Authors Notes: When I start mentioning types of glue and tape, if you
haven't heard of some them, just remember this: they're types of glue and
tape. I apologise in advance for the copious Doctor Who references in this
part. I couldn't help it. Clark says the naughtiest line I've ever
thought to include before. He really does have a dirty mouth, doesn't he?
An embarrasing but important not: No one I know has any idea what the real rules of strip poker are. Over time our very own personal rules have evolved. Those special rules come into play here. That's right, none of my characters (which aren't really mean; you know that right?) know the real rules of strip poker.
Review! Revieeeeew!: I've given up. Everything I write is shunned at the moment. Usually I'd at least get a "good grammar" comment (I DO have good grammar, don't I?) but even those seem to have dried up. You all make me feel so saaad. I'll get over it, though.
***
There was much scrambling for the door, during which Snaps was crushed up against a seat by Fat Naked Riley's huge stomach. As everyone stepped out onto the grass MacGuyver started to do little hops on the ground. Looks like its time for a confrontation.
"I'm sorry everybody, but I just can't take it anymore. I need to kill someone. I need to be 'the only one that can help' again!" he said apologetically. "Now I've got to ask, who here thinks that they wouldn't mind dying for a good cause?" "And why is it a good cause exactly?" asked Clark. "Because", replied MacGuyver, "when I haven't killed someone for awhile I start to sing every television theme song in the known universe." "Yargh!" was the general reaction. "In that case, I will happily nominate the fat and naked man", said Linka. "I second that motion!" Buffy chimed in. "Buffy, how could you?!" cried Fat Naked Riley. "I thought you were a good person! I knew you didn't love me! I was right!" "Shut up you fat, naked freak show. You're going to die, and I'm going to watch and laugh... will someone back me up here?" "I'm happy to third the motion in reference to Riley's death", said Clark. "I fourth!" exclaimed Spike, jumping up and down with excitement. "Come on, everybody! One more vote and we're rid of him forever!" Buffy encouraged.
There was an eerie silence. No one wanted to be responsible for sending Riley to either that cloudy place in the sky, or that fiery place full of pain that is somewhere else. A Tumbleweed blew across the rest stop. Silence. Not a good sign. "Come on people, I can feel it starting!" said MacGuyver urgently. "I can't hold it in anymore, augh!... So open up your morning light, and say a little prayer for I..." he began to sing. "No!" yelled the skegs, "please stop, my God!" When that song was painfully over MacGuyver began another. "It's lamb chop play along, where kids come to play along, and fun things are all we ever do. Yeah, it's lamb chop play along, come join the kids and play along, we've got a lot of good stuff for you", he sang, sounding scary. So painful was the singing that Lois announced that yes indeed, she fifthed the death of Riley. While still singing the Lamb Chop theme song MacGuyver injected Fat Naked Riley with a whole lot of liquid nitrogen, turning him into a big fat naked frozen statue. And there was much rejoicing.
"Yay!" screamed Buffy. "My torment is finally over!" "And I don't have to sing anymore!" exclaimed MacGuyver. "And we don't have to listen!" exclaimed Clark. "And you're a fucking retard!" exclaimed Spike, cracking his knuckles. "Do you want to take me on?" Clark asked menacingly, getting into a karate position. But luckily Spike had already skipped off to look at the fat naked statue. He snapped off one of the fingers and put it in his pocket, just in case he needed it later. Then, reconsidering, he took the finger out of his pocket and put it in the front pocket of his backpack instead.
"Attention all skegs!" announced Matt. "Everybody back in the bus! Unless, of course, if you want to use the facilities. If so, hurry the hell up." All of the skegs ran to the toilets. But then disaster struck. Well, less struck, more... was discovered. Wheeler, the first one in realised that they were... compost toilets! "Oh my God!" he cried in pain. "The stench! I just can't take it!" After quickly completing his task Wheeler ran screaming from the toilets, back onto the bus. The remaining skegs quickly finished their business, and then followed him. Buffy stopped beside the frozen statue, picked it up with her super slayer strength, and carried it over to the bus.
"Yo, Clark!" Buffy called. "Do you think you could come out here and give me a hand?" "Sure thing", Clark called back. Hey, he isn't a total ass. "Great", Buffy said to him, then shouted, "does anyone have some sort of glue or tape?" "Yeah, I do", said Spike, walking to Buffy behind Clark and carrying his backpack. He pulled out super glue, Clag glue, masking tape, clear tape, scotch tape and some post it notes out of it, and threw them on the ground (for easy viewing and access). "Thanks you guys. Do you think that you could fly this", she said, gesturing to the fat statue, "up onto the roof of the bus, Clark? And take this stuff to stick him on real nice. But leave the post its. They may come in handy if I want to pretend I have a real job at some point." So Clark flew the Riley statue up to the roof of the bus and stuck him there, and Spike picked the post its up again and put them in his backpack for safekeeping. When Clark was done the three of them boarded the bus and took their seats. Matt began to drive.
"You know what?" said Lois. "I'm bored. I think we should play some sort of car game." "Strip Poker!" exclaimed Gohan. "I said car game, not card game you little pervert boy!" Lois yelled at perverted little Gohan. "That's a great idea!" said Wheeler, from under the back seat. "Yeah, let's play that!" agreed Linka, also from under the back seat. That's a bit suspicious. "I knew it was a good idea!" said Gohan proudly. "Who has some cards?" "I do", said Spike, reaching into the usual place and pulling out a deck of collector's edition Doctor Who cards. When he saw Buffy looking at them he smiled. "Aren't they cool?!" he said. "I got them with my box set that came with "The Crusade" and "The Space Museum"! It also came with a key chain and some pretty post cards!" "But how can you like that crazy English shit?" Buffy asked. "Easy! It's English just like me. I've seen every episode numerous times. Did you know that the first episode was shown in England on November 23 1963, and it ended in 1989? Or that the first three Doctors are dead in real li..." "That's enough", Marti interrupted. "Yeah, I wanna play!" agreed MacGuyver. "Alright, everyone get in a circle, and I'll deal my fabulous Doctor Who cards", said Spike.
Everyone formed something that slightly resembled a circle and Spike dealt his fabulous Doctor Who cards. "Damn!" said Wheeler, who got sucky cards. "Damn!" said Buffy, who also got sucky cards. "Fuck it! Suck my mother fucking cock!" said Clark, who also got bad, sucky cards. "Alrighty kids, does anyone want different cards?" asked Spike, then dealt extras to those who asked for them. "Dammit, I fold", said Matt. "Good thing too, because I should really be driving the bus." And with that, Matt sprinted up the aisle to the driver's seat, threw himself into it, and grabbed the steering wheel, saving them all from a most definitely painful death. "Yeah, I fold too", said Wheeler. "Is there anyone else who doesn't have anything?" Spike asked. Everyone shook their head. "Well", said Spike, "that means that you have to add your card values, Matt and Marti, because one of you has to take something off." "The card values were added, and Wheeler came up short. "Ok, I'm taking it off", Wheeler said as he removed the top hat, which he had found at McDonalds and had been wearing ever since, from his head.
Spike collected his cards and redealt them. "Yay!" said Linka, and folded. MacGuyver and Lois quickly followed. After the redealing, etcetera it turned out that Linka was the loser (and a loser). She laughed giddily as she took off both of her shoes.
An embarrasing but important not: No one I know has any idea what the real rules of strip poker are. Over time our very own personal rules have evolved. Those special rules come into play here. That's right, none of my characters (which aren't really mean; you know that right?) know the real rules of strip poker.
Review! Revieeeeew!: I've given up. Everything I write is shunned at the moment. Usually I'd at least get a "good grammar" comment (I DO have good grammar, don't I?) but even those seem to have dried up. You all make me feel so saaad. I'll get over it, though.
***
There was much scrambling for the door, during which Snaps was crushed up against a seat by Fat Naked Riley's huge stomach. As everyone stepped out onto the grass MacGuyver started to do little hops on the ground. Looks like its time for a confrontation.
"I'm sorry everybody, but I just can't take it anymore. I need to kill someone. I need to be 'the only one that can help' again!" he said apologetically. "Now I've got to ask, who here thinks that they wouldn't mind dying for a good cause?" "And why is it a good cause exactly?" asked Clark. "Because", replied MacGuyver, "when I haven't killed someone for awhile I start to sing every television theme song in the known universe." "Yargh!" was the general reaction. "In that case, I will happily nominate the fat and naked man", said Linka. "I second that motion!" Buffy chimed in. "Buffy, how could you?!" cried Fat Naked Riley. "I thought you were a good person! I knew you didn't love me! I was right!" "Shut up you fat, naked freak show. You're going to die, and I'm going to watch and laugh... will someone back me up here?" "I'm happy to third the motion in reference to Riley's death", said Clark. "I fourth!" exclaimed Spike, jumping up and down with excitement. "Come on, everybody! One more vote and we're rid of him forever!" Buffy encouraged.
There was an eerie silence. No one wanted to be responsible for sending Riley to either that cloudy place in the sky, or that fiery place full of pain that is somewhere else. A Tumbleweed blew across the rest stop. Silence. Not a good sign. "Come on people, I can feel it starting!" said MacGuyver urgently. "I can't hold it in anymore, augh!... So open up your morning light, and say a little prayer for I..." he began to sing. "No!" yelled the skegs, "please stop, my God!" When that song was painfully over MacGuyver began another. "It's lamb chop play along, where kids come to play along, and fun things are all we ever do. Yeah, it's lamb chop play along, come join the kids and play along, we've got a lot of good stuff for you", he sang, sounding scary. So painful was the singing that Lois announced that yes indeed, she fifthed the death of Riley. While still singing the Lamb Chop theme song MacGuyver injected Fat Naked Riley with a whole lot of liquid nitrogen, turning him into a big fat naked frozen statue. And there was much rejoicing.
"Yay!" screamed Buffy. "My torment is finally over!" "And I don't have to sing anymore!" exclaimed MacGuyver. "And we don't have to listen!" exclaimed Clark. "And you're a fucking retard!" exclaimed Spike, cracking his knuckles. "Do you want to take me on?" Clark asked menacingly, getting into a karate position. But luckily Spike had already skipped off to look at the fat naked statue. He snapped off one of the fingers and put it in his pocket, just in case he needed it later. Then, reconsidering, he took the finger out of his pocket and put it in the front pocket of his backpack instead.
"Attention all skegs!" announced Matt. "Everybody back in the bus! Unless, of course, if you want to use the facilities. If so, hurry the hell up." All of the skegs ran to the toilets. But then disaster struck. Well, less struck, more... was discovered. Wheeler, the first one in realised that they were... compost toilets! "Oh my God!" he cried in pain. "The stench! I just can't take it!" After quickly completing his task Wheeler ran screaming from the toilets, back onto the bus. The remaining skegs quickly finished their business, and then followed him. Buffy stopped beside the frozen statue, picked it up with her super slayer strength, and carried it over to the bus.
"Yo, Clark!" Buffy called. "Do you think you could come out here and give me a hand?" "Sure thing", Clark called back. Hey, he isn't a total ass. "Great", Buffy said to him, then shouted, "does anyone have some sort of glue or tape?" "Yeah, I do", said Spike, walking to Buffy behind Clark and carrying his backpack. He pulled out super glue, Clag glue, masking tape, clear tape, scotch tape and some post it notes out of it, and threw them on the ground (for easy viewing and access). "Thanks you guys. Do you think that you could fly this", she said, gesturing to the fat statue, "up onto the roof of the bus, Clark? And take this stuff to stick him on real nice. But leave the post its. They may come in handy if I want to pretend I have a real job at some point." So Clark flew the Riley statue up to the roof of the bus and stuck him there, and Spike picked the post its up again and put them in his backpack for safekeeping. When Clark was done the three of them boarded the bus and took their seats. Matt began to drive.
"You know what?" said Lois. "I'm bored. I think we should play some sort of car game." "Strip Poker!" exclaimed Gohan. "I said car game, not card game you little pervert boy!" Lois yelled at perverted little Gohan. "That's a great idea!" said Wheeler, from under the back seat. "Yeah, let's play that!" agreed Linka, also from under the back seat. That's a bit suspicious. "I knew it was a good idea!" said Gohan proudly. "Who has some cards?" "I do", said Spike, reaching into the usual place and pulling out a deck of collector's edition Doctor Who cards. When he saw Buffy looking at them he smiled. "Aren't they cool?!" he said. "I got them with my box set that came with "The Crusade" and "The Space Museum"! It also came with a key chain and some pretty post cards!" "But how can you like that crazy English shit?" Buffy asked. "Easy! It's English just like me. I've seen every episode numerous times. Did you know that the first episode was shown in England on November 23 1963, and it ended in 1989? Or that the first three Doctors are dead in real li..." "That's enough", Marti interrupted. "Yeah, I wanna play!" agreed MacGuyver. "Alright, everyone get in a circle, and I'll deal my fabulous Doctor Who cards", said Spike.
Everyone formed something that slightly resembled a circle and Spike dealt his fabulous Doctor Who cards. "Damn!" said Wheeler, who got sucky cards. "Damn!" said Buffy, who also got sucky cards. "Fuck it! Suck my mother fucking cock!" said Clark, who also got bad, sucky cards. "Alrighty kids, does anyone want different cards?" asked Spike, then dealt extras to those who asked for them. "Dammit, I fold", said Matt. "Good thing too, because I should really be driving the bus." And with that, Matt sprinted up the aisle to the driver's seat, threw himself into it, and grabbed the steering wheel, saving them all from a most definitely painful death. "Yeah, I fold too", said Wheeler. "Is there anyone else who doesn't have anything?" Spike asked. Everyone shook their head. "Well", said Spike, "that means that you have to add your card values, Matt and Marti, because one of you has to take something off." "The card values were added, and Wheeler came up short. "Ok, I'm taking it off", Wheeler said as he removed the top hat, which he had found at McDonalds and had been wearing ever since, from his head.
Spike collected his cards and redealt them. "Yay!" said Linka, and folded. MacGuyver and Lois quickly followed. After the redealing, etcetera it turned out that Linka was the loser (and a loser). She laughed giddily as she took off both of her shoes.