7: Lonely

Nida and I were recruited by Marie to help in the decorations. It was her belief that if we weren't doing any good selling tickets, at the least we should help out in other areas. I got to decorate furniture while Nida helped the guys move it. Needless to say, I got the better end of the deal. Poor Nida! He didn't seem to mind, though. It was almost like he was enjoying all the work he was doing. I guess he's used to doing the dirty work that no one else wants to do. I had fun too; I used crepe paper like crazy. Marie scolded me on more than one occasion to not be wasteful. I guess I got too carried away.

I sat on a little couch knitting a quilt to put on it. I know, it sounds so weird for me to knit. It's actually pretty fun. I learned how to knit back in Trabia Garden. One of my instructors thought it would make me more ladylike if I knew how to knit. She started me by teaching me how to knit socks, and ever since then I was hooked, no pun intended. Knitting is one of the few things I'm really good at. The best part is that I enjoy knitting, so that makes it even more fun to do.

Once I was done with the quilt, I began polishing things. A lot of the furniture we were using was fairly old, so it needed a little work to make it look good. I polished the legs of the couch I had been sitting on first. Then I moved on and polished vases, the punch bowl, more furniture, the fountain, and anything else that needed it. All that polishing made my arms ache. I sat down on the ground and took a break. This was going to be the best Festival ever; I could just feel it.

Several committee members were scrubbing the dance floor. I got to my feet and went over to help them out. I got down on my hands and knees, took a scrub brush, and started scrubbing. I could see lots of streak marks where shoes had skidded on the floor. I put my whole body into the chore and for the moment it was all I could think about. Scrub, scrub, scrub, I thought. Scrub, scrub, scrub. The sound of ten scrub brushes going back and forth on the floor filled my brain. It was like music, a rhythmic beat that changed ever so slightly when someone slowed their pace or sped up. The music flowed through everyone that was on that floor scrubbing and slowly the rhythm became more organized and uniform.

Someone had turned off the recorded music; the only sounds we could hear now was the music of the scrub brushes. Those that had been moving furniture stopped their activity and listened. For about three minutes the scrub brushes dominated the room. I wanted to burst out into song but I didn't dare disrupt the uniformity we had created. I could hear the other committee members walking onto the dance floor. Their feet made a harmonic rhythm to counter the melody we had started with the scrub brushes. Shoes tapped on the wooden floor and soon they too created a rhythm. I had never felt so close to anyone on the committee as I did in that moment. I was moved to tears.

Our scrub brush concert ended all too soon. As the last brush finished its work, I felt like I was being torn away from my friends. Jacob washed off the suds and everyone went back to work. It was almost like that unity we shared was forgotten. I felt like I was going to cry again, but this time it was because I felt alone. It was the strangest thing; I had been alone before, but it never bothered me. This time, solitude loomed over me like a threatening monster. Something about complete loneliness scared me, something I couldn't quite place. Irvine! I cried silently. Irvine, I need you. Hot tears traveled down my face. Even as I knew it was silly of me to feel so isolated, that very feeling crept up on me and entered my heart. I didn't like the feeling at all. It scared me, although I had no idea why. It was getting hard for me to breathe. I thought about Irvine and I felt a little better. I needed to see him. I needed to get out of there.

I stood up and a wave of dizziness passed over me. I ignored it and tottered out of the room. I could hear Nida calling my name but I made no response. Staggering around like a drunk, I began to walk subconsciously. My feet had a mind of their own; I certainly didn't know where I was going. On and on I plodded. Faces appeared in my hazed vision but I continued on without giving them much attention. I felt like I was in a fog, trying to find sunlight in an otherwise dark world. When I took in a breath it was like a cloth was over my mouth. My brain managed to wake itself up to ask a question: where am I going? But my feet refused to tell. I just kept walking and trusted I would end up somewhere.

I don't know how long I kept up this persistent march. At last a beam of light broke through the fog. Joy blew the rest of it away and I ran towards the source. I threw my arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. Now that I could think clearly again I could take in my surroundings. We were standing in the hallway leading to the training room. He was alone and I had nearly knocked his hat off his head. He smiled at me and nodded his head in greeting, since I currently had his arms pinned to his side. Just being with him made me feel like my old self again. What was going on with me? I wondered. I usually didn't act that way. Maybe it has something to do with my past… Well, it didn't matter. It was over, anyway, and I was with him.

"Hey, Selphie!" Irvine greeted. "Are you okay?"

"Now I am," I answered. I buried my head in his chest and took a deep breath. I could breathe freely again. What a relief. I hadn't noticed before, but Irvine smelled like pine trees. It made me wonder if any of my other friends had a unique scent. His fingers gently stroked my hair. I felt his strong heart beat up against my cheek. His chest moved up and down slightly as he breathed. My cheek was beginning to feel hot from the warmth of his body. I could feel creases in his leather overcoat, individual fibers of his shirt, and his calloused fingers as they caressed my hair. Then something very strange happened: I could feel how much he loved me. It was an overwhelming emotion that enveloped my entire body.

"Selphie?" His chest vibrated as he spoke my name. I reluctantly pulled my head away so I could look into his eyes. His beautiful hazel eyes gazed down at me. I could see my face in them. My eyes were still a little red from crying but I was smiling. His hand continued to make its journey up and down the back of my head. "There's… something I wanna ask you." I didn't care what the question was. I just enjoyed being close to him. He didn't say anything right away. He just stared at me for a while, his lips in a smile. His eyes parted from mine and noticed something that was behind me. "What in hell are they doin' here?" Slightly confused, I released my hold on him and turned around.

Seifer, Fujin, and Raijin were coming our way. A gang of curious SeeDs were following them. They weren't making any trouble; they were just following, more curious about the trio than angry. Raijin noticed me first and acknowledged me with a hearty wave. The other two merely nodded their heads. Irvine's hand scooted me away from his body and he drew out his gun. There was a cold determination in his eyes that told me what he was planning to do. I shook my head sternly, trying to convey without words that he had no need to fear these people.

"Hey, Selphie!" greeted Raijin loudly, his voice echoing in the quiet hall. The flock of SeeDs that had been tailing the posse turned their gaze towards me. The gun rattled in Irvine's hand. Fujin was the first to notice he had his weapon drawn. Her pale face turned more pale and her whole body stiffened. She motioned to the gun with her hands. The other two members of the posse froze in their tracks. The safety on Irvine's gun clicked off. Oh, no.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blow the three of you away," he said coldly. The posse stood silent as three towers.

"Because they're my friends," I answered. I was surprised by how calm I sounded in this very dangerous situation. He glanced at me quizzically. I could tell from his face that he wasn't angry, merely wary. "They don't have any weapons on them. They haven't done anything wrong since they got here. You pick the reason you like best." A sigh emanated from him and he clicked the safety back on his weapon. He twirled the gun in the air and put it back in its holster.

"Just to let y'all know, I'm not angry with any of ya. I was just a little uneasy seein' the three of you here. As long as y'all don't get into too much trouble, I think we can get along." He tipped his hat at them. They looked almost as surprised as when I was nice to them on their first day back.

"GRATEFUL," Fujin said.

"You're pretty nice, ya know?" Raijin smiled. Irvine looked embarrassed by their words. "Just like Selphie." It was my turn to be embarrassed.

"Y'all can come to me if any of you got a problem. Stalkers, maniacs, that kinda thing," Irvine added. "The three of you are bound to attract trouble, even if you don't start it." Seifer smiled a little. His smile made him look friendly and was a welcome sight to see. It was like a beam of light in a dark alley.

"Thank you; both of you. That's very kind of you."

"You treat us like friends. That's never happened to us before, ya know?" Raijin noted. "It's nice to have friends, ya know? I'm glad that you two are nice people."

"TOO KIND," Fujin agreed. "REPAY SOON."

"Well, thanks. I'm glad to know that we help out," I smiled. The three of them thanked us again and went on their way. We watched them go, their little gaggle of SeeDs following closely. "Hey, you guys!" I shouted. The SeeDs stopped in their tracks. "Any of you bother them, and you'll be sorry!"

"Yes, ma'am!" they chirped in unison. They ran off in opposite directions.

"You are amazing!" Irvine declared once we were alone. I blushed slightly. "No kiddin'. Only you would manage to make friends with the posse like that. They don't seem like bad people, I guess. All that mess with the sorceress must've taught 'em some things." He put his arm around my waist.

"That was nice of you, offering to help them out and stuff. Not many people in the Garden would do that," I smiled. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

"Everybody deserves a second chance. It's about time we stop thinkin' about past wrongs and move on with life."

"I agree." Standing there with his warm arm holding me at the waist, I couldn't even remember the crushing loneliness I had felt not half an hour ago. It was merely being in Irvine's presence that made me feel so happy. I wonder if the posse ever gets lonely? I thought. All they have is each other. No one else wants to be friends with them after what they've done. Except for me. "Irvine, I think you and I did a great thing today."

"Oh? What's that?"

"We made the posse feel less lonely." I saw his head go up and down in a nod. His brown ponytail moved in a ripple effect.

"Yep, we sure did. Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. It really does."

_____

It was only later that I remembered Irvine had something to ask me. Stupid! He was probably going to ask you to the dance! Well, I could wait a little longer for that one. I was a little busy trying to figure out what had gotten into me earlier. I had been by myself thousands of times before and it's never bothered me. Something, perhaps from a long-forgotten memory, made me very scared in that moment. What was it? And why did it surface at that exact moment?