Disclaimer: Marvel own the X-Men, I do not.  sigh  Despite all my dabbling in the dark forces, I've get to gain control of them.  The following insanity is for entertainment purposes only.

Dedication: To everyone who ever reviewed one of my fanfics:  Thanks for encouraging me - this is all your fault.

Scott Summers was sobbing.  "Jean, please don't leave me!  I love you!"

"I'm sorry, Scott, but I've realized it's Logan that I truly love."

Wolverine raised an eyebrow.  " 'Fraid not, darlin'.  I've moved on – to 'Ro"

"My friend" said Ororo.  "Don't you realize that it's Remy and I who are truly fated to be together?"

"Non, Chere.  Dis Cajuns heart belongs t' de Rogue."

"But Ahm in love with Bobby!" wailed Rogue.

The rest of them looked at her, aghast.

"Didn't see that one coming." said Jean.

"Don't you know I'm gay?" asked Bobby.

Rogue burst into tears, Remy running over to comfort her.  As Storm went to pull Remy off Rogue, and Logan joined the fray, Bobby turned to Scott, grinning.  "So…"

"Don't say it, Iceman." Cyclops warned.  "Don't even think it."

"Robert, could you join me in the infirmary?" queried Beast, standing in the doorway to the rec room.  "I have the results of the – ah – tests you wished me to complete."

Bobby looked confused.  "Tests?  I didn't ask for any… oh… those tests."  He grinned.  "Lead on, Hank."

The two walked down the corridor.

"So, what are my test results?"
 "They show conclusively that you, Bobby Drake, are in most serious trouble."

Bobby pouted.  "Aw, come on, Hank.  I didn't mean anything with Scott.  It's you I love.  But you have to admit, our fearless leader has a nice ass."

Hank smiled.  "His posterior does have a curious attraction.  Come, love, to the infirmary.  The load capacity of the medical beds is estimated at several hundred pounds.  I'd like to test that theory."

Meanwhile, Scott was still trying to pull Jean off Logan.

"Please, Jean.  Don't all our years together mean anything?"

"Not really."

"Forget it, Jeannie.  I don't want ya.  I bet that's not even your real hair color!"

Jean growled.  No one questioned the Hair.  "Oh, mine's not real, but Ororo's is?"

Storm leapt at Jean, and a serious catfight got under way.

Rogue was still sobbing silently in the corner.

"Remy, darlin'"

"Oui, mon ami?"

"Ya want to go to a bar an' then have drunken yet strangely meaningful sex?"

"Sure!"

As Logan and Remy ran out of the room, Jean looked up from the headlock she was holding Storm in.

"Scott, I'm sorry for treating you so badly.  Can't you forgive me so we can get back together until the next time I decide to treat you like dirt?"

"Yes dear."

Rogue looked around to find that her and Ororo were the only ones left in the room.

"Damn." she said.  "Where did all the men go?"

"It seems that we are the only ones left." replied Ororo.

"Ah don't think there's even another single man left in the mansion!"

"The professor."

"Ahm not that desperate, Sugah."

Their eyes met as they thought of the same thing at once.

"Kurt!"

Kitty Pryde opened the door to Nightcrawler's room, wearing nothing but a naughty smile.

"Oh, hi there.  Kurt, you mind if I invite a couple more to play?"

A/N  Like it?  Hate it?  Think I need to be locked up for the benefit of humanity?  Please Review!  (Every time a child says 'I don't believe in reviewing fanfic', a pixie drops dead.  Splat.)