of even a high school degree had been bothering him, especially recently. "Lance, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"
"Yeah, whatever. I'm going to sleep."
"Lance…"
"Good night, Katherine."
"Fine!" Kitty said, rolling over and moving as far away from Lance as possible. She didn't fall asleep for quiet some time.
*** *** ***
Lance was remorseful the next day, and Kitty forgave him. She always did. It was easy to just write the night off as an isolated incident, not one in a series.
Two days later, she took her final, then found Chris waiting for her in the hallway. "I never thought you'd be done. What, are you hoping the professor will grade yours by the pound?"
Kitty gave him a dirty look. "I just like to be thorough."
"Well, I'm sure whatever you wrote, it's better than mine."
"Don't say that," Kitty said, playfully slapping his arm. "You knew that stuff backwards and forwards. I made sure of it."
"What do you say we go grab a bite to eat to celebrate? I know you've got to be hungry. At least let me buy you a sandwich to say thank you for all your help."
Kitty knew she should say no, but she didn't want to. If Lance was going to be a jerk about her having male friends, that was his problem. "Sounds great," she said.
Chris smiled. "Then let's get out of here."
*** *** ***
As the next semester came and went, Kitty's friendship with Chris only grew stronger as the tension at home boiled near a breaking point. It finally snapped when Kitty was getting ready to go to a party.
"Since when did you even go to parties?"
Kitty sighed. Lance had been sitting behind her on the bed the whole time she was getting ready, pouting. "Look, I have some free time for once, and I want to go out. I asked you to come with me."
"I have better things to do than hang out at some frat party."
"It's not a frat party."
"Whatever."
Kitty turned away from the bathroom mirror, looking out into the bedroom at Lance. "I wish you would come. We never do anything together anymore."
"That's because you're always with Chris."
"I am not always with Chris. You're working late all the time these days. I'm asleep by the time you get home half the time."
For a moment, Lance looked almost guilty. "I'm sorry. I just need to work all I can."
"I know."
Kitty finished putting on her make-up and came back into the bedroom. She looked beautiful, and Lance wished she was going to stay there in his arms instead of go out and leave him alone. "He's going to be there, isn't he?"
"Chris?"
"Yeah."
"The party's at his house, Lance."
Lance jumped up. "What! You didn't tell me that."
"Yes I did!"
"No you didn't! I would've remembered that."
Kitty sighed. "Well, I meant to. Sure you don't want to come. Chris said to invite you…"
"He only said that because he knew I wouldn't come, and then I'd be the jerky husband who left you alone all night so Chris could have free reign of you."
Kitty rolled her eyes. "For God's sake, Lance, that's ridiculous."
"Trust me, Kitty. I know how men think. He wants you, and he's moving in for the kill."
"Dammit, Lance, I'm not a gazelle. Just come with me, okay?"
"No. And I don't want you going either."
"I'm going."
"Kitty, I'm serious. This 'friendship' with Chris Marks has gone on long enough."
"No, what has gone on long enough is you not trusting me! I'm not having an affair, nor do I plan on having an affair. You're my husband, and I love you—end of story."
"I trust you, Kitty—I just don't trust him."
"Trusting me should be enough, Lance. If Chris were to make a move—which he won't—I wouldn't just fall into his arms. I'm not that weak."
"You say that now."
Kitty threw her arms up in disgust. "Is there anything I can say to convince you I'm not going to go out and fuck another man?"
"Yeah, that you're staying here."
"Bye, Lance. I'll see you later tonight."
"Don't walk out that door, Kitty."
"I'll do whatever the hell I want, Lance. I'm twenty years old. I can go to a party if I damn well please."
"Fine, you know, what, just go. I don't want you here tonight anyway."
"Good, 'cause I don't want to be here!" Kitty stormed out, and Lance waited until he heard her drive off to leave, too.
*** *** ***
"I take it Lance couldn't make it?"
"He…he…" Kitty couldn't come up with a good excuse. "No."
"If you don't mind me commenting," Chris said, "You two seem to fight a lot."
"We don't always," Kitty said. "It's been…a recent thing."
Chris frowned. "I can't help thinking I'm causing a problem between the two of you."
"Don't feel that way," Kitty said. "Lance'll get over it as soon as he figures out there's really nothing going on between us."
"I can't really blame him," Chris said. "If you were my wife, I sure as hell wouldn't want any other men around you."
Kitty wasn't sure why that made her blush. "Thanks, I think."
Chris chuckled. "Hey, you want the grand tour of the place?"
"Won't the other guests miss the host?" Kitty asked.
"Nah, they'll live. Come on."
Kitty followed Chris as he showed her around his house. "This is pretty big for a college student," she said. "I think you're about the only person I know who doesn't live in an apartment."
Chris shrugged. "My parents own it. They were renting it out for a while, but when I started going to college, they gave it to me as sort of a present. It's more space than I really need, but I didn't want to turn them down." He opened another door. "Here's the master bedroom," he said.
Kitty balked a little. It was huge. She frowned. "Chris, how much money do your parents have?"
Chris shrugged. "A good bit, I guess. I never really thought about it much. Dad's CEO of a company."
"Wow. Must be nice."
"It has it's perks. Come here, I want to show you something." Chris took her hand and led her to a pair of French doors at the back of the room. He opened them, revealing a small balcony. "Come on out," he said, gently pulling her hand. "It's got a nice view."
Kitty stepped out, looking up at the nice sky. "It's beautiful."
Chris stared at the way her hair cascaded down her back in waves. "It certainly is."
"Chris I…" Kitty turned around and stopped short. He was moving closer and she could tell he was going to kiss her. She froze, unable to move, and not sure if she wanted to. She felt a sudden, overwhelming sense of curiosity. What would it be like to kiss Chris? Could he make her feel the way Lance did?
Chris's lips met hers, gently at first, but with growing pressure. Kitty found that she didn't dislike the kiss, and while it did thrill her a little, it wasn't like with Lance. She didn't feel the overpowering tumbling sensation she felt every time she kissed her husband. Chris pulled away, and she looked down. "That shouldn't have happened," she said.
Chris sighed. "I was afraid you'd say that."
"Chris, I'm sorry. You're a great guy, and maybe under different circumstances, this could go somewhere, but I love my husband."
"I understand." He smiled. "I just hoped…I don't want to lose you as a friend, Kitty."
"I don't want to lose that, either. But nothing more, okay?"
"Yeah, okay. Call me?"
"I will."
Chris nodded, and Kitty left the party. She wasn't surprised to find Lance gone when she got home, and she knew he'd be drunk when he got back. She went to bed and cried herself to sleep.
*** *** ***
"Mrs. Alvers?" Kitty's landlord poked his head out from the office when Kitty came into the building. "Can I talked to you for a moment?"
"Sure, John." Kitty walked over. "What's up?"
"Um, well, as you probably already know you're almost two months behind on rent…"
Kitty blanched. "What? No I'm not. Lance said he paid both this month and the month before."
John suddenly looked very nervous. He hated having to tell young wives things like this. "No, Mrs. Alvers, he didn't. I talked to your husband yesterday, as a matter of fact, and he said things were a little rough for the two of you, but that you'd have the rent soon. He seemed like he was in a hurry to get out of here, so I thought I could talk to you about it."
Kitty was close to tears. "There has to be some mistake…"
"There's not. I'm sorry. I like you kids, and I don't want to put you out on the street, but I have to have your rent."
"Can I…can I just pay for this month now? I'll get you next month's as soon as I can."
"Sure," John said, knowing he didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. "Just try not to get behind again, okay?"
"I won't, I promise." Kitty pulled her checkbook out of her purse and wrote a check to cover that month's rent.
"Thank you," John said, taking the check. "Oh, and I think you might want to have a talk with your husband."
Kitty nodded tersely. "I will."
*** *** ***
Kitty called Lance at work as soon as she got back in the apartment. "Lance Alvers?" the man on the other end of the line asked. "Ma'am, he hasn't worked here for a few weeks. Who is this?"
"This is his wife. Why hasn't he been working?"
The man was obviously uncomfortable. "He got fired," he said after a brief pause.
"Why?"
"I'm not supposed to say."
"Tell me why my husband lost his job," Kitty said, her voice almost a growl.
"He…he wasn't showing up to work. And when he did, he was drunk."
Kitty resisted the urge to yell at the man just because he was there. "Thank you." She hung up the phone and waited for Lance to come home.
*** *** ***
Lance had never seen Kitty as furious as when he walked into their apartment that night. "How was work?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Oh, wait, you don't work anymore, do you? When exactly were you planning to tell me you got fired?"
Lance knew there was no point in lying anymore. "I'm sorry. I was going to tell you soon, really."
"Yeah, well, in the meantime, we're flat broke, Lance. After the rent check—which you were supposed to have already paid—clears, we'll have twenty dollars in the bank. I don't get paid for another week, and as of now, we're a month behind on rent."
Lance looked down. "I'm sorry."
"That doesn't do any good. I've ignored this for too long, Lance. You're a drunk."
Lance looked up, anger in his eyes. "I am not a drunk! My parents were drunks, I'm not."
"What do you call someone who loses their job because they can't show up to work sober?"
"I've had a lot of stress on me recently!"
"What, and being unemployed is going to make that all better?"
"I'm looking for a new job."
"Must be difficult to do that from a bar!"
"I don't need you nagging me!"
"I'm not nagging! We're poor, and you've drunk your job away!"
"Then why don't you go find some college boy to take care of you!"
"Maybe I will!" Kitty headed for the door.
"Where the hell are you going?"
She grabbed her purse. "For once, I'm going to be the one to leave." She slammed the door behind her.
*** *** ***
Lance was sitting on the couch when she got home. "Hey," she said softly.
Lance jumped up and moved over to her, pulled her to him. "I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."
"You're…you're sober," she said in surprise.
He nodded. "I…I feel awful. God, I hate myself right now. I kept being afraid you were with Chris, and it was driving me crazy. I won't drink anymore, I promise. I'll go out and get a job tomorrow—anything I can find. I'll be a better husband."
Kitty started to cry. "Something's gotta give, Lance," she said. "I can't live this way anymore. I can't live with an alcoholic."
"I know. I can stop drinking, Kitty. I can. Give me another chance."
Kitty nodded numbly. "Just hold me right now."
*** *** ***
He lasted exactly one week. Kitty came back from school one afternoon to find Lance gone. When he came back, the smell made his earlier whereabouts obvious. Kitty looked at him, her eyes sad. "You promised."
"I'm sorry."
"It's over, Lance."
"Kitty, no! I just slipped this once, baby. Just this once…" He sat down on the couch, clutching his head. The room was spinning. He heard the door shut a few minutes later, and knew he'd lost the only good thing he'd ever had in his life.
*** *** ***
There's one, possibly two more chapters left. Let me know what you thought of this one.