Remember
Ever since he had said that he would try to live he had wanted to take it back. But he wouldn't. No matter how much it hurt, he couldn't break that vow. His vow. He stared over the side of the railing and concentrated. The strange man had told him to try and regain what he had lost. The problem was, he didn't know what was missing. Blue eyes were the first things he thought of, but it had hurt. The pain had nearly sent him screaming, but no wounds were on his body. He had pushed the thought away and tried something else. But he couldn't think of anything else.
He sighed and sunk to the deck, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of the crew. He didn't know what was wrong with him, if anything. He felt fine, except things were missing in his mind. And heart.
"Hey! Cheer up, life can't be that bad." He looked up and stared straight into green 'human' eyes. It was the girl from before. "The name's Tani, human mage and bonded of one of those arrogant, pointy eared creatures that surround us." She stuck out her hand and he took it.
"Kayah. Everything else, not sure." She nodded her head in understanding.
"Lukian told us some of your situation. Tough to lose someone you love." She paused and studied his face out of the corner of her eye.
"Any questions I could help with?" He nodded and waved a hand at the crew.
"What are they?" She laughed, a very pleasant sound.
"They're elves, well, the good ones at least." He looked at her blankly. "They are immortal beings who can be a complete pain. All have the blond hair, green cat eyes and pointed ears. All are beautiful and tall, but are completely lost among humans. It's actually kinda funny. The abilities they have going for them are magic, music and their lovely ability to do something we call 'kenning'. It duplicates an object exactly. They cannot create, but can expand on anything humans create."
"They can't create for themselves? What's the point then? It would get awfully boring if they lived forever with nothing new."
"That is why they have us. We are their imagination. Also, we can handle things they can't, like iron, which burns them, and a food ingredient called 'caffeine'. It sends them into 'dreaming'. Easiest explanation for that is like a drug or alcohol induced state that they can't come out of. Very deadly and to much can kill them."
"They may be pretty, but they sound like a lot of work."
"That they are." She looked over at him, facing him fully. "What about you? Tell me about yourself." He looked down at the wood he was sitting on.
"I don't know anything about myself." He whispered and she seemed to think this over.
"Okay. Well let's think of something you do remember. I heard you respond to Lukian with 'Always and forever'. It sounded important, what did it mean?" Kayah thought hard about that one.
"It's a vow, a promise I guess you would call it. I don't know where I got it from, all I know is that I can't break it." His eyes had turned inwards, focusing on those three words. He had used them before, for a promise that wasn't yet fulfilled. 'This land still needs you.'
He shook his head. He couldn't go there right now. He looked back up at Tani and saw her watching him closely.
"Have you used that promise before?" He nodded. "For what?" He thought hard, trying to remember.
"Concentrate on the words, if that helps. What else was said when you spoke them?" He closed his eyes and remembered. 'Promise daddy?' 'Always and forever.'
A tear went down his cheek. He remembered the little girl who shared his eyes. Something twisted inside him and he cried out. Tani was beside him in an instant, soothing him and he remembered. Tears flowed down his cheeks and soon the two weren't alone.
Arms picked him up again and he knew whom he would see. He looked into the eyes of the elf that held him and whispered. "I want to see my baby again." He looked shocked for a moment.
"Who would that be, child?"
"My daughter, Leria." Speaking her name brought on a flood of memories. They hurt to remember, he was drowning in them. He closed his eyes and tried to let go, but the arms shook him and brought him back.
"She deserves to be remembered. Tell me about her." But he couldn't, he could only relive it. He heard a voice, as if through water, talking to him.
"Sleep now and remember." He drifted off and back, to a time a few years ago.
***
'She is your child! You are the father! Now you have to stay with me!'
Kayah stared at the thin little girl with his eyes. She looked frightened and lonely. He tried to move towards her and a bit of hope seemed to appear in her eyes until her mother pulled her away from him. He glared at the woman.
He had known she was obsessed with him, and admitted that he had thought that by sleeping with her, she would become bored. He had never guessed that she would give birth to his child in an attempt to keep him. It disgusted him, but he wouldn't leave 'his' daughter in her hands.
'I'm not staying with you, and neither is she.' He reached out quickly and grabbed the girl, turning and walking away. His memories were aware of a white figure that guarded them from behind and helped him bring the girl back to the palace but he wouldn't go near those thoughts.
He concentrated on the thin form curled up in his arms.
'Do you have a name?' She shook her head and he barely refrained himself from cursing aloud. As it was his head was filled with things that were better left untouched.
'Can I give you a name?' At her nod he smiled. 'Leria. It is your grandmother's name and she was a wonderful women.'
'You like me?' He nodded.
'I love you. Always and forever, I'll never leave you alone.' And he didn't. He went through life, always caring for her first. Teaching her, guiding her and loving her. He had a chance to spend two wonderful years with her, until her mother finally snapped.
She had hired a man to poison Leria and he had succeeded. Kayah killed them both for that, but it wasn't enough to save his daughter. Her mother had left her alone, but he wouldn't. For the next month he had stayed by her bed, only moving when absolutely necessary. He had seen her suffer, watched her die day by day.
'I don't want to be alone daddy.'
'You won't be, I'll always be near.'
'Promise daddy?'
'Always and forever.' Her eyes had closed that day and she died, but she was smiling, knowing she wasn't alone. He had buried her that day and every year he had gone to remember her. He would always remember her.
Always and forever.
***
Lukian waited until he was completely in the memories until he focused on those who crowded around him. Elves were very protective of the young, having so few themselves. So to feel this one in so much pain, hurt them deeply.
"He looks too young to be a parent, Luk."
"I know, but he is human and their looks can be deceiving. I wish I knew what had happened to his child though. Why it would hurt to remember her, if he loved her so much."
He looked down at the young human in his arms, wishing he could hear what was going on inside his head.
A cry of anguish came out and another elf reached reflectively to try and comfort. Lukian let him. Keigh had spent more time among humans than any of them because of his bond to the human Tani. Both were very good with children, no matter how much they acted like them.
They stood in silence as they felt the pain grow. In a way it was a blessing that he didn't feel this or remember it when he was conscious. He didn't think any of them could handle it.
Kayah soon relaxed in his arms and then opened his eyes. He looked around him and then up at Lukian. Azure eyes met gray and Lukian was startled by how old they looked.
"I laid her to rest that night. She was dying and I couldn't save her. Her mother didn't want her, wouldn't stay with her, but I couldn't abandon her, I couldn't let her die alone. I had promised I would be with her, stay with her. Always and forever."
He moved out of Lukian's arms and away from them. They let him go. They understood partially the pain he was in. The pain to watch your own child die and to have to bury them, place them in the cold earth all alone.
Lukian knew that when he was ready, he would tell them the whole story.
Ever since he had said that he would try to live he had wanted to take it back. But he wouldn't. No matter how much it hurt, he couldn't break that vow. His vow. He stared over the side of the railing and concentrated. The strange man had told him to try and regain what he had lost. The problem was, he didn't know what was missing. Blue eyes were the first things he thought of, but it had hurt. The pain had nearly sent him screaming, but no wounds were on his body. He had pushed the thought away and tried something else. But he couldn't think of anything else.
He sighed and sunk to the deck, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of the crew. He didn't know what was wrong with him, if anything. He felt fine, except things were missing in his mind. And heart.
"Hey! Cheer up, life can't be that bad." He looked up and stared straight into green 'human' eyes. It was the girl from before. "The name's Tani, human mage and bonded of one of those arrogant, pointy eared creatures that surround us." She stuck out her hand and he took it.
"Kayah. Everything else, not sure." She nodded her head in understanding.
"Lukian told us some of your situation. Tough to lose someone you love." She paused and studied his face out of the corner of her eye.
"Any questions I could help with?" He nodded and waved a hand at the crew.
"What are they?" She laughed, a very pleasant sound.
"They're elves, well, the good ones at least." He looked at her blankly. "They are immortal beings who can be a complete pain. All have the blond hair, green cat eyes and pointed ears. All are beautiful and tall, but are completely lost among humans. It's actually kinda funny. The abilities they have going for them are magic, music and their lovely ability to do something we call 'kenning'. It duplicates an object exactly. They cannot create, but can expand on anything humans create."
"They can't create for themselves? What's the point then? It would get awfully boring if they lived forever with nothing new."
"That is why they have us. We are their imagination. Also, we can handle things they can't, like iron, which burns them, and a food ingredient called 'caffeine'. It sends them into 'dreaming'. Easiest explanation for that is like a drug or alcohol induced state that they can't come out of. Very deadly and to much can kill them."
"They may be pretty, but they sound like a lot of work."
"That they are." She looked over at him, facing him fully. "What about you? Tell me about yourself." He looked down at the wood he was sitting on.
"I don't know anything about myself." He whispered and she seemed to think this over.
"Okay. Well let's think of something you do remember. I heard you respond to Lukian with 'Always and forever'. It sounded important, what did it mean?" Kayah thought hard about that one.
"It's a vow, a promise I guess you would call it. I don't know where I got it from, all I know is that I can't break it." His eyes had turned inwards, focusing on those three words. He had used them before, for a promise that wasn't yet fulfilled. 'This land still needs you.'
He shook his head. He couldn't go there right now. He looked back up at Tani and saw her watching him closely.
"Have you used that promise before?" He nodded. "For what?" He thought hard, trying to remember.
"Concentrate on the words, if that helps. What else was said when you spoke them?" He closed his eyes and remembered. 'Promise daddy?' 'Always and forever.'
A tear went down his cheek. He remembered the little girl who shared his eyes. Something twisted inside him and he cried out. Tani was beside him in an instant, soothing him and he remembered. Tears flowed down his cheeks and soon the two weren't alone.
Arms picked him up again and he knew whom he would see. He looked into the eyes of the elf that held him and whispered. "I want to see my baby again." He looked shocked for a moment.
"Who would that be, child?"
"My daughter, Leria." Speaking her name brought on a flood of memories. They hurt to remember, he was drowning in them. He closed his eyes and tried to let go, but the arms shook him and brought him back.
"She deserves to be remembered. Tell me about her." But he couldn't, he could only relive it. He heard a voice, as if through water, talking to him.
"Sleep now and remember." He drifted off and back, to a time a few years ago.
***
'She is your child! You are the father! Now you have to stay with me!'
Kayah stared at the thin little girl with his eyes. She looked frightened and lonely. He tried to move towards her and a bit of hope seemed to appear in her eyes until her mother pulled her away from him. He glared at the woman.
He had known she was obsessed with him, and admitted that he had thought that by sleeping with her, she would become bored. He had never guessed that she would give birth to his child in an attempt to keep him. It disgusted him, but he wouldn't leave 'his' daughter in her hands.
'I'm not staying with you, and neither is she.' He reached out quickly and grabbed the girl, turning and walking away. His memories were aware of a white figure that guarded them from behind and helped him bring the girl back to the palace but he wouldn't go near those thoughts.
He concentrated on the thin form curled up in his arms.
'Do you have a name?' She shook her head and he barely refrained himself from cursing aloud. As it was his head was filled with things that were better left untouched.
'Can I give you a name?' At her nod he smiled. 'Leria. It is your grandmother's name and she was a wonderful women.'
'You like me?' He nodded.
'I love you. Always and forever, I'll never leave you alone.' And he didn't. He went through life, always caring for her first. Teaching her, guiding her and loving her. He had a chance to spend two wonderful years with her, until her mother finally snapped.
She had hired a man to poison Leria and he had succeeded. Kayah killed them both for that, but it wasn't enough to save his daughter. Her mother had left her alone, but he wouldn't. For the next month he had stayed by her bed, only moving when absolutely necessary. He had seen her suffer, watched her die day by day.
'I don't want to be alone daddy.'
'You won't be, I'll always be near.'
'Promise daddy?'
'Always and forever.' Her eyes had closed that day and she died, but she was smiling, knowing she wasn't alone. He had buried her that day and every year he had gone to remember her. He would always remember her.
Always and forever.
***
Lukian waited until he was completely in the memories until he focused on those who crowded around him. Elves were very protective of the young, having so few themselves. So to feel this one in so much pain, hurt them deeply.
"He looks too young to be a parent, Luk."
"I know, but he is human and their looks can be deceiving. I wish I knew what had happened to his child though. Why it would hurt to remember her, if he loved her so much."
He looked down at the young human in his arms, wishing he could hear what was going on inside his head.
A cry of anguish came out and another elf reached reflectively to try and comfort. Lukian let him. Keigh had spent more time among humans than any of them because of his bond to the human Tani. Both were very good with children, no matter how much they acted like them.
They stood in silence as they felt the pain grow. In a way it was a blessing that he didn't feel this or remember it when he was conscious. He didn't think any of them could handle it.
Kayah soon relaxed in his arms and then opened his eyes. He looked around him and then up at Lukian. Azure eyes met gray and Lukian was startled by how old they looked.
"I laid her to rest that night. She was dying and I couldn't save her. Her mother didn't want her, wouldn't stay with her, but I couldn't abandon her, I couldn't let her die alone. I had promised I would be with her, stay with her. Always and forever."
He moved out of Lukian's arms and away from them. They let him go. They understood partially the pain he was in. The pain to watch your own child die and to have to bury them, place them in the cold earth all alone.
Lukian knew that when he was ready, he would tell them the whole story.