Eddy's guests jostled to get a better view, hooting and pointing the whole time.

"What's so funny?"  Eddy stomped over but was unable to see over the backs of the crowd.  "Lemme see!"  He tried to crawl between everyone's legs, but they were too closely packed for him to make much progress.  Growling, he turned around and beckoned to Ed.

"Upsie-daisy, lazy Maisy!"  Ed bent down and then stood up again with Eddy perched atop his head.

From this vantage point, Eddy was able to see over everyone.  He looked down into the briefcase.  It was completely empty, but taped to the inside lid was a blown-up photograph.  Eddy nearly fell off Ed's head when he finally made out what it was.

Grinning goofily back at him, mouth covered in what appeared to be strained beets, was a much younger Eddy.  Baby Eddy was curled up on a blanket in nothing but a diaper, clutching at a teddy bear in one hand and a bottle in the other.  The most disturbing thing was the strong resemblance he still bore to the toddler in the picture – his less than generous height, his slightly pudgy physique, his marked lack of hair, and his faintly ruddy complexion were all reflected back perfectly in this drooling abomination.  It would be easy for an antagonistically inclined mind to assume the photo had not been taken all that long ago.

The laughter was like a tidal wave threatening to drag him under.  Losing his grip, he toppled forward, but Ed managed to catch him before he hit the ground.  This only increased the hysterics as he now lay cradled in Ed's arms.

"Aww, did widdle Dorky fa' down go boom?"  Kevin pinched one of his cheeks.

"Maybe he needs his diapie changed!"  Sarah and Jimmy both patted his head.

Eddy stared wildly around at a sea of faces all laughing at him.  Overcome, the world started to fade to black, but then he saw…Edd.  Somehow looking both crushed with guilt and apprehensively vindicated at the same time, Edd was standing behind the briefcase, wringing his hands as he watched the action he'd put into play.

"YOU!"  Eddy squirmed out of Ed's arms and lunged towards Edd.  "Say goodnight, Double-Dead!"

Edd's eyes went wide but he managed to stand his ground.  "Stop right there!"  He held up a large envelope.  As the kids continued laughing, he dropped his voice so only Eddy could hear.  "Don't you touch me, or I'll be forced to release this into the public domain as well, Eddy!"  He looked fretful and guilty as he added, "Or should I say, Dr. Frank-n-furter?"

Eddy recoiled, aghast.  He looked around anxiously, but no one seemed to have heard.  He thought back to the day the photo in question had been taken, several years ago now.  His brother and his friends had been going to a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Eddy, ever the tagalong, had begged to go with them.  His brother relented, on one condition: they were all going in costume and still needed someone to play the part of the movie's main character.  It was his brother – his hero – after all, and so Eddy reluctantly found himself out in public in fishnet stockings, an ill-fitting bustier, flamboyant makeup and curly wig.  It was humiliating enough at the time, even worse when his brother decided to send copies of the photos he'd taken to Eddy's two best friends, but now…  "You wouldn't!"

"I-I don't want to, but I will if I must, Eddy!"  Edd sounded almost apologetic, but he continued to clutch the envelope tightly.

Eddy flexed his fingers in impotent rage.  "Put down the picture, Double-D, and maybe I won't kill you!"  The wheels turned rapidly in his head as he tried to come up with a suitable revenge.  Suddenly, a malicious grin spread across his face.  Approaching slowly, hands upraised in a peaceful gesture, he patted Edd on the back.  Talking loudly so that everyone could hear, he said, "Hey, no hard feelings, Double-D – that was a good one, really funny.  I guess we've all still got a bit of a child in us, don't we?"  Even more loudly, he added, "How's that little thumb sucking problem coming along, anyway?"

"Double-Dweeb still sucks his thumb?"  Kevin laughed even harder.

"'Course he does, Kev, how do you think he ended up with that huge gap between his teeth?"  Eddy sneered at Edd.

The picture slid from Edd's nerveless fingers as he looked wildly around the room.  "Why, that's not true, I-I…"  Edd's left hand came up slightly before he forced it firmly down to his side.  He shot Eddy a furious look.  "Eddy wears lifts in his shoes!"

Eddy gasped along with the crowd.  "I do not!"

"Oh?  You're not really two inches shorter than you appear to be?  Care to show us, Eddy?"  Edd smiled archly.

"Er…Double-D's got a spider named after Mildred Sotmeyer!"

"The school librarian??"  More guffaws.

"Those little round scars on Eddy's head are from the time a pet canary attack sent him to the hospital!

"Double-D won't go near a computer ever since one beat him at chess!"

"Eddy's joined the Hair Club for Men!!"

"That's IT!"  Eddy sprang at Edd.

Ed stood off to the side, dejectedly watching his two friends fight.  Suddenly a vacuous smile spread across his face.  "My middle name is Fergus!" he yelled, and with that he leapt into the fray.

Several minutes later Ed had a grip on one of Eddy's legs, but Eddy had Edd pinned facedown on the ground.  "Enough with the small stuff," Eddy growled as he grabbed hold of Edd's hat.  "Now we're gonna talk real secrets!"

"Eddy, no, please!"  Edd struggled desperately.  "I-I apologize!  Think what you're doing – this has gone far enough!"

"You shoulda thought of that before you pulled that little photo stunt, oh-soon-to-be Sockless-head!"  Still glaring down at Edd, he called up to the other kids.  "Now, you know you wanna see what's under here – but it's gonna cost ya!  Do I hear one dollar?  One?  Anyone?"  Finally looking up, he let go of Edd in disappointment.  "They've all left…"

"That's the best news I've heard all day."  Edd pulled his hat down tightly.  "Really, Eddy – I can't believe you were willing to betray my most sacrosanct of secrets, and for a mere dollar at that!"

Eddy rolled his eyes.  "Relax, I wasn't really gonna do it…"  Under his breath, he added, "For less than five bucks, anyway…"  He tried to stand up but couldn't.  "Ed, you can let go of me now."

"You're the piano man, Eddy!"  Ed dropped Eddy's leg.  "Aw, don't be mad, Eddy, you were such a cute little dickens!"  He wandered back over to examine the baby photo again.  "All chubby and cuddly, like soggy donuts!"  He looked around.  "Um, guys?"

"What is it now, Ed?"  Eddy got back to his feet and dusted himself off.

"I think Baby Eddy has run off!"  Ed laughed.  "What a little scamp!"

"W-what?"  Standing up unsteadily, Edd joined Ed over by the table.  The briefcase was still there, but the picture that had been taped inside its lid was nowhere to be seen.  Neither, he realized with a shock, was the envelope containing the other photo.

"What's he talking about, Sock-head?"  Eddy was picking up items that had fallen out of his pockets during the fight.  "The picture's still there, right?"

"What?  Nothing!  I-I mean, yes Eddy!"  Eyes ringed, Edd snapped shut the lid of the briefcase and held it behind his back.  "Of course they're still here!  It's still here!  Heh-heh, why wouldn't it be?"  A thought came to him and he turned towards the jawbreaker table, eyes screwed tightly shut.  "Please, oh please…"  A peek through one eye was enough to show him what he'd feared.  Not one jawbreaker remained.

Ed followed his gaze and gasped.  "Wow, Eddy, Baby Eddy's just like you!  He ran off and took our jawbreakers with him!"

"All right, what's going – MY JAWBREAKERS!"  For a long moment, Eddy simply stood and twitched.  Then he turned ominously back towards Edd.  Talking through clenched teeth, he grated, "And just where are my pictures?"  As Edd flinched away, he continued to advance until he'd backed him up against a wall.  "Let me guess.  The jawbreakers, and both pictures, have all been taken by the other kids, haven't they?  I can look forward to copies of those photos following me around for the rest of my life, can't I?"  He locked one hand around Edd's neck and cast about for something heavy with his other.  "And I have YOU to thank for all this, don't I?!?"

Edd struggled uselessly.  "I-I never intended…uh, perhaps we could…"  He cringed as Eddy picked up an imitation Ming vase.  "Eddy, please, release me and we'll determine a solution to this predicament!"

"Oh, I've figured out my solution."  Eddy raised the vase.  "Oh, Ed?  What would you say to another star show, Big Guy?"

"Stick a feather in my cap and call it mashed potatoes!"  Ed bounced over just as a loud crash filled the room.

*****

Ed and Edd sat on the front porch step, deep in thought.  Eddy paced back and forth in front of them.  "No, no, no!  We've tried all those places already, and none of them have turned up my photos!  Now come on – and think of something good this time!"

"Hmm…"  Edd shrugged.  "Well – ouch!  Ed, please stop that!"

Ed paused just as he was about to poke Edd's head with a stick yet again.  "Sorry, Double-D – but please can I see the bump?  Are you sure it isn't a mutant duck lurking just beneath your skin, ready to burst forth and destroy us all with its hideous duck breath?"

Edd rubbed at the lump protruding slightly out from beneath his hat.  "I assure you, Ed, you'll be the first to know if that happens…But as I was saying – " Edd continued as Ed beamed happily, "Rolf has a lot of potential hiding places on his farm, perhaps we should canvass it more thoroughly?"

"Yeah Eddy, maybe it is in a pig's eye!"  Ed looked concerned.  "I hope that doesn't hurt."

"Yeah, right."  Eddy rolled his eyes.  "The only place we haven't looked on that farm already is up a pig's – "

"Um – you're right, Eddy, I'm sure it's not on Rolf's farm."  Edd rushed on before Eddy could suggest ways of searching that particular area.  "But what about the park?  The hollow tubes of the swingset frame could easily conceal any number of items…"

"I already tried there while you and Ed were checking out Kevin's bike."  Eddy glared at Edd.  "This is all your fault, Sock-head – you'd just better hope we find that picture before it starts getting around!'

"I don't suppose this is the time to point out that none of this would have occurred if you hadn't been exploiting me so thoughtlessly all day – why, the embarrassment and frustration you're currently experiencing is merely a fraction of what you regularly inflict…"  He tried to disappear into the concrete step as Eddy leaned in over him.  "…No, no, you're probably right, this really isn't the time…"

Ed scratched his head.  "It's too bad Sherlock Holmes isn't here, guys!  'e could solve this mystery before you could say 'Bob's your uncle'!"  He looked thoughtful.  "I wonder if Uncle Bob knows Mother Goose?"

Despite his predicament, an excited gleam lit Eddy's eyes.  "Hey, a detective agency!  That's it!  We'll use this case to sharpen our skills, then hire ourselves out to the other kids to help them find stuff they're missing!  Great idea, Ed!"

"I smell onions, Eddy!"

"Um, Eddy?" Edd ventured.  "Doesn't that idea sound somewhat familiar to you?  Almost as if we'd already tried it?"  He paused hopefully.

"Gee, I dunno, does this sound familiar to you?"  Eddy shoved Edd off the steps, then leaned over the edge to continue yelling.  "'Shut up, Sock-head, and get to work!'  I'm gonna need a lie detector, some clue analyzers, and…uh…all sorts of other detective gear!"  He began running towards the garage.  "Come on, boys, we've got photos to find and kids to scam!"

"Can I be Sherlock, Eddy?  Please?  Please?  Oh, can I?"  Ed ran after Eddy. "I love buttered scones!"

"I should've just handed out that other photo when I had the chance."  Edd carefully picked himself up and brushed off his clothes.  "Well, at least I won't have to build anything more from scratch today, I suppose…"  Sighing, he hurried to catch up with his friends.