Title: A Love Never Known and Never Cherished
Author: Midnight Rose
Authors notes: Okay here's the drift, I wanted to write something that no
one and I mean no one would expect myself to write not even TA couldn't
guess. of course I didn't give her many clues and she mainly just sat on
the phone going, onegai, onegai, onegai, onegai. except in english. Oh well
anywho. you've got to understad my perspective before you read this
everyone has a weakness everyone has their soft spot and everyone has their
heart, even if it does belong to someoen else and they don't know it. Not
everyone is really, once you get to know them what you expect, they can
seem like such a monster and horrible person on the outside, so
disgracefull to everyone and yet on the inside their so lost and confused
that you wouldn't recognize their mind if you read it. Well I'm babbling on
and on so here's the bottom line, this may not nescessarily be a character
that your fond of, I know a lot of people aren't and I'm not but than I
figured he is the most misunderstood and unattentive character of all of
the Gundam boys so here's what I came up with, I'm not sure why but I guess
it's cause I'm kinda like him, I shove people away and when someone does
get close I never want to admit it or show that I care but deep down I do
and he does.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from this it was just
something I thought would explain or BSB.
Warning: Sad, :-*(depressing however you want to put it.) ( ) are his
movements aside from his point of view.
A Love Never Known and Never Cherished
I walked down the busy streets, I felt claustraphobic even though there were maybe thirteen people around me at the most, I guess that's what happens when all your use to is space and battlefields, fighting for what you believe is right even if it's not. I thought I was doing the right thing in the last war but I still hurt someone besides myself, I hurt her spirit I know it's with me always I can feel it and it may seem stupid but I talk to her sometimes, ask her questions she never answers but I know she hears me. I smile, yes me, I smile, none of the guys would believe me if they saw it I don't think I ever did smile in front of them, I always wore that mask of stone that never budged except to say something of significance, hell not even that, I would have given anything to be more like Maxwell, he was always happy and smiling something I couldn't do after the war took from me my home. I know Maxwell wouldn't believe that I'm actually jealous of him, no he definitely wouldn't buy that. (Stopping he looked up into the crisp winter air) it's gonna snow, I like the snow it's white and soft and clean unlike my conscious. (Observing his surroundings he discover he stopped in front of a cemetary) An old black metal fence supposedly dividing the living from the dead, their uncanny bones disinigrating while their spirits, their very essance flies around us watching over the ones they loved. Love, hmmm, a nice word when it's used right, goddamit! Why did you have to die? Well I guess you would have been killed anyways, when the colony was destroyed, it destroyed your resting place, I can't even visit you and tell you how much I still love you and always have even if I never did show it.
\So many words for the broken heart It's hard to see in a crimson love So hard to breath Walk with me, and maybe Nights of light so soon become Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done they tell me/
Why did I have to be so ignorent of your feelings, we could have been a loving couple but I pushed you away, I pushed you so far away that I myself didn't see the tears in your eyes when I apposed the elders. I bet you never knew all those nights as we lie in the same bed, even if it was for just a short while, I would listen to you as you cried in your pillow over the hatred towards your parents and me for the way they arranged it and then just because of me because I was so blind. I wish that blindness would have worken in the wars than maybe I could be there with you and tell you all the things I feel but never voiced or showed, god even one little act of endearment would have helped, would have saved at least one tear, all those tears for me and yet I never cried for you. I'm so alone here, I want to be home, I want to hold you just once and find out what it feels like, just once and find what I'm missing in my life. At least I have this picture, ( he pulls a beat up picture from his wallet and holds it in his gloved hand) but even of it, even on our wedding day, your crying, you always cried and I never said one thing that could have comforted you, it was always something that made the flow heavier. I'm so sorry I was so young, and so stupid, I was wrong, love, I was wrong, I want to be with you now but I know in my heart that it's too late, but I also know part of my heart is with you. (Placing the picture back in his wallet he sighs and starts to walk away before taking a second glance at the cemetary and continuing)
\Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart/
I fell like I've betrayed you somehow, is it Sally? No, I never felt anything for her, sure I did save her a few times but. she didn't deserve to die, none of them did, not even Treize but I killed them all, those pilots that were just doing there jobs, that had families on Earth that had wives who loved them. god I did onto others as I already was feeling, and I call myself noble. Yeah I'm noble, a noble steed, nothing but an ass not meant for the battlefiedl meant for a farm field, but still, why did you love me? Even after I pushed you away? Can a heart really be that strong? I guess it must be if it broke through my thick skull, I never treated you right and I'm not proud of that, I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done, I'm sorry I ever believed your spirit would remain with me, how could it? How would you be able to stand me even longer than the last year of your tortured life allowed, I'm so sorry you got sick, it should have been me and then Treize would still be alive. Even if he was the enemy, people can change, look at me I'm 21 years old no family, no home to call my own and no friends. at least not any that I've seen in three years.
\Life goes on as it never ends Eyes of stone observe the trends They never say forever gaze Guilty roads to and endless love There's no control Are you with me now? There's nowhere to run I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul/
I'd give anything to be like you were even if I cried, I do cry, no one ever imagined I, the honor freak, On'na's are weak, crying is for losers, jerk-off would ever shed a single tear, but I do. Everynight as I sit in these lonely motel rooms in those stuffy places that smell like chlorine and mildew, as I sit there and wonder what it would be like to hold you in my arms just once and to kiss you with the passion I never got to show you. Why did you have to leave me? Why did the one I thought I hated with all my heart turn out to be the only one I'd ever love with all of my heart? I'll lie here in this drafty room once again, staring at that wall as I have in every motel room I've ever stayed in and I'll dream and wish you were there and when I'm just tired enough and it's 4 o'clock in the morning, and I'm just about to fall asleep I'll see your face apper and see your eyes full of tears you never got to cry, tears of happiness when I came home to you and tears of joy when I finally swallowed that lump in my throat and said I loved you. I want to be with you so much, I hope you know that love, I hope you kow that as you sit in heaven watching over me. I hope you know that I do, and always have and always will love you with all of my heart, even if to everyone else thinks I don't have one to give it's yours love, it's yours. (Cradling his pillows in his arms he took in a deep ragged breath before a small drop of water fell and landed on his hand, the symbol of a love never known and never chrished.)
A Love Never Known and Never Cherished
I walked down the busy streets, I felt claustraphobic even though there were maybe thirteen people around me at the most, I guess that's what happens when all your use to is space and battlefields, fighting for what you believe is right even if it's not. I thought I was doing the right thing in the last war but I still hurt someone besides myself, I hurt her spirit I know it's with me always I can feel it and it may seem stupid but I talk to her sometimes, ask her questions she never answers but I know she hears me. I smile, yes me, I smile, none of the guys would believe me if they saw it I don't think I ever did smile in front of them, I always wore that mask of stone that never budged except to say something of significance, hell not even that, I would have given anything to be more like Maxwell, he was always happy and smiling something I couldn't do after the war took from me my home. I know Maxwell wouldn't believe that I'm actually jealous of him, no he definitely wouldn't buy that. (Stopping he looked up into the crisp winter air) it's gonna snow, I like the snow it's white and soft and clean unlike my conscious. (Observing his surroundings he discover he stopped in front of a cemetary) An old black metal fence supposedly dividing the living from the dead, their uncanny bones disinigrating while their spirits, their very essance flies around us watching over the ones they loved. Love, hmmm, a nice word when it's used right, goddamit! Why did you have to die? Well I guess you would have been killed anyways, when the colony was destroyed, it destroyed your resting place, I can't even visit you and tell you how much I still love you and always have even if I never did show it.
\So many words for the broken heart It's hard to see in a crimson love So hard to breath Walk with me, and maybe Nights of light so soon become Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done they tell me/
Why did I have to be so ignorent of your feelings, we could have been a loving couple but I pushed you away, I pushed you so far away that I myself didn't see the tears in your eyes when I apposed the elders. I bet you never knew all those nights as we lie in the same bed, even if it was for just a short while, I would listen to you as you cried in your pillow over the hatred towards your parents and me for the way they arranged it and then just because of me because I was so blind. I wish that blindness would have worken in the wars than maybe I could be there with you and tell you all the things I feel but never voiced or showed, god even one little act of endearment would have helped, would have saved at least one tear, all those tears for me and yet I never cried for you. I'm so alone here, I want to be home, I want to hold you just once and find out what it feels like, just once and find what I'm missing in my life. At least I have this picture, ( he pulls a beat up picture from his wallet and holds it in his gloved hand) but even of it, even on our wedding day, your crying, you always cried and I never said one thing that could have comforted you, it was always something that made the flow heavier. I'm so sorry I was so young, and so stupid, I was wrong, love, I was wrong, I want to be with you now but I know in my heart that it's too late, but I also know part of my heart is with you. (Placing the picture back in his wallet he sighs and starts to walk away before taking a second glance at the cemetary and continuing)
\Show me the meaning of being lonely Is this the feeling I need to walk with Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart/
I fell like I've betrayed you somehow, is it Sally? No, I never felt anything for her, sure I did save her a few times but. she didn't deserve to die, none of them did, not even Treize but I killed them all, those pilots that were just doing there jobs, that had families on Earth that had wives who loved them. god I did onto others as I already was feeling, and I call myself noble. Yeah I'm noble, a noble steed, nothing but an ass not meant for the battlefiedl meant for a farm field, but still, why did you love me? Even after I pushed you away? Can a heart really be that strong? I guess it must be if it broke through my thick skull, I never treated you right and I'm not proud of that, I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done, I'm sorry I ever believed your spirit would remain with me, how could it? How would you be able to stand me even longer than the last year of your tortured life allowed, I'm so sorry you got sick, it should have been me and then Treize would still be alive. Even if he was the enemy, people can change, look at me I'm 21 years old no family, no home to call my own and no friends. at least not any that I've seen in three years.
\Life goes on as it never ends Eyes of stone observe the trends They never say forever gaze Guilty roads to and endless love There's no control Are you with me now? There's nowhere to run I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul/
I'd give anything to be like you were even if I cried, I do cry, no one ever imagined I, the honor freak, On'na's are weak, crying is for losers, jerk-off would ever shed a single tear, but I do. Everynight as I sit in these lonely motel rooms in those stuffy places that smell like chlorine and mildew, as I sit there and wonder what it would be like to hold you in my arms just once and to kiss you with the passion I never got to show you. Why did you have to leave me? Why did the one I thought I hated with all my heart turn out to be the only one I'd ever love with all of my heart? I'll lie here in this drafty room once again, staring at that wall as I have in every motel room I've ever stayed in and I'll dream and wish you were there and when I'm just tired enough and it's 4 o'clock in the morning, and I'm just about to fall asleep I'll see your face apper and see your eyes full of tears you never got to cry, tears of happiness when I came home to you and tears of joy when I finally swallowed that lump in my throat and said I loved you. I want to be with you so much, I hope you know that love, I hope you kow that as you sit in heaven watching over me. I hope you know that I do, and always have and always will love you with all of my heart, even if to everyone else thinks I don't have one to give it's yours love, it's yours. (Cradling his pillows in his arms he took in a deep ragged breath before a small drop of water fell and landed on his hand, the symbol of a love never known and never chrished.)