Disclaimer: All LotR characters belong to JRR Tolkien. No intentional copyright infringement is intended through their use.
Author's notes: This is my first attempt at an LotR humor fic. I don't know how I'm faring, so please review and tell me. And the idea of the "mysterious guy" who transported the baby to the Fellowship was taken from Wolfsun's X-Men fics. I'll e-mail her for her permission, but I'll put this up first. If she doesn't like it, then I'll change it ASAP. And because this is humor, the characters are not really in character. LotR fanatics, please don't kill me.
I need a name for the baby. And ideas for more baby pranks. Anyone?
The Fellowship Of The…Baby?
One: On Caradhras
Nine figures were huddled against the cliff wall in an attempt to find some meager shelter from the cold wind that swirled the pouring snow all around them. A small fire had been built, but it was a matter of whether it could be sustained as its fuel grew wetter.
Eight were deep in sleep, except for one, who sat close to the edge of the mountain path in watch, unmindful of the cold, for he was an Elf, and his kind was rarely susceptible to cold.
Aragorn and Boromir, both Men of strength, slept at one edge of the group, and Gandalf the wizard at another; all would not let harm to the four Halflings who slumbered in their midst.
The almost dying fire did not light any area more than a few feet from it, and it was the reason why none spotted nor sensed the tiny figure crawling on all fours towards them.
It sensed the presence of others beside its own and crawled quickly to the one nearest to it, moving under the covers for its warmth.
***
Aragorn gave a startled cry that brought all the others awake and the Elf into the defensive in an instant, and scrambled out from his under his cover. A small lump was under it, moving constantly. "What is that?"
Legolas stepped up to Aragorn's blanket and bent down, picking up a corner of it, nodding to the others. All drew their weapons, and held them at the ready.
He flung the blanket off, and gave a soft gasp. The others gaped in shock. Gimli sputtered out something incoherent.
For sprawled out on the snow was a baby of no more than two years, his head raised and its bright eyes sparkling in the dim firelight. Seeing that he had gained attention, he grinned and gave a, "Ge-ge."
Legolas slid his hands under the baby's arms and lifted him up, holding him at arm's length. "Tis a baby," he said.
The baby laughed a, "Ga! Eeeeeee," and swung its chubby arms and legs, saliva dripping from his mouth. A few drops landed on Legolas's shoe of some sort, and the Elf grimaced, twisting his foot to wipe his shoe in the snow. "Gandalf, take him."
The wizard found himself holding the baby thrust at him, and he stared at him in shocked silence. His mistake was to hold him too close, for the baby laughed and grabbed a fistful of Gandalf's beard.
Gandalf roared in pain and tried to hold the baby away from him as far as he could without ripping his beard off. "Let go of my beard!"
The wolves of Saruman, which had at that moment been preparing to attack, heard Gandalf's rage and thought it better to flee.
Boromir laughed and walked over to gently pry the baby's fingers from Gandalf's beard. The wizard glared at him. "So you think it amusing, Son of Gondor? Take him!"
The redhead quickly passed the baby to Sam the Hobbit. "Take care of him, Sam."
Samwise Gamgee sighed. "All right. I'll hold him as I sleep."
That decided, all of them returned to their rest, but for Pippin, whose turn it was to stand watch.
***
The voice chuckled. Its plan was going well. He had managed to summon enough strength to transport the child, and already it was proving to be amusing.
Now that all his pieces were in position, he would play them well.
***
Legolas was the first to wake ere dawn broke, and he rose to stretch his legs and to rouse the others. Sam was the last to be awakened; his hands lay by his side, not holding the baby, which was snuggled in the Hobbit's lap.
The Elf gave a smile at the sight of the innocent child, turning to pick up his quiver, and froze.
The feathered end of many of his arrows were tattered; torn in many places. On some arrows, the whole feathered tail had disappeared.
Legolas removed all his arrows from the quiver, and something in the depth of his quiver caught his sharp Elven eyes. He turned it upside-down and dark pieces of feather floated down onto the snow.
Sam's rising made Legolas turn, and the baby stirred, opening his eyes and unclenching his tiny fists. On his left palm lay a small piece of brown-grey feather.
Frodo saw the fury on the Elf's face, and tried to diffuse it. "Um…what shall we call him?" He hoped that the others would get his hint and help.
"Call him Monster!" The Elven prince snarled and grabbed his damaged arrows from where they lay, storming over to the baby and glaring at it. "I should kill you now!" He glowered at Pippin as well. "How could you fall asleep while on watch?"
Pippin blanched and paled, but the baby only gave a high-pitched laugh and pinched Legolas's nose with both hands.