Ami Mercury
PG
Song Fic: I Despise
Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing but I do own Ami's character. This is another saddest star song!
*Haunted by the shadows of what I have seen*
Blood, my hands are covered in the blood of people trapped to find a peaceful world. Tricked into thinking what they're doing is the right thing. To many people have squandered and died in front of my eyes. Nightmares haunt me, people begging me not to kill them but I do.
*Living in denial of what used to be*
It's over, this bloody war. Gundams were never created and Operation Meator was never thought up. Thousands of people haven't died at my hands. I've never killed anyone. But I have, damn it, why do I have to be Shingami?
*Memories have become a part of me*
I mean it was fun at times. In ways I'm happy it happened. I meat Quatre, Heero, Trowa, Wufei, and my Ami. Memories from every operation in every city.
*You will see
I despise
All the lies
In my mind
In my eyes*
To many lies during the war. Every where I went I lied to everyone. No one knew my true name or anything true about me. Damn untruthfulness of this life I live! I should have moved back to the colonies, they accept me a lot better then the earth.
*They looked my way
They looked away*
When people recognizes me in the streets the turn the other way or cross the street. I suppose so much blood stained on my hands stinks of my impurities.
*No one heard
What I would say*
I wanted peace for the colonies and for us to live in harmony, the earth and colonies as one. No one understands that the Romerfeler Foundation was against the peace of the earth. I had to stop Operation Meator from occurring, or millions of people would have died.
*They looked my way
They looked away
How could I have lived that way*
How could I have openly accepted a life a killing. Growing up I stole many things but I wasn't a murder but now I am. I swear that I will never kill anyone again unless another war comes on and my gundam and I are needed again.
*Haunted by the life that I used to live*
That dream came back again. I hate it, all my friends die because of me and I can't do anything to help them. The pain in my shoulder doesn't cease, that bullet that went through it still leaves its memory.
*Nothing left to live for*
Death really seems like an easy way out, but of course it would for the God of Death.
*Nothing I could give*
I have nothing to give to this world. All I've ever brought on is death.
*Enduring same and torment endlessly*
Walking down the street when people recognize me they talk of how I should be executed for war crimes. That it was my fault that peace to so long to achieve.
*No one could see
It's eating me inside
Demons I can't hide
Look into my eyes
You will see*
Heero, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Ami can see that pain through my eyes and know why I hurt.
*I despise
All the lies
In my mind
In my eyes*
Ami told me today that the sparkle in my eyes is gone. She used to have that sparkle in her eyes also but it's gone. A life of killing will do that to someone I guess.
*They looked my way
They looked away
No one heard
What I would say
They looked my way
They looked away
How could I have lived that way*
If I could go back now I'd never would have accepted this life of hell. Ami keeps me sane when we're alone but out in public she can't stop the stairs. We stay in as much as possible now, Ami-chan acts like it doesn't affect her but I know it does.
*I despise*
I despise being Duo Maxwell, the God of Death. The only good thing about my life is finding love with Ami.