Quatre was released from the hospital and came back to the estate the next day. Duo noticed a slight change in the way Trowa and him acted around each other, but didn't dwell on it. He was too busy trying to figure out his own feelings for a certain cobalt eyed boy. Somehow over the period of his stay on Earth Duo had actually felt at peace with himself. He was no longer sulking inside and thinking his life was nothing but of a failures.
Being with his friends made him forget his problems. Being with Heero made Duo feel like he was actually needed. Life had a purpose once again, and he would do everything he could to make sure Heero was happy.
The once silent boy had changed a lot over the year in which Duo had last seen him. He was no longer as quiet as he was when a soldier. Once or twice Duo actually heard Heero making a joke, although they weren't very good. As his time with Heero increased Duo found his feelings for the boy also increasing, and the newest of his problems was whether or not he should act on them.
The fourth day out of the hospital found all of the five sitting outside for a picnic. The sun was shining through thin clouds in the sky, and the cool wind was welcomed. They were seated at the far end of a big garden in the back of the estate. The sent of Jasmine could be smelt mixed in with other various flowers and bushes that surrounded them.
They had been out there for thirty minutes now, talking about their lives and the end of the war. Duo could clearly see that Trowa and Quatre were stealing glances at each other every few minutes. He found it kind of funny how secretive they were being. He was probably the least observant of the five, so he was pretty sure Wufei had also picked up on it. Heero, however, seemed to be lost in his own little world. He stopped talking awhile ago and was starring off into nothingness.
Heero couldn't get the thoughts of the accident out of his head. He had been replaying it over and over again trying to make some sense of it all. He was beginning to forget the warnings the mysterious voice in his dream had warned him about. It seemed that as the days went on, he lost more and more of the conversation. Pretty soon he might forget it even happened and he couldn't understand why.
All throughout his life he had an amazing memory. Heero could remember codes and passwords by just taking a glance. But this dream he had was shattering and he was desperately trying to pick back the pieces to little success. There was also something Heero vaguely remembered that was important. The one piece of advice he was given.
::Follow… something… something is going to lead me…:: Heero sat with the cool wind blowing through his dark hair pondering what it was. ::pines? No that's not right… Gah! Why cant I remember?::
The accident, where Quatre could have died, seemed likely to be what the dream was talking about. ::After all it was 'my' fault and I was able to save him.:: Heero thought. But something wasn't right. It was too easy. If he could just remember the clue, he might be able to put his mind at ease.
He was brought out of his thoughts by someone yelling.
"What the HELL?!! Get away from me you freaks!!" Duo was currently running around them waving his hands above his head. As Heero looked closer he could see two Bumble bees flying in circles around him. Quatre was rolling on the floor laughing while grabbing a smirking Trowa's shoulder for support. Wufei was just mumbling 'baka' under his breath with his arms folded across his chest.
A small smile tugged at the corner of Heero's lips as he watched the scenes unfold around him. Everyone seemed so happy, so at peace. They no longer were in the war, no longer had to kill, and could now enjoy life to the fullest.
Heero wondered if he could ever become apart of the happiness, if he could ever let go of his ghosts. But right now it seemed a far away dream. He could never be normal, he could never live like they did. Heero wasn't programmed to deal with peace time, wasn't taught the art of 'having fun'. Even if he wanted to… his ghosts would always be their to remind him in his dreams that he wasn't worthy.
Guilt. Such a terrible emotion.
A person will become guilty when killing thousands without killing himself.
Heero, the voice in his head will remind him and taunt of his guilt him until he goes insane.
Heero knew, he knew he might never escape his sins, he would always be reminded of them.
Yet.
He didn't know how much longer he had left, before he snaps. Before he gets sucked into his nightmares, never to come out again. The thought scared him.
Heero felt himself shiver. Goose bumps appeared on his arms and he started to rub his hands up and down to cause friction and warmth.
"Are you cold, Heero?" Duo asked.
Heero didn't really feel like explaining that he was just thinking about getting sucked into a nightmare and never coming out, so he just nodded his head in reply.
"Hmmm want to go inside then?" Duo asked, then quickly added, "I'm a little cold myself."
He could tell Duo was trying to make him feel like he wasn't forcing him to leave. In truth Duo probably wanted to stay out and have fun.
"Aa."
They got up, leaving behind Trowa, Quatre and Wufei who were currently in discussion about the game of monopoly for reasons Heero didn't want to know. The walk back to the estate was rather quiet except for Duo's soft humming. Out of the corner of his eye Heero studied the braided boy. He could see that Duo looked happy, more so than he had been since coming out from L2. A small smile set upon his lips, but it quickly disappeared as Duo looked at him. He hoped Duo didn't notice, but his hopes were shattered as the braided boy started to laugh.
He felt the blush spread on his cheeks. Duo seemed to not notice as he grabbed Heero by the elbow, being mindful of the wrists, and took off running. "Come on, I wanna do something fun."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An hour later, Duo and Heero were peering into the glass door of an oven. They had decided to try and make some cookies, well Duo had decided and Heero followed him. The kitchen had flour and sugar everywhere, there was a little bit of dough in Heero's hair from when Duo had thrown some at him, and there was a nice big pile of dishes sitting in the sink. Heero groaned as he thought of the dishes.
It had been actually a fun hour, Heero who had no cooking skills at all had found that baking cookies was not all that hard as long as you followed the directions. It took them two batches to get them perfect, since Duo had accidentally mixed up the salt and sugar in the first batch.
The oven chimed and Duo gave out a "woohoo" as he opened it up to take the cookie sheet out. Heero had to admit, they did look pretty good. Duo had said that round cookies were too boring, so instead they had ended up making giant scythe shape cookies. They were a little too chubby but could altogether be recognized as scythes.
"AH! We only have twenty minutes until the cook is back!" Heero smirked as Duo raced around the kitchen in a panic. "Well, don't just sit there! Help me clean up." Duo had his hands on his hips and was holding out a spoon towards him accusingly. He was wearing a plaid apron with flour covering most of it. His face had speckles of vanilla from when Heero had almost dropped it on him. All and all, Heero found it highly amusing and his smirk was replaced by a smile.
"Hai, Hai." he said while walking over to the sink to start the gruesome task of cleaning pans and bowls. It was pretty hard, he had to go slow in order to not hurt his wrists anymore and accidentally break the stitches.
He was halfway done when he got distracted by Duo's ass sticking up in the air. The braided boy was currently scrubbing the floor giving Heero a perfect view of his but. After a few minutes Heero realized he had stopped washing and was staring. His face turned a deep shade of pink before he quickly turned away hoping that Duo hadn't noticed.
Duo had noticed though. He had heard the water running without the usual click and clank of dishes and so he took a quick glance over his shoulder. He smiled when he saw Heero was looking at him, then blushed as he realized exactly 'what' Heero was looking at. He turned away and soon heard the dishes being cleaned again.
::What the hell was that?:: He smirked inside. ::This could get interesting::
Throughout the rest of the day Duo noticed Heero staring at him… a lot. Although he wasn't making it easy for the poor cobalt eyed boy not to stare, Duo had been non stop flirting with him.
Duo was being extremely clumsy today in Heero's eyes. So far the braided boy had managed to drop two pencils, a wash cloth, and various other item. Each time he had to bend down to pick them up and Heero found himself staring and blushing. ::What's wrong with me? Since when can I not control my emotions?:: He was getting very irritated at the fact that he was losing his head quickly.
Heero was however oblivious to Duo smirking every time he caused Heero to fluster.
~~~~~~~~
Evening came and Heero was sitting in his room by himself. He had finally convinced Duo to let him be by himself for awhile. The emotional turmoil he had gone through today was making him exhausted. Not to mention the fact that he wasn't totally healed yet. He had already started to eat regular meals again and he was almost back into his regular sleeping habit. But the running around he had done today made him feel exhausted all over again. And Duo had not helped with his flirting.
Heero had finally figured out that Duo had been playing with him. Much to Heero's annoyance, he didn't like being played the fool. He growled in frustration. The braided boy had been on his mind all day and he was trying desperately to stop thinking of him. ::Well I'm not going to get anywhere sitting in my room staring at the ceiling:: He thought to himself.
Heero stepped out of his room and took a deep breath. He could smell something like mint tea coming from down the hall somewhere. Going on instinct he walked towards the smell and found himself standing outside Quatre's study. Voices could be heard inside which sounded like an argument. Pushing his ear to the door Heero could hear a little of the conversation.
"There are places that treat things like this you know…" Definitely Quatre.
"No way in HELL am I just going to sit back and watch as he gets put in one of those damn places! He is not some mental case damn it!" Duo's loud voice startled Heero for a second and he almost jumped. Luckily he didn't and he did not give himself away.
"It's not a mental institution Duo! it's a treatment facility, they can help him with the nightmares and…" Quatre was cut off by something Duo said, he was now talking in lower tones and Heero couldn't make it out. But that was enough, he backed away from the door slowly and walked to his room not caring if his footsteps were heard.
He closed the door behind him and slid down against it until he was sitting on the floor. His eyes were wide as he relayed what he just heard.
::They know. They know about my nightmares…:: His breathing came faster and he felt his hands starting to shake. ::Duo told them about my nightmares:: He was hyperventilating now and he had to force himself to clear his mind in order to stop. He tried to focus on something else but his mind kept spinning around, ::I trusted him… He told… They know… Oh god! They want to send me away!::
The room started to blur out of focus, he could feel someone trying to push against the door. His body wouldn't move though. Voices filled the room and he just kept staring as the darkness slowly surrounded him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Duo sat by the bed staring at the sleeping boy. Quatre, Trowa and Wufei were also crowded around the bed with confused looks on their faces.
"What happened?" Quatre asked after several minutes of silence.
Putting his head in his hands Duo sighed, "I think he heard us."
"Shit!" Wufei swore as he started to pace the room.
Their attention was soon redirected to the sleeping boy as he started to moan in his sleep. Duo took Heero's hand in his and watched as Heero started to toss and turn. Everyone's eyes widened as soft moans turned into loud screams.
"Heero! Wake up!" Duo now had his hands on both of Heero's shoulders pinning him down to the bed. Trowa and Wufei were also by his side keeping him from kicking. "HEERO!"
After a couple minutes, cobalt blue eyes opened wide and took in his surroundings. Relief rushed through Heero as he saw he was out of his nightmare and back into the reality that was his room. Duo was peering over him with a worried look on his face which caused his chest to tighten. The cold soldier mask fell into place and Heero looked expressionlessly at all of rooms occupants.
"Get out."
"Heero wha-" Duo was cut off by when Heero glared at him.
"I said. Get Out."
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Gah… I'm not really happy with this chapter… ::sigh:: Oh well. Thanks for the reviews!!
