"And a voice said in mastery, while I strove,--
Guess now who holds thee?"-'Death,' I said. But, there,
The silver answer rang,--'not Death, but Love.' "
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "Sonnet I"
Where is he? I wondered anxiously, scanning the few faces I saw in the theater's seats. It was almost time for my audition and I was backstage in the school's theater by myself. Erik was to be my accompanist but I didn't see him anywhere.
I paced as I waited for Charlotte to go on. I was ready, Erik had told me so and he knew my voice better than I did, but I couldn't help but feel jittery.
Charlotte flounced past me onto the stage when they called her, looking confident and assured of her victory. For the first time I felt a brief glimmer of optimism. vWe'll just see about that, I said to her silently. Charlotte nodded to her accompanist and I braced myself, wishing for earplugs. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth. But instead of music, a horrible noise like the sound a bullfrog makes, came from her throat. The pianist faltered and Charlotte stopped with a horrified expression on her face. She cleared her throat experimentally, looked at Mrs. Lucas in the audience who must have given her the go-ahead, and opened her mouth again.
"CRRROOOAAAKK!"
Clapping a hand over her mouth didn't stop the terrible noise and finally Charlotte ran off stage, whimpering. Backstage, I slumped onto the floor, hearing disturbed murmuring from the auditorium.
I heard a faint rustle, and suddenly, Erik was kneeling at my side. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly seeing my pale face.
"Erik!" I gasped, forgetting to ask where he had been. "Did you hear that horrible noise she made?"
It may have been the dim light but I could have sworn I saw a smile curve the edge of his mouth. "I did. She must have had a frog in her throat... Come on, Mr. Hayes and Mrs. Lucas are waiting." Mr. Hayes, the orchestra director, would be conducting the pit and co-directing the musical with Mrs. Lucas.
"B-But... Charlotte!" was all I could muster at his calm indifference.
He seemed amused by my concern for my rival and stood, offering me his hand to help me up. "Don't worry. I just heard that she'll have another chance to re-audition later."
For a split second, I stared at his hand. This was the first time he had openly been willing to touch me. It was trembling slightly but I took it in a firm grasp and stood. His hand was cool, but not uncomfortably so. When I was completely up, he let go immediately and straightened as we both heard my name announced. Sending up a quick, silent prayer to Whoever might be listening, I strode out onto the stage, hoping that I didn't look as nervous as I felt. Erik trailed me like a shadow and sat down silently at the piano.
Knees trembling, I waited for the nod from Mrs. Lucas and while I did, Erik's voice brushed my ear in a whisper: "You can do this. Make yourself... and me, proud." I inhaled deeply, straightened, waited for my cue, opened my mouth... and when my eyes opened I found myself being supported by Rod... Where'd he come from...?
"Look! She's coming around!"
"Wha-what happened?" I asked fuzzily, trying to lift my head. The world spun so I let my head sink back down again into the crook of a muscular arm. "Did I sing good?" Where's Erik?
Someone nearby chuckled. "You were magnificent, Christine! Where have you been hiding that voice? We didn't know you possessed such talent!"
Rod helped me stand and led me the empty piano bench. Someone pressed a cup of water into my hand; I sipped at it gratefully, my throat strangely dry. Rod looked so worried that I smiled shakily to reassure him that I was fine.
"Can someone tell me what happened?" I asked the circle of people around me. "I'm afraid I don't remember much..."
"You sang your piece perfectly, Christine, and had just ended when you fell in a dead faint," Mr. Hayes explained, "You gave us all quite a fright, Christine. Are you feeling better?"
I nodded and looked around again, but didn't see Erik. "Can anyone tell me where Erik is?"
Rod frowned, his eyes darkening slightly. "Who's Erik?"
"My accompanist," I replied, trying to see around the people. "And friend."
Rod frowned again. A distinctly jealous frown. "Some friend," he snorted, "To leave you laying there..."
"No... Actually, I saw the young man, he was wearing black, right? Anyway, he went to Christine but you pushed him out of the way in your frenzy. I didn't see where he got off to, though," said someone from the crowd that I didn't recognize.
And then all those people came up here... he can't stand crowds... leering, staring, crowds... I finished silently, sighing. I stood and pushed my way through the circle, wobbling slightly and trying to keep from blacking out again. I heard Rod and others call after me but I ignored them and continued further into the soothing darkness of backstage.
Feeling close to collapsing again, I stopped to lean against the wall. Hearing a slight whisper, I tried to raise my head but I was so tired… A hand hesitantly touched my arm and I instinctively fell against the thin but strong shoulder.
"Did I make you proud?" I murmured, not really sure now that I was dreaming or awake.
"Mere words will never describe what I feel..." Erik replied softly, his voice caressing my ear like a song.