Author's Notes: This chapter mainly focuses on how unrealistic it really
is that all of these characters ended up together for no reason. It also
attempts to explain where they are in the world. I don't do a very good
job, but don't worry. That's the whole point.
Where?: Tasmania is a state of Australia. New Jersey is a state of the United States of America. Of course, everyone knows where New Jersey is, but I felt bad for Tasmania. Keep in mind that I am not judging people from New Jersey or Tasmania in any way; they were just the first two places that came to mind. It could just as easily have been California and Wales. I love Wales!
***
Matt turned the key in the ignition and the bus started. It rolled down the road until Matt remembered that he shouldn't take the hand brake off until the bus was in gear. Becoming increasingly flustered, Matt tried to pull the brake but instead hit the windshield wipers. As they began to flap a parking ticket fluttered to the ground. Restraining himself (with a seatbelt; safety first) Matt slowly turned off the windshield wipers and pulled on the handbrake. Then he carefully put the bus into gear and began to drive. "Yo Matt", called MacGuyver. "You do realise that you just hit a puppy, don't you?" Matt just gritted his teeth and kept on rollin', rollin', rollin'. "Yo Matt", called Spike, imitating MacGuyver. "You do realise there's no music playing, don't you? Could you put on another one of my CDs please?" "Sure Spike, whatever", Matt replied. "As long as it's not anything bad." "Come on Matt, it's me!" said Spike. "Would I have anything bad?" Matt sneered at Spike's reflection in the rear-view mirror as Spike galloped to the front of the bus, carrying his Sirocco-style cat CD stand with him. "Anyone got a problem with The Backstreet Boys?" Spike asked. As no one replied, Spike assumed that no one did, and he inserted the CD into the Super Special Bus CD System. On blasted "Backstreet's Back".
Spike began to jump about in some sort of dancing fashion. Unfortunately though, Spike was one of only four people in the known universe that likes The Backstreet Boys. None of the other three were on the bus; they live in New Jersey. Or possibly Tasmania. In conclusion, Spike is alone on a bus full of Backstreet Boys haters. Those Backstreet Boys haters began to laugh at Spike, in all of his bouncy, dancing glory. Spike noticed immediately and cowered in shame. Turning quickly, he switched off the CD and began to cry. Spike sank to the floor/aisle of the bus, his head in his hands. Sorry for what they had done, Buffy quickly rose to her feet. "Excuse me everyone", she said loudly, so that everyone could hear and because she loves herself too much (for some reason). "On behalf of the whole skeg family, I would like to apologise to Spike. We had no right to laugh at you just because of your... unusual musical tastes. We were way harsh Tai... I mean Spike. Come back sweetie, and sit with me." Spike, being a little tired, believed Buffy's extremely fake apology, and returned to his seat next to her.
Matt chose this moment to speak up. "Hey you guys, would this be a good time to show you the souvenirs I've been collecting?" "Sure, show us", encouraged Marti. "Ok, I will", said Matt, removing a large paper bag from his pocket and reaching into it. "This is the napkin I used at McDonald's", he said. "And these are all the food fixin's I got as well." He paused for a moment before continuing. "This is the packet of musk lollies I bought from the gas station. This is some grass I picked in the field. And THIS", he continued, holding up a small bundle, "is a little something I picked up form the truck stop. I never realised how many wonderous things could be found in a compost toilet before now. It's really incredible."
Everyone was severely grossed out by Matt's souvenir from the truck stop, but before they could do something they may regret later, like hitting him over the head with a wooden board (the kind with rusty nails sticking out) Matt stopped the bus. "What's going on?" asked Linka. "Yeah, why have you stopped, Pokéboy?" added Clark. "Excuse me, but I think that Pokéboy would be a more accurate term for describing Snaps, rather than myself", said Matt. "And the reason that I have stopped is this, and this alone. Note that we have stopped next to a beach. This implies that an ocean is right in front of us. As we are in a bus, and not some sort of water vessel, I have made the assumption that our journey in this vehicle has ended. The best course of action would be... Woah, sorry guys. I was possessed by a smart English guy for a moment there." Everyone looked at Matt. Some looked at him in fear. Others looked at him in fascination. Still others looked at him in a concerned way. But one thing is certain, and that is that they all looked at him.
Never one to be quiet, Lois spoke up, up, and away. "I hope you're alright, Matt", she said. "Possession can make you feel very nervous and uncomfortable, but you'll get over it." "Oh no! though", said Gee. "How can we go on? I don't think this bus can drive over ocean." "Maybe we could catch a plane", suggested MacGuyver. "Not likely", replied Clark, the evil one. "We don't have any money." "Speak for yourself", Spike said. "I'd just come from my VERY filled bank account, which is surprisingly at the bank, when I met up with all of you. My backpack has thousands of dollars in it."
And with that, Spike pulled a pink sequined purse from his backpack, and from that took out many, many bank notes (otherwise known as money) and began to count it. "See, look at all the lovely money", Spike giggled, counting hundred dollar bills. "What country is that money from, Spike?" asked Quami. "Um, it's... a... from some... I think its international currency of some kind", Spike stuttered. "It's a little confusing." "Does anyone even know what country we're in?" Quami continued. Everyone glanced around in confusion. "Well, I think, I'm even pretty sure, that I live in America", Buffy said, mostly to herself. "But I don't think that field I mysteriously showed up in yesterday is anywhere near Sunnydale." "I don't know WHERE we come from", said Marti, referring to himself and the other Planeteers. "I mean, don't we usually hang out on some island with Gaia?" Everyone looked at each other again. "Do you think we all ended up together through some sort of divine intervention?" questioned Mulder. "Was it an alien being that forced us into each other's company? Overlords that threw us together for the purpose of their own entertainment?"
After Mulder's understandably crazy explanation for all the confusion, it didn't seem right for the skegs to continue this topic of discussion. Lois decided to change the subject. "How much money do you have there, Spike?" she asked him eagerly. "Well", he replied, "I've counted $21 650 so far. I'd be happy to pay for a plane trip for all of us, as I'm a very generous and kind guy." "That is very nice of you, Spike", Gohan said to him. "All those in favour of allowing Spike to make the first wish once we have all seven Dragon Balls, raise your hands. And feet. And maybe a few flags." Many hands, feet and flags were lifted skywards. "Thanks, you guys!" Spike exclaimed. "Don't worry about Spikey honey, you deserve it", Buffy whispered in his ear, before sloppily kissing him on the cheek. Spike blushed and gave Buffy a great big hug. Once all of the congratulations had been given to Spike the bus full of skegs fell silent, the point of the discussion forgotten.
But then... Matt remembered. "I guess I should be driving us all to the airport, then", he said reluctantly. "Yeah, let's go! Waterslides!" exclaimed Mulder, and everyone had a strong sense of deja vu. Mulder began to sing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" to himself as Matt restarted the bus and headed for the nearest airport. Strangely, he happened to know where it was.
After arriving at the airport ten minutes later (it was fairly near the beach) MacGuyver made a suggestion. "You know, I haven't killed someone for awhile now, and I'll need to do someone soon. I thought that maybe if I instead just parked the bus on top of a nearby cliff, took off the handbrake and let it crash into the ocean that might possibly work too." "But MacGuyver, won't we all die?!" cried Snaps. "No, no, you silly boy", replied MacGuyver. "I'll drop you off here, then drive up the hill, release the handbrake, jump out the door, and walk back to the airport. No fuss, no muss." "But MacGuyver", said Buffy, "there could be innocent people who will be hit by the bus! I'm meant to be against that sort of thing." "Fat Riley was innocent wasn't he?" MacGuyver pointed out. "You didn't have any problems with that, did you?" "Err, ummm, you see...", Buffy tried to explain. "That's different. You can't describe him as innocent. He was definitely guilty of being both fat and naked. Not to mention the fact that he was a dick." "Nice attempt at covering your mistakes", taunted MacGuyver. "Oh bloody hell, just kill the bastards", Buffy sighed, and MacGuyver hopped from one foot to the other in excitement. "Just go, take the bus", said Gohan. "But won't we need it later?" "I don't think so", said MacGuyver. "We're leaving the country, and I doubt that the bus will fit in the cargo hold." "Huh-huh, good one", laughed Mulder, in response to MacGuyver's semi-joke.
MacGuyver swapped with Matt at the driver's seat, then opened the bus doors. Everyone exited, Spike remembering to take his backpack and Matt remembering his souvenirs, MacGuyver closed the door again. He then went looking for a cliff facing the ocean while the rest of the skegs headed for the airport entrance. Spike went in search of the ticket counter, carrying his many thousands of dollars.
Having found a cliff suitable for bus destruction, MacGuyver opened the bus door, lowered the handbrake, and made a break for it. As MacGuyver rolled like a dog into the grass the bus gathered speed, reached the edge of the cliff, and splashed down into the water. Then MacGuyver remembered that his jacket was hung over the back of his seat.
Meanwhile, at the airport, all the skegs that aren't named MacGuyver were hanging out at the Duty Free Shop. You know, you have to stop at the Duty Free Shop because it rhymes. Suddenly... Spike returned with fourteen tickets he'd just finished purchasing. "Oh my God, you guys!" Buffy exclaimed. "What is it, Buffy?" asked Matt. "Oh, and also, welcome back Spike. Well done with buying the tickets." "Don't change the subject", snapped Buffy. "I just realised that Riley was still strapped to the roof of the bus." "So what?" questioned Wheeler. "It's not like you liked him anyway." As Buffy didn't have any way of replying to this without lying attention returned to Spike. "How much were the ticket's Spike?" Gee asked him. "Well", he replied, "it was to be expected that they would be expensive, what with us leaving the country and all. The total was over fifteen thousand dollars, and that's all you need to know."
Where?: Tasmania is a state of Australia. New Jersey is a state of the United States of America. Of course, everyone knows where New Jersey is, but I felt bad for Tasmania. Keep in mind that I am not judging people from New Jersey or Tasmania in any way; they were just the first two places that came to mind. It could just as easily have been California and Wales. I love Wales!
***
Matt turned the key in the ignition and the bus started. It rolled down the road until Matt remembered that he shouldn't take the hand brake off until the bus was in gear. Becoming increasingly flustered, Matt tried to pull the brake but instead hit the windshield wipers. As they began to flap a parking ticket fluttered to the ground. Restraining himself (with a seatbelt; safety first) Matt slowly turned off the windshield wipers and pulled on the handbrake. Then he carefully put the bus into gear and began to drive. "Yo Matt", called MacGuyver. "You do realise that you just hit a puppy, don't you?" Matt just gritted his teeth and kept on rollin', rollin', rollin'. "Yo Matt", called Spike, imitating MacGuyver. "You do realise there's no music playing, don't you? Could you put on another one of my CDs please?" "Sure Spike, whatever", Matt replied. "As long as it's not anything bad." "Come on Matt, it's me!" said Spike. "Would I have anything bad?" Matt sneered at Spike's reflection in the rear-view mirror as Spike galloped to the front of the bus, carrying his Sirocco-style cat CD stand with him. "Anyone got a problem with The Backstreet Boys?" Spike asked. As no one replied, Spike assumed that no one did, and he inserted the CD into the Super Special Bus CD System. On blasted "Backstreet's Back".
Spike began to jump about in some sort of dancing fashion. Unfortunately though, Spike was one of only four people in the known universe that likes The Backstreet Boys. None of the other three were on the bus; they live in New Jersey. Or possibly Tasmania. In conclusion, Spike is alone on a bus full of Backstreet Boys haters. Those Backstreet Boys haters began to laugh at Spike, in all of his bouncy, dancing glory. Spike noticed immediately and cowered in shame. Turning quickly, he switched off the CD and began to cry. Spike sank to the floor/aisle of the bus, his head in his hands. Sorry for what they had done, Buffy quickly rose to her feet. "Excuse me everyone", she said loudly, so that everyone could hear and because she loves herself too much (for some reason). "On behalf of the whole skeg family, I would like to apologise to Spike. We had no right to laugh at you just because of your... unusual musical tastes. We were way harsh Tai... I mean Spike. Come back sweetie, and sit with me." Spike, being a little tired, believed Buffy's extremely fake apology, and returned to his seat next to her.
Matt chose this moment to speak up. "Hey you guys, would this be a good time to show you the souvenirs I've been collecting?" "Sure, show us", encouraged Marti. "Ok, I will", said Matt, removing a large paper bag from his pocket and reaching into it. "This is the napkin I used at McDonald's", he said. "And these are all the food fixin's I got as well." He paused for a moment before continuing. "This is the packet of musk lollies I bought from the gas station. This is some grass I picked in the field. And THIS", he continued, holding up a small bundle, "is a little something I picked up form the truck stop. I never realised how many wonderous things could be found in a compost toilet before now. It's really incredible."
Everyone was severely grossed out by Matt's souvenir from the truck stop, but before they could do something they may regret later, like hitting him over the head with a wooden board (the kind with rusty nails sticking out) Matt stopped the bus. "What's going on?" asked Linka. "Yeah, why have you stopped, Pokéboy?" added Clark. "Excuse me, but I think that Pokéboy would be a more accurate term for describing Snaps, rather than myself", said Matt. "And the reason that I have stopped is this, and this alone. Note that we have stopped next to a beach. This implies that an ocean is right in front of us. As we are in a bus, and not some sort of water vessel, I have made the assumption that our journey in this vehicle has ended. The best course of action would be... Woah, sorry guys. I was possessed by a smart English guy for a moment there." Everyone looked at Matt. Some looked at him in fear. Others looked at him in fascination. Still others looked at him in a concerned way. But one thing is certain, and that is that they all looked at him.
Never one to be quiet, Lois spoke up, up, and away. "I hope you're alright, Matt", she said. "Possession can make you feel very nervous and uncomfortable, but you'll get over it." "Oh no! though", said Gee. "How can we go on? I don't think this bus can drive over ocean." "Maybe we could catch a plane", suggested MacGuyver. "Not likely", replied Clark, the evil one. "We don't have any money." "Speak for yourself", Spike said. "I'd just come from my VERY filled bank account, which is surprisingly at the bank, when I met up with all of you. My backpack has thousands of dollars in it."
And with that, Spike pulled a pink sequined purse from his backpack, and from that took out many, many bank notes (otherwise known as money) and began to count it. "See, look at all the lovely money", Spike giggled, counting hundred dollar bills. "What country is that money from, Spike?" asked Quami. "Um, it's... a... from some... I think its international currency of some kind", Spike stuttered. "It's a little confusing." "Does anyone even know what country we're in?" Quami continued. Everyone glanced around in confusion. "Well, I think, I'm even pretty sure, that I live in America", Buffy said, mostly to herself. "But I don't think that field I mysteriously showed up in yesterday is anywhere near Sunnydale." "I don't know WHERE we come from", said Marti, referring to himself and the other Planeteers. "I mean, don't we usually hang out on some island with Gaia?" Everyone looked at each other again. "Do you think we all ended up together through some sort of divine intervention?" questioned Mulder. "Was it an alien being that forced us into each other's company? Overlords that threw us together for the purpose of their own entertainment?"
After Mulder's understandably crazy explanation for all the confusion, it didn't seem right for the skegs to continue this topic of discussion. Lois decided to change the subject. "How much money do you have there, Spike?" she asked him eagerly. "Well", he replied, "I've counted $21 650 so far. I'd be happy to pay for a plane trip for all of us, as I'm a very generous and kind guy." "That is very nice of you, Spike", Gohan said to him. "All those in favour of allowing Spike to make the first wish once we have all seven Dragon Balls, raise your hands. And feet. And maybe a few flags." Many hands, feet and flags were lifted skywards. "Thanks, you guys!" Spike exclaimed. "Don't worry about Spikey honey, you deserve it", Buffy whispered in his ear, before sloppily kissing him on the cheek. Spike blushed and gave Buffy a great big hug. Once all of the congratulations had been given to Spike the bus full of skegs fell silent, the point of the discussion forgotten.
But then... Matt remembered. "I guess I should be driving us all to the airport, then", he said reluctantly. "Yeah, let's go! Waterslides!" exclaimed Mulder, and everyone had a strong sense of deja vu. Mulder began to sing "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" to himself as Matt restarted the bus and headed for the nearest airport. Strangely, he happened to know where it was.
After arriving at the airport ten minutes later (it was fairly near the beach) MacGuyver made a suggestion. "You know, I haven't killed someone for awhile now, and I'll need to do someone soon. I thought that maybe if I instead just parked the bus on top of a nearby cliff, took off the handbrake and let it crash into the ocean that might possibly work too." "But MacGuyver, won't we all die?!" cried Snaps. "No, no, you silly boy", replied MacGuyver. "I'll drop you off here, then drive up the hill, release the handbrake, jump out the door, and walk back to the airport. No fuss, no muss." "But MacGuyver", said Buffy, "there could be innocent people who will be hit by the bus! I'm meant to be against that sort of thing." "Fat Riley was innocent wasn't he?" MacGuyver pointed out. "You didn't have any problems with that, did you?" "Err, ummm, you see...", Buffy tried to explain. "That's different. You can't describe him as innocent. He was definitely guilty of being both fat and naked. Not to mention the fact that he was a dick." "Nice attempt at covering your mistakes", taunted MacGuyver. "Oh bloody hell, just kill the bastards", Buffy sighed, and MacGuyver hopped from one foot to the other in excitement. "Just go, take the bus", said Gohan. "But won't we need it later?" "I don't think so", said MacGuyver. "We're leaving the country, and I doubt that the bus will fit in the cargo hold." "Huh-huh, good one", laughed Mulder, in response to MacGuyver's semi-joke.
MacGuyver swapped with Matt at the driver's seat, then opened the bus doors. Everyone exited, Spike remembering to take his backpack and Matt remembering his souvenirs, MacGuyver closed the door again. He then went looking for a cliff facing the ocean while the rest of the skegs headed for the airport entrance. Spike went in search of the ticket counter, carrying his many thousands of dollars.
Having found a cliff suitable for bus destruction, MacGuyver opened the bus door, lowered the handbrake, and made a break for it. As MacGuyver rolled like a dog into the grass the bus gathered speed, reached the edge of the cliff, and splashed down into the water. Then MacGuyver remembered that his jacket was hung over the back of his seat.
Meanwhile, at the airport, all the skegs that aren't named MacGuyver were hanging out at the Duty Free Shop. You know, you have to stop at the Duty Free Shop because it rhymes. Suddenly... Spike returned with fourteen tickets he'd just finished purchasing. "Oh my God, you guys!" Buffy exclaimed. "What is it, Buffy?" asked Matt. "Oh, and also, welcome back Spike. Well done with buying the tickets." "Don't change the subject", snapped Buffy. "I just realised that Riley was still strapped to the roof of the bus." "So what?" questioned Wheeler. "It's not like you liked him anyway." As Buffy didn't have any way of replying to this without lying attention returned to Spike. "How much were the ticket's Spike?" Gee asked him. "Well", he replied, "it was to be expected that they would be expensive, what with us leaving the country and all. The total was over fifteen thousand dollars, and that's all you need to know."