The Battle of Gor
Epic Two
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe

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Chapter Six

And at this little conversation note, we have a scene change! Zim's little base comes into view, but we open on the base. All is quiet and still, until a door slides open and Zib enters. By the way he's acting, he's somewhere he shouldn't be, and sneaks into the room just as the door slides shut behind him.

Zib snickered evilly to himself, looking back and forth before grinning up at the lab. Zim had left the door unlocked, and had foolishly left Zib to his own devices. Zib wandered through the lab, careful not to touch anything, until he came upon a curious looking device, labled in Irken. He frowned; Mom hadn't bothered to teach him much of that, so he didn't have a clue what it was. It looked like some sort of laser, aimed at a red X on the floor. Zib didn't notice the X and wandered towards the laser, stepping on the X in the process and thusly, right into the laser's target zone.

His wandering claw felt a control panal, but seeing how there wasn't much light - Zib began to feel his claw over the buttons, hoping one of them was the light. He felt a switch, and flipped it. Wrong switch, young Zib. The laser suddenly sparked to life, and an electrical current shot out towards what to it, the target which it had aquired...

Zib yelped as he was struck, and suddenly found himself changing. His hair receded until he only had the two bent-backwards antennae, his glasses fell off, eyes enlargened and became sickeningly cute; lo and behold, he'd regressed back into being a baby… hatchling… smeet, or whatever. Zim, meanwhile, had noticed Zib had gone missing and recalled his open lab door with some panic, and he came running in, looking around,

"Zib?!" Zib blinked a few times, trying to focus on any object nearby, but now without his glasses he was now, pretty much blind as a bat. This scared him a lot, and not knowing where his Mom was, or if he'd get into big trouble for doing this, he did the best thing a spawn thingie like him could do in a situation like this. He burst into tears and clung to his clothes, which were now far too big for him, since he was now surrounded in the jacket, pants, boots, gloves and shirt. Zim's antennae picked up the sound, and he raced toward it on his spider legs, showing uncharacteristic panic.

"Zib!" He noticed the Age-changing ray as he rounded a corner, and winced, "Zib, I hope you didn't-- ARGH!" He noticed the now infant spawn crawling around in his oversized clothes, and folded up his legs, and picked Zib up, scowling.

"And I haven't invented the 'reverse' part of the laser yet!" Zib continued to cry pathetically, but trailed off and hiccuped slightly. Hearing his Mom's voice was somewhat comforting, but what he heard wasn't really what he wanted to hear, so he whined slightly and shivered, since now he was now naked.

"Ehm…" Zim looked at the wailing Zib in mild confusion, not quite sure what to do, so he just held him and patted his back mechanically, "There, there, or… something." Gir, hearing the commotion wandered into the room,

"Master is the walls melting again?" the little robot asked, before stopping and staring at the baby Zib. Hearing Gir, Zim turned to face the robot, glaring,

"No, Gir, Zib seems to have found the age-manipulation ray because SOMEBODY did not close the door was locked after his Master!"

"The Scary Monkey Show was onnnnn..." Gir whined in defence, folding his arms. Zib clung to Zim's shoulder and continued to hiccup, making slight gurgle-ish noises now and again, drooling on Zim's shoulder.

"That's no excuse- EH! Stop leaking, Zib!" Zim held the infant away from him and made a face at his shoulder, shaking him slightly in an attempt to stop his hiccups. "This is just great. The care of infant spawn is not part of standard Invader training!" He muttered - well, with Zim, it was more like shouting - to himself.

Being shook and yelled at usually wasn't the best proceedure to go about to halt hiccuping, especially with babies, as Zim found out as Zib burst into tears again and kicked his tiny legs frantically. Gir narrowed his eyes at Zib and put his hands where his ears would be.

"Where's the mute button??"

"How should I know?!" Zim stopped shaking Zib and instead held him awkwardly, flopping him over his shoulder, "COMPUTER!" He addressed the ceiling, "Give me all of the info you have on raising infants!"

"Human or Irken?" Zim blinked, looking at Zib, and scowled.

"…forget it." Zib sniveled as he clung to Zim's shoulder again, hiccuping as he did before. He'd managed to gain control of his mouth again and had stopped drooling, at least, but he was still cold and shivered against Zim.

"Aw, doesn't Master know how anyone to help?" Gir tilted his head to the side, looking annoyed more and more each time Zib hiccuped.

"Hm… ehm, well, Cten is a female, therefore she should be well versed in spawn management! Yes, of course!" Zim unfolded his communicator right away and stabbed in Cten's number.

"Beans!" Gir declared happily, that he'd helped his Master out a little bit. Zib by now, was reaching out his little hand, and managed to grab a hold of one of Zim's antennae and yanked, hard.

Meanwhile at the house that Cten and Poe built, both have fallen asleep?! Gee they really are a riot a minute! Cten snorts awake as her communicator suddenly buzzes to life, and sprouts from her pod in front of her.

"Whua?"

"AAAAAAAUUUGH!" Zim's voice screamed from the communicator, loudly enough to wake Poe from across the room. "THE PAIN! Release me at once, Zib!" Zim grimaced on Cten's monitor, Zib's tiny hand just offscreen, "There seems to be a problem that requires one of your expertise and, ehm, gender, solider." Zim grabbed the babyfied Zib and held him out on the monitor, for Cten to see. Her eyes widened as the baby Zib stared blankly at the communicator, since to him it was just a blur of colours and shapes. He hiccuped again and reached out to grab the communicator, but Zim pulled him away in time.

"…what on Irk happened, Zim?" Cten finally asked after a moment or so of shocked silence. Poe blinked in curiousity,

"Why, what happ-" He erked and quickly slapped his claws over his mouth, realizing Zim could probably hear him. Zim's antennae twitched and he scowled curiously again, but his suspicion was interrupted by Zib suddenly pulling on his cheek.

"OW! He snuck into my lab and activated my age manipulation laser somehow!"

"Oh… dear." Cten couldn't help but smirk slightly as Zib's jumble of "Ma-Ma's" that could be heard from offscreen. "So, I guess I better be there as quickly as possible before he causes you more pain huh?" she asked.

"Yes! Immediately! I--" Zim caught himself as he realized he was about to admit ignorance, then recovered quickly, "I haven't assigned you duty in a while. Yes!" Nevermind that he'd just had Cten babysit Zib for a full night.

"Right then, Zim." she gave him a small salute, "Be there in a little while." One of Zib's flailings deactivated the communicator, which Zim quickly refolded before any more damage could be done to it. Poe looked lost,

"What was his problem?"

"Seems Zib got shot with Zim's age manipulation laster," she hopped off the bean bag, "And has reverted to the baby hood he never had."

"So he's a baby now?" Poe made an 'ew' face and sat up. "I guess I'll, uh, hold down the fort here while you go teach Zim how to be a Mommy."

"Yup, have fun!" she patted him on the head before activating her disguise on again. Beka sat up and watched her head to the door. Poe mock-scowled as he was patted.

"Do I stay here, Ma'am?"

"Well, yeah. No reason to let Poe get lonely."

"Have fun, Cten. Or something." Poe waved,

"I'll try." with that she headed out the door. Soon she was near Zim's base, and already she could hear Zib's high-pitched wailing from inside. She arrived at the door, and figuring Zim won't be able to hear much of anything, let herself in. Zim, meanwhile, was trying to hold Zib close enough that he didn't burst into tears, yet far away enough that he didn't rip off his flesh, and wasn't having much luck.

"I knew babies were horrible creatures of sheer… horror!" Cten managed to control laughing at the situation as she saw the two, Zib still reaching out with his tiny hands for his Mom, wailing and hiccuping every now and again. She walked up and tapped Zim on the shoulder, since he had his back to her since she entered.

"Huh? Oh, yes, take him!" Zim turned and stuffed Zib into Cten's arm, quickly wiping off his drool-coated shoulder with his glove sleeve. "Disgusting, leaky things!" Cten stepped back in surprise as Zib was thrust into her arms, but she managed to hold him properly at least, better then Zim was. Zib hiccuped again, made a few more 'weh' sounds but quietened down a little. She blinked a few times, looking at Zim.

"So tell me again why this happened?"

"Gir neglected to close the door to my lab, and I had to retrieve a highly important component for my latest ingenius device! I HAD left Zib on the couch in front of some stupid human TV show, but when I got out of equipment storage, he was gone! I found him by the age-manipulation ray, he must have touched something. Like I always tell him not to!" Zim huffed, finally finishing.

"I see." she mumbled slightly, "And I take you have no reverse ray?" Zib looked around, tears still rolling down his face as he strained to work out where he was at least.

"No. The ray wasn't completed yet; that's the part I'm still working on." He looked at the sobbing Zib and frowned slightly, before scowling, "The effect SHOULD wear off after a while, but it could take hours, or days!"

"Ohh." Cten picked up what used to be Zib's shirt. "Well what do you need me for then?" she then laid Zib on the ground and wrapped him up in the shirt snuggly and picked him up again.

"I… ehm. Care of hatchlings is not part of my VAST repitore of skills." He grumbled, admitting finally, and picked up Zib's glasses, handing them to her despite the fact they were probably far too large for him now. She took the glasses, blinked then held the pair above Zib's eyes. Zib blinked a few times as things came into focus, then giggled happily as he could finally see, and looked from Cten to Zim.

"I see… so you want me to give you the basic ins and outs?"

"Eh, I suppose," He sniffed indignantly, looking rather miffed at revealing his ignorance, then blinked, "Well, at least he stopped leaking."

"Ma-ma." Zib said in a sleepy tone,

"Well, ask me what you want to know then." she shifted Zib from one arm to the other, who was slowly falling asleep.

"I noticed he seems to have lost his teeth. How is he suppose to eat properly without any teeth?!"

"Ah, well." she moved her finger to his mouth, in reaction to something he probably got from Dib, sucked on her finger hungrily. "If you want to feed him now, it'd have to be soft foods that he can handle, no hard stuff."

"Hm… I have heard… horrible things about hatchlings…" He eyed Zib warily, "That… they cannot control their most BASIC bodily functions? Is this true?" Zim looked slightly fearful.

"Sadly yes." Cten nodded. "Another reason why I wrapped him up so we don't get any… uh, mess anywhere. That, and he was cold."

"That's disgusting! I'm not going to handle something that might leave dookie on me!" He cringed and shielded his face, lest Zib suddenly pounce on him and do something horrible like that. Cten rolled her eyes,

"Zim, the Nurses had to put up with it when you were little, Zib's your… spawn thingie, I think you should at least do that for him… uh, sorry but it's true." she smiled somewhat meekly, while Zib continued to suck on her finger making happy sounds now and again.

"What? Impossible! Zim was always a creature of maturity and sophsitication!" He did look a little guilty though, frowning momentarily before his face set back into his usual scowl, "But very well, I will hold Zib DESPITE the threat it poses to my germ-free cleanliness!"

"Then I'd have to show you what to do when… that incident occours now, won't I?"

"Yes." Zim narrowed his eyes at the thought, then took Zib with about as much care as he'd shown when he gave him to Cten, which of course woke Zib up, distraught that the finger he'd had was gone.

"What? What'd I do?!" Zim looked around, panicked as Zib started crying again.

"Zim dear, you have to know that you have to treat Zib very gentle-like now." she walked up to him and replaced his hands, so he was at least holding Zib properly, "You have to support his head there... behind there... and this." she grabbed his finger and stuck it into Zib's mouth, which automatically ceased the crying.

"Meh?" Zim blinked blankly and did as he was directed, watching Zib suckle his claw in slight confusion, "Why on Irk did THAT calm him down?"

"It just helps to calm human babies down, as I've observed." she replied, "Seems since the female human mothers give milk though… uh, somewhere and the feeling that they're suckling their Mom helps them to relax." she wasn't sure if she got that right, "Heck it's either have him suckle your finger or have him crying." Zib managed to get a small claw free and grabbed onto Zim's finger as he continued to suck it happily. Zim nodded slightly and stared down at Zib for a while, the faintest hint of a smile(!!) curling up the corner of his lip. He sat down on something convinient.

"I guess this isn't too bad…"

"Aww." Cten said more to herself, "So, moving right along." she sat down in front of him on the floor, "When he does cry, it probably means he's either hungry, gassy or wet." she folded her arms over her knees, leaning her head against them.

"…what do I do if he's one of the second or third?" Zim made a face, looking down at her.

"Gassy means you have to burp him." she then grabbed Gir who had just been walking past.

"Wha?" the little robot asked,

"Burping him is easy," she then leant Gir onto her shoulder, "You hold him like this," Gir just looked more confused then usual that he was being used as an aid in this sort of thing, but shrugged it off. "And rub, and pet his back as so." she demonstrated for a while, then stopped. Gir complied by letting out a burp. "…thanks for that Gir." she set him down.

"Alright… what if he makes a mess?" Zim wrinkled the area of his nonexistant nose slightly, but didn't seem as adament about not having anything to do with Zib, who by now was fast asleep, but still making the usual suckling sound against Zim's finger.

"If he messes himself," What followed next is best left to the view point of just Zim, Gir and Cten as she proceeded to explain to him, using Gir as the aid again, what to do in such an event that Zib messes himself. Both number one, and number two. At the end of the explenation, Gir's sat to the side in a diaper, giggling to himself. He then proceeded to stand up and dance the 'Ally McBeal Baby' dance while chanting 'Ooga chugga'. Zim looked greener than usual at the thought, but he still held onto Zib.

"Blech… Well, an Invader such as myself must be able to accept all challenges… no matter how disgusting." Some extremely well-buried maternal instincts finally fought their way to the surface, and he unconciously started to rock Zib slightly. Little Zib made a happy 'mm' sound and snuggled against Zim, yawned, allowing Zim to free his finger for a moment.

"Yeah, the things the Nurses back at the Nest put up with, huh Zim?" Zim flicked off his well-moistened glove finger, looking over at Cten as though snapped out of a trance,

"Huh? Oh, yes, I suppose I have a new respect for them." He sounded a bit distracted, and went back to staring at his offspring with what one might swear was a hint of fondness. "He's kinda cute when he's like this…"

"Yeah… shame they gotta grow up huh? Or at least, in this case, have the beam wear off." she smiled, "Nice to see you got a small hint of maternal instincts in you Zim."

"Yeah… I mean-- what? I do not!" He said quickly, "Zim is without a trace of mercy or compassion!" His hand free now, he supported the back of Zib's head with it, totally contradicting his words.

"Whatever you say Zim, you're the Mom." Cten replied gently, last thing she wanted was Zib being woken up by Zim's voice.

"Exactly," He huffed and went back to cradling Zib, "Is there anything else? Zib was always putting things in his mouth when he was littler.." He shuddered, "Things covered in germs!"

"Well, now you have to make sure he doesn't eat anything he's not supposed to. My best bet is getting like a small play area for him set up, with mesh walls so he can't get out and hurt himself." she said, remembering seeing one of them on TV at some point.

"Hm… COMPUTER!" He shouted, forgetting about the sleeping spawn, "Replicate a human child prison!" The computer complied, and after some whirring and clanking of machinery, a large pen-crib-thing dropped down from the ceiling, reddish-purple with the Irken logo on a circular plate suspended in middle of the meshing. A closer look would reveal why Zib remained asleep; Zim was covering his hair-antennae with his hand. Aww! Cten stared at the objects, as did Gir.

"Aw Master, ya shouldn't have!" he declared.

"It's not for you Gir, it's for Zib." Cten replied.

"Aww, Zib gets all the good stuffs!" Gir pouted.

"You're old enough to take care of yourself, Gir." Zim scowled at his robot, muttering, "Nevermind that you're a robot and should need no care at all…"

"Can I have this?" Gir picked up a rattle he had found on the floor.

"…fine Gir, have that." Cten didn't want to have Gir getting all upset again, the little robot squealed and ran off, shaking the rattle like a hyperactive child. Which he was, brain-wise. Zim winced at the sound and glared at Gir, but didn't yell again lest he wake up Zib. It gave him an idea, though,

"Is he goingto need me to… eh… amuse him?"

"Eh, now and again you might have to play with him Zim." she replied, looking at the still sleeping Zib, who moved slightly in Zim's arms but sitll didn't wake up.

"Play?" He raised his eyelid, "What is this… play?" Cten blinked blankly.

"…you're kidding."

"Whatever it is it was never covered in Invader academy."

"It's… you know…" she didn't really know how to explain this. "…man I never thought I'd be asked what that was… it's what, little kids do. Y'know, you've seen them! In the parks, with their parent persons!"

"I thought that was conditioning for… um… whatever humans do when they mature!" He pondered this, "I suppose to a simpler species it might be amusing, though…"

"I guess." she replied, "Some basics babies seem to adore is 'peek a boo', which consists of covering your eyes, and taking them off and saying 'peek a boo' or sometimes when having your eyes covered asking 'Where's Zib?' and when you take them off say 'There's Zib!'…" she trailed off, "Sounds weird I know."

"I don't know. I'm afraid I might make his brain stupid if I… 'play' human games with him. Maybe I'll research to see if young Irkens have any equivillents…"

"Maybe you're right." Cten said, "Well, it's all up to you Zim, you are the Mom after all." she stood up slowly, "So anything else?"

"As far as I know, no." Zim looked back down at Zib, then up at Cten, "I… ehm… commend you on your… knowledege of… female-type skills, solider."

"Glad to know I can be of assistance to you and Zib, Zim." she smiled, "And if there's anything else that crops up and you don't know what to do, and neither does the computer, just call."

"You can rest assured I will," he mumbled, standing up and saluting her stiffly, before supporting Zib's head again. "Have you successfully relocated your base?"

"Yes, and hopefully nothing ill will happen to it again."

And just as Cten says this, meanwhile back at the base, well, more correctly across from he base in the shadows, a pair of red eyes flash to life.

"Well, I suppose I should let you finish setting up. I believe I have amassed enough knowledge to sufficiently take care of Zib."

"Once again, glad to be of service Zim." Cten flicked her ring, her disguise snapping on again, and Zim waved her off.

[To be continued!]