Title: Deathwish (4/6)
Author: Brooke
Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I might someday though. It's a goal of mine. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, UPN, and whoever else has rights to the show.
Summary: Adventures in slaying
Spoilers: I'm not good with eppy titles, but it's pretty much just some stuff I borrowed from season 5.
Distribution: My fic is your fic. Just let me know.
Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!
Authors Note: … indicate thoughts. Happy reading all!
Happy reading all!
--Buffy
"You're awake." I rasp softly. Well, that's attractive, I sound like crap.
I watch Xander's eyes flutter open as he continues rubbing my ankle.
"Yeah" he responds quietly. He didn't say anything else as he slowly sat himself up and moved to sit next to me. The room was heavily shadowed and I could hardly see him. I think it's better that I can't see his wounds. That I don't know how badly I let him hurt himself. All I needed to know was that he was still alive and with me.
We leaned against the counter and Xander brought his hand up to wipe my tears away. Needless to say, that made me break down more, so he put his arm around my shoulder and held me close.
I can't understand how he could care about me so much. He cares about me more than I do.
I rest my head on his shoulder and close my eyes trying not to pity myself. I try to concentrate on what I am feeling now, the feelings of comfort and love as I relax further into Xander's warm embrace. I want to stay like this.
My thoughts were interrupted as I felt him swallow and heard his voice rumble from his throat, "What was Spike right about?" he questioned solemnly.
I couldn't look him in the eyes while I told him so I didn't move from my position when I answered, "He told me that I have a deathwish. And I do."
Xander was silent and I felt his grip on my shoulder tighten. I wonder how long he was watching me tonight, but I was too tired and in too much pain to question him on it.
I just wanted him to hold me.
The only reason I got out of there tonight was because of him. Xander gave me a reason to live. I did it for him. I need him.
--Xander
I'm going to kill Spike myself. He made her do this. He gave her justification to give up.
My heart broke again as I heard the words leave her mouth. Buffy has a deathwish. She wants to die. Tears stung my eyes and I fought to come up with a decent response. It was taking longer than it usually did, but I had never been handed information like this.
Slowly I said, "The moment you give up, the minute you decide that you won't fight anymore, the second you die, is going to be my last second too. I'm not going to let you go alone. And I don't want to die." That was cheesy I criticized myself.
I felt her lift her head off of my shoulder and I turn to look her in the face. Buffy is my angel. She can undo me with one look.
I swallow and continue, "I don't want to die, but I will."