"Heero…" Heero blinked at the serious tone in Duo's voice. "Do you want to talk about those nightmares you've been having?"

His eyes widened in surprise. How did Duo know about his nightmares? He never told anyone before, "How did you…"

Duo looked sheepishly at the floor. "I've been… dreaming about stuff and… everything been pretty true so far." He took a deep breath before continuing, "That's how I found out something was wrong with you, my dream… scared me enough that I felt I had to check on you. And well…"

Heero couldn't believe his ears, ::Could we really be dreaming the same thing?:: He didn't want to dwell on that thought for he found he might become even more confused. Duo was now looking at him as if waiting for him to speak. ::Well looks like I'm not going to get out of this one.::

Taking a deep breath he looked into the violet pools looking uncertainly at him. "They started about half way threw the war. They were never really too terrible at first. They started getting worse as the months went on. I see the faces of people I killed. Of children they once were. I don't even recognize any of them, back then I didn't care tp remember the faces of the people I killed."

Duo could see that Heero wasn't really looking at him anymore, he seemed lost in a memory. "But after awhile I started to notice the faces of those who died because of me. I started to memorize them, the one's who's faces I could see. And then when I couldn't see their faces in the mobile suits… I felt… like I was… I wanted to give them peace. I started to pull up their files, I looked up their families. I became sort of obsessed, like I needed to see their faces, their families, or I couldn't sleep. The nightmares became worse but I just ignored them… even after feeling so… horrible after I woke up. Then they started happening every night." He could feel his hand starting to shake as he recalled all those horrible dreams.

Duo just watched him with a gentle smile. He took one of Heero's hands and held it in his trying to comfort him. "Do you still have them?"

"I thought… that they had toned down after the war, and that they would soon go away. They were replaced with…" he looked back into Duo's eyes, "replaced with other dreams… but then they started coming back again, and I couldn't sleep. I see all of them in my dreams, tormenting me. I just couldn't bear the thought of having to go through all of that again. I don't know how I survived the war… I wasn't supposed to damnit." His last sentence was spoken bitterly and Duo felt himself cringe.

"Heero, is that why you are trying to… hurt yourself?" Duo was going to say kill but thought better of it. He didn't think he could have said it without his voice croaking.

Heero just looked down at his hand still being held by Duo. The warmth his hand was giving off was relaxing and his eyes began to feel heavy.

After realizing Heero wasn't going to say anything more Duo sighed, "Well you should at least get some more rest buddy." Heero looked alarmed and scared for a second then his face went back to his normal blank expression. " Aa… Don't worry, I'll stay here with you. If I see that your having a dream I'll wake ya up." He gave Heero one of his famous grins.

Heero seemed to trust him on his word and fell soon to sleep. Duo watched him for awhile and made a move to bring the blankets up but found his hand was stuck in a tight grip and Heero wasn't going to let him go. "Tu'… looks like I'm stuck here." His face softened as he watched Heero's face relax with sleep, and at that moment Duo felt that there was no place he would rather be then there, watching Heero peacefully sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero awoke the next morning to someone lightly knocking on his door. He squinted his eyes as he adjusted to the brightness of the early morning. He looked down and couldn't help the small smile as he realized that Duo had fallen asleep with his head leaning on the side of the bed. His hand was still locked with Heero's.

Trowa stuck his head in the door a minute later when Heero gave no response. He saw that he was awake and looking at him. Heero brought his finger to his lips to silence him and pointed to Duo who looked to be in a rather uncomfortable position but was sleeping peacefully. Trowa arched his eyebrow when he noticed Duo had his hand laced with Heero's

He smirked inside and looked over Heero who was now looking at Duo's face with an unreadable expression. He felt that Duo would probably be helping Heero the most, for he seemed to understand Heero better than any of the other pilots.

Glancing back up to Trowa and saw him walking towards the bed side table. He placed down a small bowl with something that looked like grits inside. Thankfully he was being quiet and left without disturbing the sleeping boy.

Heero glared angrily at the food, if it had been alive it would have surly run tail and hid. His stomach pained in response to his thoughts of eating. If only he could get rid of it without Duo noticing, then maybe he'd forget and Heero wouldn't have to eat.

He bit his lip in concentration trying to think how he would accomplish hiding the food without waking up Duo. Stretching out his free hand he slowly extended it towards the drawer below the bowl on the bed side table. Somehow he managed to get it opened, and glanced cautiously at Duo. He let out the breath he was holding as he saw that he hadn't even moved at all.

Carefully he reached for the bowl. Furrowing his brow in concentration, the tricky part would be to set it inside of the small drawer without dropping it and making noise. This was going to make Heero's hand stretch uncomfortably in a unnatural angle. He had just gotten it half way lowered into the drawer when he felt a hand snatch his.

"What do you think you're doing, Heero?" Duo's icy glare caused Heero to almost drop the bowl in surprise.

Duo launched across the bed and grabbed the bowl before it toppled over into the drawer. He let out a sigh and went back to shooting daggers at Heero, whose arms were crossed and desperately trying to not look at him. "Tisk, Tisk… Heero you know better than to get me upset." He said sternly setting the bowl on Heero's stomach and bringing the spoon to Heero's mouth. "Open up."

Heero just clamped his mouth down tighter and turned his head to the left. Duo chuckled loudly as he compared Heero to a baby. He felt his cheeks flushing but still refused to open his mouth. "hmph."

"Hmmm… lets see, how do you treat a baby who wont eat. Well I don't have any toys, so I could always threaten to tickle you." Heero's eyes went wide and he shook his head back and forth vigorously. "No? then are you going to open your mouth for the good food? You know you shouldn't waste your food, and after all the hard work the cooks went through to make this for you. Ungrateful I say! I could always drag Wufei in here to give you a lecture on the 'Injustices of not eating all your food'. "

Duo laughed again and Heero just glared with his mouth shut tight. Suddenly Duo reached out and poked at Heero's side making him jump and his eyes widened in confusion.

"What? Haven't you been tickled before?"

"No." Heero blurted out before slamming his hand back against his mouth before Duo could do anything.

"You know Heero, I don't think I have ever seen you act so emotional." His eyes gleamed happily.

After about ten minutes more of pushing, Duo finally managed to get Heero to open up for the food. He once again fed him. But he wasn't complaining. Duo rather enjoyed feeding Heero and watching his face make weird expressions at the tastes.

Duo put the bowl away and smiled at the fact that more had been eaten today. He looked into Heero's eyes and saw a softness that wasn't there before.

A small smile played on Heero's lips as he looked at Duo. He had never had someone take care of him. Even though he didn't want to eat, he couldn't help but enjoy Duo's antics and jokes. Duo's hand came up to brush through the tangled mess of hair. Heero felt himself leaning into the touches and when Duo's hand started to retreat he grabbed it without thinking.

Duo looked at him with wide eyes and Heero just stared at the hand, his mind was in a turmoil, and he didn't know what he wanted to do now that he had the hand. Instinctively he brought it up and placed it on his cheek. Eyes drifted shut, shutting out the wide eyed Duo staring at him in confusion. The heat of Duo's hand was making him feel a tingling sensation and he couldn't figure out why. ::Why does Duo's touches make me feel like this?::

Duo swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. He opened his mouth to speak but for once he couldn't bring any words out. Heero's behavior was confusing him and he felt himself longing to touch Heero more. His thumb gently caressed the smooth cheek and he could have sworn that Heero started to purr and lean into his touch.

Realization dawned and Heero jerked away from Duo's hand, ::Oh gods, what am I doing? I cant do this, I keep forgetting about my mission. I can not fail this, this is my last chance.:: He avoided looking at Duo any further. He didn't want to see the hurt that was most likely laying on the braided boys face. He didn't want to feel the pain inside his chest.

Duo was looking at Heero with a look of concern, "Is something wrong Heero?" His face saddened as he realized that Heero was not going to answer any time soon. Sighing he got up and headed towards the door. "Well I'm going to go get myself some breakfast, Quatre will be watchin ya while I'm gone, most likely."

"I don't need to be watched twenty-four hours a day." Heero replied grumpily.

"Yeah? Well I still don't trust ya. So until you can give me a reason to believe that the minute we let you out of our site you wont go and drug yourself, your stuck with us." He walked swiftly out the door before any more comments were made.

Quatre arrived soon after and Heero smirked inside. "I want to take a shower." His voice was in a demanding tone.

Quatre looked uncertain, "I don't think that is a good idea, your weak Heero and you still have a fever, you should rest.

"I'm not getting any better sitting here in my sweat."

Quatre sighed but soon gave in. He had a hard time denying anyone anything. He had it in his nature to help people. And seeing how he had failed Heero already, he didn't want to lose anymore trust than he already had.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back, Heero wouldn't be able to tell what possessed him to do it at the time. He felt like he did during the war. when his instincts would take over and do things for him. It scared him…

Heero was staring into the mirror of the bathroom looking at his reflection. His skin was still a sickly color and he looked too thin. Luckily the bags under his eyes were starting to go away, and he could see that in a short time they would be gone altogether.

His reflection changed to a smaller version of himself. His eyes were the same cold cobalt that he had during the war. He estimated that he was looking at his ten year old self. The muscles were apparent and looked rather out of place of the small boy. Heero could remember his childhood, or rather his lack of childhood. Having his whole life centered around destruction, death, even from such an early age. He was a born killer, and the only way to stop himself…

Death

He needed to kill himself… now?

The small child in the mirror pointed to the shelf beside the mirror. Heero looked on it and saw a shaver that he used sometimes. He hadn't really had much facial hair yet, but he was always prepared. Since he was trained that way, and couldn't help thinking like that.

::You want me to kill myself?:: The child in the mirror just nodded. He felt like he was in a dream, and couldn't stop himself. Everything felt so surreal and in slow motion.

Heero reached over grabbing the razor and snapped the plastic at the end, freeing the three blades. He held one up and looked at it, small but sharp. Surely there was some other way he could go about this, after all he was taught many ways to kill himself if caught by the enemy. But for some reason his mind buzzed at the idea of blood and pain. It made him think of the war, made him feel like he was killing again, his last kill.

He smiled to himself and brought the blade to his right wrist. Pressing down he felt the sting as the blade cut the first layers of his skin. He felt giddy and the sensation was welcomed. He made a straight accurate cut across his wrist. Then did it to the other wrist. The blood was now dripping down the sides of his arms and onto the white tile floor.

::More.:: He took his right wrist again and make another deep cut this time going up the wrist. He hissed at the pain and started to feel dizzy. Someone was pounding at the door now and Quatre's worried voice filled his ears as he made another cut on his left wrist identical to his right. His eyes were wide and he stared at the pool of blood on the floor.

His hands started to shake and he could here screaming inside his head. ::Who's screaming?:: It took him awhile to figure out that he was the one screaming.

The smell of blood was the last thing he thought of before his vision began to fade and he dropped out into darkness.

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woohoo… this story is coming along pretty fast… seven chapters in eight days, pretty good, ne?