Awkward Situations
by
Chibiman
Disclaimer: I own exactly two things: Jack and Shit. And Jack left town.
Oh yeah, this fic. is rated R for sexual situations (heavily implied groping), course language, and dialogue. No big spoilers, but a few show references. Enjoy!
(Thoughts or Ways of Talking and Facial Expressions)
*Actions and Sounds*
Timeline: Sometime after Diablo and before Demon's Eye.
As our story begins, Vash the Stampede sits at dinner table in a crappy motel. In front of him are a pile of bullets, several ammo reload cylinder thingies, his gun, and, sitting across the table, a very annoyed Meryl Stryfe. Vash is placidly picking up the bullets and loading them into those quick reload cylinders. Meryl on the other hand seems to be becoming more aggravated at the clink of each bullet.
*Tink*
*Twitch*
*Tink*
*Twitch*
*Tink*
*Twitch*
*Slam* Meryl jumps forward smashing her hands upon the table sending Vash's carefully collected bullets skyward. Vash looks at the chaos that was once his arsenal scattered on the ground and then looks at Meryl with a mix of despair and confusion.
Vash: (Barely able to speak) W-why?!
Meryl: (Fuming) Mr. Vash I can understand you keeping a few secrets to yourself, I really can! BUT! When a giant man with *Grabs his head and shakes it* GATTLING GUNS ON HIS WRISTS blows up half a city looking for you, a girl gets CURIOUS!!!!
Vash: ("Hiding something" grin) *Sweatdrop* Uh, what are you getting you at?
Meryl: *Climbs on the table and resumes shaking Vash's head* WHO THE HELL WAS THAT, WHERE DID THE HEAD IN A BAG COME FROM, WHAT WAS WITH THE GUY WITH THE BLUE HAIR, AND *Slamming his head on the table* WHY THE HELL IS MILLIE SCARED OF YOU NOW!?
Vash: (Dazed) Well, I kind of gave her my "scary eyes".
Meryl: *Anger mark* And the rest?
Vash: *Shrugs and shakes his head as much he can in Meryl's hands*
Meryl: *Pulls his face about an inch from hers* One of these days . . .
Wolfwood: *Throws the door and walks in* Heeeeeeeeey there, oh. . . !
Wolfwood looks at the scattered stuff on the floor and table, and then at Meryl on the table holding Vash's face an inch from hers. He then slowly backs up and shuts the door. Meryl suddenly blushes and throws Vash backwards.
Meryl: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!
Wolfwood: *Covering his ears as he walks down the hall* I'm not listening! LA LA LA!! Go back to your make out session!
Meryl: (Look of hatred at the beaten-to-hell Vash) This is all your fault, you know?
Vash: *Pulls self free of wall* My fault!? I'm not the one tearing apart the room and putting you in a headlock!
Meryl: *Looks out the window and sees Wolfwood hurrying Millie down the street* Oh god! I bet he just told Millie we're making out up here! Come on, we have to explain to them that you're just a raging, frustrating idiot.
***
Meryl: *Walking down the street looking around* Millie! Wolfwood! Where the hell are you?
Meryl and Vash continue down the street searching for Millie and Wolfwood. As they continue to walk about a group of local fellows begins to follow them. Then a little bit further down the road, the men surround Vash and his annoyed friend.
Meryl: Excuse me, but could you get out of the way, please? We're looking for our friends.
ManA: (trying to look intimidating, not doing too well) It's too late to get back up, Vash the Stampede! *The circle of men draw guns* Come along peacefully and you won't get hurt!
Vash: (whiny)Not agaaaaaaaaaaain!
***
Meryl has her hands bound behind her back, she's capeless (They took her guns), and being shoved into a closet at gunpoint.
ManB: Sorry lady, we just can't risk you getting your friends to break him out. *Closes and locks the door*
Meryl: If you let Vash go now, I promise not to kick your ass!
Man: *Walking away* Yeah right!
A few moments later the door is opened and Vash, with pants around ankles (he's wearing a pair of white boxers), hands bound behind his back, and coat open, is thrown in the closet with a surprised Meryl. The door is promptly closed and locked. It is pitch black.
ManC: *Footsteps walking away* Now we just have to wait for the Feds to get here and then that reward is ours!
Meryl: (Shocked) Vash, what did they do to you!?
Vash: (Crying) They did a strip search on me! Then they couldn't figure out how my outfit goes on so they just threw me in here half clad. *Sobs hysterically*
Meryl: *Slam of two heads banging together* Okay, enough crying! We have got to try and get out of here!
Vash: *Sniffle* Well hold on let me get my hands in front of me. *Shuffle* *Shuffle* *Pop of a shoulder being dislocated* Ew, I hate this part! *Shuffle* *Pop of a shoulder being relocated* There!
Meryl: Great, now what!?
Vash: Well I still have my hidden gun. To them it looked like just a normal cybernetic arm. *Sound of the gun popping out*
Meryl: Vash, you have unerring luck! Shoot us out of here quick!
Vash: . . . I can't. No bullets.
Meryl: *Screaming in Vash's ear* Then what was with the hours of reloading this morning!?!?!?!?!
Vash: Well, I felt kind of embarrassed reloading my arm in front of you.
Meryl: *Heavy sigh* Great you're getting arrested and probably me as an accomplice, just because you don't like showing your fake arm!
Vash: (Sounding embarrassed) Well, um, you remember earlier when you slammed your hands on the table sending bullets everywhere? Well, uh, one of them, *sigh*, went . . . down your shirt.
Meryl: (Flat sounding) . . . what?
Vash: I figure with one bullet I could hold one of them up or shoot a gun out of one their hands. I'm really sorry.
Meryl: (How embarrassing) . . . Vash, ugh, go ahead. Get us out of here.
*Snapping of shirt clasps being undone*
Vash: Um, did you hear anything?
Meryl: (Trying to not sound mortified) No, why?
Vash: I didn't hear a bullet clack to the ground. Um, are you wearing a, uh, thing?
Meryl: What do you mean "A thing"?
Vash: (Embarrassed) You know, a , um, those things that go over the, you know.
Meryl: (Irritated) Yes, Vash I am wearing a bra! . . . Oh hell, you're going not suggesting . . . !?
Vash: (Afraid) I'll just feel around to see if it's in there!
Meryl: Just hurry up!
*Shuffle* *Shuffle* *Shuffle*
Vash: The bullet's not there!
Meryl: It must have fallen out sometime. I mean there's nowhere left to search . . . oh hell. Um, Vash, ugh, . . . I can't even say it!
Vash: What!? Do you know where it could . . . oh!
Meryl: Don't say anything, just hurry!
*Sound of a skirt being unzipped* *Shuffle* Shuffle* *Shuffle*
Meryl: (God, this is sooo, embarrassing. I mean, Vash the Stampede, the Humanoid Typhoon, is groping my butt! At least he's hasn't gotten to. . .) Eep!
Vash: (Happy)I think I found it!
Meryl: (Through clenched teeth) That's not it!
Vash: But there's definitely something metal here!
Meryl: *Clenched teeth* I was a wild girl in college, get it!?
Vash: But . . . it's shaped like a bullet.
Meryl: *Clenched teeth and really angry* Yes, I know, I thought it looked good. Now will you please MOVE YOUR GODDAMN HANDS!! *Slam*
Vash: *High pitched voice* Okay. (Ow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Meryl: Great, my leg's stuck. Could you please push my knee down!?
Vash: (Trying to not sound in pain) Sure. *Shuffle* Hey, what's this? *Shuffle* I found the bullet! It was on the cuff of you boot this whole time! Isn't that funny? (Sounding worried) . . .Meryl? Don't you think it's funny?
Meryl: *Growling*
The door is suddenly pulled open. Wolfwood stands there with ManA-G beat to crap behind him.
Wolfwood: *As he is opening the door* We overheard a few guys talking about catching *Blink* Vash the Stampe . . .de . . . Geez, you two!!
Wolfwood looks at Vash and Meryl, both in their underwear, limbs tangled, pressed up against each other. Millie comes running over about to greet them but Wolfwood quickly covers her eyes and leads her away.
Wolfwood: *Shutting the closet and walking away* We'll come back for you in about twenty minutes! I swear, some people are just insatiable!
All we see is the closet door.
Vash: . . . uh, Meryl?
Meryl: *Starts to laugh insanely* heh heh heh, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Vash: (Panicked) Meryl, what are you doing? Hey, stop that! Someone help!!!! Hey don't do that!! (Screams in terror) MERYL!!
NEXT WEEK (Not really) on Awkward Situations.
Meryl is half hanging out a window trying to pull in a weird black cat and Vash is behind her holding her waist. The cat scratches Meryl. The Camera view switches to behind them, showing Vash moving around as he's holding the fidgeting Meryl from behind. As the camera pulls back we see Wolfwood in the doorway behind them with a nosebleed.
Meryl: Ouch, that hurt!
Vash: Well then, stop fidgeting and grab that pussy!
Wolfwood: *Faints*
The End
by
Chibiman
Disclaimer: I own exactly two things: Jack and Shit. And Jack left town.
Oh yeah, this fic. is rated R for sexual situations (heavily implied groping), course language, and dialogue. No big spoilers, but a few show references. Enjoy!
(Thoughts or Ways of Talking and Facial Expressions)
*Actions and Sounds*
Timeline: Sometime after Diablo and before Demon's Eye.
As our story begins, Vash the Stampede sits at dinner table in a crappy motel. In front of him are a pile of bullets, several ammo reload cylinder thingies, his gun, and, sitting across the table, a very annoyed Meryl Stryfe. Vash is placidly picking up the bullets and loading them into those quick reload cylinders. Meryl on the other hand seems to be becoming more aggravated at the clink of each bullet.
*Tink*
*Twitch*
*Tink*
*Twitch*
*Tink*
*Twitch*
*Slam* Meryl jumps forward smashing her hands upon the table sending Vash's carefully collected bullets skyward. Vash looks at the chaos that was once his arsenal scattered on the ground and then looks at Meryl with a mix of despair and confusion.
Vash: (Barely able to speak) W-why?!
Meryl: (Fuming) Mr. Vash I can understand you keeping a few secrets to yourself, I really can! BUT! When a giant man with *Grabs his head and shakes it* GATTLING GUNS ON HIS WRISTS blows up half a city looking for you, a girl gets CURIOUS!!!!
Vash: ("Hiding something" grin) *Sweatdrop* Uh, what are you getting you at?
Meryl: *Climbs on the table and resumes shaking Vash's head* WHO THE HELL WAS THAT, WHERE DID THE HEAD IN A BAG COME FROM, WHAT WAS WITH THE GUY WITH THE BLUE HAIR, AND *Slamming his head on the table* WHY THE HELL IS MILLIE SCARED OF YOU NOW!?
Vash: (Dazed) Well, I kind of gave her my "scary eyes".
Meryl: *Anger mark* And the rest?
Vash: *Shrugs and shakes his head as much he can in Meryl's hands*
Meryl: *Pulls his face about an inch from hers* One of these days . . .
Wolfwood: *Throws the door and walks in* Heeeeeeeeey there, oh. . . !
Wolfwood looks at the scattered stuff on the floor and table, and then at Meryl on the table holding Vash's face an inch from hers. He then slowly backs up and shuts the door. Meryl suddenly blushes and throws Vash backwards.
Meryl: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!
Wolfwood: *Covering his ears as he walks down the hall* I'm not listening! LA LA LA!! Go back to your make out session!
Meryl: (Look of hatred at the beaten-to-hell Vash) This is all your fault, you know?
Vash: *Pulls self free of wall* My fault!? I'm not the one tearing apart the room and putting you in a headlock!
Meryl: *Looks out the window and sees Wolfwood hurrying Millie down the street* Oh god! I bet he just told Millie we're making out up here! Come on, we have to explain to them that you're just a raging, frustrating idiot.
***
Meryl: *Walking down the street looking around* Millie! Wolfwood! Where the hell are you?
Meryl and Vash continue down the street searching for Millie and Wolfwood. As they continue to walk about a group of local fellows begins to follow them. Then a little bit further down the road, the men surround Vash and his annoyed friend.
Meryl: Excuse me, but could you get out of the way, please? We're looking for our friends.
ManA: (trying to look intimidating, not doing too well) It's too late to get back up, Vash the Stampede! *The circle of men draw guns* Come along peacefully and you won't get hurt!
Vash: (whiny)Not agaaaaaaaaaaain!
***
Meryl has her hands bound behind her back, she's capeless (They took her guns), and being shoved into a closet at gunpoint.
ManB: Sorry lady, we just can't risk you getting your friends to break him out. *Closes and locks the door*
Meryl: If you let Vash go now, I promise not to kick your ass!
Man: *Walking away* Yeah right!
A few moments later the door is opened and Vash, with pants around ankles (he's wearing a pair of white boxers), hands bound behind his back, and coat open, is thrown in the closet with a surprised Meryl. The door is promptly closed and locked. It is pitch black.
ManC: *Footsteps walking away* Now we just have to wait for the Feds to get here and then that reward is ours!
Meryl: (Shocked) Vash, what did they do to you!?
Vash: (Crying) They did a strip search on me! Then they couldn't figure out how my outfit goes on so they just threw me in here half clad. *Sobs hysterically*
Meryl: *Slam of two heads banging together* Okay, enough crying! We have got to try and get out of here!
Vash: *Sniffle* Well hold on let me get my hands in front of me. *Shuffle* *Shuffle* *Pop of a shoulder being dislocated* Ew, I hate this part! *Shuffle* *Pop of a shoulder being relocated* There!
Meryl: Great, now what!?
Vash: Well I still have my hidden gun. To them it looked like just a normal cybernetic arm. *Sound of the gun popping out*
Meryl: Vash, you have unerring luck! Shoot us out of here quick!
Vash: . . . I can't. No bullets.
Meryl: *Screaming in Vash's ear* Then what was with the hours of reloading this morning!?!?!?!?!
Vash: Well, I felt kind of embarrassed reloading my arm in front of you.
Meryl: *Heavy sigh* Great you're getting arrested and probably me as an accomplice, just because you don't like showing your fake arm!
Vash: (Sounding embarrassed) Well, um, you remember earlier when you slammed your hands on the table sending bullets everywhere? Well, uh, one of them, *sigh*, went . . . down your shirt.
Meryl: (Flat sounding) . . . what?
Vash: I figure with one bullet I could hold one of them up or shoot a gun out of one their hands. I'm really sorry.
Meryl: (How embarrassing) . . . Vash, ugh, go ahead. Get us out of here.
*Snapping of shirt clasps being undone*
Vash: Um, did you hear anything?
Meryl: (Trying to not sound mortified) No, why?
Vash: I didn't hear a bullet clack to the ground. Um, are you wearing a, uh, thing?
Meryl: What do you mean "A thing"?
Vash: (Embarrassed) You know, a , um, those things that go over the, you know.
Meryl: (Irritated) Yes, Vash I am wearing a bra! . . . Oh hell, you're going not suggesting . . . !?
Vash: (Afraid) I'll just feel around to see if it's in there!
Meryl: Just hurry up!
*Shuffle* *Shuffle* *Shuffle*
Vash: The bullet's not there!
Meryl: It must have fallen out sometime. I mean there's nowhere left to search . . . oh hell. Um, Vash, ugh, . . . I can't even say it!
Vash: What!? Do you know where it could . . . oh!
Meryl: Don't say anything, just hurry!
*Sound of a skirt being unzipped* *Shuffle* Shuffle* *Shuffle*
Meryl: (God, this is sooo, embarrassing. I mean, Vash the Stampede, the Humanoid Typhoon, is groping my butt! At least he's hasn't gotten to. . .) Eep!
Vash: (Happy)I think I found it!
Meryl: (Through clenched teeth) That's not it!
Vash: But there's definitely something metal here!
Meryl: *Clenched teeth* I was a wild girl in college, get it!?
Vash: But . . . it's shaped like a bullet.
Meryl: *Clenched teeth and really angry* Yes, I know, I thought it looked good. Now will you please MOVE YOUR GODDAMN HANDS!! *Slam*
Vash: *High pitched voice* Okay. (Ow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Meryl: Great, my leg's stuck. Could you please push my knee down!?
Vash: (Trying to not sound in pain) Sure. *Shuffle* Hey, what's this? *Shuffle* I found the bullet! It was on the cuff of you boot this whole time! Isn't that funny? (Sounding worried) . . .Meryl? Don't you think it's funny?
Meryl: *Growling*
The door is suddenly pulled open. Wolfwood stands there with ManA-G beat to crap behind him.
Wolfwood: *As he is opening the door* We overheard a few guys talking about catching *Blink* Vash the Stampe . . .de . . . Geez, you two!!
Wolfwood looks at Vash and Meryl, both in their underwear, limbs tangled, pressed up against each other. Millie comes running over about to greet them but Wolfwood quickly covers her eyes and leads her away.
Wolfwood: *Shutting the closet and walking away* We'll come back for you in about twenty minutes! I swear, some people are just insatiable!
All we see is the closet door.
Vash: . . . uh, Meryl?
Meryl: *Starts to laugh insanely* heh heh heh, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Vash: (Panicked) Meryl, what are you doing? Hey, stop that! Someone help!!!! Hey don't do that!! (Screams in terror) MERYL!!
NEXT WEEK (Not really) on Awkward Situations.
Meryl is half hanging out a window trying to pull in a weird black cat and Vash is behind her holding her waist. The cat scratches Meryl. The Camera view switches to behind them, showing Vash moving around as he's holding the fidgeting Meryl from behind. As the camera pulls back we see Wolfwood in the doorway behind them with a nosebleed.
Meryl: Ouch, that hurt!
Vash: Well then, stop fidgeting and grab that pussy!
Wolfwood: *Faints*
The End