Author's Notes: It's been a while. I think I have four or five reviews
now, so I'm as happy as can be. I should really write another stand-alone
fic, but for now this will have to do.
'Click-clack, front and back' is an Australian wear-your-seatbelts slogan.
The president?: Let's get one thing clear, right now. The president is not my special friend. He is not my ANYTHING, as I'm not an American. I only have the mildest amount of contempt for him. But I'm not Clark, and he does not feel the same way I do.
***
"Attention all passengers, the plane has begun it's descent. Buckle your seatbelts, as we don't want you falling into the aisle. Two minutes, peoples, thank you", the pilot announced. "Like I was saying", continued Wheeler, "I'd be happy for you to carry this wonderful stuff for us." "Okay", said Spike, quickly stuffing all the musical equipment into his backpack, then buckling his seatbelt. "Come on everybody, do the hamster dance! Uh, I mean, put on your seatbelts." Everyone click-clacked, front and back and middle. The plane sped towards the ground, and just when everyone thought they were going to crash the plane levelled out, slowed down, and hit the ground running.
"Touchdown! Yay!" exclaimed Mulder, bouncing in his seat. "I'm so excited!" said Buffy. "I've always wanted to visit the home of that old English guy that I hang out with all the time. "Me too!" exclaimed Gohan. "Me too!" exclaimed Clark, but then remembered he was evil and frowned again. "Me too!" exclaimed the Planeteers. "Me too!" exclaimed all the other skegs that hadn't said it yet. "Everyone up and out!" exclaimed the crazy flight attendant.
All of the skegs stood up and in straight, single file they walked down the aisle and out the little door on the side of the plane. Down the little corridor that joins the plane to the airport the skegs departed, some skipping, others talking excitedly to each other. "I am SO EXCITED", Lois whispered to Mulder. Because you know, they're still going out. "Me too!" Mulder whispered back. "I mean, I've never been in an airport before." "What are you talking about?" said Clark, interrupting Mulder and Lois' private conversation. "How did you get on the plane, you crazy shithead?" "Well, um, you see... erm..." stuttered Mulder, but then he got pissed. "Mind your business, and get the fuck out of my way! You bad, bad man!" he yelled, getting right in Clark's face. Clark stepped away quickly. Mulder obviously hadn't brushed his teeth for a while, and the stench was over-powering. "Get out of my way, Spooky", Clark yelled at the person whom he had referred. No one will ever know how Clark knew Mulder's "nickname", and they don't want to.
Mulder chose this moment to back off and get out of Clark's face just as he had been instructed, as he didn't want to spoil his special English fun. Clark, glad the confrontation was over, started humming the parts of the United States national anthem that he knew to himself. He sang the words of the last two lines loudly, as that is his favourite part: "In the land of the free! And the HOME of the BRAVE!" he sang, before saluting (in his mind) to the great president, his special friend. Matt shivered, not just because it's pretty chilly in these tunnels but also because singing a national anthem by choice, when there is no important sporting event taking place, is just too unusual. Clark had been scaring him ever since the events in the McDonalds, and that was long, long ago.
Suddenly the tunnel ended, and the fourteen surviving skegs stepped into the glowing, unearthly light of Heathrow Airport. Strangely, nobody noticed that the tunnel between the plane and airport isn't meant to be anywhere near as long as it was. Linka was the first to speak. "Oh my God, I can see my lawyer! I wonder what he's doing in England?" she said. "Hey, Mr McDonald! Over here!"
Clark looked up quickly, a chance to see his one true love much too hard to resist. But when he saw a young man carrying a briefcase and wearing a suit (NOT a clown costume), Clark remembered that he would never be lucky enough for dear Ronald to be in England with him, let alone at the airport. Having heard his name called Lindsey McDonald, the lawyer, turned and saw his clients Linka and Wheeler. As he didn't have a meeting with anyone for several hours Lindsay decided that, because he's evil, he would have a little fun. He walked over to the group and shook Linka's hand. "Hello, Linka, I haven't seen you for a while", he said with a smile.
(Ten minutes later)
"So, let me get this straight", said Lindsay, having just been told an extremely unbelievable story involving Dragon Balls, death, destruction, and also a special team name, which he wasn't yet allowed to know. "You want some 'Dragon Balls', and you're willing to lie, cheat, steal or kill to get them? And if you find all seven you can make wishes?" "Yes that's right, Mr McDonald", said Gohan encouragingly, still desperate for power. "And why again did you decide to do this?" Lindsay asked, confused. "Because... we want wishes, wishes I say, wishes, wishes!" exclaimed Linka, referring to the name she had long ago suggested in place of the name Buffy suggested, the skegs. "Oh, I see", replied Lindsay, trying not to laugh.
"Everyone, I think we've been standing here for quite long enough", said MacGuyver. "Let's get our luggage. MacGuyver began walking in the general direction of baggage claim. "But MacGuyver!" called Matt. "No one except Spike has any bags, and he's already got that because he took it on the plane with him!" MacGuyver slowed, turned, and returned to the skegs and Mr McDonald with as little embarrassment as possible. "Fine then", he said. "Let's at least get out of this airport. I want to see London!" "Yeah! That's what we're here for!" exclaimed Snaps. "Well actually, we're here to find..." began Gohan, but he was interrupted by Wheeler. "Would you like to come to lunch with us, Mr McDonald?" he asked. "I think it's a bit early for lunch", Lindsay replied. How about some brunch? And please, call me Lindsay." "Oh, great!" said Linka. "And you can call me, um... what you already call me, because that's my first name. Come on, my skeggy pals! We're going to lunch!" All the skegs, even Clark, started whispering excitedly amongst themselves as they headed towards the exit. Why were they whispering? Nobody knows, but it may have to do with them thinking that they were in a library or something.
When they reached the exit everybody paused. Cause you know, Lindsay's the only one that's been to London before, and everyone else was a bit nervous. "Come on, everyone!" Lindsay said. "We can't get brunch if were still at the airport!" "You're right, Mr McDonald", said Lois. "Let's go."
And so the skegs and Lindsay left behind the safety and comfort of the airport, and stepped into the snowy whiteness of ye olde London town. And boy, was it cold? Yes, yes it was. "Oh my God!" exclaimed most of the Planeteers and Marti's monkey. "It's so fucking freezing!" Of course, the Planeteers usually only wear those T-Shirts with the yellow circle on the front, so it's unsurprising that they were cold. But when Matt began to cry, Clark became very annoyed. "What's wrong with you, little baby?" said Clark in a teasing voice. "Is your turtleneck not warm enough for you?" Matt stopped crying as he was suddenly too pissed off for that kind of thing. "You stupid, stupid psychopath!" he yelled in Clarks face. Why do so many people get in Clark's face? "Notice the fact that this 'turtleneck' has no sleeves? Unsurprisingly, this DOES have an effect on how cold I am, whether you like it or not!"
Wanting to solve the problem, and also wanting her and her skeggy pals (as well as their new friend Lindsay McDonald) to move from the middle of the ice and snow-covered sidewalk to somewhere warmer, Buffy spoke up. "Attention peoples, please", Buffy announced. "I was hoping that Spike would be nice enough to purchase us all some warmer clothes. Although I don't need them, what with my floor length, hooded sweater." "Um, sure I'll buy you new clothes, guys", said Spike. "Would you like any new clothes, Mr McDonald?" "No thankyou", said Mr McDonald. "And call me Lindsay. You can ALL call me Lindsay." "Of course, I don't need new clothes either, what with my jeans and lovely leather duster", Spike added. "Duster?" asked Snaps, his teeth chattering about the weather to one another. "How will a duster help you to stay warm?" "Leather duster, not feather duster you silly, silly Pokéboy", replied Spike. "Come on guys, let's stop fighting and get to the nearest department store for our new warm clothes!" said Buffy. "I agree", agreed Lindsay, as he was very hungry and wanted his brunch. Why, oh why had he agreed to eat with these people? 'I knew I'd regret this', Lindsay though to himself.
The skegs (and Lindsay) walked slowly down the cold sidewalk, but suddenly Spike remembered something very important! "Oh, bloody hell!" he cried. "Sorry people, but I'm going to have to run back to the airport. I forgot to change this, erm, currency I have here in my pocket to UK pounds. You guys wait here, I'll be back in a second. You can also, you know, decide what you want to buy while I'm gone." Spike ran off quickly in the direction of the airport.
When he returned, the first thing that Spike noticed was Quami, slumped on the snowy ground. The second thing he noticed was all of the other skegs gathered around him. "Hi guys, I'm back", Spike announced. "What happened to Quami? Is Lindsay still here?" But then Spike noticed the evil (but no one knows that yet) lawyer, crouching over Quami. Lois extracted herself from the huddle surrounding the prone Planeteer, walked over Spike and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I don't know how to tell you this, Spike", she said. "While you were away exchanging your money for something that can be used for buying in this country, which I think is very generous by the way... Quami's heart just gave up and stopped. He just couldn't take the cold. He's..." "No, don't say it!" Spike interrupted, frantic. "Not now, not after all we've been through together!" Spike ran over to Quami and tried to slap him awake, but his chip would not allow that. He fell back, clutching his skull and moaning in pain. Luckily Buffy was there to kiss it better.
Lindsay lowered a sheet (hey, where'd he get that from?) over Quami's head. "He's gone", Lindsay said in a solemn voice (because it really is sad). But suddenly, giggles and strange, frightening laughter was heard from under the sheet. The rest of the skegs that aren't Spike also began to laugh, guffaw and chuckle. Spike glanced around at everyone, confused, then jumped backwards in surprise and slipped over on his backside when 'dead' Quami sat up, got off the ground, and started jiggin' it up in the snow.
Spike backed away in fear.
"Aren't you dead?!" he exclaimed, strangely afraid. All the other skegs and Lindsay the evil lawyer were still laughing at him. "It was a joke!" Quami exclaimed, with glee. "Isn't that funny!" Spike frowned. Jokes about people being dead aren't very funny. But then he remembered that, as a vampire, he loved death, destruction, and all things bloody. "Wow!" he cheered. "That was a great trick! But come on now, I've got a few thousand pounds and I don't know what to do with it! Any suggestions?" "Clothes shopping!" exclaimed Buffy. "Merchandise!" exclaimed Quami. "Cameras!" exclaimed Snaps. "Then I can take more pictures of Pokémon!" "Fairy Wings!" exclaimed Mulder, and the skegs proceeded to look at him strangely. "Brunch! Please, I'm starving!" exclaimed Lindsay.
***
Bad place to end, I know. But this parts taken me months to type, and I just have to stop now.
'Click-clack, front and back' is an Australian wear-your-seatbelts slogan.
The president?: Let's get one thing clear, right now. The president is not my special friend. He is not my ANYTHING, as I'm not an American. I only have the mildest amount of contempt for him. But I'm not Clark, and he does not feel the same way I do.
***
"Attention all passengers, the plane has begun it's descent. Buckle your seatbelts, as we don't want you falling into the aisle. Two minutes, peoples, thank you", the pilot announced. "Like I was saying", continued Wheeler, "I'd be happy for you to carry this wonderful stuff for us." "Okay", said Spike, quickly stuffing all the musical equipment into his backpack, then buckling his seatbelt. "Come on everybody, do the hamster dance! Uh, I mean, put on your seatbelts." Everyone click-clacked, front and back and middle. The plane sped towards the ground, and just when everyone thought they were going to crash the plane levelled out, slowed down, and hit the ground running.
"Touchdown! Yay!" exclaimed Mulder, bouncing in his seat. "I'm so excited!" said Buffy. "I've always wanted to visit the home of that old English guy that I hang out with all the time. "Me too!" exclaimed Gohan. "Me too!" exclaimed Clark, but then remembered he was evil and frowned again. "Me too!" exclaimed the Planeteers. "Me too!" exclaimed all the other skegs that hadn't said it yet. "Everyone up and out!" exclaimed the crazy flight attendant.
All of the skegs stood up and in straight, single file they walked down the aisle and out the little door on the side of the plane. Down the little corridor that joins the plane to the airport the skegs departed, some skipping, others talking excitedly to each other. "I am SO EXCITED", Lois whispered to Mulder. Because you know, they're still going out. "Me too!" Mulder whispered back. "I mean, I've never been in an airport before." "What are you talking about?" said Clark, interrupting Mulder and Lois' private conversation. "How did you get on the plane, you crazy shithead?" "Well, um, you see... erm..." stuttered Mulder, but then he got pissed. "Mind your business, and get the fuck out of my way! You bad, bad man!" he yelled, getting right in Clark's face. Clark stepped away quickly. Mulder obviously hadn't brushed his teeth for a while, and the stench was over-powering. "Get out of my way, Spooky", Clark yelled at the person whom he had referred. No one will ever know how Clark knew Mulder's "nickname", and they don't want to.
Mulder chose this moment to back off and get out of Clark's face just as he had been instructed, as he didn't want to spoil his special English fun. Clark, glad the confrontation was over, started humming the parts of the United States national anthem that he knew to himself. He sang the words of the last two lines loudly, as that is his favourite part: "In the land of the free! And the HOME of the BRAVE!" he sang, before saluting (in his mind) to the great president, his special friend. Matt shivered, not just because it's pretty chilly in these tunnels but also because singing a national anthem by choice, when there is no important sporting event taking place, is just too unusual. Clark had been scaring him ever since the events in the McDonalds, and that was long, long ago.
Suddenly the tunnel ended, and the fourteen surviving skegs stepped into the glowing, unearthly light of Heathrow Airport. Strangely, nobody noticed that the tunnel between the plane and airport isn't meant to be anywhere near as long as it was. Linka was the first to speak. "Oh my God, I can see my lawyer! I wonder what he's doing in England?" she said. "Hey, Mr McDonald! Over here!"
Clark looked up quickly, a chance to see his one true love much too hard to resist. But when he saw a young man carrying a briefcase and wearing a suit (NOT a clown costume), Clark remembered that he would never be lucky enough for dear Ronald to be in England with him, let alone at the airport. Having heard his name called Lindsey McDonald, the lawyer, turned and saw his clients Linka and Wheeler. As he didn't have a meeting with anyone for several hours Lindsay decided that, because he's evil, he would have a little fun. He walked over to the group and shook Linka's hand. "Hello, Linka, I haven't seen you for a while", he said with a smile.
(Ten minutes later)
"So, let me get this straight", said Lindsay, having just been told an extremely unbelievable story involving Dragon Balls, death, destruction, and also a special team name, which he wasn't yet allowed to know. "You want some 'Dragon Balls', and you're willing to lie, cheat, steal or kill to get them? And if you find all seven you can make wishes?" "Yes that's right, Mr McDonald", said Gohan encouragingly, still desperate for power. "And why again did you decide to do this?" Lindsay asked, confused. "Because... we want wishes, wishes I say, wishes, wishes!" exclaimed Linka, referring to the name she had long ago suggested in place of the name Buffy suggested, the skegs. "Oh, I see", replied Lindsay, trying not to laugh.
"Everyone, I think we've been standing here for quite long enough", said MacGuyver. "Let's get our luggage. MacGuyver began walking in the general direction of baggage claim. "But MacGuyver!" called Matt. "No one except Spike has any bags, and he's already got that because he took it on the plane with him!" MacGuyver slowed, turned, and returned to the skegs and Mr McDonald with as little embarrassment as possible. "Fine then", he said. "Let's at least get out of this airport. I want to see London!" "Yeah! That's what we're here for!" exclaimed Snaps. "Well actually, we're here to find..." began Gohan, but he was interrupted by Wheeler. "Would you like to come to lunch with us, Mr McDonald?" he asked. "I think it's a bit early for lunch", Lindsay replied. How about some brunch? And please, call me Lindsay." "Oh, great!" said Linka. "And you can call me, um... what you already call me, because that's my first name. Come on, my skeggy pals! We're going to lunch!" All the skegs, even Clark, started whispering excitedly amongst themselves as they headed towards the exit. Why were they whispering? Nobody knows, but it may have to do with them thinking that they were in a library or something.
When they reached the exit everybody paused. Cause you know, Lindsay's the only one that's been to London before, and everyone else was a bit nervous. "Come on, everyone!" Lindsay said. "We can't get brunch if were still at the airport!" "You're right, Mr McDonald", said Lois. "Let's go."
And so the skegs and Lindsay left behind the safety and comfort of the airport, and stepped into the snowy whiteness of ye olde London town. And boy, was it cold? Yes, yes it was. "Oh my God!" exclaimed most of the Planeteers and Marti's monkey. "It's so fucking freezing!" Of course, the Planeteers usually only wear those T-Shirts with the yellow circle on the front, so it's unsurprising that they were cold. But when Matt began to cry, Clark became very annoyed. "What's wrong with you, little baby?" said Clark in a teasing voice. "Is your turtleneck not warm enough for you?" Matt stopped crying as he was suddenly too pissed off for that kind of thing. "You stupid, stupid psychopath!" he yelled in Clarks face. Why do so many people get in Clark's face? "Notice the fact that this 'turtleneck' has no sleeves? Unsurprisingly, this DOES have an effect on how cold I am, whether you like it or not!"
Wanting to solve the problem, and also wanting her and her skeggy pals (as well as their new friend Lindsay McDonald) to move from the middle of the ice and snow-covered sidewalk to somewhere warmer, Buffy spoke up. "Attention peoples, please", Buffy announced. "I was hoping that Spike would be nice enough to purchase us all some warmer clothes. Although I don't need them, what with my floor length, hooded sweater." "Um, sure I'll buy you new clothes, guys", said Spike. "Would you like any new clothes, Mr McDonald?" "No thankyou", said Mr McDonald. "And call me Lindsay. You can ALL call me Lindsay." "Of course, I don't need new clothes either, what with my jeans and lovely leather duster", Spike added. "Duster?" asked Snaps, his teeth chattering about the weather to one another. "How will a duster help you to stay warm?" "Leather duster, not feather duster you silly, silly Pokéboy", replied Spike. "Come on guys, let's stop fighting and get to the nearest department store for our new warm clothes!" said Buffy. "I agree", agreed Lindsay, as he was very hungry and wanted his brunch. Why, oh why had he agreed to eat with these people? 'I knew I'd regret this', Lindsay though to himself.
The skegs (and Lindsay) walked slowly down the cold sidewalk, but suddenly Spike remembered something very important! "Oh, bloody hell!" he cried. "Sorry people, but I'm going to have to run back to the airport. I forgot to change this, erm, currency I have here in my pocket to UK pounds. You guys wait here, I'll be back in a second. You can also, you know, decide what you want to buy while I'm gone." Spike ran off quickly in the direction of the airport.
When he returned, the first thing that Spike noticed was Quami, slumped on the snowy ground. The second thing he noticed was all of the other skegs gathered around him. "Hi guys, I'm back", Spike announced. "What happened to Quami? Is Lindsay still here?" But then Spike noticed the evil (but no one knows that yet) lawyer, crouching over Quami. Lois extracted herself from the huddle surrounding the prone Planeteer, walked over Spike and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I don't know how to tell you this, Spike", she said. "While you were away exchanging your money for something that can be used for buying in this country, which I think is very generous by the way... Quami's heart just gave up and stopped. He just couldn't take the cold. He's..." "No, don't say it!" Spike interrupted, frantic. "Not now, not after all we've been through together!" Spike ran over to Quami and tried to slap him awake, but his chip would not allow that. He fell back, clutching his skull and moaning in pain. Luckily Buffy was there to kiss it better.
Lindsay lowered a sheet (hey, where'd he get that from?) over Quami's head. "He's gone", Lindsay said in a solemn voice (because it really is sad). But suddenly, giggles and strange, frightening laughter was heard from under the sheet. The rest of the skegs that aren't Spike also began to laugh, guffaw and chuckle. Spike glanced around at everyone, confused, then jumped backwards in surprise and slipped over on his backside when 'dead' Quami sat up, got off the ground, and started jiggin' it up in the snow.
Spike backed away in fear.
"Aren't you dead?!" he exclaimed, strangely afraid. All the other skegs and Lindsay the evil lawyer were still laughing at him. "It was a joke!" Quami exclaimed, with glee. "Isn't that funny!" Spike frowned. Jokes about people being dead aren't very funny. But then he remembered that, as a vampire, he loved death, destruction, and all things bloody. "Wow!" he cheered. "That was a great trick! But come on now, I've got a few thousand pounds and I don't know what to do with it! Any suggestions?" "Clothes shopping!" exclaimed Buffy. "Merchandise!" exclaimed Quami. "Cameras!" exclaimed Snaps. "Then I can take more pictures of Pokémon!" "Fairy Wings!" exclaimed Mulder, and the skegs proceeded to look at him strangely. "Brunch! Please, I'm starving!" exclaimed Lindsay.
***
Bad place to end, I know. But this parts taken me months to type, and I just have to stop now.