Deformity is an Understatement
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe

~*~

Chapter Four

So, time had ticked on. Poe found he was able to get away from Gor time to time. The main purpose being Gor seemed to enjoy 'hunting' Poe down, the thrill of the chase and what not. Zim, still treated Poe as something he had stepped on. Gir, well Gir felt happy about everyone didn't he? As for Cten, she had began the long task of teaching Poe to read. Not only English, but Irken as well. Seeing as how it was nearing the Christmas holidays the students were allowed to stay in the classroom if they wanted for lunches. These sessions were the perfect time for Cten and Poe to sit at the back of the class, where they weren't bothered by anyone, even Zim sometimes, to do what they wanted.

Cten was returning from lunch, having avoided eating she liked being indoors. Seeing as how snow was frozen water and all, Zim luckily was in the lunchroom trying to convince others he was 'normal' by making a MuffinMan. Poe glanced over at Zim and shook his head slightly, then glanced back down at what Cten was trying to show him. Of course, teaching him how to read was something that required he sit rather closely next to her, well, that's how he justified it at least. He pulled the book towards him and squinted, stumbling over the passage, probably reading like a first-grader, but it wasn't bad for someone who'd just started a few months ago. He sighed, though, shaking his head,

"I dunno, Cten, maybe it's just too late for me to learn this kind of stuff…"

"Now come on, you're living here on Earth. And they have a lot of signs which are important." she said sternly, "Now come on it isn't that hard." Cten leant over and ran her claw tip over the word, "Remember your ABC? Break up the word first."

"I know, I know…" He sighed slightly, running his claws through his wig, "Maybe I just need a break… I'm not use to this whole… studying thing afterall. "Isn't skool almost out yet anyway?" He looked over at her hopefully, like a kid waiting to be let off of his homework duties and go play outside.

"Well… okay, okay. You need a break." she pulled the book back to her, closing it. "You are getting better though, and that's good."

"I am?" He perked up at the encouragement and grinned.  Some of the other kids were already migrating out into the hallway, where they were forming a crowd around the new addition to the hallway; someone, against skool rules of course, had hung up a sprig of mistletoe, and they were waiting for the first unsuspecting pair to walk under it. And, unfortunatly for the Irken duo, they were that pair.

"Lookit guys! Cten and Poe's first!" squealed Poonchy, doing a little jig of excitement.

"Rules are rules you guys!" Zita said, pointing to the mistletoe. "You two gotta kiss now." Cten blinked, looking up at the mistletoe. She blinked, then stared at the classmates.

"We do?" she asked. Poe looked around in confusion.

"Yeah, it's what any NORMAL pair of humans would do!" one of the kids chided,

"Aren't you NORMAL?" another one egged on. Poe glanced over at Cten worriedly.

"Uhmm... of course we're normal." Cten replied nervously, sweating bullets now.

"Then go on, kiss! Tradition is a tradition." Chunk crossed his arms, one kid heard whispering,

"Told ya they were into each other."

"Then kiss already!" Another voice insisted, Poe looking rather nervous himself.

"Well, uh.." He turned to Cten and stared down at her, slowly and quite tentatively reaching for her waist, "I guess we have to.." As soon as he touched her the crowd started into a single cheer of,

"KISS! KISS! KISS!" Poe squeezed his eyes shut, leaning down. Cten groaned at the ranting, but arched up to meet him half way closing her own eyes. Quite tense, is it not? But, there you have it! The two finally, after lingering before their lips met, kiss in front of the whole student body. Needless to say, the reactions were,

"Oooooo!" and a few stifled giggles and such. Poe was always one to try rather hard at something, so he decided to do something he saw on TV - Soon after their lips met he pulled her closer and dipped her onto her back, which got more than a few awe-struck stares and another chrous of impressed sounds, not to mention a few encouraging whistles. Well if I said Cten was shocked, that'd be an understatement. Her eyes widened as she was dipped, afraid of being dropped onto her back she grabbed him by the shoulders, shutting her eyes tightly again and wondering how long they had to do this; despite she sort of enjoyed kissing the 'human' way. A teacher finally arrived on the scene, and the kids parted like the Red Sea, scattering suddenly; Poe was a bit too occupied to notice, though, until a rough human hand clamped down on his shoulder with a loud cough. He blinked his eyes open and looked out of the corner of them, suddenly stumbling away from Cten after he righted her, looking somewhat panicked.

"It's, it's, uh, not what you think, we were just…" Cten picked up her book, which she had dropped once Poe had dipped her and coughed as she straightened her wig.

"It, the children said that, that it was traditional…" she pointed to the mistletoe hanging in the door way, which Zim was now eyeing as if it'd leap off and attack him at any given second. The teacher waved them off.

"If it were any other time of the Skool year I'd punish you… but I suppose I'm inclined to be forgiving." He sighed and shook his head. "Just don't let me catch you again." Mr. Anonymous went off again, muttering under his breath about green kids. Poe still looked somewhat dazed, for, well, obvious reasons.  She sighed in reliefe as the teacher left, then looked at Poe through the corner of her eye.

"Future note, at Christmas time we'll avoid mistletoe… Poe? Poe, you all right?" she noted the dazed look and waved her hand in front of his eyes. Poe stared ahead blankly, just blinking mechanically. Zim, however, was far more responsive.

"CTEN! How could you let that Reject do that do you?! You're probably crawling with… with GERMS now!"

"Zim I didn't have a choice!" she pointed to the mistletoe, "That… that evil weed made us do it! We had to seem normal didn't we?" Zim narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, his eyelid twitching. "I suppose so… as long as you didn't enjoy it or anything." He glanced over at Poe, who still seemed to be in a state of shock trauma, but a grin was tugging at the corner of his mouth. Cten glanced at Poe, then looked back at Zim.

"No no, it was to fit in. Oh." she then leant in, grabbing Zim by the shoulders,

"What the-GAK!" and she gave him a smooch on the lips since he had failed to notice he had been under it along with her. She let him go by one hand, the other pulling him into the hallway. "And be glad that you didn't have to do that with any humans." Cten claimed simply, letting him go. Zim's eyes widened and he stumbled backwards, flailing his arms at her,

"DISGUSTING! I HAVE REJECT GERMS ON ME NOW!" He sputtered and nearly induced vomitting, pulling his tongue out and attempting to wring it dry. Poe seemed to finally snap out of it when he heard Zim's screaming, blinking and shaking his head,

"…woah."

"Oh here." she reached behind her back and pulled out the oral-germ spray Zim made her carry around and held it up to him. "Open wide Zim."

"Nnfootle!" He warned her, still having his tongue hanging out, then considered the possibilities and opened up his mouth in resignation. Poe ran his claws through his wig, a grin breaking out over his features despite himself. She sprayed the oral-germ spray into his mouth twice after shaking it, then put it away.

"There, your mouth's clean again." Zim smacked his lips a few times and withdrew his tongue, making a face,

"That is, unless any of the horrible things escaped into my throat-hole…" His eyes jerked open as he that idea gave him a new dose of paranoia, and he clutched his chest, "I must go scan my squeedly spooch for germ infestation!" And with that, he ran off, pushing over a few straggling kids. Cten shook her head slowly,

"Poor paranoid Zim…" she muttered, then turned around to see Poe still with his goofy grin plastered all over his face. She smirked, turning around fully to face him. "I take you enjoyed that, Poe?" she asked.

"Huhwah?" He jumped at her voice, his grin disappearing and replaced with a bright red colouration all over his features, "Oooh, um… it was… alright… for a… human practice."

"Yeah it was… interesting. Not the same as antennae fondling but still." she shrugged, glancing away. "Um, yeah."

"Y-yeah." He glanced in the other direction and stuffed his hands in his pockets firmly. "I… guess we better be off then… um… see you around?"

"Yeah, either see you around town or… yeah, couple weeks when Skool starts up again." Cten glanced at him, smiling slightly. "If you can get away from Gor long enough, wanna catch up during the holidays?"

"Sure… I'd love to," He grinned back at her a bit, removing one of his hands to scratch at his wig. "I uh… I don't want to stay away from my studies… you know, too long either."

"Yeah, we've almost finished reading that book so that's important." Poe nodded idly.

"Yeah… um…" He looked downard slightly, "Thanks for trying to teach me, Cten… I mean.. I know I'm not that smart or educated or anything but… It means a lot to me."

"Hey, it's my pleasure Poe." Cten smiled, then rubbed his arm to reassure him, "You're doing fine, really! And I enjoy hanging out with you." He glanced over at her hand and smiled widely, lifting himself up a bit at the compliment.

"I do too… I mean, hanging out with you and stuff. Yeah."

"Makes the learning process easier, doesn't it?" she asked, grinning as the two started walking towards the school's main doors before the bell went. Last thing they wanted was to be stampeded on.

"Oh, yeah, you're a lot nice than those human teachers. And… um… well, I guess I don't really have any other experience with education." He still seemed rather ashamed of his background, his slow pace compensating for his long legs and keeping him in pace with her. The two stopped at the doors and pulled on the big coats they wore, seeing how outside was skattered with snow they needed it. Cten pulled on a light blue jacket before pulling on big black snow boots over blue snow pants.

"Well it's better to start now then never, right?"

"I guess so. I just feel kind of silly having to learn what most hatchlings already know.." He hugged his coat around himself.

"You're still bigger then them." she smirked, pulling the hood up over her head.

"Well yeah, but still." He started crunching through the snow, having an easier time than her since it only came up to his knees and not his waist.

"Heck you're taller then anyone in the class." Cten said, wincing as her snow pants began getting soaked.

"I know, I get enough odd looks…" Poe turned around and looked at her. "Um… want some help?"

"Hmm, I think I do…" she eyed the steam starting to rise from her waist. Poe frowned and turned around, suddenly picking her up bridal-style. He winced at the steam,

"I guess you didn't use any paste today, huh.."

"I thought I did, stupid brain so many things on my mind." Cten crossed her arms, pouting at the snow.

"Well… I think you'll live, it's not that bad." He started off again, headed in the direction of her base first of course.

"Yeah I know that." she smirked, "Still, it does hurt." He did look slightly worried, eventually coming to her base on the outskirts of the city. He nudged the door open and wandered into the living room, shaking his boots off at the door, setting her on the couch.

"Uh… want me to get you some… medical stuff or something?"

"Oh naw, it's not that bad…" Cten said, pulling off her show boots and pants. Her legs were kinda bubbly, but not as bad as usual.

"Well… okay." He glanced at the door sadly, "I guess I should go…" It was obvious he didn't really want to, though.

"If you really want to," she replied, taking her blue parka off. "No real hurry is there?"

"I guess not…" He took off his own coat, hanging it up on something convinient and sitting down beside her. "I just don't want Gor coming looking for me here…"

"Ah yes, Gor..." she shook her head slightly, "He's got problems."

"He is a problem," Poe muttered and stuck his hands in his pants pockets, sighing and leaning back against the couch, "There's not much I can do though.."

"So, you made him like that?" Cten folded her arms, "Didn't know SIR units were so complex… since I have a Beka."

"I didn't mean too.. he kind of.. came with the Voot Crusier and was all panicked because I wasn't his master, so I tried to reprogram him to recognize me as it.."

"And so, he ended up believing he's the Master." she whistled quietly, "That's quite a fete."

"Yeah." He pulled off his wig, letting his antennae sag free, then his contacts and set them aside. "I didn't even know SIRs had the capability to be so cruel, but.. I'm use to him I guess."

"I feel sorry for you, ya know?" Cten leant against the back of the couch, looking at him. "You've gone through so much back on Irk and now you take abuse from a faulty SIR unit." He glanced away slightly,

"Nah, don't worry about me." He grinned, looking over at her, "I'm tough."

"Obviously if you've gotten this far." she smiled. He grinned a bit more broadly, he always did seem to puff up a bit when she complimented him (not like THAT o____O).

"Well… still, at least I haven't had to put up with Zim for all this time. You didn't do so badly yourself."

"Ah, putting up with Zim is like putting up with a little kid. It's all in what you say to him." Cten rubbed her legs, the sores slowly going away. "Putting up with Dib's another matter though."

"Yeah, he's pretty annoying in his own right.." He leaned back against the couch, blowing at his antennae, "Think we'll have it easy one day?"

"I dunno… life isn't meant to be easy, is it?"

"No… but… it'd be nice if it were for a change." He glanced downward sadly.

"Yeah…" she relaxed on the couch, cupping her hands together. "It'd be lovely to have things easy, even if it was for a little while."

"Yeah. Huh.. well, I guess there's always hope for the future." He stared at the blank TV. Cten looked at him, then turned the TV on before leaning against him, the two watching some show about burritoes and gas.

~*~

The Christmas holidays passed, and soon enough it was Januaray. Classes went on as scheduled, Poe's reading was up to par finally with most students, though some long words he had problems with. The two had been dealing with maths now, seeing how important that was. Cten was home now, it was midday on a Sunday and she and Beka were just doing some base cleaning out of boredom. She sighed, wondering what to do for the rest of the day. All of the sudden, a call came on her communications device. Zim was on the monitor, seeming very irate, standing in the living room of his base.

"Solider, I thought it might be imperiative to inform you where I have been recently… I don't want you to get bored or anything!"

"Who're you talkin to, Mom?" an unfamiliar, yet somehow similar young voice wondered off-screen. Cten blinked at the voice,

"Um, Zim what did happen to you lately?" she asked, Beka gazing up at the monitor too now.

"It's a very long story, but.." He reached down and lifted the owner of the mysterious voice with one arm. Zib clung onto his Mom and blinked at the monitor, waving slowly.

"…uh… Cten looked and sounded dumb, staring at the small Irken who seemed to be half Dib and half Zim. She blinked out of it, tilting her head to the side. "Who's that, Zim?"

"This," He adjusted Zib in his arm, "Is Zib. I DID have a BRILLIANT plan to clone myself and form an IMMENSE MANGEMENT STAFF! But the Dib-stink interfered and this was the result. And he escaped. It was only thanks to my AMAZINGNESS that any of us got out of that situation alive! …oh, Gir helped too."

"Noodles in the air vents!" Gir squealed from behind the two, hopping up and down. Cten took this all in,

"I see… um, hello Zib." she gave a small wave to the hybrid, then glanced to Zim. "So you're a Mom?"

"Eh? Don't be sill-"

"Who's that, Mom?"

"That's… erm… Cten. She's my assistant." Zim sighed, resigning himself, and answered her question, "..I suppose, in a totally non-technical manner.."

"Awwwww…" Beka cooed, hugging her feather duster. Cten glanced at her, then turned back to the monitor.

"Well, uh… congratulations, I guess…?" she wasn't really sure what to say here.

"Bah!" Zim didn't feel very lucky, obviously, but grudgingly held onto Zib, "Eh.. erm.. thanks.. I.. think."

"Sooo… do you want me to come over or what…?" Cten was sure that he probably wanted her to get associated with his spawn, clone thingie.

"Yes! That's the whole reason I called. I have much important work to do repairing my lab! And last time I entrusted Gir to watch him this whole fiasco stared."

"Oh, all right then." she saluted him, "Invader Cten signing off, but on her way to Zim's base." Zim nodded curtly, and the connection closed. By the time she arrived at his base, Zim could take it no more, and practically shoved Zib and Gir into Cten's arms as soon as she opened the door; he looked exhasperated, and the kitchen and living room were in ruins.

"Take them, PLEASE!"

"What the--"

"HI MISS CTEN!" Gir squealed, and hugged her around the neck and made purring sounds. Cten glanced around the mess, eyes widening slightly.

"Oh... my...!" The door to the lower lab was already shutting close, Zim giving her no time to argue. Zib blinked up at Cten and grinned, mimicking Gir,

"Hi Ms. Cten!" She looked down at him, smiling slightly,

"Hi, Zib..." Cten set Gir down and the little robot ran to the TV, turning it on to watch some show about weeds.

"You're an alien too?" Zib wondered, examining Cten's green cheek thoughtfully. "Just how many of you are on Earth?" He asked innocently enough.

"U-huh." she replied, setting him down. "Well, there's me, your Mom, Poe… so technically three."

"Three? That doesn't seem like enough for a full scale.. invasion.. thingee." He still looked ponderous as he was set down, sitting down on the floor. Gir, meanwhile, was ice-skating around a puddle of inidentifiable goo that was spilled on the carpet.

"We work well in small groups... it's just me and Zim really." Cten glanced at Gir wh owas doing a spinning in one spot faster and faster.

"Yeah, my Mommy doesn't need that much help conquering this filth ball!" Zib said with a happy pride, holding onto his feet. He then blinked around at the mess, "..that was Gir's fault," he said quickly.

"I'm sure it was Zib." Cten glanced down to see she had stood in a pile of yucky goo too, and poked her tongue out in disgust. "Yuck... well, I guess we should get the base to clean this stuff up..." Cten turned her head back to Zib. "How about we go out for a little bit while the base does?"

"Okay!" Zib hadn't even been back in the base a full half-hour and he was already bored again, "Let's go doom some skeptics!"

"Yeah, that's always fun." she glanced around, "Um, where do you keep your contacts…?"

"Yeah, that's always fun." she glanced around, "Um, where do you keep your contacts...?"

"Contacts?" Zib stared up at her blankly; "You mean like Mom wears? Oh, um.." Zib reached into his coat pocket and produced a pair, "Mom gave me these on our way home but didn't show me how to put them in."

"I'll show you, it's kinda tricky…" she got her own contacts out of her shirt pocket, "Now pay attention young man." Cten held her eyelid up, and placed the contact on. She blinked a few times, now looking at him with one contacted eye, one natural blue. "They're kinda stingy, but we got drops for that." Zib watched her, making a slight face at the process, but took off his glasses and tried to mimic her. He hesitated quite a bit before finally shoving the contact in, making a pained face and tearing up. Cten watched him, handing him a tissue as he teared up.

"Not a nice process I know..." He dabbed at his eye and put the other one in with a bit more difficulty, but after a few blinks a pair of eyes that looked just like Zim's, but with Dib's hazel shade were staring up at her.

"There. And you're lucky, you don't have to wear an itchy wig." she smiled, pointing to the blonde wig adorning her head.

"I guess not, but it keeps getting caught on… sticky… out… things!" He tried to smooth back his hair, but it sprung back into a combonation of the non-scythe-like portions of Dib's hair and what seemed to be a non-gel-ed version of Zim's pompadour that acted as a little forelock. "Where we goin first, Ms. Cten?"

"Well, there's lots of places where we can take notes of human behaviour. I heard snack bars are good places, plus you can get something to eat if you're hungry." she pointed out, as she placed her other contact in. Gir had left the room, probably to see what his Master was up to down below.

"To the snack bar, then!" He pointed forward and they started off.

[To be continued!]