Notes: Found it Might be a little confusing, so from now on dreams will have *** before and after.
Duo walked around the huge house, lost. ::Gah! Why do they have to make this house so big?:: He was hoping that he would be able to find Quatre and the others soon, but he didn't even know where to look. ::I could always ask someone.:: He sighed and looked around for anyone.
Just then he heard voices from a near by room with huge double doors. ::Aha! Bingo:: He walked in quietly as to not let anyone know he was there. Quatre was there sitting behind a big oak desk at the far end of the long office looking room. Trowa was leaning against a wall of books with Wufei next to him sitting in a big maroon chair. All looked pretty miserable and Duo was hoping that his little show had some how opened their eyes.
"What am I going to do? How did I not see the condition he was in?" Quatre had his head in his hands leaning over his desk.
"No one is blaming you Quatre, we all are to blame just as much as you for not noticing." Trowa walked over and put a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder.
"Yes but--" Quatre started.
"But how is it that someone thousands of miles away knew Heero's condition but the people who were only ten FEET didn't even see how much he resembles a skeleton!" Duo walked out from where he had been observing them. Quatre jumped to his feet in surprise then looked guiltily at the floor. "Lemme ask you this Quat, when was the last time you talked to Heero? Or rather even noticed his appearance at the dinner table? And why the HELL was he way down at the other end of the table by HIMSELF?" Duo was now yelling and he had to take a deep breath to calm down and continue. "Your suppose to be his friends, you know how much of a problem Heero has with people! It took him a whole goddamn war to warm up to us, and then he is right back alone again. No wonder he was depressed."
Wufei stood up and walked in front of Duo. "We are sorry we didn't notice he hasn't been eating, or… sleeping" he swallowed the lump in his throat before continuing. "And we'll do everything we can to help make it right again, but I must ask what were his motives? What is he trying to accomplish by starving?"
Duo sighed and put his hands behind is head. He started pacing back and forth before giving an answer. "He is depressed, As far as I can tell it is because he feels he is a burden to you. I guess he doesn't feel welcome here… or anywhere. So his only solution would be death. He was planning on overdosing on Zerhtricycl." Duo choked on the last word and looked up into the shocked faces of his friends.
"Why Zp? isn't that supposed to be a sleeping drug?" Trowa asked.
"Zp is a dangerous sleeping drug that can easily be overdosed on, but I thought they stopped making it?" Wufei answered looking somewhat confused towards Duo.
"No they only stopped making them on the colonies, but that's besides the point. Heero has them and was going to take them in order to make his death seem like an accident and not a suicide attempt. In other words he probably wanted to make his death less painful on us."
Quatre looked up after Duo's explanation and frowned. "But how did you find all of this out?"
Duo laughed and sat down in one of the big chairs in front of the desk. He grinned at his friends. "I hacked into Heero's computer, and oddly enough our Mr. Perfect soldier keeps a journal there." He looked back at Quatre's shocked face. "I was only meaning to read his latest entries just to make sure he was alright. But what I found scared the shit out of me…. so…. I hopped on the next flight here and--"
"Thank Allah you're here!" Quatre smiled at Duo. "I'm sorry I screwed up, I just hope we aren't too late and Heero will… forgive us." he looked down at the ground quickly before meeting Duo's eyes once again. "I'm glad you came Duo, lets just hope that we can help Heero now that we know… By the way where is he?"
"Ah… I put him to bed.. But don't worry, he promised me he wouldn't do anything stupid." Duo got up and started walking towards the door. "Well I am pretty beat myself, I think ill go lay down too. You wouldn't believe the annoying people I had to sit next to on my flight. And I thought I talked a lot!"
"Ah just wait a minute and ill get you a room." Quatre started to call for a servant but Duo held up a hand.
"Don't bother Quat I'm gonna stay in Heero's room for a while to keep an eye on him." Duo then bounded out of the door before he would be offered something else. He walked around for a minute and then groaned. "Dangit! Where did Heero's room run off to?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*******
Heero took in his surroundings. He was once again in the clearing of trees, laying down. He looked up to the sky which was now showing stars as if it were night. Yet there was no hint of darkness anywhere else and he could see his surroundings as easily as day. He felt calm and relaxed in his dream world just like he always did. But where was Duo? Usually he would be here by now.
As if hearing his thoughts Duo suddenly appeared in front of him. "Hmmm I must have fallen asleep, that was fast! Usually it takes me a couple hours. The stress must really be getting to me, and geez Heero its your fault ya know!" Duo bounced about before claiming the spot next to where Heero laid. Sitting cross legged he glanced at Heero. "You know you don't look bad in my dreams, you look healthy."
He looked down on himself and realized that Duo was right. His skin wasn't so pale and grey. "Duo. Why did you come here?"
Sighing Duo glanced at the stars in the sky. "You know Heero, you may not think it but people really do care about you. Anyway, after looking through your journal how could I not?"
Heero glared at Duo angrily. "You had no right to look through my Journal."
"No RIGHT? I had every right after you telling me you wanted to kill yourself! I was scared, I didn't know if you were serious or not. I know you said it in my dream but I had a sick feeling and was worried. I was only going to make sure you were ok." He put his head in his hands.
Heero could see his shoulders starting to shake. "Duo, what's wrong?" He pulled the braided boy into a hug. He looked at Heero with tears in his eyes.
"I- I was so… scared." He sobbed into Heero's embrace. And then he was gone, Duo disappeared.
******
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Heero awoke to a soft sobbing sound. He looked over the side of the bed and saw Duo curled up into a ball. "Duo? Are you alright?"
Duo looked up at Heero's concerned face and forced a smile. "Ah… sorry I just had a bad dream." He stood up wiping his tears on his black long sleeve shirt. For the first time since Duo had come Heero took in his appearance.
Duo looked to have grown a little, but he was still most likely the shortest of the five pilots. His hair was still in his normal braid but looked a couple inches longer, falling above the back of his knees. Skin tight blue jeans complemented his thin features. In Heero's eyes he looked even more stunning than he had ever seen him.
He walked up to sit beside Heero on the bed. "How are you feeling?" He brushed the messy bangs away from Heero's eyes to no success as they just fell into place again.
"My stomach hurts." Duo winced lowering his eyes and sighing for the umpteenth time since his visit.
"Yeah well that is to be expected. Your stomach isn't used to having food in it, but once you start eating normally again…" He looked seriously at Heero. "That is… if you are willing to get better."
"……"
Violet eyes looked into Heero's cobalt ones searching for answers. "Heero, no one deserves to die, especially you." With that he got up and walked to the door. "Stay here I'm gonna go see if I can find the kitchen and some food for you.
Heero groaned at the mention of food and his stomach started to ache again. ::What does he know what I deserve? I killed to many, haunted by to much, no one deserves death more than me.:: He leaned back on the pillow closing his eyes thinking of Duo and how good he looked and sounded. ::I've missed him.::
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*****
Heero opened his eyes and found himself in a dark metal room chained to the walls. ::I must be dreaming:: He thought as he took in his surroundings. There was a big metal iron door at the end of the room. He could hear voices outside of it. Some sounded like screams and cries for help others were laughing and joking merrily.
::What am I doing here?:: His hands were above his head chain to the ceiling. His feet were free but he found for some reason he could not move them. Heero's breath increased as footsteps sounded outside of the door.
The door slowly creaked open and all that could be seen was darkness, nothing. His eyes widened as he sensed something to his right. Slowly turning his head he jumped as he saw a young man standing there staring at him. ::Why didn't I see him come in?:: Heero's eyes widened as the man slowly moved closer to him and stopped to where he was only two inches from Heero's face.
"My, My. What a pretty little thing you are! To think someone so young was the one who killed me." He smiled and turned his head towards the door. Heero could see he had an old OZ uniform on and had short red hair. His eyes were a dark brown that sent shivers down Heero's spine as he took in the hate they showed. He followed the mans gaze towards the door.
There stood a little boy whom also had red hair and brown eyes. He was wearing overalls and a striped red and black shirt underneath. In his hand he had a piece of paper. He held it up and show it. From what Heero could see it was a messy crayon drawing of a building on fire. In the sky were giant black birds that seemed to be spitting out fire.
Turning his head to where the man had been, Heero found that he was gone. The boy walked up to where Heero was and stood in front of him. "Wanna color with me?" He asked Heero before sitting down to draw on the paper spread on the ground. All of a sudden pictures started to appear on the walls out of no where.
Heero fell to the ground realizing that he could now move.
Curiously he walked to the pictures on the walls to get a better look. More and more started to appear covering the walls and other pictures in what seemed to be a never ending cycle. He gasped as he realized what the pictures were of. Dead bodies drawn in building windows, Dead bodies in the parks, Death and fire everywhere. "NO! STOP" He yelled at the little boy who just continued to color on as more and more pictures appeared. "Stop it!"
The boy looked at Heero and smiled. He raised his hands to show the new picture that he had been working on. A boy lay in a puddle of blood on a bed. His eyes were open and he had a smile on his face. Heero's heart beat faster as he realized who the boy in the picture was. The boy's cobalt eyes seemed to move as if the picture were alive. and he looked directly at Heero and silently said something. Even though Heero couldn't hear anything, he knew what the boy had said.
"You cant live without killing."
**********
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Duo came into the room to find Heero panting and moaning on the bed, his eyes were closed but shut tight like he was in pain. He put down the tray of food and rushed to Heero's side. "Heero wake up." He lightly shook him on the shoulders in an attempt to arouse him.
Heero sat up panting and pushed Duo aside and darted to the bathroom. Duo followed the shaken boy and found him dry heaving at the side of the toilet. He kneeled down and brushed Heero's bangs out of his face. "Here why don't you drink some water. It'll be better to throw up something other than nothing." He got up and filled a near by glass with water.
Heero gratefully drank it but soon was over the toilet again. After a couple minutes he calmed down and sat with his head against the wall. Duo took the liberty took clean Heero up as best he could before leading him back to bed. "I take it you aren't going to be able to eat anything then." Duo mumbled while tucking Heero back into bed.
"Please…" Heero's voice came out hoarse and he took a deep breath before continuing. He looked pleadingly at Duo. "Just let me die."