Author's Notes: I do not condone the consumption of alcohol by minors.
That's why Snaps, Gohan and Matt drink Coke instead of beer. As for Coke
itself, I don't own that. The Coke people do. Diet Coke's better anyway.
In don't own that either.
***
"So, what are we going to order?" asked Gohan. "If anyone's going to try that bullshit from last time I'll be severely pissed off!" threatened Clark. Though Lindsay had no idea what happened last time he decided to remain silent anyway. He wasn't in the mood for another pathetic sob story. "How about we just get twenty-five plates of scones and four pots of tea?" suggested Marti, his monkey strangely silent. "Then we could all share." "But I don't WANT tea..." cried Wheeler. "I want beer!" "Yeah, I do too!" said Spike. "Cause you know, badass vampires always drink the evil, naughty alcohol." "Yeah, I wanted that naughty stuff too!" exclaimed Mulder. "Because I'm a naughty boy! I want a spanking! Give me a spanking!"
Mulder began to jump and bounce in his seat, and Clark moved as far away from him as he possibly could without running, terrified, from the pub. Two elderly, unattractive men had begun to move in Mulder's direction, desperate to receive the fun job of spanking Mulder's cute little butt. Luckily Clark stood up then and growled evilly at the advancing fat bastards. They backed away slowly and returned to their seats by the bar.
"Mulder, what have we told you about talking like that?" said/asked Lois. "Always express yourself?" guessed Mulder in response to his girlfriend's (whom he was not sitting with for some reason) question. The skegs and Lindsay sighed. "Well, how many people want beer?" asked MacGuyver. "All those who do please raise your hand." Wheeler, Spike, Mulder, Lois, Clark, Buffy, Gee and Snaps raised their hands. "Alrighty!" continued MacGuyver, beer man extraordinaire. "I, of course, want beer. So if you include Wheeler, Spike, Lois, Clark, Buffy and Gee, that's seven beers."
Everyone lowered their hand except Mulder. He continued frantically waving his in the air. Lois left her seat and joined Mulder at his table. "I'm sorry, dear", she said. "But I don't think beer would be the best thing for someone in you current, erm... condition." Mulder continued waving his hand in the sir for a little longer, then lowered it and covered his face with a napkin, ashamed that he had become so crazy that he could no longer drink beer.
MacGuyver walked to the bar so that he could order seven beers and Lindsay, annoyed that he had forgotten to ask for a beer yet not awake enough to call out to MacGuyver that he wanted one, dropped his head onto the table. He instantly regretted it, as the smell of urine instantly filled his nostrils.
"What food are we going to get?" asked Gohan, suddenly very hungry. "I say we just go for some scones", said Linka, and the other skegs (not including MacGuyver, who was off ordering the beers) agreed. "What about the tea?" asked Buffy. "Do those of you not having beer still want tea?" "Well, I'd personally rather have some Coke", said Matt. The other non-alcoholic skegs agreed.
Gohan left his seat, borrowed money from Spike, and headed for somewhere that sold both scones and Coke. On his way Gohan passed MacGuyver, who was struggling back to the tables carrying seven beers on a tray. When MacGuyver arrived back at the tables he handed out the beers to Buffy, Gee, Lois, Clark, Wheeler, Spike and himself. Because they're the ones that ordered them, you know. He then returned to his seat, sipping his beer as he went. "Mm, it's been a while since I drank real, good quality English beer", said Spike. "I'd forgotten how great it is." "Speak for yourself!" contested Buffy. "This is crap compared to what I drink at home. Wherever that is." "Now, now Buffy", said Lindsay. "We didn't come here to fight. We cam to drink beer and eat scones!" Buffy didn't want to upset Lindsay, the skegs' new friend, so she discontinued the conversation. She wasn't in the mood to argue, anyway.
It was at about this time that Gohan returned with thirty scones and two jugs of Coke as well as many cups, at least enough for the people who wanted one. He placed both the scones, and the Coke and cups on the table that was closest to the middle of the group and returned to his seat. "Two, four, six, eight, dig in, don't wait!" exclaimed Quami, and the skegs and Lindsay dug in and they didn't wait. Those without beer grabbed a cup and poured a Coke, and everyone grabbed two scones along with the jam and cream that came with them. Everyone except Lindsay, that is, as he is secretly allergic to all cow products including the meat.
As the skegs and Lindsay feasted on their... feast, a man in the middle of the pub began to spin in a circle very quickly, his arms stretched out wide on either side of him. The man continued spinning, in the direction of the door, until he had spun himself right outside. That was unusual.
Our special friends continued their feasting on either scones and beer or scones and Coke. Clark finished first because, as he has Superman-style powers (because he's Superman) he was able to suck it all up in ten seconds flat. Clark chugged the rest of his beer, then stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom!" he announced to the room in general. The skegs, still chewing and swallowing their scones, nodded their consent. Clark licked the last of the crumbs from his plate, then headed for the sign featuring a male and a female at the back of the pub. When he reached two doors, one featuring a male symbol and the other featuring a female symbol, he was smart enough to remember that he was male. Clark pushed the door with a male symbol on it open, ignored the sinks, and headed straight for the trough. All the while, Clark was thinking about how great it would be to have all the Dragon Balls so that he would be able to wish a plague on many houses. He had again forgotten that he was wearing Wish Wellingtons.
Whilst Clark was in the toilet peeing and thinking dark thoughts, those still having fun at the tables were coming to an end where brunch was concerned. "Those were some top scones", said Spike. He had only eaten them out of respect for Gohan (he usually doesn't eat, being a vampire and all), even though he doesn't actually respect Gohan. "I agree", said Gee. "Although they don't usually taste very nice with beer, I still preferred those scones to any that I have ever had in the place where I live. Wherever that is." "Yes, I feel the way", said Wheeler. All in all, the skegs and Lindsay were not having a whole lot of fun.
Meanwhile Clark had finished at the trough and had (luckily) moved on to the sink. When he was done with that, Clark decided into the girl's toilets for the sole purpose of looking under locked doors. He opened the door and peeked inside, making sure that no ladies were standing at the sink. When he saw that the coast was clear Clark scampered in and checked to make sure that not all of the stalls were vacant. When he saw that two were locked, Clark entered the end stall and climbed onto the toilet seat so that he would be able to look over the wall. Unfortunately for Clark, but fortunately for the woman in the stall who's privacy was about to be invaded, Clark had neglected to notice that the toilet he was standing on had recently been cleaned, and was thus very wet and slippery. Everyone in the pub heard the splash. As Clark fell, he wondered if his bottom would get stuck, just as Ally McBeal's had on the television show of the same name.
Outside, Snaps' first thought when he heard the splash that came from the women's toilets was that there was a water Pokémon swimming in one of the bowls. His second thought was that he should maybe run in and take a picture of it. After all, he DOES like taking pictures of Pokémon, whether they're swimming in a toilet bowl in the women's toilets or not.
Clark stood up, his feet in the toilet bowl, and shook himself like a dog. His foot hit something, and Clark began to pray that it had been properly flushed. Slowly he looked down, and was so shocked at what he saw that he grabbed it straight away and ran back into the pub in the direction of the skeg-o-rama tables, not bothering to wash his treasure, or even his hands.
When the skegs and Lindsay saw Clark sprinting in their direction, grasping something in both hands, they became decidedly worried. "You know, I'm decidedly worried about why Clark is sprinting in our direction", said Gee. "I know exactly what you mean, agreed MacGuyver. "Especially since he's so very evil. It makes me feel uncomfortable." The other skegs muttered their agreement, but they quickly silenced themselves when Clark arrived, his prize in hand. "What's that you've got there, Crazy Clark?" asked silly old Spike. "You wouldn't be calling me crazy if you knew what I'd just found", said Clark, in a fairly smug way. "Well, what is it?" asked Lois. "Yeah, what is it?" asked everyone except Lindsay, who had given in and gone to get himself a beer. "It's a..." began Clark, opening his hand and showing them his prize, but he didn't get to finish. "A Dragon Ball!" exclaimed everyone. "You found a Dragon Ball!" "I must say, well done, dear boy", said Gohan, patting Clark on the back.
"Where'd you find it?" asked Matt. "Well, that's a story involving intrigue, happiness, sadness, death, destruction, and..." began Clark, excited that he was finally the centre of attention, but the skegs (with Lindsay, who had returned with his beer) were having none of that. "Get over yourself, Clark" said Gohan. "Just tell us where you got the Dragon Ball!" "Oh. Oh. Alright", said Clark. "I got it in a toilet bowl." "Gross", said Buffy. "You washed it, right?" "Yes. Yes I did", replied Clark, ashamed, both about lying and about not washing the precious Dragon Ball. Quami again pulled out his notebook that he had used after the discovery of the previously found Dragon Balls, and wrote down where this third one (which, incidentally, had three stars on it) had been found. The Dragon Ball was placed in the same tissue-filled shoebox as the other two Dragon Balls, and the box was put away for safekeeping.
Suddenly Spike remembered something. "Didn't you find a Dragon Ball in the McDonalds' toilets?" he asked Mulder, who shrugged in reply. "Wait, I'll check my notebook", said Quami. "After all, I did write where each Dragon Ball was found." Quami followed up his comment with a checking of his notebook. "Yep", he said. "It says that Mulder found his Dragon Ball in the sink. Well, that IS unusual." The skegs fell silent, as Lindsay finished his newly purchased beer. "Is this... normal?" Snaps asked Gohan. "Are the Dragon Balls usually found in public toilets?" "Well, they weren't ALL found in public toilets", said Gohan. "MacGuyver found his in a bin of Kinder Surprises at a gas station, back in the mother country." "Yeah, I suppose", said Snaps.
"Okay, friends", began Lindsay. "It's been really fun, but I think it's time for me to leave. I really have to look for a hotel, and I have a meeting later on." All of the skegs were upset by this. "You can't leave, Lindsay!" cried Linka, his client. "We're having so much fun!" "Yeah, my special new lawyer pal!" agreed Mulder. "Let's have a slumber party! Please, please stay with us!" "Actually, although I wouldn't have said it quite like that, I kind of agree with little Mulder Man", said Spike. "Why don't you get a hotel with us? Is your meeting really that important?" "It IS important", said Lindsay. "But I suppose there's no harm in getting a hotel room with you guys. I suppose. It'll be fun! Yeah, okay. Yep. Yep." The skegs were a little confused by Lindsay's behaviour, and answer. "Is that a yes or a no?" asked Lois. "It's a yes", Lindsay replied. "A great big yes." The skegs and Lindsay then cheered, and that was the end of that.
***
"So, what are we going to order?" asked Gohan. "If anyone's going to try that bullshit from last time I'll be severely pissed off!" threatened Clark. Though Lindsay had no idea what happened last time he decided to remain silent anyway. He wasn't in the mood for another pathetic sob story. "How about we just get twenty-five plates of scones and four pots of tea?" suggested Marti, his monkey strangely silent. "Then we could all share." "But I don't WANT tea..." cried Wheeler. "I want beer!" "Yeah, I do too!" said Spike. "Cause you know, badass vampires always drink the evil, naughty alcohol." "Yeah, I wanted that naughty stuff too!" exclaimed Mulder. "Because I'm a naughty boy! I want a spanking! Give me a spanking!"
Mulder began to jump and bounce in his seat, and Clark moved as far away from him as he possibly could without running, terrified, from the pub. Two elderly, unattractive men had begun to move in Mulder's direction, desperate to receive the fun job of spanking Mulder's cute little butt. Luckily Clark stood up then and growled evilly at the advancing fat bastards. They backed away slowly and returned to their seats by the bar.
"Mulder, what have we told you about talking like that?" said/asked Lois. "Always express yourself?" guessed Mulder in response to his girlfriend's (whom he was not sitting with for some reason) question. The skegs and Lindsay sighed. "Well, how many people want beer?" asked MacGuyver. "All those who do please raise your hand." Wheeler, Spike, Mulder, Lois, Clark, Buffy, Gee and Snaps raised their hands. "Alrighty!" continued MacGuyver, beer man extraordinaire. "I, of course, want beer. So if you include Wheeler, Spike, Lois, Clark, Buffy and Gee, that's seven beers."
Everyone lowered their hand except Mulder. He continued frantically waving his in the air. Lois left her seat and joined Mulder at his table. "I'm sorry, dear", she said. "But I don't think beer would be the best thing for someone in you current, erm... condition." Mulder continued waving his hand in the sir for a little longer, then lowered it and covered his face with a napkin, ashamed that he had become so crazy that he could no longer drink beer.
MacGuyver walked to the bar so that he could order seven beers and Lindsay, annoyed that he had forgotten to ask for a beer yet not awake enough to call out to MacGuyver that he wanted one, dropped his head onto the table. He instantly regretted it, as the smell of urine instantly filled his nostrils.
"What food are we going to get?" asked Gohan, suddenly very hungry. "I say we just go for some scones", said Linka, and the other skegs (not including MacGuyver, who was off ordering the beers) agreed. "What about the tea?" asked Buffy. "Do those of you not having beer still want tea?" "Well, I'd personally rather have some Coke", said Matt. The other non-alcoholic skegs agreed.
Gohan left his seat, borrowed money from Spike, and headed for somewhere that sold both scones and Coke. On his way Gohan passed MacGuyver, who was struggling back to the tables carrying seven beers on a tray. When MacGuyver arrived back at the tables he handed out the beers to Buffy, Gee, Lois, Clark, Wheeler, Spike and himself. Because they're the ones that ordered them, you know. He then returned to his seat, sipping his beer as he went. "Mm, it's been a while since I drank real, good quality English beer", said Spike. "I'd forgotten how great it is." "Speak for yourself!" contested Buffy. "This is crap compared to what I drink at home. Wherever that is." "Now, now Buffy", said Lindsay. "We didn't come here to fight. We cam to drink beer and eat scones!" Buffy didn't want to upset Lindsay, the skegs' new friend, so she discontinued the conversation. She wasn't in the mood to argue, anyway.
It was at about this time that Gohan returned with thirty scones and two jugs of Coke as well as many cups, at least enough for the people who wanted one. He placed both the scones, and the Coke and cups on the table that was closest to the middle of the group and returned to his seat. "Two, four, six, eight, dig in, don't wait!" exclaimed Quami, and the skegs and Lindsay dug in and they didn't wait. Those without beer grabbed a cup and poured a Coke, and everyone grabbed two scones along with the jam and cream that came with them. Everyone except Lindsay, that is, as he is secretly allergic to all cow products including the meat.
As the skegs and Lindsay feasted on their... feast, a man in the middle of the pub began to spin in a circle very quickly, his arms stretched out wide on either side of him. The man continued spinning, in the direction of the door, until he had spun himself right outside. That was unusual.
Our special friends continued their feasting on either scones and beer or scones and Coke. Clark finished first because, as he has Superman-style powers (because he's Superman) he was able to suck it all up in ten seconds flat. Clark chugged the rest of his beer, then stood up. "I'm going to the bathroom!" he announced to the room in general. The skegs, still chewing and swallowing their scones, nodded their consent. Clark licked the last of the crumbs from his plate, then headed for the sign featuring a male and a female at the back of the pub. When he reached two doors, one featuring a male symbol and the other featuring a female symbol, he was smart enough to remember that he was male. Clark pushed the door with a male symbol on it open, ignored the sinks, and headed straight for the trough. All the while, Clark was thinking about how great it would be to have all the Dragon Balls so that he would be able to wish a plague on many houses. He had again forgotten that he was wearing Wish Wellingtons.
Whilst Clark was in the toilet peeing and thinking dark thoughts, those still having fun at the tables were coming to an end where brunch was concerned. "Those were some top scones", said Spike. He had only eaten them out of respect for Gohan (he usually doesn't eat, being a vampire and all), even though he doesn't actually respect Gohan. "I agree", said Gee. "Although they don't usually taste very nice with beer, I still preferred those scones to any that I have ever had in the place where I live. Wherever that is." "Yes, I feel the way", said Wheeler. All in all, the skegs and Lindsay were not having a whole lot of fun.
Meanwhile Clark had finished at the trough and had (luckily) moved on to the sink. When he was done with that, Clark decided into the girl's toilets for the sole purpose of looking under locked doors. He opened the door and peeked inside, making sure that no ladies were standing at the sink. When he saw that the coast was clear Clark scampered in and checked to make sure that not all of the stalls were vacant. When he saw that two were locked, Clark entered the end stall and climbed onto the toilet seat so that he would be able to look over the wall. Unfortunately for Clark, but fortunately for the woman in the stall who's privacy was about to be invaded, Clark had neglected to notice that the toilet he was standing on had recently been cleaned, and was thus very wet and slippery. Everyone in the pub heard the splash. As Clark fell, he wondered if his bottom would get stuck, just as Ally McBeal's had on the television show of the same name.
Outside, Snaps' first thought when he heard the splash that came from the women's toilets was that there was a water Pokémon swimming in one of the bowls. His second thought was that he should maybe run in and take a picture of it. After all, he DOES like taking pictures of Pokémon, whether they're swimming in a toilet bowl in the women's toilets or not.
Clark stood up, his feet in the toilet bowl, and shook himself like a dog. His foot hit something, and Clark began to pray that it had been properly flushed. Slowly he looked down, and was so shocked at what he saw that he grabbed it straight away and ran back into the pub in the direction of the skeg-o-rama tables, not bothering to wash his treasure, or even his hands.
When the skegs and Lindsay saw Clark sprinting in their direction, grasping something in both hands, they became decidedly worried. "You know, I'm decidedly worried about why Clark is sprinting in our direction", said Gee. "I know exactly what you mean, agreed MacGuyver. "Especially since he's so very evil. It makes me feel uncomfortable." The other skegs muttered their agreement, but they quickly silenced themselves when Clark arrived, his prize in hand. "What's that you've got there, Crazy Clark?" asked silly old Spike. "You wouldn't be calling me crazy if you knew what I'd just found", said Clark, in a fairly smug way. "Well, what is it?" asked Lois. "Yeah, what is it?" asked everyone except Lindsay, who had given in and gone to get himself a beer. "It's a..." began Clark, opening his hand and showing them his prize, but he didn't get to finish. "A Dragon Ball!" exclaimed everyone. "You found a Dragon Ball!" "I must say, well done, dear boy", said Gohan, patting Clark on the back.
"Where'd you find it?" asked Matt. "Well, that's a story involving intrigue, happiness, sadness, death, destruction, and..." began Clark, excited that he was finally the centre of attention, but the skegs (with Lindsay, who had returned with his beer) were having none of that. "Get over yourself, Clark" said Gohan. "Just tell us where you got the Dragon Ball!" "Oh. Oh. Alright", said Clark. "I got it in a toilet bowl." "Gross", said Buffy. "You washed it, right?" "Yes. Yes I did", replied Clark, ashamed, both about lying and about not washing the precious Dragon Ball. Quami again pulled out his notebook that he had used after the discovery of the previously found Dragon Balls, and wrote down where this third one (which, incidentally, had three stars on it) had been found. The Dragon Ball was placed in the same tissue-filled shoebox as the other two Dragon Balls, and the box was put away for safekeeping.
Suddenly Spike remembered something. "Didn't you find a Dragon Ball in the McDonalds' toilets?" he asked Mulder, who shrugged in reply. "Wait, I'll check my notebook", said Quami. "After all, I did write where each Dragon Ball was found." Quami followed up his comment with a checking of his notebook. "Yep", he said. "It says that Mulder found his Dragon Ball in the sink. Well, that IS unusual." The skegs fell silent, as Lindsay finished his newly purchased beer. "Is this... normal?" Snaps asked Gohan. "Are the Dragon Balls usually found in public toilets?" "Well, they weren't ALL found in public toilets", said Gohan. "MacGuyver found his in a bin of Kinder Surprises at a gas station, back in the mother country." "Yeah, I suppose", said Snaps.
"Okay, friends", began Lindsay. "It's been really fun, but I think it's time for me to leave. I really have to look for a hotel, and I have a meeting later on." All of the skegs were upset by this. "You can't leave, Lindsay!" cried Linka, his client. "We're having so much fun!" "Yeah, my special new lawyer pal!" agreed Mulder. "Let's have a slumber party! Please, please stay with us!" "Actually, although I wouldn't have said it quite like that, I kind of agree with little Mulder Man", said Spike. "Why don't you get a hotel with us? Is your meeting really that important?" "It IS important", said Lindsay. "But I suppose there's no harm in getting a hotel room with you guys. I suppose. It'll be fun! Yeah, okay. Yep. Yep." The skegs were a little confused by Lindsay's behaviour, and answer. "Is that a yes or a no?" asked Lois. "It's a yes", Lindsay replied. "A great big yes." The skegs and Lindsay then cheered, and that was the end of that.