J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter and his magical friends, Bob and ChooChoo own themselves, and Professor Wildmen, Steve, Joe, and Brad own themselves, and the countless cartoons in here don't belong to us either, but we won't name them all because its a huge list. thanks. peace out nizzles... hehehe...well i found it amusing...nevermind. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________ Legolas peered over Steve's shoulder. "I don't look like that!" He cried indignantly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He was referring to the crudely drawn picture of what resembled a rabid wombat with floppy puppy dog ears. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I'm not supposed to be an artist!" Steve shot back. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "And that's good for you, because you'd be starving in a gutter somewhere if you were. Now help me get this dang-blasted pawprint off my head." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve looked around and scratched his head..."Hold on, I'll be right back." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He returned five minutes later dragging a fire hose. Legolas's nostrils flared in fear "Don't point that thing at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." This last bit was screamed as the water pressure sent him flying into the far wall. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He stood up angrily and shook his entire body, opting to dry off doggy style instead of the traditional 'towl' method. At that moment, a cartoon-animated towl strolled onto the scene. It was blue, with bloodshot eyes. "Man, I'm so high right now, I don't know whats going on!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ As ChooChoo ran past them, still screaming (Bob had run into a wall earlier and was now unconcious) she looked at the towl. "Towley!? More cartoons! Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ This confused and frightened Towley, who ran away. They would later find out that in his panic, he had bitten two Hufflepuffs, kicked a Ravenclaw Prefect, and tried to hump Draco before finally careening off one of the towers to saturate himself in the lake below. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Meanwhile Legolas had successfully dried himself and was now eyeing Steve menacingly. He slowly reached for his Nerf arrow launcher and some foam darts. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve began to back away, "Hey, I was just trying to help...not my fault you have sensitive skin." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I'm going to do to you what I did to Mr. Freckles." He began to load his neato spiffy Nerf gun. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve stopped, "Mr. who?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas stopped as well, stomping his foot on the ground impatiently, "Mr. Freckles! You know, the crazy redhead who has waged war upon my people?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "You mean that Ron kid?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas nodded. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Riiiiight...well thats lovely, but I really must be going." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve turned around to run, but fell to the ground instead, a dart stuck to his back. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas patted himself on the back, "Yeah! I got da funk, I got da funk!" He sang as he moonwalked back into the great hall. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Unfortunately for Legolas, Ron was waiting for him on the inside. As the elf entered and turned around, he found himself smothered in several gallons of melted cheese. Ron laughed madly "Score one for me! We're tied now!" He ran away. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas was furious. "It's clear that I will need more help with this," he picked up the Horn of Gondor and blew on it. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ A minute later, two dozen house elfs and Boromir showed up. The house elves looked up at him expectantly, and Boromir snatched the horn from his grasp. "Legolas, you need to stop stealing my horn!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He stomped off angrily. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "You're just mad because your character got killed off in the first movie," Legolas muttered under his breath. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Borormir turned around and stomped back, "Just so you know, these are fake," he pulled one of the arrows off his chest and whacked Legolas over the head with it, "So I could make a comeback!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Legolas shook his head in pity. "You didn't read Tolkien's version, did you?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "No, why?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Sorry buddy, you're dead, and you will remain dead, forever." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Boromir looked heartbroken, "But...Gandalf..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Gandalf still had some importance in the story. You, my friend are expendable, because you serve no more purpose." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Boromir stared at him in disbelief, "You're so hurtful!" he ran away with tears streaming down his face. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________ By this time, Bob and ChooChoo had calmed down, or atleast worn themselves out so they couldn't move. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Bob?" ChooChoo panted, sliding down the wall to sit on the ground. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yea?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "As long as we're dieing, there's something I've been meaning to tell you..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "But ChooChoo, we're not..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Don't interrupt me, I have to get this off my chest, I don't want to die with a guilty conscience." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Okay, but..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "It was me who put that blast-ended screwt in your locker that one time," ChooChoo said quickly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "WHAT?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Hey...don't be mad! I mean, your eyebrows grew back...and there wasn't any real scarring..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "CHOOCHOO!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "What?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "First of all, why did you do it? Second of all, we're not dieing!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I errrr...uhhh...do you hear that?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Don't try to change the subject." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "No, seriously. Cheesy badger!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Choochoo," Bob said menacingly. "Wait...I do hear something." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yup, see I told you. Kinda sounds like Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy, you know, from Ren and Stimpy." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ The music was getting louder as it came down the hall. Suddenly the door burst open and Ren and Stimpy came in dancing. Bob and ChooChoo began to scream again at the madness of yet more cartoons roaming the school but stopped suddenly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Bob, it's Ren and Stimpy! Like, the greatest cartoon characters of all time, standing right in front of us. Why the hell are we scared?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "You're right, this is fucking awesome!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They both got up and began to dance to the tune of 'Happy Happy Joy Joy'. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Meanwhile, excited shouts could be heard from the other side of the castle where Steve had discovered another clue, or to be more specific, another person with a pawprint stuck to their head. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "How much longer is this gonna take? I still have to construct an army!" Ron said impatiently as Steve tried to draw him. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Just a little more red there and...finished! You may go now, Mr. Freckles," Steve said proudly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "What did you just call me?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Umm...nothing." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Fine...are you gonna let me see my portrait?" Ron asked, advancing on him. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Steve pressed the notebook protectively to his chest, "No, I don't want to." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Why not? All I want is a quick peek..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I'll scream rape! Just back away slowly! Slowly!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Alright, alright, I'm just going to back away now, okay? Nice and easy..." Ron walked out the front doors of the castle. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Now, where am I going to find an army?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ At that moment a group of first years passed by, babbling in their first year language. An idea struck Ron then. Unfortunately, it struck him too hard, and he fell over. But once he got back up, he called out to the group. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Oy, you there!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ The first years turned as a unit to look at him. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "How would you like to gain meaning to your lives, and bring honor to your families?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ What followed was a chorus of blank stares. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He sighed impatiently, "You get to have Nerf guns..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They immediately began yelping like indians, and threw on feathered headbands, along with tribal face paint that matched Ron's. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Onward then! The final battle must take place tonight!" _______________________________________________________________________ Dumbledore and Snape timidly returned to their lawn chairs by the lake, thinking...or hoping atleast that the madness was over. They had no clue how wrong they actually were. At that moment, an exact replica of the Titanic emerged from the depths of the lake, with Viktor Krum attached to the front, screaming "I'm the King of the vooooooooooorld!" at the top of his lungs. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They scrambled for shelter inside the castle. Everybody stopped to stare at them. "Somebody ne...needs to ssstop that raving lunatic!" Dumbledore pointed outside, where Krum was still screaming. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Bob and ChooChoo leapt out from the crowd. "This looks like a job for..." they began to swirl around, making two miniature tornados. When they finally stopped, they were dressed differently, "Quailman and Silver Skeeter!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ The crowd looked politely confused. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Bob looked at them impatiently. "What, you were expecting Bob and Fred's detective agency(c)? We only do mysteries." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Ohhhh," the crowd said in unison. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Bob turned to ChooChoo, "How come you get to be Quailman?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "It's not all fun and games you know. I mean, I have to wear underwear over this hideous pair of khaki shorts,my name is Quailman, and..oh yeah, I HAVE A BELT STRAPPED TO MY HEAD! But, you're welcome to switch places with me if you'd like." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "No, that's quite alright. Off to the crimefighting then?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yes, I suppose so." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They ran down to the lake, while everyone else watched from a safe distance. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Bob, lets fly up to him," ChooChoo said. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They both jumped upward with arms outstretched, only to land in the lake with a big splash. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "ChooChoo," ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yes?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "We can't fly." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Well yes, that seems apparant. On to a new strategy then." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ ChooChoo cupped her hands to her mouth and began to scream. "KRUM!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He stopped yelling and looked down. "VUT?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He scratched his head. "VHY AM I HOOTING? I'M NOT HOOTING YOU SILLY AMERICANS!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________

"OH...I'M THE KING OF THE VOOOOORLD!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________

"IT DOESN'T HAVE TO, I'M THE KING OF THE VOOOOORLD!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ ChooChoo turned to Bob, "Well, I tried. You think of something." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Ron came running up to them, dragging Hermione along with him. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I think I have an idea! Maybe if we give him a human sacrifice, he'll go away! Now all we have to do is find a way to get Hermione up there..." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "RON!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ He looked at Hermione, who looked sincerely pissed. "What?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I am not going to be a human sacrifice!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "But..but it was a good plan!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Yeah, if Krum was a blood thirsty ancient God...but he's not, so LET ME DOWN!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Ron, who had previously been holding her above his head, ready to throw, set her back on the ground. "Alright little miss know it all, what do you suggest we do?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Hermione looked thoughtful, "We could try asking him nicely to stop yelling?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Ron snorted, "Yeah right, like that'll ever work!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ She turned defiantly toward the Titanic and a still screaming Krum "VIKTOR!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Krum stopped once again, but this time with more enthusiasm "IS THAT YOU HERM-OWN-NINNY?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "YES. LOOK, YOU'RE GIVING US ALL A HEADACHE, COULD YOU QUIET DOWN A BIT?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "SURE. VHY DON'T YOU COME UP HERE AND HAVE A CUP OF TEA VITH ME?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "ALRIGHT...BUT HOW DO I GET UP?" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "YOU MEAN NOBODY'S FIGURED IT OUT YET? THERES A DOOR RIGHT OVER THERE," he pointed to a small opening on one side of the ship. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Hermione started to walk toward it when Ron stopped her. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "Don't, he just wants to shag you!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ She glared at him, "Well I'd rather be up there with a guy who wants to shag me then down here with a guy who wants to sacrifice me." ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ Ron was saved from coming up with a response by more yelling and commotion from up at the castle. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ They ran through the front doors. "What, what is it?" Choochoo asked quickly, looking around. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________________ "I found the last clue!" Joe cried excitedly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________END OF CHAPTER!!! just to let you all know, bob and I expect next chapter to be the last...*sniffle sniffle* woah, im getting way to emotional. j/k well, hope you all enjoy this.