Authors Notes: An explanation for the milk and vodka... I originally wrote
this for my friends and I to laugh at, and in the original version I made
fun of an ex-friend (who claimed that she drank milk and vodka. Um, ok). I
couldn't bear to take it out, no matter who illogical it sounds. And yes, I
know that McDonald's crayons aren't toxic. It'd be funny if they were,
though.
Tell me why...:I don't like Mondays! No, please tell me why no one has reviewed since the second chapter! Even just to tell me to shut up. In fact, tell me why in a review, and kill two birds with one review-shaped stone. That'd be nice. ^_^
One more thing: I never realised how strange the correct spelling of awkward looked! It doesn't look right at all, but it definitely is.
***
Buffy spoke up first. "Now that that control freak Gohan is out of the picture, this how I think this committee should work", she said. "We all write down which five names we think are the best, and then count the votes. The final five can be the ones with the most votes."
There was an obvious sense of agreement from the group. That Buffy is so smart.
"Alrighty", said Spike. "I'll get the napkins."
"But you can't vote for yourself more than once", interjected MacGuyver. "That's just silly."
And so Spike went to fetch everyone a napkin. Then he decided that they probably needed a drink too, so Spike ran across the street to Discount Liquor for some vodka, then ran down the street to a farm because there's nothing quite like fresh milk. After that purchase he ran all the way home (or all the way back to McDonalds as the case may be). Boy, was Spike glad to be back. All that running around and drink making can really wear you out.
Snaps was a little upset. Spike had taken way too long, especially since he was only supposed to be fetching five napkins.
"It's about time, fool", he said to Spike. "You're such a loser."
Spike was confused by what Snaps said to him. He didn't understand how this little midget Pokémon picture boy could call him a fool, or a loser. So confused was Spike that he couldn't even some up with a worthwhile retort, so Snaps escaped unscathed... This time.
Buffy, sensing the upcoming the upcoming confrontation between the two boys starting with 's', hurried the committee along.
"Alright everyone, Spike's brought the napkins, you've got your crayons, let's get writing!" she said.
Everyone snatched up their napkins and began to write,
Spike was still confused. But he got over that, and began that heavy duty decision making process. Who should he choose as his final five, his fatal five, his famous five? Gohan's name was definitely out. That boy was way too proud of himself. Snap's name was out too.
'Who'd ever use a name like that?', Spike thought. 'It involves Pokémon, and Pokémon is sooo gay.'
But Spike knew that he couldn't just think about the bad ones. After much deliberation Spike wrote down his four favourite names, as he thought the rest were full of shit.
'Ok, here I go', he thought to himself, before writing:
1) That Lois one about UST, 2) Balls, Balls, we want Balls!, 3) The Anti- Fat Naked Riley Club (because he doesn't like fat guys that wear no clothes, not to mention the whole jealousy over Buffy thing) and 4) The skegs, by lovely Buffy. Spike really hoped that voting for Buffy would make her like him more. She was a pretty hot chick, after all.
Meanwhile, at a table far, far away (you know, on the other side of the room), the other day-trippers were sitting in awkward silence, awaiting the coming verdict. Gohan was the only relaxed one, certain of the fact that it was he who would be bestowing the name he thought of on his newly united team. Oh, if only he knew the truth.
Buffy sipped her vodka and milk, then slumped onto the table. As it turns out, she has zero tolerance for alcohol, and Spike filed this fact away in his brain for later. Next to her sat a piece of paper that listed The skegs; The UST Dragon Ballers; Balls, Balls, we want Balls!; The Party People (because parties are like, so cool!); and One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war. Unfortunately Buffy had finished half of her drink before writing on her napkin, causing her to choose names that may not of been best.
Gee chewed on the end of her crayon, confusing it with a pencil, and also because she is very stupid. Then she took the yummy green crayon out of her mouth and glanced at the label.
"Toxic", it said, in big green letters.
'Why is this crayon talking?' was the last thought Gee had in her head before she dropped dead on the table... and got up again a few seconds later. 'Oh shit! Dead (technically) for two-and-a-half seconds! Near death experience, anyone? Woah.'
Then she remembered the napkin and the life-threatening green crayon, and snatched it up. Gee quickly scribbled 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war', because she's really proud of herself for coming up with that; 'the skegs', because it just sounds cool; 'We make wishes, wishes I say, wishes, wishes', because she's really attracted to Linka; 'The give us the Dragon Balls or we'll mutilate your face clan', because she has a well- hidden violent nature that's struggling to break free; and finally 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club', for obvious reasons. Then Gee sat back and tried to recover from her run-in with the deadly green crayon.
Crazy Mulder got up and went to the bathroom, then came back. What no one else knew was that he had forgotten to wash his hands.
Snaps, having gotten bored, had climbed up on the table and began dancing to the magical music playing in his head. Right now the song was "Mumbo Number 5.
"One, two, three four, five!" he sang to himself.
Next to the little Pokéboy sat a napkin. And on that napkin he had written his five choices. These were 'Let me at the Dragon Balls, uh-huh, uh-huh' (because it reminded him of something from long ago, like maybe yesterday afternoon); 'The Party People' (because my God, does he love to party!); 'Balls, Balls, we want Balls!' (because it just makes sense); 'The power of fifteen will set us free, P15' (because he was really starting to miss those two chicks who had disappeared earlier in the day when everyone was still in the field); and best and most fabulous of all, 'The people who look for Dragon Balls and like to take pictures of Pokémon committee'. Tired of dancing, Snaps lay down next to the pot of one of those plastic plants that always seem to be decorating McDonalds and had a little nap.
MacGuyver was bored. He'd written on his napkin straight away, and couldn't understand why everyone else was taking so much longer. His quickly written on napkin said 'The UST Dragon Ballers'; Let me at the Dragon Balls, uh- huh, uh-huh'; 'The seekers of the Dragon Balls and the Truth, which are both out there'; 'Balls, Balls, we want Balls!' and 'The give us the Dragon Balls or we'll mutilate your face clan'. 'Why oh why does everyone have to take so long?' MacGuyver asked himself, and then began to weep quietly.
After all was aid and done, and all of the napkins were handed in, Buffy did a quick count of votes and realised that there was a problem.
"I'm sorry guys, but this didn't work", she said apologetically. "I've tallied the votes, and we'll have to vote again. This time you vote ONCE, for either 'The UST Dragon Ballers'; 'Balls, Balls, we want Balls'; 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club'; 'The skegs'; 'The Party People'; 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war'; 'The give us the Dragon Balls or we'll mutilate your face clan'; or 'Let me at the Dragon Balls, uh-huh, uh- huh'. And no one can vote for themself, so don't even think about it. I mean really. On you marks, get set, vote!"
And so everyone began to vote for what felt like (and sort of was) the third time. Spike once again voted for 'The skegs' in honour of Buffy. Gee voted for 'The UST Dragon Ballers' in honour of the obvious UST between two of her fellow committee members. MacGuyver voted for 'The Party People' because he just felt like it. Buffy voted for 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club' in honour of her "boyfriends". And Snaps voted for 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war', because thumb wars are always riotously funny.
And so the votes came in and were counted by Spike, because he can read and count to five.
"Yes! Finally!" he said. "The final five are 'The skegs'; 'The UST Dragon Ballers'; 'The Party People'; 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club'; and 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war'. Now that that's over, it's time to tell the others and to have the final vote.
"I whole-heartedly agree", said MacGuyver, and with that the five returned to the other ten travellers.
"It's about time, you lot", Clark said, sounding crazy as usual.
"Fuck you!" Spike yelled back at him.
"Now boys, calm down", Buffy interrupted them. "Everyone has to vote for one of the final names. Congratulations to Lois, Matt, Clark, Gee and myself, as our names were chosen as the five that you can vote for."
Much applause could be heard from miles around. So loud was it that the animals at the farm, which Spike had gotten his milk from, went on a rampage that destroyed half the street. Luckily the farmer caught with them when they were still 100 metres from the McDonalds, his shotgun and a few hand grenades in his arms, and with a machine gun and a bazooka down his pants. There were no survivors. Anyway, on with the story.
Spike went about his usual job of fetching napkins, and then everyone began the voting process. When all had been handed in, Gohan counted the votes and announced the results.
"Well, after the disappointment of my suggestion being eliminated, I am happy to announce that the winner is still a very good one. And of course, the person who suggested it wins a signed picture of me, worth 30 Australian cents, 15 United States cents, 10 English pence, or 70 Indonesian Rupia. And I think that's a fair amount."
"Get on with it, shithead!" was the general reaction from general reaction from the crowd.
"Like I was saying", Gohan continued, "'The Party People' and 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war' only received one vote each."
"Dammit!" Matt and Gee cried, at exactly the same time in exactly the same key. Wow, they should be singing partners.
"'The UST Dragon Ballers' and 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club' both received three votes, and before anyone says anything, congratulations to Buffy with seven votes for 'The skegs'!"
"Yay me!" Buffy screamed, in delight and excitement. "Can I have my prize now?"
"Of course you can", Gohan told her as he handed the signed picture of himself over. "And I'll be happy to buy that back from you for 30 Australian cents, 15 United States cents, 10 English pence, or 70 Indonesian Rupia. Which would you prefer?"
"I'll take 15 US cents, thanks Gohan", said Buffy.
And with that, the name choosing was complete.
Tell me why...:I don't like Mondays! No, please tell me why no one has reviewed since the second chapter! Even just to tell me to shut up. In fact, tell me why in a review, and kill two birds with one review-shaped stone. That'd be nice. ^_^
One more thing: I never realised how strange the correct spelling of awkward looked! It doesn't look right at all, but it definitely is.
***
Buffy spoke up first. "Now that that control freak Gohan is out of the picture, this how I think this committee should work", she said. "We all write down which five names we think are the best, and then count the votes. The final five can be the ones with the most votes."
There was an obvious sense of agreement from the group. That Buffy is so smart.
"Alrighty", said Spike. "I'll get the napkins."
"But you can't vote for yourself more than once", interjected MacGuyver. "That's just silly."
And so Spike went to fetch everyone a napkin. Then he decided that they probably needed a drink too, so Spike ran across the street to Discount Liquor for some vodka, then ran down the street to a farm because there's nothing quite like fresh milk. After that purchase he ran all the way home (or all the way back to McDonalds as the case may be). Boy, was Spike glad to be back. All that running around and drink making can really wear you out.
Snaps was a little upset. Spike had taken way too long, especially since he was only supposed to be fetching five napkins.
"It's about time, fool", he said to Spike. "You're such a loser."
Spike was confused by what Snaps said to him. He didn't understand how this little midget Pokémon picture boy could call him a fool, or a loser. So confused was Spike that he couldn't even some up with a worthwhile retort, so Snaps escaped unscathed... This time.
Buffy, sensing the upcoming the upcoming confrontation between the two boys starting with 's', hurried the committee along.
"Alright everyone, Spike's brought the napkins, you've got your crayons, let's get writing!" she said.
Everyone snatched up their napkins and began to write,
Spike was still confused. But he got over that, and began that heavy duty decision making process. Who should he choose as his final five, his fatal five, his famous five? Gohan's name was definitely out. That boy was way too proud of himself. Snap's name was out too.
'Who'd ever use a name like that?', Spike thought. 'It involves Pokémon, and Pokémon is sooo gay.'
But Spike knew that he couldn't just think about the bad ones. After much deliberation Spike wrote down his four favourite names, as he thought the rest were full of shit.
'Ok, here I go', he thought to himself, before writing:
1) That Lois one about UST, 2) Balls, Balls, we want Balls!, 3) The Anti- Fat Naked Riley Club (because he doesn't like fat guys that wear no clothes, not to mention the whole jealousy over Buffy thing) and 4) The skegs, by lovely Buffy. Spike really hoped that voting for Buffy would make her like him more. She was a pretty hot chick, after all.
Meanwhile, at a table far, far away (you know, on the other side of the room), the other day-trippers were sitting in awkward silence, awaiting the coming verdict. Gohan was the only relaxed one, certain of the fact that it was he who would be bestowing the name he thought of on his newly united team. Oh, if only he knew the truth.
Buffy sipped her vodka and milk, then slumped onto the table. As it turns out, she has zero tolerance for alcohol, and Spike filed this fact away in his brain for later. Next to her sat a piece of paper that listed The skegs; The UST Dragon Ballers; Balls, Balls, we want Balls!; The Party People (because parties are like, so cool!); and One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war. Unfortunately Buffy had finished half of her drink before writing on her napkin, causing her to choose names that may not of been best.
Gee chewed on the end of her crayon, confusing it with a pencil, and also because she is very stupid. Then she took the yummy green crayon out of her mouth and glanced at the label.
"Toxic", it said, in big green letters.
'Why is this crayon talking?' was the last thought Gee had in her head before she dropped dead on the table... and got up again a few seconds later. 'Oh shit! Dead (technically) for two-and-a-half seconds! Near death experience, anyone? Woah.'
Then she remembered the napkin and the life-threatening green crayon, and snatched it up. Gee quickly scribbled 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war', because she's really proud of herself for coming up with that; 'the skegs', because it just sounds cool; 'We make wishes, wishes I say, wishes, wishes', because she's really attracted to Linka; 'The give us the Dragon Balls or we'll mutilate your face clan', because she has a well- hidden violent nature that's struggling to break free; and finally 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club', for obvious reasons. Then Gee sat back and tried to recover from her run-in with the deadly green crayon.
Crazy Mulder got up and went to the bathroom, then came back. What no one else knew was that he had forgotten to wash his hands.
Snaps, having gotten bored, had climbed up on the table and began dancing to the magical music playing in his head. Right now the song was "Mumbo Number 5.
"One, two, three four, five!" he sang to himself.
Next to the little Pokéboy sat a napkin. And on that napkin he had written his five choices. These were 'Let me at the Dragon Balls, uh-huh, uh-huh' (because it reminded him of something from long ago, like maybe yesterday afternoon); 'The Party People' (because my God, does he love to party!); 'Balls, Balls, we want Balls!' (because it just makes sense); 'The power of fifteen will set us free, P15' (because he was really starting to miss those two chicks who had disappeared earlier in the day when everyone was still in the field); and best and most fabulous of all, 'The people who look for Dragon Balls and like to take pictures of Pokémon committee'. Tired of dancing, Snaps lay down next to the pot of one of those plastic plants that always seem to be decorating McDonalds and had a little nap.
MacGuyver was bored. He'd written on his napkin straight away, and couldn't understand why everyone else was taking so much longer. His quickly written on napkin said 'The UST Dragon Ballers'; Let me at the Dragon Balls, uh- huh, uh-huh'; 'The seekers of the Dragon Balls and the Truth, which are both out there'; 'Balls, Balls, we want Balls!' and 'The give us the Dragon Balls or we'll mutilate your face clan'. 'Why oh why does everyone have to take so long?' MacGuyver asked himself, and then began to weep quietly.
After all was aid and done, and all of the napkins were handed in, Buffy did a quick count of votes and realised that there was a problem.
"I'm sorry guys, but this didn't work", she said apologetically. "I've tallied the votes, and we'll have to vote again. This time you vote ONCE, for either 'The UST Dragon Ballers'; 'Balls, Balls, we want Balls'; 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club'; 'The skegs'; 'The Party People'; 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war'; 'The give us the Dragon Balls or we'll mutilate your face clan'; or 'Let me at the Dragon Balls, uh-huh, uh- huh'. And no one can vote for themself, so don't even think about it. I mean really. On you marks, get set, vote!"
And so everyone began to vote for what felt like (and sort of was) the third time. Spike once again voted for 'The skegs' in honour of Buffy. Gee voted for 'The UST Dragon Ballers' in honour of the obvious UST between two of her fellow committee members. MacGuyver voted for 'The Party People' because he just felt like it. Buffy voted for 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club' in honour of her "boyfriends". And Snaps voted for 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war', because thumb wars are always riotously funny.
And so the votes came in and were counted by Spike, because he can read and count to five.
"Yes! Finally!" he said. "The final five are 'The skegs'; 'The UST Dragon Ballers'; 'The Party People'; 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club'; and 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war'. Now that that's over, it's time to tell the others and to have the final vote.
"I whole-heartedly agree", said MacGuyver, and with that the five returned to the other ten travellers.
"It's about time, you lot", Clark said, sounding crazy as usual.
"Fuck you!" Spike yelled back at him.
"Now boys, calm down", Buffy interrupted them. "Everyone has to vote for one of the final names. Congratulations to Lois, Matt, Clark, Gee and myself, as our names were chosen as the five that you can vote for."
Much applause could be heard from miles around. So loud was it that the animals at the farm, which Spike had gotten his milk from, went on a rampage that destroyed half the street. Luckily the farmer caught with them when they were still 100 metres from the McDonalds, his shotgun and a few hand grenades in his arms, and with a machine gun and a bazooka down his pants. There were no survivors. Anyway, on with the story.
Spike went about his usual job of fetching napkins, and then everyone began the voting process. When all had been handed in, Gohan counted the votes and announced the results.
"Well, after the disappointment of my suggestion being eliminated, I am happy to announce that the winner is still a very good one. And of course, the person who suggested it wins a signed picture of me, worth 30 Australian cents, 15 United States cents, 10 English pence, or 70 Indonesian Rupia. And I think that's a fair amount."
"Get on with it, shithead!" was the general reaction from general reaction from the crowd.
"Like I was saying", Gohan continued, "'The Party People' and 'One, two, three, four, we declare a thumb war' only received one vote each."
"Dammit!" Matt and Gee cried, at exactly the same time in exactly the same key. Wow, they should be singing partners.
"'The UST Dragon Ballers' and 'The Anti-Fat Naked Riley Club' both received three votes, and before anyone says anything, congratulations to Buffy with seven votes for 'The skegs'!"
"Yay me!" Buffy screamed, in delight and excitement. "Can I have my prize now?"
"Of course you can", Gohan told her as he handed the signed picture of himself over. "And I'll be happy to buy that back from you for 30 Australian cents, 15 United States cents, 10 English pence, or 70 Indonesian Rupia. Which would you prefer?"
"I'll take 15 US cents, thanks Gohan", said Buffy.
And with that, the name choosing was complete.