Tears of Pearls

A slashy songfic, courtesy of moi, InfernalMari. I don't own the Savage Garden song, nor do I own JCA. They belong to their respective owners. And now for a quote that might or might not have anything to do with the story.

"Hate is not the direct opposite of love—indifference is."

~*~*~*~

Valmont strides gracefully towards me, shackled and gagged. The cotton feel of the bandana makes me nauseous—but not as nauseous as his smirk. That confident smile, that KNOWLEDGE that everything is going according to his whim sickens me more so.

But there is another sensation in my as well; a rush of adrenaline, the pounding of my heart, and the thoughts that charge through my mind tell their story:

As sick as I am, I am infatuated. Our eyes meet, and his smirk only widens as my eyes settle into a glare. Glares are something I can handle, even if he is not.

- - - - - -

And we stare each other down
like victims in the grind
Probing all the weakness
and hurt still left behind and we cry
The tears of pearls

- - - - - - -

He smiles condescendingly at me, looking down out of one eye as he keeps his head tilted slightly away from mine. He pulls down my gag, and his blue eyes peer imperiously into mine, the trademark smirk never leaving his handsome features.

Handsome?

Oh no.

"Tell me Mr. Chan, what is love to you?"

The first thought that comes to mind is how odd a question that is from a man like him. But that doesn't matter. Not really, anyway.

However…

When I think about it, I don't know what love means to me, cause I've never really known it.  I've known crushes. I've known infatuation. I've known dependence, and I know joint rebellion.

But I don't know love. Not the real kind anyway.

That doesn't matter either.

"Is it a game to you, Mr. Chan? Is it merely a crutch? Tell me…Jackie…" I felt my body shake at him using my name. He had no right—NO RIGHT!

Am I…really this bad?

"What is love?" Before I can open my mouth to answer, he takes me roughly by the chin, his azure eyes flashing with untold madness.

"I'll tell you what it is, MR. CHAN. It's hatred. It's pain. It's suffering." He almost smiles when he says it, his eyes shining with both anger and sorrow. With tears. I can't help but feel a bit of fear. And pity.

- - - - - - - -

Is love really the tragedy the way you
might describe?
Or would a thousand lovers
still leave you cold inside?
Make you cry...
These tears of pearls

- - - - - - -

I…pity Valmont? Why would I feel like THAT? He's rich, powerful, sophisticated, suave, sexy…

I wince sharply. I shouldn't think like that! Not about ANYONE, let alone HIM. Let alone the man who's tried to kill me. The man I hate.

But then….isn't that the way the story always goes?

NO!

I won't admit these feelings. Over my dead body will I ever tell about this sensation.

I gulp, seeing the burning in Valmont's eyes.

I really hope that it won't come to that.

- - - - - - - - -

All these mixed emotions we
keep locked away like stolen pearls
Stolen pearl devotions we
keep locked away from all the world

- - - - - - - - - -

But it doesn't. It comes to something far, far worse.

He lifts my chin oh-so slightly.

He tilts his head ever-so to the right.

And his lips fall on mine.

This is wrong on so many levels. But the soft feel of his lips, the barest hint of a brandy taste, and the rich scent of his cologne tell other wise.

It *feels* right.

But the sweetness doesn't last. His tongue enters my mouth viciously, his teeth scratching my lips sharply.

He's hurting me. His eyes are shut. Mine aren't. And I can see the barest hint of dampness around those azure pools.

- - - - - - - -

Your kisses are like pearls,
so different and so rare
But anger stole the jewels away
and love has left you bare,
Made you cry...
These tears of pearls

- - - - - - - -

Betrayal spins in my stomach, the curved blade shredding my insides. He tortured me with the most intimate display of affection one can give.

The pendulum swings once more:

I hate him.

The criminal's eyes open once more, the icy depths showing no sign of anything he had just done. His hands fiddle—the shackles are removed. I rub my wrists gingerly.

"Get up. Fight." He orders, and I stare at him. First he taunts me, then he kisses me, now he wants to fight!?! He scoffs.

"Come now Chan, I haven't got all day."  I smile sardonically, laughing once somewhat.

"Yes. I'm sure you have many others to torment." He looks taken aback.

Good. Tears push at my eyes.

Please don't let me cry. Not here. Not in front of him.

//The infatuation isn't going away// A voice in me teases.

//No, it's just growing. It'll take you whole, make you betray the ones you care about. It'll hurt you.//

The voice is right.

But I won't give in.

I'll just be me.

I stand up; I'm ready. This is what I need.

- - - - - - - -

Well I could be the tired joker
pour my heart to get you in
Sacrifice my happiness
just so I could win
Maybe cry...
These tears of pearls

- - - - - - - -

We stand opposite one another, myself facing to the door, him; to the desk. We circle each other, eyes never straying. A friend of mine from college once said that this is what hawks do when they find a potential mate.

I hope she failed the course for putting that thought in my head.

Fueled by this loving hate, I charge. All I feel is the fists moving, and all I hear is the laughter as he dodges every blow. I'm letting my emotions control me- -I'm letting HIM control me.

But doesn't he always?

Section 13 is always on the defensive, letting the Dark Hand choose the battles.  Valmont's men are the attackers—we merely meet them.

He grins as his leg swings around, his perfect Italian shoes moments away from striking me in the jaw. I'm not going to stand for it. Despite this…bond I feel with him, I will not allow it to happen to me.  I will not be struck down by someone I love.

I said it.

I love him.

- - - - - - - -

We twist and turn where angels burn
Like fallen soldiers we will learn
That once forgotten, twice removed
Love will be the death...
The death of you

 - - - - - - - -

"No." I say simply, and I grab him by the ankle. Just like he did the once. But I will not be so gentle. I can feel myself twisting his leg fiercely, and the gritting of his teeth tells all—I'm hurting him.

I throw his ankle out of my hand, letting him fall to the red carpet. I feel my shoulders rise and fall, my breath quavering slightly. But my gaze remains on the green-suited man. He turns his head to me, and the smirk remains.

"Well done."

WELL DONE!?!? Fury soars through my veins, but is followed by defeat. He'll always be on top. Nothing I say or do can stop it.

But do I WANT to stop it?

Do I want to see him locked up for life?

This thought troubles me.

Even though on some level I will always despise him, I don't want to see him in jail.

He has this…way, you see. He makes me feel safe in his hellfire. It will destroy me. But it is a warm destruction; one I wouldn't mind at the time.

No one will know about these untold emotions.

Except for maybe him.

A tear runs down my cheek, but I wipe it away hastily. Valmont's eyes seem almost…sympathetic at my display.

Maybe he IS human.

The dim lights of the office hang above our heads, allowing our shared gaze to keep some shard of mystery. The light glints off the buttons of his jacket, and the pearl and silver cufflinks that he wears.

"Go." He utters slowly; lowly. His head is tilted downward, although his gaze does not break from mine. My eyes widen out of shock as I see something I didn't believe would ever happen.

A tear sprinted down my enemy's face.

I smile at him, and he looks confused. He's cute when he's confused, if I do say so myself. He's showing himself differently to me—I think intentionally.

Why?

I'm not sure if I wish to know.

- - - - - - - -

All these mixed emotions we
keep locked away like stolen pearls
Stolen pearl devotions we
keep locked away from all the world

 - - - - - - - -

"Goodbye Valmont." My words have more strength than I do, and I give him a brave smile. I don't like seeing anyone unhappy; even if he is a criminal.

Slowly I walk out the door. I have no regrets.

Hailing a cab, I make my way back to Section 13. I barely listen to Captain Black. His green eyes look so concerned…

"I'm sorry Gustus." Using his name shocks me, but I continue. "I need some rest."

He smiles at me.

"I understand Jackie. Your family's been worried about you." Guilt wrenches in my heart-Jade must have been worried sick!

She was.

"Oh Jackie where WERE you! I was so frightened for you…." I look at the clock—11:00 at night. On a schoolnight no less!

But then…

I would have stayed up if I was in her shoes.

"Come on! I've got so much to tell you!" She says, dragging me along. She pours a cup of tea—I wonder why she's so considerate…

"Jade, what happened at school today?" I can't help but sigh to myself at her nervous look. I should have known she wouldn't have been so nice to me otherwise.

"I…er..got into a fight."
 "Jade, how could--" But she stops me.

"Whoah, hold up Chan-man. You didn't let me finish." She sighs, looking down for a minute. "This guy who I really hate—he hates me too- - was picking on me, so I said something rude, and he punched me! So I had to fight back! But then this new teacher came around…Some Christian guy." My eyebrow raises at that. But she keeps going.

"He said that I should 'Love thine enemy' or something." I try not to choke on my tea at that. If she knew…

"Anyway, apparently I need to be punished. By you."  She winces, obviously expecting the worst.

"No coming along on my adventures for 2 weeks." I hear her cry of shock.

"But Jackieeee…." I smile to myself, rolling my eyes affectionately. Jade'll always be there for me, cheering me up.

"Now get to bed before I change my mind." I say, but a little bit of mirth refuses to stay put.

"Oh fine. Night Jackie." She smiles up at me, and I smile back. I sigh.

Things won't be the same, as much as I'd like them to be.

But I'll keep fighting, doing what I do. It's what I do best.

After all…

Tomorrow is another day.

- - - - - - - -

All these mixed emotions we
keep locked away like stolen pearls
Stolen pearl devotions we
keep locked away from all the world…

- - - - - - - -

That was one of my best. I hope you people like it though, cause that's what really matters to me. Laterz!