~ Let me enter the door to your soul ~
by Dorothée E. Fritsch ( DoriScully@aol.com
Related series: The X-Files
Rating: R . or maybe PG13 . or NC17 . I'm not so sure about the development of my ficcy yet ^_^
Category: S, A, R .whatever that means ^_~
Spoilers: Season 8 (probably the best one =P)
Keywords: MSR AND/ OR DSR . who knows ^_^
Disclaimer: You all have heard that sermon before. neither the X-files nor Mulder nor Scully nor Doggett nor anybody else in this series does belong to me but if they did I probably wouldn't have to write this fic anyway ^_~
Summary: Scully has lost her baby. and Mulder's still missing. I know, I know. Mulder and Scully were meant to be together - but that doesn't exclude a love triangle in fact ^_~ ENJOY, so r & r please!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!!
*********************************
Scully blinked. Without even knowing how long she had been resting she slowly leaned over to switch on the light on the small living room table next to the couch.
She rubbed her eyes with the knuckles of her fingers until it really started to hurt. -At least she had come to herself again.
It took some more minutes for her to find the strength to raise herself and to walk into the kitchen she normally referred to as one of the coziest places of her apartment.
- Now here she was, Agent Dana Scully, unusual brain-dead and holding a cup of cold decaf.
Her forehead rested on the cupboard close to the fridge.
Slowly tears concentrated under the leaky coat of her eyelid as she put back the cup of coffee and embraced her still swollen tummy desperately.
She then turned around and sank weakly to the floor. Scully's hands covered her face enframed by her unstyled hair.
Tears streamed down her overheated cheeks and concentrated on her chin leaving behind their fervent path.
Scully sniffed dreadfully.
She really needed to cry since there hadn't been left any emotion after she got the news from her gynecologist.
She still couldn't believe she had lost her baby.
Scully pulled her knees close to her body and cried even more frantically.
Although she hadn't become pregnant the natural way and even though she never had the chance to get to know her child her grown maternal feelings now made her heart break.
Scully cried for her baby. but she also cried for the person she was so madly in love with and would always be. The baby- her only connection to Mulder- was lost.
- Maybe her adored and mostly of all beloved partner was already lost, too. She didn't know, nobody knew.
Moments had passed until she actually had the strength to give her sorrow one last breath. Scully hated herself for being so weak sometimes. She wanted to be the strong and self- assured woman again she had almost forgotten about. The tiny FBI- agent pulled herself together and stood up under heart- rending sobs. She reached for a box of tissues on the fridge knowing how terrible she must be looking. 'Why are you crying you weak link?! You know very well that he might come back very soon.', she told herself but in the same moment she knew he wouldn't . he couldn't. It had been months now since Mulder was captured by aliens and since everything had changed completely even though things were still going a little too normal. Nobody except her seemed to be missing him anyway or rather. nobody even seemed to have noticed his absence. Maybe she was now being unfair to Skinner who really cared about him. but wasn't his life going on without him as well as once with Mister 'Spooky Mulder'? . But wasn't her life going on as well? - Well of course it had to go on so that at least SHE could finish his lifetime achievement but that wasn't what she called life.
Scully remembered the moment she once had asked herself if she'd die if Mulder would be killed . She also remembered how energetic she had shaken her head telling herself that she never would . and the thought she had at that moment: '.I'd never die or commit suicide if Mulder was killed. But I want to live with him!'
Again a lone tear ran down her cheek. Scully slowly walked out of the room where she had broken down and tried to find comfort in her living room.. Suddenly she noticed the file she had taken from the Bureau and which she wanted to show Agent Doggett for so long. She felt that the new partner she had been mistrusting for so long had become a 'believer' deep inside, too. Scully knew that she slowly but surely began to rely on him after he had shown her his loyalty in a thousand ways. especially after he had been fighting for the X-files after Mulder's disappearance and her pre-maternal holiday she was not using on full-time anyway. Or she had been using. How would she find the strength to tell Skinner and Doggett what had happened to her some hours before. what news she got. Scully didn't know. She walked over to the open fireplace taking her favorite photograph from the ledge in the wall right above it. The photo had been taken by Frohike only a few days before Mulder's abduction. and it was one of the few photos on which Mulder was smiling . With an aching heart Scully put it back right to where it belonged and took a step away from it. She then sighed and slowly turned around. Without questioning why, Scully grabbed her keys and the files and headed for the door. Only a few seconds later she sat in her car. When she wanted to place her car-key right inside the ignition she hesitated. and looked at the key-tag. It was the one Mulder had given her for her birthday and which had meant allot to him. Scully embraced it with her right hand. The cold metal slowly adapted to her body temperature. She felt those horrible tears coming back, so Scully hurried to get the car started just to distract her from her pain. For a long time she just headed through the city without even noticing where she was going or what she was doing . She probably didn't even care.
She didn't know how she did it but suddenly her car stopped right in front of Agent Doggett's home. The wrecked FBI lady tipped down her sunshield to take a look in the small mirror. She really looked awful. With her fingers she ran through her hair to form it as much as possible. Then she wiped away the tears in the edges of her eyes and took a deep breath. She wouldn't tell Agent Doggett about her experiences of the day. not now.
Pulling herself together, she opened the door of her car and got out uneasily. Scully knew that it was late in the evening but she hadn't risked a look on her watch for a few hours. The more she wondered why Agent Doggett's home was absolutely dark. While knocking at the door Scully glanced at her Gucci- watch which she only took off for showering. After having reassured herself a second time of the time was, she turned around embarrassed. She didn't know that it was *that* late already. She almost started to walk away when she suddenly heard John Doggett unlocking the door and opening it. Scully slowly turned around again finding a half-stunned half- asleep Agent Doggett in front of herself. He was wearing a neat bathing-gown but his hair was a little blowzy. Both being embarrassed it took some time for him to break the silence. "Agent Scully. excuse me for opening the door dressed like this. but I wasn't expecting anybody. I have been sleeping in fact, so." "Oh no, I'm the one who needs to be excused. I didn't mean to visit you *this* late at night but I didn't check the time before I decided to come to your house. I think I should rather go and allow you to rest. I am so sorry I woke you up.", and with these words she turned her back on him taking the steps down the little stair in front of the door. "No, wait.", Doggett went after Scully and stopped her by grabbing her right arm. "See I'm awake now anyway and I don't mind in any case. If there's something that bothers you about the files [* he had already recognized the agenda in his partner's hand*] I am pleased to hear about it." Scully still hesitated, but after having taken a look into the agent's eyes she was sure that her partner really didn't bother. She smiled almost unnoticeable with a certain pain in her heart. Doggett put his hands on Scully's shoulders, lead her into his snug living room and offered her his couch to sit on. "Would you like something to drink? A coffee?" Then he looked down to Scully's tummy. ". I also have tea." Scully hesitated. Staring at the floor she asked for some juice. Doggett nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. After returning he handed his partner a longdrink glass of freshly squeezed orange-juice and placed his own glass of Coke in front of himself on the table. He then excused himself to go and get dressed as he was ashamed of wearing his bathing-gown in Scully's presence. Concerned about her well-being he noticed that Scully looked awful, but he was just too discrete to ask - in the end it was none of his business anyway. After sitting down on the opposite her, he read the file Scully had brought him. She took a sip of her juice before she started explaining the case. Without interrupting her partner listened interestingly. After she had finished Doggett made his point clear. The tiny FBI woman noticed how open Doggett had become for her strange ideas of how it could the case have happened. Nevertheless they kept discussing for about an hour until Doggett suddenly realized that Scully had fallen asleep. He watched her while wondering if she'd awake again or if her need for sleep was just too strong. The time that had passed since his partner had snuggled away appeared to him like an eternity. Slowly, without wanting to make any noise, Doggett raised himself from the couch and went to his bedroom to fetch a blanket. In the meantime Scully had curled herself up and was sleeping dearly. Even with those bags under her eyes she now looked so angelic to Doggett. He silently covered her with the blanket and turned off the light on the table close to Scully as he strolled back to his bedroom where he took off his clothes again. After lying down it took him a while to find a deep sleep just like Scully did. Too many thoughts were spinning in his mind - thoughts about the file; why Scully had looked so down. and the fact that she was resting only two doors away from him made it even worse!
Scully slowly opened her eyes. She had to blink a few times until her eyes got accustomed to the faint light that was braking bundled through the window. Still lying on the couch she yawned and stretched herself, her head was aching terribly... Suddenly Scully realized where she was. Gradually she raised from the couch and folded the blanket Doggett had covered her with. She wondered where he could be. While slandering through the living room Scully noticed the small golden clock on the table close to the television set. She was stunned. The clock showed quarter to six in the bloody morning. The FBI lady didn't know what to do. She knew that Doggett wouldn't mind if she were to lie down again to get some more rest and her still sleepy brain almost lead her back to the couch again . but on the other hand she didn't want to overstay her welcome in Agent Doggett's house. She didn't want to cause Doggett even more trouble since he surely would ask her to stay for breakfast. Scully shook her head. At the very least she had to get fit enough to be able to drive back to her own apartment. The glass of orange juice still stood on the small table in front of the couch. She hadn't even drunk half of it. Scully went back to the couch, sat down and took the glass . the first sip tasted horrible but then she got used to it.
Suddenly her memory returned. - So she really had lost her baby yesterday. It wasn't only a bad dream. Scully didn't want to believe that this could be reality. Her tummy was still swollen - so how could her baby be gone?! What troubled her most was the fact that she didn't even know how it happened. Where was Spooky Mulder when she needed him?! - Quickly Scully's mood changed from anger to desperation. She totally forgot about everything around her as she only had the loss of her unborn baby and her beloved partner in mind. Tears filled her eyes swiftly. Scully buried her face in her hands but couldn't prevent them from braking out. She knew that she would have to let go of her pain, or it would devour her.
Believing that she had lost both of them -her beloved and their baby- Scully cried out dreadfully and curled up in her anguish.
She didn't know how long she had been lying there weeping when she suddenly felt something touch her shoulder. With a certain fright Scully turned around sobbing.. She found Agent Doggett kneeling in front of her with a worried look on his face. Under sobs Scully tried to excuse herself for having woken him up. "I. I'm so." "Shh." Doggett didn't want to hear Scully's excuse - he rather wanted to know what made his partner cry so pitiful . though he thought he knew the answer already. "It's ok." When Doggett sat down beside Scully she buried her face in his chest. The helpless FBI agent held onto her, clinching tighter the more he felt sorry for her. Under Scully's tears his t-shirt stuck wet onto his body. Doggett gently placed his chin on Scully's forehead and tightened their embrace. Slowly but surely Scully stopped crying and sobbed heavily. "Would you like to tell me what happened? You know that you don't have to." Doggett pulled away from Scully so that he could look into her eyes. ".But I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need somebody to listen." Scully nodded.
**************** TO BE CONTINUED*****************
by Dorothée E. Fritsch ( DoriScully@aol.com
Related series: The X-Files
Rating: R . or maybe PG13 . or NC17 . I'm not so sure about the development of my ficcy yet ^_^
Category: S, A, R .whatever that means ^_~
Spoilers: Season 8 (probably the best one =P)
Keywords: MSR AND/ OR DSR . who knows ^_^
Disclaimer: You all have heard that sermon before. neither the X-files nor Mulder nor Scully nor Doggett nor anybody else in this series does belong to me but if they did I probably wouldn't have to write this fic anyway ^_~
Summary: Scully has lost her baby. and Mulder's still missing. I know, I know. Mulder and Scully were meant to be together - but that doesn't exclude a love triangle in fact ^_~ ENJOY, so r & r please!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!!!
*********************************
Scully blinked. Without even knowing how long she had been resting she slowly leaned over to switch on the light on the small living room table next to the couch.
She rubbed her eyes with the knuckles of her fingers until it really started to hurt. -At least she had come to herself again.
It took some more minutes for her to find the strength to raise herself and to walk into the kitchen she normally referred to as one of the coziest places of her apartment.
- Now here she was, Agent Dana Scully, unusual brain-dead and holding a cup of cold decaf.
Her forehead rested on the cupboard close to the fridge.
Slowly tears concentrated under the leaky coat of her eyelid as she put back the cup of coffee and embraced her still swollen tummy desperately.
She then turned around and sank weakly to the floor. Scully's hands covered her face enframed by her unstyled hair.
Tears streamed down her overheated cheeks and concentrated on her chin leaving behind their fervent path.
Scully sniffed dreadfully.
She really needed to cry since there hadn't been left any emotion after she got the news from her gynecologist.
She still couldn't believe she had lost her baby.
Scully pulled her knees close to her body and cried even more frantically.
Although she hadn't become pregnant the natural way and even though she never had the chance to get to know her child her grown maternal feelings now made her heart break.
Scully cried for her baby. but she also cried for the person she was so madly in love with and would always be. The baby- her only connection to Mulder- was lost.
- Maybe her adored and mostly of all beloved partner was already lost, too. She didn't know, nobody knew.
Moments had passed until she actually had the strength to give her sorrow one last breath. Scully hated herself for being so weak sometimes. She wanted to be the strong and self- assured woman again she had almost forgotten about. The tiny FBI- agent pulled herself together and stood up under heart- rending sobs. She reached for a box of tissues on the fridge knowing how terrible she must be looking. 'Why are you crying you weak link?! You know very well that he might come back very soon.', she told herself but in the same moment she knew he wouldn't . he couldn't. It had been months now since Mulder was captured by aliens and since everything had changed completely even though things were still going a little too normal. Nobody except her seemed to be missing him anyway or rather. nobody even seemed to have noticed his absence. Maybe she was now being unfair to Skinner who really cared about him. but wasn't his life going on without him as well as once with Mister 'Spooky Mulder'? . But wasn't her life going on as well? - Well of course it had to go on so that at least SHE could finish his lifetime achievement but that wasn't what she called life.
Scully remembered the moment she once had asked herself if she'd die if Mulder would be killed . She also remembered how energetic she had shaken her head telling herself that she never would . and the thought she had at that moment: '.I'd never die or commit suicide if Mulder was killed. But I want to live with him!'
Again a lone tear ran down her cheek. Scully slowly walked out of the room where she had broken down and tried to find comfort in her living room.. Suddenly she noticed the file she had taken from the Bureau and which she wanted to show Agent Doggett for so long. She felt that the new partner she had been mistrusting for so long had become a 'believer' deep inside, too. Scully knew that she slowly but surely began to rely on him after he had shown her his loyalty in a thousand ways. especially after he had been fighting for the X-files after Mulder's disappearance and her pre-maternal holiday she was not using on full-time anyway. Or she had been using. How would she find the strength to tell Skinner and Doggett what had happened to her some hours before. what news she got. Scully didn't know. She walked over to the open fireplace taking her favorite photograph from the ledge in the wall right above it. The photo had been taken by Frohike only a few days before Mulder's abduction. and it was one of the few photos on which Mulder was smiling . With an aching heart Scully put it back right to where it belonged and took a step away from it. She then sighed and slowly turned around. Without questioning why, Scully grabbed her keys and the files and headed for the door. Only a few seconds later she sat in her car. When she wanted to place her car-key right inside the ignition she hesitated. and looked at the key-tag. It was the one Mulder had given her for her birthday and which had meant allot to him. Scully embraced it with her right hand. The cold metal slowly adapted to her body temperature. She felt those horrible tears coming back, so Scully hurried to get the car started just to distract her from her pain. For a long time she just headed through the city without even noticing where she was going or what she was doing . She probably didn't even care.
She didn't know how she did it but suddenly her car stopped right in front of Agent Doggett's home. The wrecked FBI lady tipped down her sunshield to take a look in the small mirror. She really looked awful. With her fingers she ran through her hair to form it as much as possible. Then she wiped away the tears in the edges of her eyes and took a deep breath. She wouldn't tell Agent Doggett about her experiences of the day. not now.
Pulling herself together, she opened the door of her car and got out uneasily. Scully knew that it was late in the evening but she hadn't risked a look on her watch for a few hours. The more she wondered why Agent Doggett's home was absolutely dark. While knocking at the door Scully glanced at her Gucci- watch which she only took off for showering. After having reassured herself a second time of the time was, she turned around embarrassed. She didn't know that it was *that* late already. She almost started to walk away when she suddenly heard John Doggett unlocking the door and opening it. Scully slowly turned around again finding a half-stunned half- asleep Agent Doggett in front of herself. He was wearing a neat bathing-gown but his hair was a little blowzy. Both being embarrassed it took some time for him to break the silence. "Agent Scully. excuse me for opening the door dressed like this. but I wasn't expecting anybody. I have been sleeping in fact, so." "Oh no, I'm the one who needs to be excused. I didn't mean to visit you *this* late at night but I didn't check the time before I decided to come to your house. I think I should rather go and allow you to rest. I am so sorry I woke you up.", and with these words she turned her back on him taking the steps down the little stair in front of the door. "No, wait.", Doggett went after Scully and stopped her by grabbing her right arm. "See I'm awake now anyway and I don't mind in any case. If there's something that bothers you about the files [* he had already recognized the agenda in his partner's hand*] I am pleased to hear about it." Scully still hesitated, but after having taken a look into the agent's eyes she was sure that her partner really didn't bother. She smiled almost unnoticeable with a certain pain in her heart. Doggett put his hands on Scully's shoulders, lead her into his snug living room and offered her his couch to sit on. "Would you like something to drink? A coffee?" Then he looked down to Scully's tummy. ". I also have tea." Scully hesitated. Staring at the floor she asked for some juice. Doggett nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. After returning he handed his partner a longdrink glass of freshly squeezed orange-juice and placed his own glass of Coke in front of himself on the table. He then excused himself to go and get dressed as he was ashamed of wearing his bathing-gown in Scully's presence. Concerned about her well-being he noticed that Scully looked awful, but he was just too discrete to ask - in the end it was none of his business anyway. After sitting down on the opposite her, he read the file Scully had brought him. She took a sip of her juice before she started explaining the case. Without interrupting her partner listened interestingly. After she had finished Doggett made his point clear. The tiny FBI woman noticed how open Doggett had become for her strange ideas of how it could the case have happened. Nevertheless they kept discussing for about an hour until Doggett suddenly realized that Scully had fallen asleep. He watched her while wondering if she'd awake again or if her need for sleep was just too strong. The time that had passed since his partner had snuggled away appeared to him like an eternity. Slowly, without wanting to make any noise, Doggett raised himself from the couch and went to his bedroom to fetch a blanket. In the meantime Scully had curled herself up and was sleeping dearly. Even with those bags under her eyes she now looked so angelic to Doggett. He silently covered her with the blanket and turned off the light on the table close to Scully as he strolled back to his bedroom where he took off his clothes again. After lying down it took him a while to find a deep sleep just like Scully did. Too many thoughts were spinning in his mind - thoughts about the file; why Scully had looked so down. and the fact that she was resting only two doors away from him made it even worse!
Scully slowly opened her eyes. She had to blink a few times until her eyes got accustomed to the faint light that was braking bundled through the window. Still lying on the couch she yawned and stretched herself, her head was aching terribly... Suddenly Scully realized where she was. Gradually she raised from the couch and folded the blanket Doggett had covered her with. She wondered where he could be. While slandering through the living room Scully noticed the small golden clock on the table close to the television set. She was stunned. The clock showed quarter to six in the bloody morning. The FBI lady didn't know what to do. She knew that Doggett wouldn't mind if she were to lie down again to get some more rest and her still sleepy brain almost lead her back to the couch again . but on the other hand she didn't want to overstay her welcome in Agent Doggett's house. She didn't want to cause Doggett even more trouble since he surely would ask her to stay for breakfast. Scully shook her head. At the very least she had to get fit enough to be able to drive back to her own apartment. The glass of orange juice still stood on the small table in front of the couch. She hadn't even drunk half of it. Scully went back to the couch, sat down and took the glass . the first sip tasted horrible but then she got used to it.
Suddenly her memory returned. - So she really had lost her baby yesterday. It wasn't only a bad dream. Scully didn't want to believe that this could be reality. Her tummy was still swollen - so how could her baby be gone?! What troubled her most was the fact that she didn't even know how it happened. Where was Spooky Mulder when she needed him?! - Quickly Scully's mood changed from anger to desperation. She totally forgot about everything around her as she only had the loss of her unborn baby and her beloved partner in mind. Tears filled her eyes swiftly. Scully buried her face in her hands but couldn't prevent them from braking out. She knew that she would have to let go of her pain, or it would devour her.
Believing that she had lost both of them -her beloved and their baby- Scully cried out dreadfully and curled up in her anguish.
She didn't know how long she had been lying there weeping when she suddenly felt something touch her shoulder. With a certain fright Scully turned around sobbing.. She found Agent Doggett kneeling in front of her with a worried look on his face. Under sobs Scully tried to excuse herself for having woken him up. "I. I'm so." "Shh." Doggett didn't want to hear Scully's excuse - he rather wanted to know what made his partner cry so pitiful . though he thought he knew the answer already. "It's ok." When Doggett sat down beside Scully she buried her face in his chest. The helpless FBI agent held onto her, clinching tighter the more he felt sorry for her. Under Scully's tears his t-shirt stuck wet onto his body. Doggett gently placed his chin on Scully's forehead and tightened their embrace. Slowly but surely Scully stopped crying and sobbed heavily. "Would you like to tell me what happened? You know that you don't have to." Doggett pulled away from Scully so that he could look into her eyes. ".But I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need somebody to listen." Scully nodded.
**************** TO BE CONTINUED*****************