Deformity is an Understatement
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe

~*~

Chapter Six

Sometime later, at the, er, Zim residence, the namesake was in a dilemma. Zim paced in circles in his living room around Cten and Zib,

"This is BAD! Gir is incapable of performing his baby-sitting duties and I require your assitance in gathering supplies for my latest ingenious plot of doom!" He paused here to make a dramatic fist, then looked over at his offspring. "Who's going to make sure Zib doesn't get into my Head Explosion Chamber or something equally messy?"

"Mom I wouldn't do th-you have a Head Explosion Chamber??" Zib's eyes widened at the idea, Cten looked down at the clone/hybrid/spawn thingie, then at Zim.

"Well, Zim… I know this is a long shot since Dib is 'away' checking his big foot traps again… why not let Poe watch him? I mean, it's only for an hour or so…"

"The Reject?! Never! Why I could come back to find Zib eaten alive or some such!" Zim waved his hands, "Absolutely, positively, NO way in all of Irk--"

"I could just watch myself you know…" Zib suggested. Zim blinked, pondering this suggestion, then sagged.

"…fine… I suppose the Reject can't do… TOO much damage within that short amount of time."

"Allright, I'll get him 'round here." Cten sparked her communicator to life, Zib looking to his Mom.

"Mom, who's Poe?" he'd never seen or heard about Poe, probably sine Zim didn't want him to know about the Reject.

"The Reject… Poe," Zim spat the name, "Is a highly dangerous sub-Irken specimen that Cten here has taken an liking to." He glanced over at Cten with a glare, and herded Zib away from her, "I want you to be on your best behaviour then, Zib, there's no telling what might make him snap!" Poe yelped when his own communicator leapt out of his pod; he never would get use to that.

"Um, hey, Cten…"

"Hey Poe. Look, urgent situation has happened. See, I need to go with Zim to pick up supplies for our next plan of doom and, seeing as how Gir can't watch Zib at all, we were wondering if you could." Cten got to the chase quickly, since every second that ticked by that Zim wasn't doing his planning, he was becoming angrier. Zib glanced at Cten with the communicator, then looked up at Zim.

"Whoa, really? Could he chew and spit you out?"

"What?" A look of nervousness crossed Zim's face, "Don't be silly, Zib! He couldn't touch an Irken of my extensive military training!" He waved his hand dismissively. Poe blinked,

"Me? Well, I don't know, I don't have any experience with kids, but…" He could detect the urgency in Cten's voice, then nodded, "I'll… I'll be over soon."

"Thanks Poe, thanks a bunch." Cten switched it off, the communicator vanishing back into her pod. Zib looked to her, his antennae/hair scythes faltering.

"Is it true a blood-thirsty killer is gonna be my watcher, Ms. Cten?" he asked, sounding very highly interested in the Reject. Cten blinked at him, and gave off a slight glare in Zim's direction before looking at Zib.

"Well, he isn't a killer… but either way be good."

"Aw that's what Mom said…"

"So far as YOU know!" Zim huffed, folding his arms and tapping his boot-clad toe impatiently. Soon enough, Poe rang the doorbell, and when it was opened, he strode in, his coat trailing behind him, hands in his pockets, and looming over everyone in the room. Zim let out an involuntery 'eep' before muttering, "I can't believe I agreed to this.." Zib let out a similar 'eep', staring up at the tall Irken.

"Wow… he's so tall!" he said quietly to himself. Cten pulled her wig on,

"All right then Poe, we'll be back in an hour. Just try not to… um… all of the above." she smirked, walking to the transporter which would take the two to Zim's Voot Cruiser.

"We'll be fine." Poe said with an assured wave of his hand, and Zim watched Cten walk away. He turned to Poe,

"And if I find one HAIR on Zib out of place -- well you'll be sorry, I'll tell you that!" He snapped, and Poe couldn't help but chuckle.

"He'll be fine, Zim." He did seem more relaxed nowadays, starting to finally find himself free, well-fed, and living with his friend. Zim glared at him suspiciously before stalking after Cten. Poe glanced down at Zib, noticing how he was gaping over his height, Poe kneeled down so he might be a little less intimidating,

"Tall? Yeah, I get that a lot." He grinned. Zib stepped back, still in little-kid awe of Poe's tallness, now at the sharp teeth the Irken had.

"Ooo..." he managed to mumble, never seeing anything like Poe before. Poe sat down on the ground and folded his legs.

"Don't worry, I don't bite." He drummed his chin in thought, "I'm, uh, kinda new to this… so… what do you wanna do?"

"I dunno." Zib shrugged, then raised an eyeridge. "Are you really a killer?" Poe held his antennae back and winced, not quite sure how to answer it.

"Well… uh… I haven't killed any people, if that's what you mean."

"I see… so Irkens do turn vicious when they need to be, or is it in your genetic material?" as Zib asked this, he whipped out a pad and pencil from his jacket, sounding much older then he really was, which was just a few weeks old now.

"Maybe it's necessity… maybe it's just me. I've met some other Irkens that were like me, but…" He shook his head. "It's hard to explain. Something in my head." He made a motion near his head in demonstration.

"Genetic material causes your… nastiness. Okay." Zib jotted it down, then put his pad and pencil back away. "Thanks!"

"You're… um, welcome." He turned his head at Zib, "Don't most hatchlings like… I don't know… making messes… wrestling, playing with stuff?"

"I get in trouble with Mom if I make a mess…" Zib kicked at the ground, his antennae/hair scythes drooping.

"Yeah… grown ups can be pretty picky about that kind of thing." He pondered, "Hm, how do people usually keep hatchlings entertained… um… Hm!" If he couldn't figure out some way hatchlings were entertained, maybe he'd just do something he did to entertain himself. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a book, "Do you read, Zib?" Zib shook his head,

"I still can't read, see?" he pulled his pad back out and shown it to Poe, it was just scribbles really that looked similar to what he was talking about. "I write with pictures now... but I wanna know how to read." Poe nodded in genuine understanding.

"It's hard, but it's worth it. To be honest, I only learned how a little while ago… Most learn to read when they're about your age though. Maybe I could give you a lesson?"

"Really? That'd be neat!" Zib held his pad paper in his hands, looking at the book in Poe's claw. "And what book's that?" Poe held out the book for him to see; it was black with a disturbing wrap-around illustration on the cover. "This is an… Anth… ology of H. P. Lovecraft. He's a really cool author, even if he does use lots of, um, oversized words." Zib blinked at the cover, then looked at Poe.

"Oh, okay then. This'll be great, when Mom gets back I'll know a few words at least!"

Some time later, the attic roof was opening up, the Voot Cruiser setting down on the floor, the glow of the thrusters dying. The back of the Cruiser was full of all sorts of junk, Cten and Zim pretty much packed in; when the bubble opened, an explosion of stuff toppled out with them. Zim muttered about insufficient storage capabilities and dusted himself off, but suddenly jolted when a wailing came from downstairs.

"Zib?!" Cten sat up, some junk falling off since she'd been bombared with the assortment of space junk.

"What's going on?" she muttered, trying to pull a big human boot off from her feet. Zim couldn't answer, he was racing downstairs, well, as much as riding in an elevator anxiously could count as racing. Poe was sighing, restraining Zib with one arm,

"I thought you wanted to learn how to read, Zib!"

"SOMETHING LESS HORRIBLE!" The spawn whimpered, covering his head. Zim finally entered the room via a hole in the ceiling, the floatation device slamming into the ground. Zib, still trying to pry himself out of Poe's clutches seemed to brighten a heck of a lot as his Mom entered the scene. Still in the 'wailing' mood he reached his arms out to Zim, for the effect he made his eyes water too.

"MOMMY!!" he wailed, Cten arriving via another entrance, the boot finally off her feet. Say the least, she looked confused. Poe sighed and let him go, putting the book down and shaking his head.

"That's odd, I liked it when Cten read to me… I wonder what his problem is."

"Zib, what'd that awful savage do to you?!" Zim scooped Zib up in his arms and hugged him tightly, cradling the back of his head and looking almost as anxious as Zib himself. Zib clung to Zim for dear life, sniffling somehow or another - what with no nose.

"I-it was horrible Mom! The, the story wa-was just awful!" since he'd started the crocodile tears he couldn't stop now, and just bawled into Zim's shoulder. Cten blinked, walking up to Poe on the couch.

"Um, what did you read him, Poe?"

Poe held out the book. "One of my favourite stories from the HP Lovecraft anthology." He scratched the back of his head in confusion. Zim looked up from Zib at Poe, with a glare that was feirce, even by Zim standards,

"You, out, NOW!" He shrieked, pointing at the door. Poe looked even more confused, backing up against the couch.

"I see.." Cten muttered as Zim was doing his screeching, taking the book from him and flipping through the pages. Zib continued his bawling, wiping his eyes with his gloved wrist. Cten looked to Poe, then took his arm. "Come on Poe, you really need to get going anyway..." she said, trying to avoid any possible fights. Zim was only getting more infuriated, looking like he was about to burst a blood vessel, snapping

"Yes, remove your pet Reject from my base at once, Solider!" Poe nodded, slinking out the door, though at a somewhat hurried pace. She handed him his book as he left, looking back at Zim.

"Zim, do you want me to go or stay here and assist you in anyway?" Cten couldn't help but feel guilty, since Zib was now upset since she had given Zim the idea that Poe could watch him without any incident arrising.

"You're the one that brought him over in the first place!" Zim snarled and made a shoo-ing motion, never one to care if someone was guilty or not. "No, I don't need your assistance!"

"Yes sir." she gave him a small salute, leaving and closing the door behind her. Gir opened the door shortly after, smothered in mud and ice cream, with a lolly pop stuck to his head.

"Hi Master! What's going down on the west side??" he chirped.

"I'm not in the mood Gir!!" Zim huffed and returned to patting Zib, his angry face softening when he looked down at him. Poe was walking down the street, away from Zim's base, hands in his pockets, his disguise hastily put on. He looked somewhat guilty himself. Cten was following after him, glaring at the sidewalk as she walked along. She was muttering something or other, but it's best left unknown at this time. Poe looked over at her, and sunk away slightly.

"I'm sorry Cten… for whatever I did."

"Oh… not your fault. How were you to know that kind of story would scare a little kid?" she said more louder then her mutters.

"But still.. I messed up and I got you in trouble didn't I?"

"Bah, I get in trouble with Zim for anything. Nothing new to me."

"I still feel bad." He said quietly, but slowly moved back into range. "I guess I'm just not good with kids…" Cten smirked, and nodded.

"Got that right." she said jokingly, then looked up at him. "It's not a big thing needed for Irken life anyway, not like we're raised by parents."

"I guess." He pulled at his collar, "I'm not even sure why I'm worrying about it anyway, it's not like there are any other kids around that I'll have to take care of and Zim probably won't let me even look in Zib's direction without screaming now."

"Least you get out of babysitting duty." Cten said, "Not that I don't like it, I like looking after him." she smirked to herself, "Always did like little smeets."

"Really? I guess they're okay.. I haven't ran into many since.. well, I was one." He looked forward, "I saw them with their mothers on the streets sometime.. They're always scared of me." He looked a bit.. sad? Well, maybe.

"What's wrong, Poe?" she saw the sad look on his face, or maybe his tone of voice.

"I dunno, I just feel bad when people are intimidated by me." He glanced away. "Maybe because a small part of me wants to intimidate them."

"But why? So you wouldn't be hassled by anyone?"

"Maybe… or… I dunno… Maybe it's my instincts…" He kicked at the ground as he went, trying to disappear into his coat. "If they act too scared, they start to remind me of… of… other things."

"Oh." Cten felt that no would be a good time to drop it, seeing how Poe was shying away in his own way.

"Sorry, there's just… a lot of things I don't like about myself." He shook his head, "Like I said, there's no point in me worrying about it anyway, not like I'm ever gonna have kids." He snorted at the idea.

"Hyeah…" she shrugged to herself, glancing across the street where a palyground stood. Some little snot-nosed kiddies were playing together. "Still, having a family would be nice." she said quietly to herself, before looking back to where she was going. Poe looked over at her, having heard her; his large antenna gave him better hearing than most Irkens.

"Well, hey, I'm sure you'll find someone someday. You won't be stuck here forever, right?" She stared at him, then closing her eyes and sighed.

"I don't really care, Poe. I'm happy wherever I am."

"Well, that's a good philosophy to have.. I just imagine it'd be easy to get lonely, if you didn't wanna be alone." He looked up at the sky as he walked.

"I have Beka... I've always had Beka. But, having you living at my place it's made me realise I like company."

"Really?" He smiled slightly, glancing over at her out of the corner of his eye. He chuckled softly, "Glad I'm good for something, then."

"Aw you're good at being my comany Poe, and I like it heaps." Cten grinned back at him, flipping the ends of her blonde wig. He smiled broadly.

"Hey, you don't make bad company yourself." He reached over, poking her shoulder gently.

"Thanks, means a lot." she glanced off, "I still have no idea where you found that book."

"That book… place… thingee was giving away some books. I liked the cover." He took the book out and looked at it, "Besides my coat, this book is one of the few things I actually have…"

"Well, having posessions aren't that important. The only thing I can really call my own is… um…" Cten paused, thinking it over. "Beka I guess…"

"Yeah… it was kind of a big thing where I come from though." He looked down at the book, "People collected whatever stuff they could find that wasn't totally worthless. I mean, it was worthless to the normal Irkens, but things had more meaning there. There wasn't much money, so sometimes people traded their stuff around." He put the book back in his pocket. "And sometimes, when you don't have anything you hang onto material stuff like that I guess…"

"Yeah… well being a Maid I never really had anything to call my own. I was mostly cleaning, bringing menus, bringing food, taking dishes, washing dishes, more cleaning…" Cten trailed off and blinked, reasling she just told Poe she was a Maid, not an Invader as he had beleived she had been. "Um. Yes." she coughed. He looked over at her in confusion, tilting his head.

"A Maid? I thought… you were some kind of solider. I mean.. if the Tallest themselves assigned you here and all…"

"Uhhh…" Cten glanced away, sweating bullets now. She kept quiet for a while, a bird chirps, a dog barks, a cat meow and a squirrel… um, squeaks. "Okay okay. I'll be honest." she placed a hand to her chest, "I am, and always have been a Maid towards the Almighty Tallest since my training was completed." she nodded, waving a hand. "Yes, they themselves assigned me here, but only because they wanted Zim to beleive he was on a real mission s'more so he wouldn't bother them."

"Oh. Well, that's okay." He smiled and shrugged, not seeming really phased, "I thought you were awful nice to be in the military or something like that."

"Heh yeah… my life was full of being a servant." Cten wiped her brow, "Lucky I'm not a Table Headed Service Drone like Bob."

"Yeah." He looked around at the environment, "It's kind of nice not having to worry as much about authority anymore.. I wish Zim would lay off of you though." He snorted quietly.

"Hey, it's what I'm here for. To be his lacky, and do what he tells me." she glanced around, whispering to him. "I'm lucky he hasn't asked me to do anything dirty. I heard some stories about Maids being given to outcasted Invaders and it never ended well." He frowned and looked over at her with concern, drawing a bit closer to her.

"Well… he'd better not." His voice lowered a pitch and he glared ahead, "For his sake." Cten blinked in surprise at his remark, glancing nervously to the side.

"Yeeahh, I guess." Poe looked over at her, his face softening,

"You're my friend and I don't want anything to happen to you, Cten. And if something did I… probably wouldn't be very nice to whatever did it."

"That's nice Poe…" she patted his shoulder, "I just wish I'd be able to do the same back for you, if anything bad ever happened to you… I'm not exactly… able to protect myself." He was tense for a moment, but soon relaxed, shaking his head.

"That's okay. I take care of myself, and you too if nessicary." Cten smiled gently, then leant up and pecked him on the cheek.

"Thanks." Poe blinked, a blush breaking out on his face. He smiled nervously back at her,

"Oh, it's my pleasure…"

"Now come on, let's go find a way to waste the rest of the day." she grinned at him, as she began walking again.

~*~

Zim pulled his Irken helmet over his head, and stood out of his lab. He was dressed in his space-cruiser uniform, the one he'd used previously when battling in space. Plus he's now got a spiffy helmet.

"All right… now, I've got the Voot Cruiser ready, Gir glued to the television set, the convention invitation… what am I forgetting…" he put a finger to his chin, "I know it's something important…" Zib wandered by conviently, munching on a slice of pizza. Who knows where he got that. He looked up at his suited-up Mom, antennae-hair perking,

"Hey, Mom, where you goin'?" Zim blinked, lifted the eye guard from the helmet and looked down at Zib.

"Yargh! I knew I forgot something! What am I to do with you?!" he paused, staring at the pizza. Zib quickly tucked the pizza behind his back as he recalled he wasn't suppose to have human food, "…anyway, Zib, I have an important meeting convention thingie happening on the Earth's Moon tonight, but I can't leave you here alone with Gir… my base would be destroyed by the time I return…"

"We'll be good!" Zib insisted, "Who would watch us anyway?"

"Dib for one…" Zim's eyes narrowed as he glanced at the window, "I need a watcher so nothing gets too out of hand…"

"I thought Dad was out on some trip into the country to see if any of the Bigfoot traps he set up last month worked." Zib stuffed the last of his pizza into his mouth while his mom was distracted by the window.

"Hah, knowing him he has spy cams set up… or something… Dibish." he frowned, then grinned. "I know the perfect person! Well, not perfect, but it'll have to do."

"Who?" Zib sought his memory, which wasn't the best considering he was just a little kid. Suddenly he blanched and cowered away, "Oh, no, you're not going to leave me with that Reject again, are you? He tells those… disturbing stories…"

"No, no, not since last time no." Zim replied sternly as his communicator came out of his pod, "I'm not letting that Reject within ten miles of you again." he watched the communicator blink to life, and had a quick conversation with the being on the other end. Zib wandered over to Zim and tried to stand on his tip-toes to see into the communicator's monitor, cursing his height under his breath.

"Look - Important thing for tonight, get over here right now… what? So what if it's on fire, let it burn out itself! Oh it's just a base you can make a new one… all right." it zipped away into his pod again. "Fires… bah." Zim looked down at Zib, "Your watcher shall be here within a short few minutes. Now I expect both you and Gir to be on your best behaviour. Got it?"

"Yes, Mom," he mumbled, scowling at the ground and folding his arms in a pouty stance. He just hoped it wasn't his Aunt, who was even scarier than Poe.

"You better be." Zim replied, then fixed his visor down over his eyes again. Zib grumbled and stuffed his gloved claws into his pockets, kicking an imaginary rock on the base floor, and started toward the elevator to get to the home level of the base to get in some TV watching before the sitter came. Zim sighed and looked at his watch,

"ARGH! I'm late already!" he hurried up through the elevator, dragging Zib in. Zib yelped as he was dragged bodily. Once they climbed out the toilet, Zim ran into the lounge, and activated one of those floating floor thingies, and begins to rise up into the ceiling, he points down to Zib.

"Be good! Remember that!" Zib shielded his glasses, looking up and watching Zim leave, mumbling some sort of affirmation before his mom disappeared.

[To be continued!]