DISCLAIMER: This all belongs to the one and only J.R.R. Tolkien…

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't know about the rest of you Legolas and Aragorn fans, but aren't you a little tired of either Legolas or Aragorn being shown as prissy? (Mostly Legolas…but you know Legolas fans…)

AUTHOR'S NOTE2: I'd like to thank the author of "The Legolas Snatchings," who gave me the idea for this…don't worry, it is NOT based on that story…

Frodo

(Or, My Precioussssss)

Aragorn and Legolas ran down the corridor of the Inn at Bree. "And Barliman says he's been like this all day?" Legolas asked as he ran.

Aragorn nodded gravely, and turned another corner. "Yes, nothing we do seems to snap him out of it."

Legolas sighed, not at all winded from the run. "We should have realized something like this would happen…"

Aragorn looked over his shoulder, and nearly ran into Barliman, who dodged quickly out of the way. "It's not your fault, Legolas."

"Still," Legolas said gloomily, "if I hadn't come…if someone who wasn't blond had gone instead…"

Aragorn paused, and laid a hand on the elf's shoulder. "I think this would have happened no matter which elf came," he said quietly. "Poor Frodo!"
Legolas nodded, and broke into a run again. "You say he fades in and out, and doesn't seem to know us?"

"Yes."

"Possession?"

"I hope not."

They stopped at one door, and Aragorn knocked a series of elaborate taps in random order.

"Any change?" Aragorn asked as one of his kinsmen opened the door.

The man shook his head, and opened the door further. Aragorn and Legolas went in.

"My preciousss!" Frodo hissed as they stepped inside, clenching his comb to his chest as he sat on the edge of a chair. "My precioussss!"

He was impeccably dressed in the latest hobbit-fashion, with his hair almost painfully neat, soaked to the roots with gel and mouse. Legolas blinked and frowned when he saw Frodo's hair, and turned to whisper to Aragorn. "When did he dye half his hair blond and the other half brown? And in the exact same shades as our hair?"

"Since this began," Aragorn answered grimly. "It started innocently enough…he said he was tired of having dark-hair, and wanted to be blond…but when he bleached his hair and started the dyeing we knew we had trouble…"

"My precioussss!" Frodo cried suddenly, and began pulling the comb through his hair, until the strand that had fallen across one ear was back in its proper place.

"This is bad," Legolas said dismally. "Oh, poor Frodo! Frodo, do you know me?"

"Or me?" Aragorn added as they leaned forward.

For a moment, Frodo only stared at them; then he lunged at them with his small hands curled into claws. "Competition!" he shouted as Legolas jumped up on a table and Aragorn dodged the other side of the room. "COMPETITION! Must destroy competition!"

Aragorn's kinsman grabbed Frodo and gently pushed him down onto the chair, making soothing sounds as he handed Frodo a hair-bush and his bottle of gel. Frodo held both tightly and scowled darkly at Aragorn and Legolas as the two dared to come out of hiding.

"I've never known a hobbit to be vicious," Aragorn muttered, peering at Frodo. "This must be more serious than we thought."

Legolas nodded, then paused. "Aragorn, whatever happened to Sam?"

Aragorn's face grew graver, and he led Legolas from the room. "This is grim, Legolas…prepare yourself…"

He opened a second door, and there stood Sam, admiring himself in a mirror. Legolas's jaw dropped; the hobbit was wearing the exact same clothes as the elf—cut down to size, of course, with little wooden points mimicking that of an elf's glued to his ears. His hair was dyed white-blond, and in the same style as Legolas's.

Sam turned, and his pleasant face suddenly turned dark with anger. "Competition!" he screamed, and flung himself at the door. Aragorn slammed the door closed, and Legolas leaned against the wall, panting, and his eyes wide with fear.

"This is horrible!" Legolas moaned. "Oh, Elbereth, when did I ask for a bunch of hobbits modeling themselves after me? What are we to do, Aragorn?" There was no answer. "Aragorn?" Legolas looked over, and found a blond human staring back at him, with little wooden points glued to his ears.

"COMPETITION!" Aragorn bellowed, drawing his sword. "MUST DESTROY COMPETITION!"

"AHHHHHHH!" Legolas screamed, and turned to flee blindly down the hall, before coming up short.

A blond version of Boromir's ghost stood in front of him with little wooden points on his ears, blocking his path. "Must destroy competition!" the ghost howled.

Legolas screamed, flung open a door, and threw himself out of the window, before running down the road and out of sight, disappearing into the forest.

Aragorn paused, and Gandalf dropped the illusion of Boromir. They looked at one another, and said in unison, "He actually fell for it?"